Grateful

I cried about my Pa again, yesterday, I wonder how long this will go on. It wasn’t the hearth aching bawling cry, just some random thought of him popped into my head and I cried a little bit. I am grateful that I had someone that I miss this much.

I know that I’ll lose more people that mean something to me in the future, but I really wish there was a way I didn’t have to. And I finally realized why its important to take care of yourself physically, you don’t want those people to have to go through that pain until they absolutely have to.

I received my cholesterol test results this morning via email, significant improvement since I started the simvastatin, so we’ll probably stay on it… its dropped by over 100 points, which is good I think (I see the doctor on Tuesday).

ok, just rambling, coffee is ready now, so more later.

Dear John

Dear John,

I wanted to take this opportunity during the Thanksgiving season to thank you for all you’ve done for me this year. By firing me you opened a chain of events that have led to me being in a place that actually makes me want to go into the office. I’m so much happier than I was at your Newspaper busi… oh wait, your House Tour company… no… what was it you do again? I forget.

A few small items come to mind:
1. My new office is much closer to the Metro so I have less distance to walk in the cold
2. Everyone in the office has a sense of humor
3. Our company doesn’t produce newsletters
4. Everyone has a relaxed work schedule, not just the 55 y/o obsessive compulsive types

The company that we started this year has allowed us to eliminate from our work schedules: meetings about meetings, meetings about the results of meetings about meetings, quarterly meetings about whatever hair was up your butt that quarter, preparing documents for your house tour sideline, and listening to your paranoid ramblings. All of this free time has given us the opportunity to actually serve Clients needs, which they’ve really come to appreciate. That’s an idea you should maybe steal.

Thank you for this Stress, Meeting, Asshole, Repetitive and Tyrant free year that I’ve had (that’s a S.M.A.R.T. Goal for you).

Ronald Peter Paul Prudlick – My Pa


Pa Kent, Superman’s adoptive father, has died numerous times over the 75 years hes been around. Always Clark/Superman and his Ma manage to get by and remember Pa for all the lessons he taught them.

My Pa was 69 the day that he died. Earlier that week he had had his teeth cleaned, gotten a haircut, a massage and a colonoscopy. He had had his normal Friday night dinner out with my Ma, almost 48 years of dinner out every Friday night.

He dated my 16 year old Ma when he was 19 years old, back then it wasn’t such a big deal I guess. In his wallet was a picture of her from when she was 17 years old, on the back it said: my forever love. He also had photos of his kids from the day they were born, all beaten and worn, but cherished and loved. Ma said a few years ago when they bought him a new wallet she told him to toss them out, but he refused. Those things mattered most.

He had his faults, he was no saint, but he was truly the best father I ever had. He came to my concerts, my plays – sure Ma may have dragged him there, but he was there each and every time I looked for him in the audience. He was at my graduation, picked me up from a hospital once, took me to treatment once… he was my Pa.

I always got a hug when I’d come home and when I’d leave. I didn’t even initiate it, it was him.

At the church service we heard lots of funny stories about my Pa. People laughed and people cried. He was a character, and he gave me character. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without his example leading the way. I’ll miss him.

My Pa

I was at an AA meeting yesterday, Saturday, which is odd for me… but I was scheduled to be on a plane to Cancun today so I wanted to be sure to hit a meeting. I had left my Blackberry on vibrate as the person I was taking to Cancun had lots of questions and I wanted to be available to her. The meeting had just started, the lead was sharing his experience, strength and hope and I truly don’t remember his name or anything… but my phone vibrated and I looked at the Caller ID. It wasn’t a 715 area code which would have been my friend that was to go to Cancun with me, but a 608 area code, which meant family.

Most of you know about my family, this is the good family, the ones that were my foster parents and actually cared for me… i’m crying.

I stepped out of the meeting and checked my voice mail, it was my nephew Michael, the message simply said: call Grandma right away. I called back and my nephew Cory answered the phone and said: PaPa died this morning. I said ok, I’ll call you back, and hung up. The day was filled with me doing odd things like that. I called right back and asked when the service was and if Ma wanted to talk to me. Ma didn’t, and he said the service would be Tuesday or Wednesday. that was the end of the call.

A few weeks back my Pa told my Ma that he had been having BMs filled with blood for the last two weeks… men are stupid that’s why… and she took him immediately to the hospital where the performed a colonoscopy and found nothing, the next day they performed another (poor guy) and found a lesion which they cauterized (you medically inclined folks always want to ask me relevant questions here, but I don’t know relevant answers so just clip your toenails and read the rest of the story already… geez). Then Friday night I had called Ma, which I try to do regularly, and she told me they had done another colonoscopy and found some pollops (spelling?) which they sent off to be tested. Ma expected results to come in about 2 weeks. Because My Pa had been bleeding where the sun don’t shine, they took him off his Coumadin … that is what we think killed him, they are fairly certain he had another clot (He had had one a few years ago).

I motioned for Darren, poor guy, to come step out of the meeting. He pointed at himself and mouthed: ME? and I nodded. Darren came out and I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t leaving the meeting due to a bad lead or anything, just my Pa had died and I had to go. (I had been explaning to Darren earlier that day why I left early the week before, which was a psycho crazy person leading the meeting and I managed to hold onto my judgmental abilities… and hopefully always will). Darren, was a godsend, he escorted me outside, comforted me and wanted to walk me all the way home.

