Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: Random Rantings

  • Time, so precious

    I’m having a reoccurring nightmare.

    I walk up the stairs to my bedroom when I have gotten home and I peek into Gary’s room seeing just his brown shoes and slacks. I assume he’s listening to his music lying on the floor, don’t know why he would be but I just go into my room and shut the door. Soon he’s at my side asking why I didn’t tell him there was a dead person in his room, he’s angry and I’m confused, I stand up and look in his room the same shoes and legs are there but I don’t venture in to see the top half of the body.

    Why on earth would someone else be lying in Gary’s room dead and wearing his shoes and slacks? I have no idea but suddenly Gary disappears and I venture into his room slowly, not knowing what I’m going to see when I get in there. It’s only a few feet but I can’t seem to reach the end of his bed to see what’s really there and then I wake up, scarred to death.

    So what the hell is this all about? I’m not sure, it certainly makes me worry about Gary, Jim and other males in my life (a woman simply wouldn’t be caught wearing those shoes…).

    Recently a member of my best friend Suzanne’s home group took his own life. Tonight will be the first time the group is having a meeting since he died, she’s obviously shaken up.

    My best friend Pat lost a client in similar circumstances – it was very devastating to him and he’s just now starting to come to terms with that. It’s affected how he deals with every day life and also how made him more active in looking for signs of depression and detrimental things to his clients well being.

    And, my sponsee recently had a friend’s partner take his own life and then a scare that her friend might have done the same. It really shook up the sponsee.

    So, maybe I’m just subconsciously thinking about death and seeing this dream over and over again is my subconscious way of dealing with it. I don’t have experience with this type of thing and I’m not sure the right thing to say to my friends or sponsee. I only know the things that have gotten me through my own crises: prayer, action, talk, and hugs… lots of hugs (god the cats hated that time).

    Anyway, if you’re reading this and you have someone in your life that you care about or worry about – take the time to tell them, let them know how you feel today because tomorrow might be too late.

  • The Benefits of Smoking

    I wish that I was still a smoker, if it weren’t for the $6 a pack issue I might still be a smoker, it’s just too expensive to smoke anymore. But I do wish I were still one of the nations smokers – no, I don’t want a cigarette and I’m not having cravings for one, I’m just tired of smelling nasty ass things on the metro and on the sidewalk. It’s possible that I have developed a sense of smell that borders along the likes of Kal-El, but it’s doubtful… and this is sadly one more reason Superman could not exist in real life, I bet Lois smells like a five dollar whore to him… nasty.

    Seriously, how much perfume do women think they need? If I can smell your perfume and your a half a block away from me that’s way too much, think of the damage your doing to the environment. I guess maybe straight guys are attracted to someone who dumped a bottle of smelly water on themselves but it does nothing for me. I shouldn’t have to leave a Metro car because I’ve gone to the other end and can still smell your overpowering nastiness. I was in an elevator today with a woman and she had so much perfume on and had to breath through my mouth for 4 floors and cover my nose with my finger, the scent lingered in the lobby of the floor for hours afterward…

    Not to be outdone, there are some men that like a ton of cologne as well, now I guess they could all be straight guys and their cologne specifically designed to attract women, but really… that much? With guys it can be the opposite as well, they perhaps forgot to shower that morning and didn’t think the other hundred people on the metro car would mind that they smell like an old gym mat. Yeah, I’m not gonna notice that your nasty.

    I never had these issues when I was a smoker, I never noticed perfumes or colognes or for that matter – my breath. Smokers, you have no idea how nasty your breath can be, your clothes, your hair… it’s just eeeewwww. But I think if you didn’t have to smell other smokers, or all these flowery folks on the subway, elevators and sidewalks it might be worth a $6 a day habit that would end my life early…. hmmm, I’ll have to consider.

