Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: Random Rantings

  • If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes

    In spite of knowing better and having lived in a home where I was fed real meals with meats, vegetables, milk and bread and butter – when I finally lived on my own my main meal almost every day was an entire sausage and pepperoni pizza. A standard 12 inch Tombstone or Roma’s pizza, cooked in the oven for 18 minutes until golden brown on top.  Not that I didn’t eat other things, I did. Like bowls of cereal, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, burgers from a burger joint (and later in life steaks from a restaurant) or if I got to Ma’s for dinner or lunch whatever she would happen to be cooking if I liked it.  Ask anyone who knows me pretty well – I’m a picky eater. I don’t like sauces and dressings generally and am not a big fan of cooked vegetables.

    Despite my careless eating habits and lack of physical exertion, I never really got big or chunky (well there was the first summer at Ma and Pa’s where I put on a belly but it didn’t take) and I could have probably fit into the same pants that I wore when I was 16 at 24.

    Then in 2005 I did two things that changed all that

    1. I quit smoking
    2. I went back to school for a year

    Suddenly I was twenty (20) pounds heavier and my pants and shirts were tight. Worst of all? the start of man boobs, moobies as some like to call them. I haven’t needed a manzier, but I could see they were threatening to become a little more than I was interested in having. Moobies are something I don’t find attractive on men and it would be silly of me to have something that I didn’t like seeing on others you know.

    When I was in school (and sometimes on weekends within the last few years) there were days when I’d start the day with coffee a bowl of cereal and a couple hours later have a pizza for lunch, followed sometimes by a pizza for dinner. I’d follow that up with day long World of Warcraft marathons only moving from the computer to grab water or a snack (candy, ice cream, cereal).

    One Tombstone pepperoni and sausage pizza has the following Nutritional “value”:

    Amount Per Serving                         
    Calories 1635                                    Calories from Fat 736
                                                                  Percent Daily Value*
    Total Fat 81.7g                                  126%
    Saturated Fat 30.4g                          152%
    Cholesterol 156mg                             52%
    Sodium 3944mg                                164%
    Total Carbohydrates 152.9g            51%
    Dietary Fiber 10.6g                            42%
    Protein 71.8g                                       42%
    Vitamin A                                             36%
    Calcium                                                 89%
    *Based on a 2000 Calorie Diet

    Two of those pizzas a day was a lot of bad, especially when you think that I wasn’t doing anything to counter act all the bad that was there.

    So in the working world life changed a little bit. I’d start out the day with coffee and cereal, get to the 7-11 by the office grab two cinnamon twists and two bottles of chocolate milk and maybe a candy bar, then eat burger or pizza or fast food of some kind with the boss before heading home where for dinner I’d have a pizza and a bowl of ice cream – and sometimes finish the night with a bowl of cereal.  Every day pretty much, unless the housemate was cooking dinner then I’d eat whatever that might be (poor guy’s a great cook, but is limited to cook what I’ll actually eat).

    Besides the slowly growing moobies – the waistline kept expanding, the belly seemed to protrude a bit more than I’d like and the cholesterol has been high for probably a decade now. My biological parents were both heavy (Phillip was a football player in high school and Cheryl had my eating habits and aversion to exercise) so deep down in my mind I think I’m destined to be bigger. Suddenly the twenty pounds heavier was 35, 36 and 37…

    If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes… So what changed. Hell I don’t know…. oh I remember… I was having issues pooping – yes, too much information I know… and the doctor suggested I try to eat more fiber and I actually LIKE my doctor so I started to read about fiber and started to make minor changes in my diet.

    Every morning now the bowl of cereal is raisin bran (lots of fiber). Instead of the donuts and chocolate milk from the 7-11 it’s two bottles of orange juice and sunflower seeds and almonds. Tried to get the housemate to include vegetables that I like in meals he cooks (corn, green beans, peas, broccoli, cauliflower). Sometimes dinner is a bowl of raisin bran and a handful of nuts. And every night I try to eat an apple.  That’s a lot of change for me and my diet let me tell you – and I’m not perfect at it and sometimes I’ll still have a burger or yes, a pizza… hush, I said I wasn’t perfect.

    So slowly my body started to change, but not fast enough so I spent a little cash on a personal trainer and things got a little faster, but not super speed. Apparently dieting and exercise isn’t instant – who knew? The personal trainer and I are doing a lot of things that will never be useful in the real world – push ups, pull ups, lifting weights, curls, this that – but it’s certainly made my arms and chest a little firmer. I’ve also noticed that my nipples are kind of going off to the side now – which I think is really weird – shouldn’t these things point out front? I’ll have to ask someone who knows more than I know about these kinds of things.

    Throw in some cardio classes, keep walking about a mile and a half a day, and up with the fiber and healthier foods and we’ll see what happens to me. It’s not something I had planned on doing and I don’t know how it’ll all work out (the first week back to the gym I hurt my leg and was on crutches for a week – still hurts every now and then too) but it’s probably a step in the right direction.

