My dream last night:
He looked like a Native American at first – his face painted with white stripes, eyes full of crazy, long hair draped down in dreads. I approached him cautiously unsure of why he was there.
He grabbed my wrist tight, I tried to pull away but he just squeezed tighter. He looked into my eyes first – probing for something in me, something he needed. Then his eyes reached to the heavens and he yelled something incomprehensible to me.
He placed a pouch into my hands, smiled a curious smile and before me he started to crumble. His entire body was disintegrating into a fine gray powder. The last to go was his hand that had a hold of my wrist, when it too fell to the ground my wrist was imprinted with a blue gray design I’d never seen before. Continue reading
I used 4 hours of vacation time on Friday so I could drive up to Las Vegas and see Suzanne.
It’s nice to get away from the office – weird things going on there. I think I finally figured out what they’re trying to accomplish – doesn’t make a damn bit of sense but I don’t think I care anymore – that’s a good indicator that you should get away from the office. (deleted the rest of this paragraph for self preservation) Continue reading
A few years back a psychologist helped me come to a conclusion on love – it has to be earned. No one gets a default feeling of love just because they are related to you, know you or were nice to you once in passing.
I loved the idea of my mother – a woman who cared for me, loved me, made sure my needs were met. I didn’t really have that, but was stuck on an idea of obligation of loving her because she birthed me. Truthfully, she only loved me when she needed something – attention, pity, affection or my social security number when her credit wore through.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back, is using or manipulating you… not really a winning game. The same is true of trust and respect. Continue reading