  • Customer Service Nightmare – Verizon DSL – Tech support

    So I was having some issues with Verizon DSL, it would work for about 30 minutes then lose its connection, over and over again this was happening so I was getting frustrated and decided to take a chance and call Verizon Tech Support. I called the number and a woman with a thick indian accent answered the phone and walked me through several steps until we came to a No Access page that basically wouldn’t let us go any further. She informed me that if we had reached this page my router/modem was faulty and I would need a new one. After she transferred me to the ordering department, a nice lady there with another thick indian accent sold me a modem/router for @ $60. The modem should have shipped in 3 business days via UPS.

    Then the Blizzard of 2010 hit DC and that was delayed, several times. So it was 7 days later when I was hooking up the new router and it wouldn’t let me finish. I would follow the instructions completely and then I would hit a wall and it would give me an error code and tell me to call Verizon Tech Support. At this point I still maintained a bit of hope that I would be on the internet in a few minutes.

    Verizon Tech support was again answered by a gentleman with a thick indian accent and I wasn’t very patient with him. I did walk through the steps that he asked me to walk through and we tried several different things before ending up on a No Access page that was the same as the one from the week earlier. He said this meant my bill wasn’t paid. I tried to express to the man several times that this wasn’t the case, he conferenced in a woman (with a thick indian accent) in customer service to talk about my non-existent delinquent bill. Both myself and the lady in customer service tried to express to the tech support guy that there was nothing wrong with my service but he said there were other calls in the queue and he would call back once she and I fixed my account.

    This is now 75 minutes later, and what should have been a simple set up was still not allowing me to access the internet. I tried to figure out if there were anything wrong with my account and the lady assured me there was not and then put me on hold for over 20 minutes so she could discuss with her supervisor the situation. I waited patiently and then was talked to by the supervisor who said they couldn’t help me, that I had to talk to tech support…

    after raising my voice several times and asking when that might be and who was going to fix this issue they assured me they would call me back in 30 minutes (approximately 9:30 p.m.).

    Being something of a techie, I tried a few other tweaks and adjustments and finally got the internet working, perhaps they adjusted my account on their end and didn’t tell me – I have no way of knowing but suddenly I was able to connect to the internet.

    At 11:30 p.m. Verizon called, no one I had talked to previously, they just wanted to ask if I had gotten connected to the internet and I told them yes.

    I’m calling Comcast tomorrow and well be switching over our services (Phone, and internet) to them. Then at the office I’ll get rid of them there as well. Bad customer service and jobs that could have gone to American’s all over seas… yep, no need to continue to give Verizon money at all.

  • Uphill Battles

    I’m sad about Maine. Once again in the land of the free, people have gone to the polls to deny others the same rights that others take for granted. I say for granted because hetero couples get married all the time and then divorced – rinse lather repeat. Divorce rates in Maine are 13th (Source) in the nation. My biological mother was married 8 separate times. But if two guys or two girls want to get married and live together with the same rights and responsibilities of a hetero couple this state says NO.

    Our side raised more money than theirs, I donated several times promoted on Facebook and via email. I’ve talked to people about the issue, I know a lot of our side was up there working in the field, making calls from all over the nation.

    It’s disheartening and it makes me want to quit giving money and quit caring. It makes me want to quit struggling in this battle and just let them win. For only a moment.They want us to give up, they want us to be quiet, they want us to accept less-than-equal and we can’t let them.

    This was only a battle in this war we’ve been on, only one defeat today. Tomorrow is another day, another opportunity to educate, another chance to win.

    Other groups that have had to fight for their rights faced the same ignorance, hatred and church filled bigotry and managed to overcome. So shall we, one person at a time if we have to, this nation of ours will live up to the promise of freedom and equality that we deserve.

  • The Number One Offender Is Also the Number One Reason I Can't Sleep

    Resentment. Rethink, Re-feel. It’s the three “R”s and they are not a good thing.