  • Wasted Youth

    If memory serves I had a physical education class every year in grade school and high school. I was usually the last one picked for teams, which bothered me mostly because we all knew I’d be picked last but it still took a long time to get through all the other loser kids getting picked at the same time. It didn’t really matter, the truth was I wasn’t any good at it, didn’t matter what it was i sucked. The other kids knew it, I knew it and even the coaches knew it – yet I was still required to have that class – I couldn’t tell you what kind of grade I ever got in it, but I know it wasn’t a good grade (I know as most of my grades in school weren’t good).

    Once in grade school I recall one of the leaders who tried to make use of that by making a play where i would catch the ball – I was never covered by the opposing team it would be a huge waste, no one in their right mind would be throwing a ball to me, but this one kid planned it and I halfheartedly was excited to participate – this play would have won us the game. But as these kinds of things go – I was unable to catch the ball, imagine that and therefore we lost and once again I had managed to not be of any help to my classmates. Not once in the remaining years of school was I part of a plan to win, just didn’t happen.

    In high school gym became less of an annoyance as we sometimes were able to choose which activities we wanted to participate in and honestly because some times it was better to not really participate but be stoned while all the other kids did partake in sports. My friend Ted and I used to walk during “Track and Field” and smoke our cigarettes as we did, it wasn’t really something that interested us.

    Some of the many activities that I was required to participate in included:

    • basketball
    • softball
    • track and field
    • curling
    • wrestling
    • flag or touch football
    • tennis
    • golf
    • gymnastics

    There were times in Phys Ed that I had to climb a rope, do somersaults, or head stands and the rope thing was usually done with every other kid watching and giggling or snickering. I don’t recall many of the kids being able to climb that rope well or even doing push ups well, but that could be me not really caring too. Phys Ed was really not a class I had any fun in at all – recess was sometimes even a challenge to find something I cared about doing – usually my imagination had me doing something or pretending to be a superhero – kickball, tag, or monkey bars really didn’t do it for me.

    I know these things were meant to encourage me to be more active, to see if I had interest in sports or hidden talents so the school could get more money if I was a star or something. But honestly I’ve never had a job interview where standing on my head, or climbing a rope was a pre-requisite. No one in my adult life has seriously wondered if I knew anything about curling that wasn’t talking about hair. Yes, if a zombie apocalypse happens I’ll have to avoid those creatures so they wont eat my brains, but have you seen these things move? I’m sure I can out walk em and if necessary run.

    So here I am, 40, and I still don’t find any enjoyment in any of these activities (well maybe wrestling, but that’s only under certain circumstances you know). I don’t feel the urge to watch, participate or even care about these types of activities. The personal trainer I’m seeing at the gym (yes, I know how ironic that seems) keeps telling me that these things were doing are going to make me really strong – but honestly how often am I going to need to arm wrestle myself out of a situation? Is there really going to be a need for a pull up in my future?

    I’ve come to the conclusion that exercise is a lot like math, one of those things that is mandatory learning but not something you’ll ever use in everyday life. I also think that the studies that say exercise makes you feel better are flawed, or perhaps the people who feel better after exercising have a different genetic makeup than the rest of us. I’ve got 5 more weeks of personal training, and it’s possible that I’ll change my mind, but I don’t think it’s likely.

  • I thought it was the end of the world – I was right

    Like most of America I watched the twin towers fall on TV and the internet – living and working in Washington DC I also had a rare experience of being amidst the chaos that erupted in DC and seeing a thick column of smoke billowing from the site of the attack on the Pentagon. At the time I worked on the 6th floor of Children’s National Medical Center and we had a clear view of the smoke at the Pentagon from our windows.

    There was an overwhelming sense of fear and uncertainty, a feeling that this was the beginning of something that would change, if not end, the world. In my minds eye I could see the US retaliating against whomever it was and it leading to global destruction. I thought for sure the end of the world was right around the corner, and it turns out I was right.

    After the attacks on the US our country was encompassed in fear. We were afraid to laugh, afraid to hope, afraid to dream. It was quite a few months before we were confident enough to fly again and even then fear was encouraged by security at airports that grabbed the elderly and toddlers searching them for terrorist devices. Politicians, churches, and pundits of many fields all fueled speculation of worst case scenarios that would lead to the total destruction of our way of life.

    I know that Freedom isn’t free (I know because I’ve read the military families bumper stickers) but it certainly shouldn’t be driven by fear and that’s what I think we have now – people so afraid of the unknown they want to go back in time to a US that was less free, a US that was full of distrust and discrimination, a US that we’ve outgrown.

    Freedom is not a natural byproduct of fear.

    Since 9/11 there have been few moments when the world came together and believed in a better tommorow – the first time was right after the attacks when the whole world mourned with us and the second was when the whole world cheered when Barack Obama was elected as President of the United States. As a nation we’ve squandered away the better parts of these moments of hope, we’ve allowed war to encompass our plans for the future, we’ve allowed McCarthy like politicians stop progress, we’ve allowed FEAR to guide us.

