Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: Random Rantings

  • In a Spot

    I’m in a spot. It’s a dark spot. I’d say it was a santorum but nothing really enjoyable immediately preceded the spot. Right now I can’t seem to care about – well anything.

    Yesterday a dear old friend called me from her hospital bed and told me first why she was there and then other troubles going on, but I can’t seem to care about it. I still took steps to spread the word to some of our other friends so she’d get a few calls, but honestly it couldn’t pierce the fog I’ve managed to wade into.

    A few other friends have recently gotten engaged or made their relationship “Facebook Official”, and again it doesn’t seem to matter too much to me. These I understand a bit more having only been a month ago dumped.

    The boss sent me an email and it took me reading it probably more than five times before I saw that he wasn’t firing me, but was worried about me. I’m in a spot. It’s a deep dark spot and I hate it.

    What I hate more than being in a spot is people who complain about being in a spot – so at present I doubly hate myself. I’m going to sit here and whine about this that and the other thing and that really isn’t productive – I hate people like that. But, I’m in a spot, so I’ll probably whine a bit more.

    There a probably lots of things to be happy about: a new Avengers: Earths Mightiest Hero’s is likely downloading tonight or tomorrow, I’ve been able to watch Game of Thrones, I have friends that I’ve known for over 20 years that call me when they are in the hospital cause they know I (normally) care, I have friends that I’ve known almost twenty years that tell me I reacting normally, I have friends… yeah, all those things are probably things that should make me happy, but mostly today all I wanted to do was cry and sleep. Sadly, I’m in a spot.

  • Silence Your Noise Makers

    At today’s meeting, like at most meetings, the secretary/chairperson/whomever made the announcement for everyone to please silence their cell phones, she did so to her own phone as she was asking all of us to. This has become common place in meetings that I’ve been attending for quite a while now, however when I first came to meetings cell phones weren’t generally found outside of your car, where they were attached by a cord. (Yes, this means I am quite old.) It doesn’t really matter if the phone is silenced, I and others can still hear it when you have it on vibrate and then all the noise you make while you rummage through your purse or back pack trying to see who it is that contacted you. But, don’t worry, I’m sure the person talking wasn’t saying anything important enough for us to be able to hear them.

    Old Princess Phones

    This morning someone’s phone rang during the meeting, it was an actual phone ring tone like the old princess phones used to make before technology came and made those outdated. The woman rummaged through her purse for several minutes, giving us that delightful tone repeatedly 5 times before she got to it – unfortunately she didn’t silence it then and we were subjected to the voicemail notification sound, which was a high-pitched chirp. Experience, strength and hope? nah, thanks, I’m trying to answer the phone. It’s bound to happen, I myself have forgotten to turn off my phone on a few occasions and now double-check more frequently than I used to.

    It’s usually not too bad when this happens, at the same time that this woman’s phone was going off music started to play outside the room, we could feel the deep bass reverberations and it grew increasingly louder – several people went out to see what was going on and the music stopped – for a while – it made an appearance again later.

    What really gets my goat is the folks that are using their phones and gadgets in the room during the meeting. One guy in particular gets several messages on his cell phone during meetings and he just answers them and puts his phone back in its holster, did I mention it makes  a “beep” each time he gets a message, he has it turned down low, but all of us can still hear it. Thank you sir, but perhaps you should talk to your sponsor about the definition of sharing, this isn’t it.

    messaging away

    Two people at today’s meeting were busy reading emails and typing away on their iPhone, one of them had the “click” activated for each letter and we were able to hear that she can type quite fast when she’s using it, I’m sure her boss is happy about that. Thanks for sharing.

    Is it really so much to ask that you pay attention during the meeting instead of using your phone? I called someone out of this a year or so ago, a chronic relapser that was busy typing away into his iPhone right next to me when I was trying to listen to the meeting. I told him after the meeting that he might have more success at staying sober if he put his phone down and listened to the message. He didn’t take it well and a few months later he went out to do some more experimentation.

