Home is Where the Soul is

John’s parents apparently are taking his body back to Michigan, something his closest friends say he would never have wanted. This was such an odd thing John didn’t have anything written down to contradict that wish and grieving parents can be irrational. I’m not actually sure if he and his parents were close or not.

I’ve always said, since I moved here that I don’t want my body to go back to the arctic wasteland (known as Wisconsin) and I really mean it.

Burn me up and sprinkle me in the Royal Palms Resort vegetation if they’ll let me. I had a good time or two there.


At lunch on Friday, Mark and Robert joked about inheriting two more cats (John had two cats). I don’t actually know what’s going to happen to the two felines, but I hope they find a loving home. When I go, if Q and Mouse are still alive, I think Gary will likely take care of them – unless I’ve moved out cause I found a boyfriend and my cats are terrorizing him now. They only ever liked me and Gary, though Mouse did eat sour cream from a spoon when Jean-Pierre was here feeding it to her.

My friend Pat, has always wanted my comic book collection. Its not a good collection, just a bunch of comics that I’ve never taken care of. Most of them are not even bagged up. When I sold my comics a long time ago for beer money I decided they weren’t that important to save for financial reasons. I collect them for the stories. I know Pat will read them and be very happy… Brenda (Pat’s wife) will wish they were put away and not just all over the place… lol

I don’t know what I have that Suzanne might want. She would likely find the cards she’s given me over the last 14 years to be a wonderful thing to have in remembrance of me, and the pictures if I have kept any (I tend to toss things out if I’m spring cleaning – which I do every three months or so). She gave me one card when I first moved out here to DC that still makes me want to cry each and every time I think about it.

If my Ma and Pa or Rhonda want anything, I wouldn’t know what that would be … but they should be given that opportunity. Well… not Pa, as he’s come up with a scheme to do something with everything and it would sit in the shed for 10 years as a dust collecting experience… lol

That’s really it, I don’t have much else… I would hope that if there is any money at all left that everyone that knew and loved me made sure no one in my biological family got any of it. Pay for my funeral, make sure Gary has some money to take care of the cats and then donate the rest to a good cause. (A good cause is helping HIV/Breast Cancer, starving folks in the US, R.I.F., or something that gives something back and keeps giving – that would be most important of all).

I am not being cruel about my family, I just know how they are. The money would go to drugs or alcohol and not for a damn thing that matters.

Regrettable Unmentionables

I don’t know if my friend John had the foresight to leave a will, or if he had plans for what would happen on his final day of life. I think frequently (yes, my mind works that way) of what I would do if I was told I had one day left to live – usually it involves DJ and kissing among other things. But I don’t have anything written down anywhere that states exactly what needs to be said.

One of my friends, Mark, had posted on his Facebook page something about needing to say “I love you” more often. I think that’s a good start, I recall my friend Brian once said I was the first person outside his family who ever told him that – strictly platonic, he was a roommate and is a good friend. I tell lots of people I love them, usually I mean it…. sometimes I, just out of habit, say “Ok, love you, bye bye”, to whomever I had on the phone, whether its Suzanne or a telemarketer.

But what else should be known, what else will I not have time to say? That’s a good question. That co-author who wrote the book 100 things to do before you die, died recently – fell and hit his head and he was dead. I wonder if he got to do all 100 things. I wonder if he got to tell his father he loved him.

So the point here, and I do have one, is that I’m going to start writing about those things here and try to say all those things that I needed to say and was either too busy, or to afraid to say. You never know when it might be too late.

John D

I found out this afternoon that my friend John D passed away suddenly. John is around my age… was, I need to think in was which is hard… which isn’t that old and the details of why he was found slumped over in his chair this morning are still sketchy. We don’t know what caused this tragedy to happen, and it isn’t what important anyway.

I’ve always liked John (I keep back spacing in here to change tense and I don’t want to do that so I’m not going to), and not just because he was so very ruggedly handsome. In meetings his sarcastic wit, his spiritual fitness and his compassion always manage to touch me right where I need to be touched. He loves AA and is the finest example of the Big Book you’re likely to see.

Maybe it’s because he’s from the midwest, maybe that’s why I’ve always felt a connection. But maybe, it was his big heart that reached out to everyone he knew and just pulled them in.

I’m going to miss you John, I’m sure a million other people will as well. I hear they have meetings up there, save a seat for me.

Vice President Dreams

I awoke this morning knowing Bidden was the guy chosen to be VP… which is odd, cause I was in bed at 10:00 p.m. and should not have had a clue.

Its possible that folks outside my window talked loud enough about it in the early morning that I heard, or its possible that telepathic waves emanated through the cosmos to let me know…

its possible

The Cheesehead Invasion

I just had friends in town visiting, my best friend Pat, his wife Brenda (who thinks her name is Helen – long story), and their sons girlfriend Anna. They were on he east coast to attend their son’s graduation from Army Boot Camp, down in Fort Jackson. Then they drove up here to spend time with me.