    Is there still a chance that we can live again on the dream of a better tomorrow? Yes, but that means today we have to stand up and face the fears. No longer can we sit idly by and watch the politicians cater to the rich, no longer can we allow our own infrastructure to collapse while re-building other nations, no longer is it “somebody elses problem”.

    Want the loss of life from September 11 to mean something? Want to believe again in a land of the free and a home of the brave? Face the fear, don’t believe the lies, learn a little about the politicians and talk show hosts you so blindly follow. Be the change – such a cliche but one that needs to be said today, tomorrow and forever more.

    We lost a lot ten years ago maybe it’s time we took it back.

  • I can feel them downstairs…

    I can feel them downstairs.

    I know they are rifling through the papers on the end table, planting listening devices in the phone and drugging the milk. They are there every night and every night its the same, I pretend I can’t feel them and hear them whispering. The whispers are the worst I can almost make out what their saying and it makes my skin crawl when I get so close to interpreting the words but then realize it’s gobbledygook.

    I think the cat knows they’re there too, sometimes she’ll glance sharply over at the stair case, eyes wide sparkling her dangerous green. I wonder if they’ve been here long enough for her to be used to them, perhaps they’ve even pet her when I’m asleep – I know they do other things, but can the cat tolerate them – whatever they are? I hope she’ll be like an early warning system for me, if she jumps off the bed and heads to a hole I may have a chance to defend myself, I might even have a chance to run – if they let me.

    Sometimes I awaken from a deep sleep and know one of them is standing over me. I lay perfectly still  – if they know I know they are there they would be more likely to hurt me or something – its the something that is the most frightening, trying to figure out what they want with me. After a while when I can hear their heartbeat, almost feel their breath on my face I cannot stand it anymore, sometimes I moan or yawn and very slowly roll over on my side  and as much as I want to I don’t breathe a heavy sigh of relief, I just freeze like that. One of two things usually happens, if I’m lucky I just pass out from exhaustion if I’m not I can lie there all night wondering when they’ll leave me alone or if this is the night they take me.

    I somehow know they want to take me, I can feel it in my soul a deep need for them to take me with them wherever it is that they go and I know that would be a bad thing for me, the worst thing I’m fairly certain.

    I can feel one behind me as I write this. I can’t see his reflection in the screen but I can feel him standing in the doorway and I know he can read all of this. That frightens part of me and relieves the other part – perhaps the fear can end it’s the anticipation and not knowing that are the worst for me. Not knowing what they’re looking for, when they will take me and especially how much it will hurt.

    Tonight when I turn off the light and pull the sheet over me I know I’ll hear them again downstairs – a scritch scratch of papers moving here and there, a creak in the floor board and like I heard the other night a foot step or two on the stair.

    I can feel them downstairs…

  • Winnipeg – No Really

    In the bowels of Undercity Noq stood behind a cauldron of eldritch energy, and arcane vapors stirring a concoction that he’d been sold by a wiry goblin who made wild claims about it being able to accomplish the impossible – teleport him to a far off land called Winn e Peg. Noq’s friends (Grokus, Salthair, Kerrig, Gopello, Spanky and yes, even the retched Paladin Galahad) had been stranded in this desolate section of Northrend for a month now and he might be the only one who could save them. He began to chant the ancient words and felt his robe start to billow around him  and the northern energies start to boil in his veins. 

    “Winn e Peg, Eh Winn e Peg, Eh?” he repeated over and over until a flash of blue light and then he screamed the final words “Blue Bombers, Eh?” and he mystically appeared in a strange land where he knew his friends were being held. 

    To be honest I had planned to visit Winnipeg last fall but life got in the way so it was postponed, almost indefinitely. Thankfully I found a time that worked with the bosses schedule and got me there when both Grokus (Nathan) and Salty (Dale) didn’t have to work.

    I flew out Thursday morning from DCA to MSP an uneventful trip that allowed me to watch two episodes of Breaking Bad. My ticket for the second leg of the trip said my little commuter plane was boarding right after we landed so I rushed to the other side of the airport only to find that we didn’t board for another 20 minutes or so – sigh, that’s a short flight anyway, about an hour I think.

    When I arrived at the customs desk in Canada it went like this:

    Customs Agent: What brings you to Canada?

    Me (that’s what I call myself Me): I’m here to meet friends I’ve never met.

    Customs Agent: What? How is that again? How did you become friends if you’ve never met?

    Me (that’s what I sing if I’m doing scales do ra meeeeeeeee): We play video games together and have been good friends for about 6 years now and I decided to come visit them.

    Customs Agent: You’ll have to talk to my supervisor.

    Me (ME is for Maine, another place I should visit): uh, what?

    Customs Agent: Just step into that room sir.