    You’d think that after such a long time of knowing how these things affect my mood, sleep, day or night that I would be more wiling to use the tools that I’ve been taught. But NO. Last night I was up most of the night thinking about what “they did” and how I can “get even”. I’m not even mean enough any more to do the things that came into my mind about getting even.

    It is hard to let go I guess. Hard to realize it doesn’t matter what they do or say and if I didn’t let it it couldn’t possibly affect me. I was lying in bed last night praying for God to remove the resentments so I could go to sleep, but I honestly knew that they were half-hearted prayers. I get some weird kick out of holding on to these resentments – the 12 X 12 says we exult in some of our character defects. We get off on it. This is so true for me. Praying that “that bastard gets everything he deserves” is apparently not an effective prayer.

    So it is nice that the email wasn’t sent out yesterday. Perhaps with a few prayers and meditation this morning (and a ton of coffee) we can think clearer and just let this slide off our backs. I have to remember that keeping my side of the street free from anger and the brainstorm is going to keep me sane… well saner.

    I have to remember that what the book says:

    Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. – Page 64

    I don’t want to let this guy and his company get me drunk, they are old news.

    I heard an AA talk yesterday on the way to the office (this was before the resentment flared up) and the speaker talked about being on her way out, pissed off and about to buy the bottle that would start her down the path all over again when the thought occurred to her that if she drank she’d have less time than her AA “rival” – it was funny, guess you had to hear it. Anyway, if I continue to let these things affect me so it’s possible I could have less time or that I could become the asshole that I used to be.

    God save me from being angry, this is a sick man, how may I be helpful to him…. – gritting my teeth.

  • Changes

    So why move all my blogs to WordPress and rename my blog? Well mostly because Gmail would not allow me to assign a new Gmail account to my current blog on Blogger. But there are other reasons to..

    1. I’ve been reading several blogs recently ON WordPress and it looked pretty spiffy.
    2. I like all the extra bells and whistles
    3. I decided on a domain name
    4. if you’re going to change your name and everything else in your life you might as well go all the way

    So here we are a new blog address, a new blog site provider and hopefully a ton more stories and rantings for everyone to read.

  • I’m a homophobe?

    I might be a homophobe, is that even possible? Well I guess it is. I was in Ft Lauderdale a week or so ago, hanging out with my friend Michael K and when I commented about something that he said he looked at me and said: “Oh, that’s right you’re a homophobe.” and I thought to myself, well yeah, I guess I am.

    It’s not that I hate gay people or what gay people do, I’m a gay person and happen to like some of the things that gay people do and especially some of their body parts (I’ll try to keep this clean). I’m believe that gay guys should be able to get married, lesbians too. I believe that if I were to serve in my countries military I should be able to do so openly gay.

    Let’s take a look at what homophobia is according to Wiki:

    Homophobia (from Greek homós: one and the same; phóbos: fear, phobia) is defined as an “irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals”,[1] or individuals perceived to be homosexual; it is also defined as “unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality”,[2] “fear of or contempt for lesbians and gay men”,[2] as well as “behavior based on such a feeling”.[3]. It is defined by behavior (such as discrimination) as well as motivation (such as fear, antipathy or contempt).[2] Homophobic is the adjective form of this term used to describe the qualities of these characteristics, while homophobe is the noun form given as a title to individuals labeled with homophobic characteristics.

    So lets take a look at my record:

    I auditioned and was accepted into the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington DC in 2007. I love singing and love looking at handsome guys, and I AM GAY… what’s not to love about the gay men’s chorus. Well it turns out they sing songs about being gay, gay life, gay love… even Christmas songs that are gay. I’m not much of a fan of Christmas (is there such a thing as a Christmasphobe?) but the one part of it I do like is the music, and I don’t really want to gay up the lyrics with Judy Garland, Mary and rainbows… I just want to sing Christmas music.

