I went down to the Ahwatukee Foothills for a meeting tonight – I left early so I could get some food before the meeting. What I failed to recognize was there’s all kinds of stupid construction on McDowell and it went from 3 to 1 lane for no apparent reason (they do construction at night as it’s so hot during the day I think). Anyway, so that put me further behind than I anticipated and I was looking around for somewhere, something to eat and I did a dumb thing.

I went to McDonald’s

Now I’m not on any special diet or anything, but I’ve learned there are much better burgers almost anywhere else – Five Guys for example. But it was there and I was in a hurry so I stopped.

The line was short – just two people ahead of me (well 7 people – 4 adults and three kids oh… and an old guy – 8 people). Of course one of the adults is a woman, and that automatically means it’s going to take longer (see this post). So they order for them and the kids and it’s now been ten minutes.

I should pause here to let you know that I’m never late… I’m always stupidly early, like an hour early … for anything…why? I have no idea… if I’m not there that early I start panicking and get extremely anxious… it’s ridiculous. So yes, I wasn’t going to be late really but I was going to be late for me, and really isn’t that what matters, me?

The old guy orders and I’m up. Thankfully I can order and be on my way. While I’ve been waiting in line I’ve been debating whether or not to get chicken mcnuggets, I’ve read reports it’s not really chicken and do I want to eat some odd pink goo stuff that tastes really good? Well, yes I kind of do want them… but then I think twice and decide on a burger. I’m going to have a #4 – A Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, meal. I order it with “just cheese” cause I can’t recall what condiments they put on these things and it’s easier that way. If I order it “no mayo” or “no onion” sometimes they screw it up (Once at a Dairy Queen I ordered a burger [can’t recommend it] and said “no mayo” but they put the Thousand Islands dressing on it… eeewww, so “just cheese” is better).

Then I wait, for what seems like hours… people who weren’t in line get their food 5 minutes after I order and I’m thinking this is going to be a long wait and i’ll just have to go so I can be at the meeting 45 minutes before it starts….

Then I look up and there is a woman behind the McDonald’s counter – she’s not in a McDonald’s uniform she’s wearing, and remember this is not my area of expertise, what appears to be a red lace lingerie top. I’m not making this up, but at that point I’m beginning to wonder if my cold is really getting to me (oh, I have a cold, feel sorry for me ok?).. I close my eyes, shake my head and look at the time again on my phone… omg, I’m never going to make it to be 40 minutes before the meeting.

Now again I should let you know that the being early for a meeting thing that I learned in WI and is necessary in DC (to get a seat at all) isn’t done here in the Phoenix area so far as I can tell. People show up 5 or 10 minutes before the meeting, it’s so foreign to me. 

I honestly waited 15 minutes for my food. The manager is behind the counter instructing people to “clean, don’t just stand there and chat that needs to be cleaned” and I’m saying in my stage whisper “and cook!!! Cooking is good too!”

The woman in the red-lace lingerie top walks right in front of the manager, he doesn’t bat an eye or say “what the hell are you doing? People  can see that your still wearing the top from when we were shooting the porno earlier” or anything… he doesn’t say anything to her. I guess I should be happy that she wasn’t preparing food.

Finally my burger and fries come. The fries were quite good I hadn’t remembered them tasting that well in a while.

I touch the box for the Double Quarter Pounder and my fingers feel like they’re stepping into a small pool of grease – it’s slimy. I forgot how greasy it gets here. I take a bite of the burger and it’s not really that good, I had two bites and put it down.  I know they have “healthy” options now, but come on can’t we make a decent burger? You’re McDonald’s – if any company in the world should know how to make a burger it should be the most famous burger company shouldn’t it?

We should pause here again to mention that – I’m one of the pickiest eaters there is… but I eat crap food, I like crap food… oh, sorry the proper term is “fast food”. It takes a lot for me to not like a burger.

The fries were good. Thanks for that McDonalds… thanks for that. Oh and just for the record, I don’t think the red-lace lingerie is a good uniform choice – if you were testing it out.