    So trying to explain to someone that you have real friendships with people that you’ve never met is odder then you might think. In the end the customs agent let me enter Canada and I jetted off to my hotel – after I converted some money $60 US = $50 Canadian and a handful of change. I’m not entirely sure if there is a Canadian $1 bill, if there is I never saw one, I always had a pocket of change that included $1 coins and $2 – the “Toonie”, which despite it’s name didn’t have any cartoon characters on it at all, but looked like one coin inset another coin.

    I arrived at the Fairmont Winnipeg via taxi, nice hotel staff, nice room and a Client hotel. I got a decent rate that included breakfast and it wasn’t too far from my friends. Grokus (his real name is Nathan, but seriously he’s been Grokus for six years and that’s what I call him – he calls me Noq) arrived and it was surreal, it didn’t feel awkward or strange to be meeting this person who didn’t at all look like the avatar he played in the game it felt good to finally be meeting my friend. Then Salty (his character’s name is Salthair and his real name is Dale) arrived in a McDonald’s truck and we went off to dinner – not at McDonald’s but at a nice italian restaurant. The three of us had a great dinner with stimulating conversation about all kinds of things, but not really the game. We talked politics, jobs, families and trips. We ate, some of us more sparingly than others, and drank sodas, and I genuinely had a nice time. Then they drove me around a little bit and showed me some sites near the hotel that I might be interested in looking at the next day before dropping me off and they headed home.

    That night I hooked up the Macbook and entered World of Warcraft to do a couple dungeons with the guild, yes, I honestly flew up to Canada so I could play video games in a hotel – NO! But I had the computer with me and the guild wanted a couple achievements so I said ok.

    Up to this point no one had said “Eh” but I’m not sure if they spend hours each day practicing not saying it, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

    No Strangers Here, Only Friends I haven't met.

    Friday morning woke up, had breakfast and then headed out to try to find the Winnipeg Central Office – Their AA Office, where a meeting was going to be at noon. I was given an address but it was a confusing address to me and about three different people that I asked, but I did eventually find it. While trying to find it I got to explore Winnipeg Square, a little downtown underground mall that goes on quite a ways and eventually leads to a skyway that connects to something else that connects to something else that leads to a mall – it’s really smart for Canadian Winters I figure to have the ability to get all those places without having to go outside. Also sent out my postcards.

    It was at the meeting where I was bombarded with people saying “Eh” no other place over the whole weekend did I hear it, but amongst friends of Bill and Bob it was rampant – I’m not sure what that says about members of AA, but I’m sure it means something. Maybe we’ve all watched Strange Brew too many times.

    The meeting was Tradition 8 and most of the folks who shared shared about the tradition and kept there share brief. Even I got to share and I shared my experience with contacting that very Central Office and talking to their professional secretary who answers the phones and emails for members traveling into the city.

    Friday night Salty picked me up at the hotel with one of his boys (Nicholas) and his girlfriend and we went to grab Grokus before heading to the Salthair family home with groceries for the back yard bar-b-cue. At Salty’s I met his lovely wife and two more boys Peter (Gopello – holy crap is he tall) and Ben (Spanky). Kerrig (Ron), who I don’t think is any relation, but I could be wrong, soon showed up as well. We ate lots of burgers and dogs and there was even a good salad before we went down to the man cave to watch the movie “Super“. I will say that I’m not a big fan of Rainn Wilson, but I absolutely enjoyed this movie. I returned to the hotel after one, I think around 1:30… that was a long day.

    Saturday I knew Grokus and Salty were going to be doing there usual stuff before we met up for an afternoon movie, so I turned on Grindr and my other men tracking utilities and found a guy and had a nice morning… 😉

    Grokus came by around 2:30 and we headed to the mall to search for tshirts for me before the movie. We opted to see Fright Night (we did see it in 3D but it was a total waste of money to do so – three instances where I can remember the 3D tech was used well – and one of those three instances was ashes floating around… sigh. Side note: Dear Hollywood, 3D sucks.) with Collin Ferrel who makes a hot vampire, ok, he’d make a hot anything. It was a good movie that all three of us enjoyed.

    The three of us then went to dinner … oh first we stopped to buy pastries at a local bakery, one of which we later discovered had mold growing on it – eewwww … at a burger joint where we met up with Galahad (I think his name is Chris). Salty ate most of my fries because I wasn’t eating them. The four of us headed back to Salty’s to play the board game “Game of Thrones” which I somehow won – no idea how that happened.

    Here’s the rub – wow it was really great to meet everyone, I feel like I’ve already met them just based on the hours we’ve spent playing games online together. Everyone was just like I’d imagined they would be, and that’s likely because they’re such good people and Canadian which is just like being a Wisconsinite but colder. I started playing WoW with local people here in DC that soon after quit playing and fortunately for me I met these guys and became friends. I’ve spent countless hours in a world of fantasy with these guys battling dragons, beating up Alliance scum or attending weddings but I think the best time I’ve spent with them probably has to be this weekend – nah, it’s probably the times we spent leveling up in vanilla wow via pvp battles… but this weekend was a close second! 🙂

    Grokus, Noq and Salthair

  • Hobbling Around

    I made a decision to try to get back to the gym. I hate the gym, really not a fan at all, but I was giving it a shot anyway. I enrolled at Vida and the membership started August 1.