    As my readers know, I’m an alcoholic and regularly (I use the term regularly loosely) attend 12 step meetings. I am a big book thumping, quote spewing, 12 step principle practicing alcoholic – I quit going to group therapy in treatment and don’t really want to return to it. However, I can’t seem to tolerate Gay AA (or Gay CMA that somehow ends up leading meetings) and the different message I hear there. More than a few times I’ve heard the comparison in meetings that “I drank like an alcoholic because I’m gay.” and I’m fairly certain that people drink like alcoholics because they happen to be alcoholics. We also tend to reference gay icons, movies, role models and such… not really what I thought it was about. If I snuck into a women’s AA meeting would they reference their vagina’s a lot in relationship to their disease? God I hope not.

    A few years ago my friend Robert (and Mark) gave me a handful of DVD’s for my birthday, all but one of them was a gay themed movie. I cringe at even the thought of watching these movies. It may have something to do with the casting, the people that are on the cover have characteristics I associate with gay people, a look, a mannerism that really turns me off. Yes, I know how I sound and how ridiculous it is, but there it is. I sold them at a thrift sale last spring, I didn’t watch a single one. On the other hand I did really enjoy a gay themed movie from the Gay Film Festival a few years back, it was called: Cachorro (Bear Cub), a foreign film. I really liked it.

    Gay Games? not really interested. Gay TV Channel? nope, sorry was bored by all the drag. Drag Queens? um, no… thanks, no… Flaming, flamboyant, extroverted… not really interested there either.

    Perhaps its from growing up in the Midwest, in a small town where the types of characteristics I associate with gay people were frowned upon, teased, mocked – if so, why wouldn’t 12 years of living in DC surrounded by homosexuals of every type break this mentality. There are also characteristics that I associate with gay people that could be the direct result of living in Washington DC – I think we whine a lot, I think we are overly sensitive and over concerned with labels, colors and titles. Perhaps I’m just a homophobe.

    So am I a homophobe? Probably, but I don’t think I care as long as I can someday find a husband and settle down. I’ll do my best in the meantime to keep my feelings inside and try to change my level of tolerance and acceptance… but I don’t really want to.

  • Random Thoughts and an important announcement

    I’m currently on a US Airways flight from DC to Fort Lauderdale, this is the ticket that I had to use from my Cancun trip that was cancelled last year when My Pa died. It’s rather appropriate that I’m on this trip this weekend as my name was officially changed on Tuesday. I’m very proud to be a Prudlick.

    Because I’m headed to Ft Lauderdale and not Cancun this ticket is a First Class ticket and I’m sitting next to an elderly gentleman that has an oxygenation machine under his feet. He seems like a nice guy… but all I can see it this thing exploding under his feet, sending him skyrocketing into the atmosphere … I’d die too of course, just being close to the tank as it explodes and sends metal shards slicing through my body. Yes, I’m a bit of a pessimist… or is that a called something else?

    I’m looking forward to being down there at one of my favorite hotels, yes – clothing optional – just relaxing by the pool with my Kindle in hand and my eye on the various “sights”.

    It’s been an odd week or so, Jim’s mother is in home hospice about to die and he’s been up in New Jersey with other members of his family waiting. I know this is tough on all of them. Jim is quick to point out that it is nice that she’s holding on, even if she’s not conscious as they have an opportunity to say goodbye several times, and just be there with her. I don’t know what’s better the sudden death like with my Pa or this drawn out dying with Jim’s mom. Maybe they both have benefits and detractions. Either way it’s hard to lose a parent. Jim’s mother passed away this afternoon after several months in home hospice.

    At the office we’re finally being paid for work we had done over 4 months ago, I think the economy is affecting companies all over and this is one of the ways. I imagine they too are waiting for payments from other sources. Jim has been working on projects while at his mothers so we should have billables to send out at the beginning of the month. August wasn’t such a good month for billables perhaps around $8,700 – usually we bill out $22,000 to $46,000 (the $46k was a really good month).

  • Overruling the President, Publisher and Owner.

