The Voir Dire

I was chosen for Jury Duty for Maricopa County and today was the day to show up. Like Washington, DC – Maricopa County has a one day, one trial jury process meaning you can serve one trial or one day waiting to get picked and you’ve fulfilled your obligation to the government. Mostly you sit around all day watching videos of why jury duty is important (it seems to me these types of commercials might be better served in the general public, not where people have already shown up for the service). Continue reading

Dream Time

I infiltrated the new place and was observing what was going on, there was a rally and it was all propaganda but the people were into it – somehow they discovered I wasn’t a real member and grabbed me – I acted as if there was some mistake but they were having none of it.

I know I was injected with something in my neck and then blackness.

I awoke and remembered what had happened but was foggy. I got up to walk around there was an overhead announcement I heard garbled, but I followed the other people to a large room.

Standing in a back corner trying not to attract attention and my mind felt wobbly. I was noticed anyway, someone pointed a finger at me and tapped his foot as if waiting for me to do something. Another announcement came over the loudspeaker – this time I could understand – he has five minutes to prove the experiment a success – otherwise he’ll be destroyed.

I was shocked – what did I have to do, what experiment?

A lovely woman grabbed me by the arm and ushered me out of the auditorium. She threw me up against a wall and said – here cut it – handing me an apple. I looked around for a knife but didn’t find one. She grabbed the apple back and said – maybe you could use a paper clip… and a paper clip extended out of her finger and she began to cut the apple into slices.

She produced another apple and said – your turn. I looked at my finger and something like a light saber grew out of it and I sliced the apple – in different shapes than she did, but she smiled.

She grabbed me by the arm, pulled me into yet another room with booths, like from a diner. She sat in one pulling me in besides her – act normal, she said.

What the hell is normal I wondered.

Then I saw him, skin tight blue uniform with a red cap flowing behind him. He came and sat across from us – don’t worry Jor-El, he said – we’re all the same – you me and Lara.

The loud speaker blared again that they had found the ship – Superman and Lara exchanged looks and said – let’s go. We headed out into a large outdoor arena and looked up into the sky.

A huge ship was slowly coming down over the stadium – guns and rockets were shooting at it and it slowly broke apart. The voice of Lawrence Fishburne spoke and was somehow heard above all the noise – if ya’ll would have listed to me we wouldn’t have crashed here, damn idiots.

Then the alarm woke me up.

Who Loves You?

Yesterday a more religious “friend” sent me a Facebook message image of “Jesus Loves You”. This “friend” knows that I’m not a fan of the religious – what I call nonsense and I’m not sure why she did that.

I’m not very tolerant of that kind of thing. I’m just not – I don’t come knocking on your door, holding science books praising quantum physics and asking for money for test tubes… Nor would I send private messages spouting why you’re invisible friend is a threat to humanity as a whole… I’d blog about it sure, but not private message or text.. It’s like walking up to a urinal next to a guy and asking him if he’s had lunch.. it’s just fucking weird, don’t do that.

I responded to my “friend” that I was unfriending her.  Continue reading

A Cut Above

I like my hair kept short, like bald short… the receding hairline has helped me to come to this conclusion, but honestly even when I was a kid and didn’t have such a thing showing this much, I wasn’t a fan of hair on my head.

If there were a way to prevent my hair from growing I would so totally take that pill. Even if side-effect would mean there was a slight chance my penis could fall off… I’d risk it. Increased insomnia? I’m still in…. Makes your breath smell like horse manure? Yep, I could do it… Make me attracted to girls… ok, not that eeewwww. I have standards. Continue reading

Little Trip

I’m off today, going to Las Vegas to visit with Suzanne. I’m just waiting for the dishwasher to get done and I’ll be on my way – it’s a odd thing to wait for but I want to put the dishes away before I head out. It’s going to be around 80 in Vegas so cooler than here and I might bright a long sleeve shirt or two.

I had my car broken into the other night – I don’t lock it anymore after the bowling ball was stolen and the window smashed… but I don’t keep anything valuable in there either. They rifled through the glove box and made a mess but broke nothing.  But yesterday my hood was open, still latched.. it’s just odd coincidence. right?

On my drive I’ll be listening to The Art of War by Sun Tzu and probably some music.

I don’t actually like being away from the office – I always worry things wont get done right.

RBU has told me two terrible stories about driving to Vegas – one prior to the bridge when you had to wait for Homeland Security to let each car through and another about head-on crashes… see he doesn’t like me to not be at work either.

Anway, the dishwasher finally stopped making noises so I’ll be heading out soon. Have a nice weekend all.

Jalapeños Today

I ate Jalapeños today.

This isn’t really big news I suppose, I’ve likely eaten them before in salsa or something someone fed me and not known. But today at a restaurant I actually saw them in with my steak and thought – what the hell, lets wrap it up in the tortilla and eat it. How bad could it be really.

Reputation of Jalapeños had me anticipating a mouth of fire.

Continue reading

Lessons

There are some things I figured I wouldn’t have to teach people. Common sense things that you figure everyone would know. Or conscience things – you know so and so will pick up after themselves as they don’t want to be thought of badly.

This is apparently incorrect thinking.

Continue reading

Solitude, My Fortress

I don’t like people.

Crowds of people. New people. Old people and Young people. Couples, families (not just mine), adults or children alike. Just in general – people I don’t like them.

They make me feel uncomfortable, ill at ease. My skin itches and I want to make them stop looking at me, even if they may not be looking at me.

I feel like I’m obligated to interact with them, to want to be interested in their needs and desires. It’s rude to just kind of walk away from them as they’re talking or just kind of pose random questions that have nothing to do with them.

There is an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation whee data is kissing his girlfriend and she asks him what he was thinking about during that kiss.