    Monday I started my new routine by going to Spinning Class which was hard, but it was day one and I know it gets better with practice and routine. I still managed to strain my right knee and for the rest of the day and half of Tuesday I was kind of limping around.

    Wednesday morning I thought I would try Step class as I really don’t mind that or spinning so much. The class attendance was small – just three of us, I guess maybe people don’t like Step anymore or like other things more. We had just gotten started, I stepped up and down numerous times and had my knee up a repetitively here and there.

    As I stepped down from a step to the left I knew I had stepped wrong and I heard/felt a “pop/snap” and knew that was going to hurt. I tried to stretch it out but I couldn’t and hobbled my way home. At home I called in sick, iced and raised my leg and just sat there mostly. It’s hard to do much of anything hopping around on one leg.

    Thursday came and it was still pretty painful to walk on it, but I took a cab to work anyway. At the office the boss and other folks convinced me to see a doctor – I’m stubborn and hate going to the doc. I saw a doctor at around 3:30 and he said I’d likely strained my gastrocnemius muscle. Yes, it sounds like a stomach thing but it’s really a leg thing.

    From Wiki:

    In humans, the gastrocnemius (pronounced /ˌɡæstrɒkˈniːmiəs/ or /ˌɡæstrəˈniːmiəs/) muscle, meaning ‘stomach of leg’ (modernLatin, from Greekγαστήρ (gaster) ‘stomach’ and knēmē ‘leg’, referring to the bulging shape of the calf), is a very powerful superficial pennate muscle that is in the back part of the lower leg. It runs from its two heads just above the knee to the heel, and is involved in standing, walking, running and jumping. Along with the soleus muscle it forms the calf muscle. Its function is plantar flexing the foot at the ankle joint and flexing the leg at the knee joint. In a 1967 EMG study, Herman and Bragin concluded that its most important role was plantar flexing in large contractions and in rapid development of tension.

    The gastrocnemius is located with the soleus in the posterior (back) compartment of the leg. The Lateral Head originates from the Lateral Condyle of the femur, while the Medial Head originates from the Medial Condyle of the femur. Its other end forms a common tendon with the soleus muscle; this tendon is known as the calcaneal tendon or Achilles Tendon and inserts onto the posterior surface of the calcaneus, or mountain bone.

    Deep to the gastrocnemius (farther from the skin) is the soleus muscle. Some anatomists consider both to be a single muscle, thetriceps surae. The plantaris muscle and a portion of its tendon run between the two muscles, which is involved in “locking” the knee from the standing and posterior tibial vein and the tibial nerve. Since the anterior compartment of the leg is lateral to the tibia, the bulge of muscle medial to the tibia on the anterior side is actually the posterior compartment. The soleus is superficial midshaft of the tibia. Frequently there is a sesamoid bone called the “fabella” in the lateral head of gastrocnemius muscle.

    So they gave me crutches and I was wheeled out in a wheelchair to the taxi stand where I took one of those home.

    Friday I had a pre-scheduled eye exam as I had broken my glasses during a recent trip to Wisconsin. Gary was kind enough to drive me there and after my appointment I was wheeled to the Metro. I applaud Kaiser for having people available to wheel the mobility challenged to and from public transportation.

    What I found once I got on the Metro to work was that Metro didn’t plan ahead for people who are mobility challenged. The accessible entrance (elevator) for Union Station was at the very end of the platform and the one at Takoma was in the middle of the platform. As I thought about the different stations that I usually use I can recall some that are at the complete opposite end and some staggered along. This makes hobbling along on crutches or rolling along in your wheelchair harder than it has to be. Fortunately for me I wont have to go to the office on until Thursday and can avoid the pitfalls of Metro’s broken escalators, elevators and long distances between elevators.

    I also thought about my meetings and the long staircases that I would have to climb to go to my regular meetings and I just don’t see it happening. I’m going to pop in a few AA speaker CD’s and soak in what I can and make other arrangements with my sponsee so I can avoid his stairway too.

    Anyway, I should only be hobbling around for a week or so and I hope to be traversing DC’s sidewalks like the streetwalker I am before you know it. 😉

  • Summer Funeral

    So Grandma passed away on Monday the 11th and I flew home on Wednesday before in case the service was Thursday or Friday and stayed for the weekend. I rented a car from the Minneapolis airport and found myself in line behind the Stockholm Sweden girls team – NO I didn’t take pictures, they were just taking a long time, and no I don’t know what sport, just that they were annoyingly slow in my way. I drove from the airport directly to the most important destination – Taco Johns. Partly because I don’t know how to get to my friends house unless I go through Eau Claire and party cause I love Taco John’s tacos. I think I arrived at Pat and Brenda’s about 10:00 Wednesday night.