    Pretending to cry on the witness stand: $42,000
    Offering to settle for minuscule amounts “to avoid embarrassing Jim in front of his family”: $19,000
    Attempting to make profit on a newsletter after years of failure and studies saying it can’t be done: $100,000
    Watching you lose this case in front of your employees: PRICELESS

    The Players for the Plaintiff’s: Jim and Ana D, their children Mark and David (and Lisa in spirit), cousin Dom, the Attorney Brian, and of course me.

    The Players for the Defense: John and Ann S, their daughter Brynna, employees for the firm Lee, Monica and Kim, the Attorney’s and Paralegal.

    The Players for the Court: the Judge, the Clerk and assistants, the brilliant Jury.

    Supportive Cast: Regina, Carol, Sylvia, Vera, Kate, Gary, Rankine, and a lot of prayerful folks that never gave up hope and kept the prayers coming.

    And, as usual, the star of the show, the big G himself: God

    Brief History of the progression of the Case: John hoped to find a way to make his newsletter profitable and thought the best way was to fire Jim and not pay him money for work performed. That’s a biased point of view, and this review will be very biased as I was there and I can’t report objectively. OK, really I can, but that’s not any fun.

    Day one was pretty boring, we waited around for a judge and courtroom most of the day. Around 3:30 we were rewarded with both and then a jury was selected. The Judge I found to be very nice and professional. Shortly after the jury was picked I was told to leave as I was one of two potential witnesses on the list. I had been subpoenaed by the Defense.

    The rest of my observations (outside of my own testimony) occur from what I saw before or after each day and what I observed through the windows of the court doors or on the faces of jurors or participants of the case.

    I sent brief updates to D family members on day one and one of the recipients asked for more information on what everyone was wearing so I happily obliged on Day 2:

    “Jim, Ana, David, Mark, Dom (Jim’s cousin), Brian (the attorney) and I are here and looking sharp. Jim, Brian and I are in black suits with soft colors accented by striking ties. Ana Maria is looking lovely in her stylish ensemble and black throw.

    John, Ann, and lawyers are here as well. They all look grumpy to me. John is wearing a grayish suit and his lawyers are also in black suits with dull colored shirts. Ann is wearing a black sweater over an embroidered shirt and slacks.

    Members of the jury are in the waiting room with all of us.”

    and

    “His lawyers can best be described as the frumpy one with bed head and the escaped circus act guy with the shaved head. At least our guy is handsome and has good hair.”

    I watched Jim being questioned by his attorney and then later by the opposing counsel and all I could tell about anything was that Jim remained calm through what I could see. His testimony was I think over 2 hours.

    Later, I was called by Brian the attorney for Jim and was asked several questions. I was very nervous, which is silly as I had prayed a lot and only told the truth, but I was shaking up there. On the redirect John’s attorney asked me about my resentment towards John and I said that it was still there and I was still praying about it, both of which are true.

    After my testimony the Plaintiff’s side rested and lunch was called.

    Kim was called for the Defense and wasn’t up there very long… it was the end of day two the Plaintiff’s side appeared very upbeat and the Defendants were all rather down trodden looking… some (maybe even me) were pretty sure we had won outright, but I knew there was still the next day for court.

    “Jim and Brian are once again in darksuits with pleasant ties. I realized this was the last business day before labor day and am wearing off white slacks and shirt with a purple patterned tie. Ana looks simply stunning and has repeated the black throw look from yesterday – she has enough style to pull it off.

    John’s attorneys, the frumpy one with bedhead and the escaped circus freak with the shaved head, are in dark suits but common ties. John appears to be wearing the same drab gray suit he wore yesterday. Ann and Brynna are both wearing pleasant outfits.

    Spectators that are here today include Lee, John’s wife and daughter, Jim’s wife and son David.”