If you don’t want to watch it – he talks about configuring a warp core, indexing the various works of Charles Dickens, how much pressure to apply to her lips without hurting her and more… I can relate to that. My mind is doing all these other things when I’m supposed to be focused on an individual or task. I don’t want to stop my brain from doing the other things it’s doing so I can focus on someone else… it’s selfish I guess.

During the brief time I was engaged I struggled pretty regularly with how much attention he expected. While I was just comforted by him being there near me and for us to communicate and have sexual relations – he wanted me to be interested in his interests and do what he was doing, regardless if I liked doing that or not. It wasn’t ideal for me.

With my two best friends, Suzanne and Eric, I find I don’t really worry about that. I just am and they are just there with me. Sometimes they talk and I participate but I don’t mind them and it doesn’t seem to interfere with what I am doing. When they met I wasn’t even aware they were meeting at the time – I was sitting by the pool with my headphones on and eyes closed. Suzanne had come to find me and sat next to me without disturbing me and then Eric came to find me and they introduced themselves without me even really having to be there. It was comforting. I honestly put my headphones back in without a care that they would be offended or want me to be part of that conversation. I love them – they are just right.

On the cruise ship we had dinner with a bunch of folks one night and were joined by a woman, who I heard was a little sloshed, and she was telling me that I was going to make so many new friends and best friends on the ship. I told her two is enough, more than enough – they call a couple times a year or I do and send emails. It’s a lot to deal with really – why would I want more of that? I don’t know. I told her as such and I was half joking but she was insistent that having more friends was such a great thing – I don’t get that.

During the muster – when we learned how to evacuate the ship in case of an emergency – we were packed pretty tight in there with the other passengers and it was taking forever. I don’t like that at all – don’t want those people to be near me breathing my air and keeping me from an exit. Always look for exits, that’s a good strategy.

Not liking people causes me some issues when I want to meet a guy.

I don’t like bars, too many people – I don’t drink and drunks can be rather annoying. I don’t like pride – way too many people. Or parties – small talk omg please no.

The trick at parties is to ask them questions and then hope they start rambling on and you can just void out of the conversation – once in a while nodding or saying “uh huh” or “hmmm” and you’ll be just fine. If you’re very lucky they catch on and will leave you alone. But that doesn’t really get you a guy.

So I talk to folks on dating apps – Growlr and the like. Many of them would like to meet me and I’ve considered meeting some of them – once in a rare while I will meet one of them out and about.

I went bowling with a nice guy – but started to feel very uncomfortable during the event and shortly after wanted him to just hurry up and bowl so I could go. Nothing to do with him, just wanted to crawl out of my skin and hide somewhere safe.

Mostly on the app I don’t want to meet them, I would rather stay home and not deal with another human being. So I take long breaks off the app and/or men 🙂 Probably not very good for the psyche.

A friend will invite me over, say to meet her new puppy, and I’ll agree to go, but getting to that point when it’s actually time is the difficult part. I start dreading going days before the agreed upon time and wonder if there is anything I can do to get out of it. I don’t like lying so it’s hard to find legitimate reasons to not do things others want me to do.

While in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) I learned skills to deal with people alone and in small and large groups. Shake their hand, ask how they are, try to listen. In groups stay busy – have a job you can focus on and think about – has it been done properly, was there something else that needed doing with that? It gave me a reason/excuse to get away from people too – I either had to shake someone else’s hand or a task needed doing so I could excuse myself – supposedly without hurting their feelings.

Sponsee’s were another matter entirely – It’s your job as a sponsor to listen to them and listen intently so you can help them find a solution. Ugh. That’s like the worst thing in the world to do to me. I never thought I was a good sponsor – I just wanted them to get better so they could go do things and talk to me less… yes, that’s my goal in AA, talk to me less.

Work is similar to AA. I have certain tasks to do, I can stay very busy and focus on those things without too much interaction with people. But they usually think I’m a good trainer or something and then I have people to teach and manage. Those people ask me questions – sometimes annoying questions they should know the answer to already and I just want to scream out loud and send them all scurrying away.

They don’t fear me, they know I’m usually patient and have an answer they’re looking for. Today one of them came up asked me a question, answered his own question and then asked if that was ok… honestly that was annoying, I likely could have done so many other things during that time.

Employees are akin to sponsee’s I just want them to get better so they can go do things and talk to me less. If they talk to me less I can work more and that keeps me from realizing all the people that keep interacting with me each day.

Work though gives me things to do to keep me focused. I feel comfortable there as it’s an every day thing and I know what to expect (usually).

Truthfully, I feel comfortable and safe in my bedroom. If I have to venture out I try to arrange it so I encounter as few people as possible and can return home experiencing minimal interactions.

Tonight though I drove to the middle of the city to attend the semi-final game for the high school girls basketball team I like – Mesquite Wildcats! I sat comfortably in the stand, surrounded by a couple friends and a bunch of folks I don’t know and was fine. I was focused on the team and how they play.

There I’m comfortable too. But still happy to be home in my room this evening.

Originally published on Niume – same day.

Stories I’m working on

These are bothering me and so here’s a little bit of each one – three so far and for all I know they’re connected. They just get stuck in my head until I get them out. Sorry to bother you all.  Continue reading

Unsolicited Preaching

This post may offend some of the more religiously inclined… this don’t bother me, just thought you should have a warning.

I officially have laryngitis – thanks Doc, I kind of figured that. I’ve been asked to refrain from talking, yelling or singing (My Doc has a sense of humor). This is hard to do really, the singing part… I don’t really yell often. Not talking is proving to be harder than i thought too, but I’ll get there. What the doctor didn’t say was laughing is bad too – when I laugh I seem to lose more of my voice… no no jokes damn you. Continue reading