    Thursday morning both Pat and Brenda had departed for work and I paid attention to their two dogs before going to Taco Johns for an early lunch. After lunch I walked around downtown Eau Claire, taking photos and doing some shopping, then I stopped for an hour and got a new tattoo on my back (much cheaper in Eau Claire than it is in DC) that says “ZEUS”.

    Then I went to JC Penny’s where I briefly pretended to be interested in window dressings so I could visit with my niece Samantha – always great to see the nieces. Then I went off to Macy’s to do a bit of shopping and found a LOVELY woman, Trudy, who was both entertaining and helpful there. Trudy was one day shy of working at that store for twenty years, and was simply amazing – she sized me up just by looking at me and was pulling out shirts, jackets and slacks faster than I could react. Good customer service and a very nice person.

    Then I headed back to Chippewa Falls to get ready before the Big Meeting – real AA, not that watered down stuff I see here in DC. I was called up during the meeting to share some experience strength and hope as were a few others – my friend Nicholas joked that I must have been the token female called up as everyone was a guy that shared. After the meeting a bunch of guys headed to Perkins, I tagged along and had a bite as well – it’s a nice bit of fellowship.

    Friday I had lunch with a new friend, Jimmy, before heading down to Whitehall for the funeral. It rained most of the day and when I left Eau Claire it was coming down pretty hard. Whitehall is my old stomping grounds, where I attended most of my grade school years and several of my drinking years – it’s always nice to go back and visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there again. I found the Baptist Church easily enough – I don’t even remember us having one back when I was a kid, but there it was right in the back yard of a house where my ex-fiance and my biological father once lived (stories for another time).

    I went in the church and soon discovered my sister Dawn, uncle Joey and aunt Ginger and with them some giant of a lad that I was introduced as a cousin – much to young to be that tall. Soon other relatives would arrive: Amy (sister), Becky (cousin), Ryan (brother), Debbie (aunt) and a whole bunch of folks I’m supposed to know but really have no memory of. Before the service we shared a few memories and caught up a bit – Facebook helps with that stuff but it’s nice to get the little details in person.

    The service was short, not a lot of preaching by the preacher, but he was pretty to look at. Then there was an open mike where anyone could get up and share memories of Grandma. My sister Amy led that followed by Dawn – it was nice that they both brought to my mind times I had forgotten, like listening to old radio shows on cassette tapes (Lone Ranger is the only show I can remember off hand, but there were tons of those), making sock puppets, and writing letters to the editor of the local newspaper. There was some bad singing – mostly because church songs are so boring musically add that to tone deaf singers and well disaster. After the service there were sandwiches, crackers, desserts and drinks before we headed to the cemetery where the VFW was waiting to help us put Grandma in the ground – Grandma was a WAVE during the war and after they gave a 21 gun salute and played Taps (I think it’s Taps correct me if I’m wrong) they gave Grandma’s oldest a folded up flag for her service. That was pretty emotional for all parties involved. In the city of Whitehall my phone only had a good signal in the cemetery – weird. Then we all headed back to the church for a bit before dispersing – I led one of my cousins that I don’t really know to the outskirts of Galesville before heading to my Ma’s.

    At Ma’s I got to spend time with her, my sister Rhonda and here husband Greg, my nephews Michael and Cory and Cory’s wife Danielle. And of course Charlie, my incredibly smart, gifted and cute grand nephew. He’s just such a bundle of fun, and at 2 years of age pretty damn smart I’d say. After everyone had left and it was just Ma, Michael and I it was near enough to bed time that I hit the hay and slept until 5:00 or some ungodly hour and struggled to stay asleep but really – once I’m up, I’m up. Saturday Rhonda, Greg and I went out thrift saling in the Holmen/Onalaska area and before we knew it the day had passed us by and we were back home for some pork from the grill, potatoes from the garden and good conversation. Ma’s recuperating from her knee replacement quickly and everyone seems to be eating healthier or at least less than normal.

    Sunday I took Ma to church where I found there was another preacher that was good eye candy. He preached on ACTS and laws of God and man and sticking to the message, whatever that message might be – at least that’s what I heard. At the service was one of my high school English teachers and I thanked her for being one of the teachers that introduced me to what I love. After the service Ma and I went to breakfast before I left for Eau Claire.

    I stopped at the Whitehall Cemetery to visit Pa and see his stone – which was recently put in. I talked to him for a bit and cried a little bit just thinking about him, missing him and wishing he was still here. When I come home I can still see bits and pieces of him around the house and in the whole family. I don’t think there is a day that goes by that we don’t miss him. The stone is beautiful and I wiped off some old grass clippings and straightened up the flowers. I’ll be sure to stop again next time I pass through town. It is kind of weird to see Ma’s name there when she’s still alive, but hopefully we wont fill in the date after the dash for a good long time.