    Today’s testimony started around 9:00 and I had my Ipod with me, the day before I had tried to read from my Kindle but couldn’t concentrate, so I put an AA speaker pod cast on and relaxed the hours away. Today was John’s turn on the stand and he was up there a long time just like Jim. There was at least one break during his testimony and he came out looking all smug so I glared at him as best I could… Jim’s lawyer finally got to redirect and they were up there even longer… then before I knew it it was lunch and they were coming out. Ana came out first and she didn’t look happy at all.

    John came out and looked at me and said with his evil smile: “It’s over.” He and Ana were near the restrooms and he told her “I’m sorry that you had to be embarrassed that way Ana..” or something and she had a not too lady like retort… you go girl! At lunch the attorneys had administrative duties with the Judge about jury instructions and I heard from our side some doubts about how we did today. I continued to tell folks that it wasn’t over until the fat lady sang and we had to wait for the jury to return a verdict. We all said our prayers tried to turn it over to God.

    We returned to the court, the Judge instructed the jury on law, the verdict rules and evidence. Then Brian gave his closing statement and I heard all kinds of things that I knew and agreed with of course I’m on his side.

    Then the Defense guy went up there and I heard him tell outright lies and fabrications about Jim and our company and it was a very difficult thing to sit through. I am almost glad that I didn’t have to sit through the actual trial it would have been hard to listen to this slander all day. I don’t know how Jim’s family managed to not burst out in anger at some of it.

    A law in Maryland gives our side a chance at a last rebuttal at the Defenses closing arguments and he did.

    The jury was excused around 3:20 and we waited. At 4:52 we were informed that the jury had a verdict and we all filed into the court.

    They found for Jim and it was just a huge relief and I’m glad that this part of the battle is over. Now there will likely be some legal wrangling from John’s side, but I’m hopeful the ruling will stand based on rulings of the Judge and the verdict of the jury.

    I was in the middle of this particular dispute during it and it was hell then, these three days of trial were also very unpleasant… but the verdict, victory and vindication make it all worth while.

    All told: $206,670 plus the right to argue attorneys fees (that’ll be in a motion later). If the argument is won on attorney’s fees it will apply to any and all appeals that are won by Jim’s side.

    some math below
    Originally owed to Jim, $161,200
    Jury states he now owes $206,670
    that’s $45,470 more

    Plus his own attorney fees, possibly Jim’s attorney fees, lets assume approximately $300,000

    his staff sitting in court all day not doing billable work? well I’m not sure how much that also costs him.

    He should have just paid the amounts owed from the get go but he got very greedy.

  • Self-Checkout Rules

    There should be rules for something and one of those things that got on my nerves today – again – was folks in Self-Checkout aisles that don’t follow the rules. Now you would think that common sense would prevail and there wouldn’t need to be rules for self-checkout aisle, but you would be wrong. You may find that these rules apply to other situations as well and by all means, feel free to adopt them to your need or cause.

    1. Don’t use your pocketful of change to pay if you’re in the self check out aisle. There are other people with credit cards or cash that are staring at you in disbelief – it is not your imagination, they really hate you.

    2. Don’t attempt to use that wrinkled up dollar to pay if you’re in the self-check out. You should know by know that the only machines that will take those dollars easily are in Vegas and Atlantic City… feel free to move.

    3. Don’t buy beer, liquor, wine, cigarettes or decongestants these items require you to show your identification, that is the anti self check out.

    4. Know your fruits and vegetables. If you get to the self-check out and can’t remember what the name of the produce that you picked up is and have to ask the clerk… well, see number 3.

    5. You have a cart full of groceries – yep, that’s not going to be fast at all. Part of the appeal of the self check out is that it’s fast, but if you’re there with your month supply of food stuff it’s not going to be fast at all.

    6. Children. If your child can’t help but touch things, including the scale and where the bags go. It might be a good idea to tie them up with duct tape or perhaps leave their asses at home… or you could simply go to a regular aisle.

    It is my belief that the purpose of the self-check out is efficiency. If you have all the time in the world, go talk to the clerk and get the hell out of my way.