I was having moments where I wanted to just burst into tears and I had calls to make and I felt bad for having calls to make when he was right there trying to comfort me and It was a mess… change that, I was a mess. I called my Cancun guest, Brenda, as she was about to board a plane for DC and I didn’t want her to come if she didn’t want to come if I wasn’t going to be able to go. I told her to call the airline and see if she can cancel the trip. I called my business partner, Jim, and told him and we discussed me calling the travel agency and getting refunds or vouchers. I called Suzanne, Gary, Mark and Robert who were all not at their phones, and I was so mad at them for not being right there in the street to hug me… I know that’s illogical, I know that was near impossible, but I just needed them. I’m crying again.

I convinced Darren that I would be ok and I just needed to be alone. I then proceeded to walk the rest of the way up 17th street and then 16th street, crying every other block or so. I couldn’t see, I was embarassed to be crying this much. Im a silly queen with midwest macho sensibilities.

At home the people at Orbitz were very accomodating and helpful, the operator was very thoughtful. She asked me for our record locator number and inbetween fits of crying I found it for her, then I asked her if she could hold on so I could take out my contacts, I was having difficulties reading with them and the tears were not helpful. I went to my bathroom and removed my contacts, put them in their little container and came back. The operator asked me another question and I couldn’t see the words at all, it took me like three minutes to realize that I forgot to put my glasses on.

I called US Airways to attempt to get a flight, but they had no bereavement rates and the earliest they could get me to MSP was 11:30 p.m. So I called NWA, and the people were wonderful. The operator answered the phone and inbetween more fits of crying I tried to tell her what I needed, but just couldn’t stop crying. She stepped up to the plate and said, “OK, Sir, I’m going to ask the questions now, You only have to answer with one word, take your time, lets get you home.” She was great, and a comfort at that time. (I’ll send them an email later).

I had no idea I was capable of crying as hard as I did, it just wouldn’t stop coming.

Let me tell you, cats are not “comforting animals” they had no idea what that noise was that I was making and were mostly scarred there was no rubbing up against me or purring extra loudly, they just wanted me to be quiet… damn cats.They didn’t like the suitcase, they do understand what that means.

Jim and Ana wanted to come and take me to the airport, and they needed some of the paperwork for the trip which I had. So they were on their way. I took calls from Pat and Brenda, sent some posts to Facebook and some other regular sites that I regulary frequent and then started to get notes of comfort from the networked world. I called lots of people I guess, but I don’t really remember, I think I talked to Vera for a while.

My roommate, Gary came home, and that was nice… I realize now that I didn’t hug him like I had wanted to, I don’t know why. As I said I was really off kilter. He of course was concerned that I was going to be ok, and wanted to be sure I had my flight and everything else I needed. Jim and Ana arrived and I gave them what they needed and then spent time looking for a DVD for them to watch, more odd behavior.

Suzanne called while I was in the car with Jim and Ana, she sounded like she was crying, but I couldn’t talk to her, I didn’t want to cry anymore. I promised I would call her back. Yes, I know how weird I am. Jim and Ana got me to the airport with plenty of time to spare, and offered to sit in there with me, but I just wanted to be alone again. So they were off.

In the airport, in front of me were perhaps 25 WWII vets, most in wheelchairs, each with an “assistant” … this is in the security line. Most of them had pacemakers and such, and … well, it was just chaos. Then after security, NWA kept announcing the WWII vets they had there and how honored they were to have them on their planes, everyone was clapping, I was in tears. People kept looking at me, but I couldn’t stop crying again.

Suzanne and I talked on the phone. I got a hold of Mark and Robert, a friend of Roberts had died and they were at a service in PA, my condolences Robert.

I had a fairly uneventful flight, I realized that if I watched TV shows on my IPOD I was distracted and wouldn’t cry, which was my goal at this point, I didn’t want to cry on the plane. So I’m watching Season 2 of 24, terrorists, government agents, should be tear proof… but then there is a little father/son side story and I had to turn it off. I did cry a little on the plane, and I cried a little in the car ride from MSP to Chippewa, (Pat and Brenda picked me up) but not that anyone noticed. It wasn’t the heaving, sobbing kind of crying, just some tears streaming down my face.

Today I’ll drive down to Galesville and see what I can do, hug my Ma, my sister and brother and mourn with my family. I think I’ll likely pray alot to.

The Day of Change?

The last two elections I was fearful, I really dreaded the possibility of “W” leading this nation the first time and the second time I found out how many American’s oppose equal rights for all people based on some hate mongering campaigning. Its not been fun to watch our country take this nosedive from a Nation of love and hope to one of hate and intolerance.

This is different, this time I feel hope. I’m not the optimistic type, I’ve learned from being hopeful in the past, so I’m not counting this to be a win…. not yet. While its true that I have no idea where the other side is coming from, where they think another 4 years could possibly be a road anyone would want to tread down, I hope the American people make the right choice today.

Mr Obama has inspired me and so many other people to believe that a change for the good CAN happen here, can happen now, and will with the grace of God and the vote of people like me. I hope he lives up to the hype he’s helped create, and I do feel sorry for him having to live under this microscope we’ll put him under. Does either candidate mean a move forward for gay rights? not that I can see, but the one with a road map to real change could possibly meet my team somewhere on his journey.

I’ve oft times found myself tearing up, chest swelling with pride and amazement when watching the news, the rallys the speeches. Its been a long time since I’ve felt that about any one thing/person/event…. and its a good feeling.

Please Vote today! Vote for the future, the children, the American dream of hope… Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can!

Foretelling

Last week I had several odd dreams that kept me awake.

One of those dreams was Obama going to Hawaii to kill his grandmother for the sympathy factor. No, really, I told Jim about it the next morning and he said I need to quit watching so much of the election. I personally blamed it on watching early episodes of West Wing…

And here we are… one day before the election and someone is dead…

I’m voting for the guy anyway, just thought I’d share.