    Once I arrived at Pat and Brenda’s Pat and I decided to hit a movie, Horrible Bosses, which we really liked. Then Samantha came over and the four of us went to dinner and Dairy Queen and then watched Rango at the house. It’s nice to spend time with them – even when they’re more obsessed with the iPad than any human should be. 😉

    Monday I left the Chippewa Valley around 10:30 for the Cities and then flew home, arriving close to 9:00 thanks to a ride from the Boss who also flew back into BWI last night.

    So I’ll be home for a few days before I head back to the Midwest for my scheduled trip on Friday.

  • Over Not Under

    I have peculiar habits – I assume most people do. For instance when doing my daily dental activities I

    1. Use the Waterpik (which if you don’t have one I highly recommend)
    2. Rinse with Plax (it loosens up the existing plaque before you brush)
    3. Use my SonicCare toothbrush (love this)
    4. Rinse with ACT

    For some people, that might seem like a lot and for other people they’d be shocked to hear I don’t floss also. I do all these things because I really have no desire to let Dentists mess up my teeth or even fix up my teeth unless it’s absolutely necessary. (On several occasions I’ve had huge panic attacks while in a dentists chair, usually before they can even say “Hi how are you today.” )

    It goes OVER!

    I also am a firm believer that the toilet paper goes OVER not under. I have even taken steps in other people’s homes to correct this situation when it arises, which thank the gods has not happened very often. I can’t wrap my head around having it under, it makes absolutely no sense to me. Why? How should I know – it’s just tantamount to blasphemy!. Blasphemy, I say!

    So Tuesday afternoon when I arrived at home I was stunned to see the roll in my bathroom placed in the under position.  Every other Tuesday is when the cleaning lady comes – so I know who did it, and she’s done it before. The last time she did it she replaced the roll with a new roll as it was almost out – I could understand that and thought “Perhaps she was in a hurry and didn’t realize that she put it on incorrectly.” It’s possible… or so I thought, until Tuesday that is.

    See as a precautionary measure I’ve been making sure the rolls are pretty full on the days she comes to the house to avoid this affront to humanity. This time it was deliberate, she actually removed the roll to place it back in incorrectly! *Gasp*

    I was really upset about this and thought it might ruin my whole day – then I remembered that I’m fortunate enough to have a cleaning lady come to the house twice a week for a reasonable fee. I can manage to put up with this little thing and maybe she’ll eventually pick up on the proper way to roll – OVER not under.

  • DC's Change

    DC Comics announced their plans this week to relaunch the DC Universe this summer renumbering most of its current series and giving almost every hero a makeover to make them into heroes that would fit into the modern world. You can read about on USA Today, CNN or Facebook and probably even on DC‘s very own website. Most of the fanboys I know are not very happy about this news – we’ve seen it before and it hasn’t gone well and usually ends up screwing up the continuity even more than before.

    I started reading super-hero comics quite by accident really. My Mother would have copies of Archie or Casper the Friendly Ghost and the like but it was never anything like Superman or Spider-Man. Then one visit to my great aunts I found a beat up copy of the X-Men – by beat up I mean this thing had no cover, was missing a few pages and was ripped here and there. What was inside though was beyond my imagination – heroes unlike any that I had ever seen before on panel after panel and all working as a team. I was immediately most in love with Ice Man – and this was before he became all glossy and sleek, he was still more snowman than iceman but he was my favorite. I was really confused about all their powers and didn’t have a clue about their origins but my whole universe changed as a result of that comic book – it became an obsession.

    For the next few years I would search out comic books wherever I thought they might be – the grocery store, Ben Franklin, magazine stands at road side cafes anywhere that might have the slimmest I would scour the store for an issue of anything that looked remotely entertaining. When I was fifteen, living with my grandmother I was fortunate enough to find a local store that not only sold comic books, but didn’t realize they should be taxing me for them – this lasted for about 2 years before the merchant caught on and then was nice enough to let me know why the prices went up – I didn’t know they should be taxed either. It was in that store that I found a copy of Crisis on Infinite Earths – which I only bought because I had read everything else the store had to offer. Back when I first started reading comics were about .35 cents each.

    What was inside for me was absolute confusion – I didn’t know any of these heroes and the infinite earth thing was really a lot for me to try to wrap my mind around. I think this was the third issue, I eventually found a copy of the first and tried to piece together what was going on. There were heroes in the story that I did recognize: Flash, Batman, Superman, Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Robin, Green Lantern, Spectre… but there were also alternate versions of some of these characters which kind of kept me in the dark for a while. I did manage to collect all the issues and I honestly cried when Supergirl sacrificed her life for her cousin Superman – for me it was a defining moment, there are somethings worth dying for. It made superheroes something more for me than just some silly drawings on a page, they stood up for what was right and made the world a better price, no matter what the personal cost may be. It mattered to me at 15, and if I reread those issues today it would still have an effect on me – it was a great story.