These people are family – not the blood kind, the good kind – so I go out of my way to make sure they have a good time. When they came to visit seven years ago I missed all but the first 5 minutes of the Gay Pride parade as they timed it just that badly… 😉 This visit I took three days off of work and arranged for them to stay in a decent hotel. You make certain sacrifices for family and it never seems to be a burden.

Even though they saw most of it seven years ago, we again did all the monuments on the Mall and a few more sites that threatened to grind my feet into stubs. We went to the Spy Museum (which I paid a little extra for and can’t recommend as really worth it), the Holocaust Museum and the Zoo all of which were fun. I even put up with Brenda thinking she could speak to the seals and the birds at the zoo, though I did on occasion shout out “No, Dory, you can’t speak whale.” which got a few chuckles.

When they arrive I let them know the rules of Washington right away. I tell them they are very simple and if they break them I will lock them in the hotel for the rest of the trip.

The Rules:
1. Stand on the right, walk on the left
(I think if more people told tourists this there would be less congestion in our fair city)
2. Don’t give money or talk to the homeless.
3. Have fun

Now, having had them come visit and only break rules here and there – a couple of occasions where they stood on the wrong side of the escalator and once where Brenda bought chocolate from some guy who then turned around and entered the liquor store (lick her?!? I don’t even know her). I realized how different life here is from back home, and i wonder if I should be afraid of what I’ve become, scared that they haven’t changed or concerned that there is that much of a difference in society to notice the changes at all.

See, Brenda came out of the CVS, chatting away, during rush hour holding two 20 dollar bills in her hand, and gesturing this way and that – I don’t think it helped that she was wearing a fanny pack and had that sunburnt tourist glow. And, just the day before Anna had sat on the sidewalk outside, a wad of crumpled up bills of various denominations sitting there while she counted them… It was one of two times that I almost had a heart attack during the visit. They also like to talk to complete strangers, which I suppose should be a perfectly normal activity, but for me still raises my hackles and puts me on the defensive.

During my recent trip to WI (where most of my chosen family is from) I got odd looks when I locked the car door, or wanted to shut the front door of the house when we were all leaving. See, it’s safe at home. You could probably walk down main street every day counting 20 dollar bills in a little stack and not have to worry about anyone bothering you or losing a single bill, unless the wind picked up.

So, I wonder again – have I changed that much since I got here almost ten years ago now? Yep, in my first few months here I gave money to the guy on the corner that needed money for baby diapers… I was appalled at the lack of human compassion as people just walked past and handed him a $5 (at the time I wasn’t making very much myself, but felt sorry for that kid). And an hour later, I walked by him and his story was that he needed gas to get his pregnant wife to the hospital – he didn’t remember me from earlier. I think that was where I started to get jaded and not believe in the people here.

Have I changed that much from the very small town boy to the big city man? Maybe. Have I lost all my values or beliefs? No. I will still step into a fight to save someone, I don’t automatically disbelieve politicians, but I do second guess them. And I sometimes even give some money to a homeless person on the street.. Sometimes you have to do the next right thing, no matter what.

He Didn’t Show

My dream last night…

He called me, to give in to our longing, he agreed to marry me once and for all. I was shocked, I never thought this day would come, but was also overcome with the joy and excitement that followed. I made plans with friends and made sure all was as it should be for that special day.

When the day arrived and all my friends joined me on the way to the house where the celebration was to be (Ann’s house which is weird as her husband fired me this year). Spirits were high, and everyone was very happy for me.

He never showed. I found him on a park hill, playing with his children, he gave me a look and I understood that he could not come with me while they were there. Which, sadly, made me love him all the more.

Tour Guide

My best friend Pat, his wife Brenda (though she likes to be called Helen for some unknown reason) and their son’s girlfriend Ana are on the east coast this week. They arrived on Wednesday to see Scooter (their son) graduate from Basic Training down in NC somewhere. They are spending three days in DC and I get to be tour guide.

Most of the stuff we’re headed off to see I’ve already seen, and seven years ago, I saw it with them when they were here last.

I’m not a tour type guy, it’s never been one of the things on my list when I’ve come into a new city. I did a Banana Factory tour once, one word: DISASTER. When my parents came to visit in ’05 they wanted to do a tour bus, they loved it… but it wasn’t for me really.

When I head off to San Diego for my first time in December, I don’t think riding on a tour bus would do it for me; I want to see the real city and see what’s really there to see.


So, Saturday night I went to bed with a headache around 10:00. I woke up at 2:00 with a sore throat, took two Tylenol and tried to go back to sleep… must be a fluke I thought.

It’s now Tuesday night, my throat is still a bit sore and I’m very tired. Maybe I should go see a doctor.

Military Jury’s

Is there any realistic chance that one of the US Military Jury’s, that we’ve created just to skate outside the law, could possibly find anyone innocent? Why are they even going through the charade at all…

There is no such thing as a fair trial in a court that was created to by pass all known laws.