    Crisis was supposed to help clean up some of the notorious continuity issues that DC had for the last 50 years or so – they were going to make Superman more super and really make him the last survivor of his destroyed planet, Pre-Crisis there was Superman, Supergirl, Power Girl, Superman from Earth II (which was really the first Earth)… well there were suddenly an awful lot of Kryptonians for a planet that had been destroyed when Kal-El (Superman) was rocketed to Earth as a babe. One of the ways to do this was by killing Supergirl. She wasn’t  the only hero to die during this series, we lost The Flash (Barry Allen), Kole, Robin and Huntress (the old ones not the new ones) and a bunch of others…

    However, Supergirl is not dead anymore – I’m getting off track here, go read my post about dead heroes not staying dead: “…and it sold comics“.

    In 85 or 86 I met my friend Ted who introduced me to a darker side of comic books that I had not yet known. He showed me Cerebus, Magic, Hellblazer, Nexus (which helped me get the US Military recruiters to quit calling – long story) The Titans (ok, maybe not dark, but definitely outside the scope of what I was reading), Swamp Thing, (Mike Grell’s) Green Arrow – it was pretty amazing. We would read for hours on end these spectacular stories that took us to a different world, away from all the troubles that happen to trouble two teen outcasts in rural Wisconsin. Ted even introduced me to the Dark Phoenix saga, which I had missed – most of the X-Men issues were not regularly stocked at the store where I got books. Ted also introduced me to Westfield which delivered comics to his home – wow, unheard of for me. Ted was also the guy took me to my first comic book store – geek heaven, let me tell you (In my adult life I’ve been to much larger comic book stores across the country but the one in Eau Claire was pretty amazing for a small town boy). Ted and I had dreams of writing comics and owning our own store when we were young… sometimes you grow up and dreams change.

    Present Day: Books and Comic books can be read on portable devices – some of you may remember the movie with Tom Hanks in 1988 called Big. During that movie Tom had a job at a toy company and he proposed electronic comics way back then and today it’s a reality.

    I can read DC, Marvel, Image and whatever other companies are out there making comics on my phone, my iPad, and even on my computer screen – and the comic book companies are charging me the same price they would charge for an actual comic that I could hold in my hand and read smell and touch. This technology has to change the way that comics are made and distributed – and I’m sad to say that it’s probably for the best, but I’ll miss the old ones.

    So back to the point of my rant here, DC is relaunching 52 titles over the next year and giving almost every character in the DC universe a makeover. They say they’re doing this to clear things up for new readers and bring in new readers as well as keep old readers. I don’t know that that’s what’s going to happen nor do I really believe that that’s their sole purpose here. See some people think all of these #1 issues are going to be worth big bucks, but I’ve been around long enough to remember all the “Alternate Covers” back in the 90s that they printed hundreds of and sure enough suckers bought em, but I don’t think most of them are worth what they paid for em.

    If you want to know why some comic books are worth a lot of money from way back when you really need to see a documentary about it from the History Channel (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0373763/ ) and realize that those comics were around during the war and parents (and children probably) donated them towards the war effort making the remaining copies the rare finds that they are.

    So to DC I say, good luck guys and gals. I’ve been reading DC and Marvel comics since that first X-Men book and chances are I’ll continue to read them until my eyesight fails. But I hope for their sake that this isn’t a gimick, that this wont be like the episode of Dallas when Bobby was in the shower – change is necessary for everything, but meaningless change wont help you here . Also, as a 15 year old boy I cried when you killed Supergirl not just because it was a tragic sacrifice, but because at the time you had made the story so engrossing I actually cared about her – return to those days with your stories, return to the days when a death had more finality and a hero was believed in because they brought a sense of hope and wonder to the minds of readers. Make us care again and make it worth out $2.99.

  • The Con Game

    I believed in love.

    Despite all the evidence to the contrary I let myself believe that it was possible to be in love. This love thing is a virus that slowly eats away at who you are and then tries to destroy you with its obsessions and compromises. I was so certain that what I felt was true leading me to share my joy with the people closest to me, convincing me to change the very order of my universe to meet loves needs. I’m a fool. That, I think is what’s bothering me most about this whole situation – that I let my guard down and let someone come in and con me.

    The evidence has been before me for years: the increasing divorce rate, my mothers failed 7 or 8 marriages, infidelity every where you look in the news in all aspects of race and class; yet I failed to heed these warnings and instead allowed myself to believe that there was something more. I’m a fool. For too long a period I believed in happily ever after and til death do us part.

    So now I’m filled with shame, I let myself fall for one of the oldest con games in the universe. That’s disappointing, even more so that I did it publicly and let others see me happy – that’s a mistake I’ll try not to repeat.

    Men are only good for one thing, at this point I think they should all be gagged so they can’t lie to me (which is all men do ladies and guys, they’re born that way). Ride em hard and then leave em there, don’t get attached, like a stray dog if you start to feed them (attention, affection, interest) before you know it you’ll be picking up their shit on the sidewalk after they dump on you again and again. Men are dogs, keep em on a short leash and in the back yard.

    Burn it all