    Recently a conversation about younger people and their attachment to technology was had by Suzanne and myself, she’s a supervisor and during a recent training session mentioned that young people have a different work ethic than what was instilled in people my age or older. It’s not that they don’t work and get their job done, but they tend to do two things at once that us (and I’m not trying to group us all up into one category) older folks can’t really do as well. This is not an excuse for the sales clerk in Macy’s to be on their cell phone when I’m checking out or for the Burger King worker to be texting instead of helping the customers, but it should help me to come to terms with the changing face of how things work, sometimes even in AA meeting.

    "Big Book" on my iPad

    At a Big Book meeting in San Antonio last year I was getting annoyed at a man who was on his iPad during the meeting, it really started to get to me. Then when he shared his experience he started reading from it and I realized that he had the text on his iPad, I suppose this should have made me less annoyed but it didn’t, I had to come to appreciate it, it doesn’t help that technically speaking what’s on his iPad is not General Service Conference-Approved material. I have it on my iPad also, sometimes it’s nice to be able to look at the Book on the technology that’s available and I hope AA catches up soon.

    Speaking of AA and technology, this afternoon I was able to make my AA birthday contribution via credit card on the web, I LOVE that. If it’s your AA birthday you should check it out at www.aa.org .

  • Testy

    Yesterday, it was all I could do to not smack the happy couple walking in the middle of the sidewalk in front of me – holding hands, smiling, bumping into one another. I did manage to just walk by them and not smack them with my bag… but I was tempted. It’s not only that they were a happy smiling couple, they were in the middle of the sidewalk and oblivious to other peoples needs to get around them… ok, maybe it was just that they were a happy couple.

    I had my annual physical yesterday as well, all is normal: high cholesterol, old man, lose weight, eat better, exercise and get some sleep. Truthfully I have a great doctor at Kaiser who is easy to talk to and doesn’t rag on me to much. I was tested for everything and I’m negative… so were the tests.

    Today I go into the CVS, and granted I’m not smiling and wearing my Harley Davidson Biker boots and just generally pissed off and a police officer follows me in and stares at me until I’m done. Go figure.

    I can’t find anything in my iTunes Library that I want to listen to. Sigh.

    This weekend I’m heading to the Virginia Beach area to spend time with Zanne, that should be helpful. I’ll go to the gym with her a few times, Body Step and crap, but it should be ok… I don’t mind step classes. And she said we could go see Tron – she meant Thor – so hopefully Tron isn’t playing anywhere…

  • Watching Trainwrecks

    The most looked at posts in my blogs history were “No Relationships for the first year...” (176 total views) and a close second was “the Wedding is Off” (145 views) April fools day post. No other posts come close to those counts, everything else is under 80. You’re a bunch of sick bastards! 😛  It reminded me of one of the Matrix movies when the machines said they had tried to give humans a utopia to live in – but it kept failing. That’s cause we need conflict and drama and it probably explains why there is so much crap TV, we like garbage and suffering.

    Here I should post that it’s nice that so many of you care and have called, emailed, texted and Facebooked me your concerns over the past few days. um, thanks

    I’m trying to look on the bright side of things, here’s a list:

    1. I can now buy that new iMac
    2. I can now buy that new iPad 2
    3. I get to keep my job, and let me tell you I have a great job
    4. I get to keep my apartment and roommate (which pleases Mouse too)
    5. I don’t have to visit San Francisco – ever again if I’m lucky
    6. Dancing with the Stars will never be on the TiVo
    7. 100% less Barbra Streisand music played in the house
    8. no more worrying about where I can eat with a vegetarian

    That’ll have to do for now, I’m sure I’ll think of more good that came out of this… later.

  • Invitation to the Royal Wedding

    By now some of you have received your beautifully designed invitation to the Royal Wedding. Some of you have responded via the self addressed stamped envelope and that is very appreciated. You have no idea how much coordination goes into planning this kind of a shin dig and RSVPing with the provided materials is so very helpful. Sure phone calls, emails and telling the couple in person is a nice touch, but they went to the trouble of putting a stamp on the envelope, not only to help fund the Post Office, but to make each attendee counted on all the official forms. At the very least you should send it via mail and be counted like most of the other common folk. Bill and I are working diligently on the wedding details and head counts are very important in this phase of the planning…

    What’s that? There is another Royal Wedding? I hadn’t heard – I’ve been so wrapped up in contacting you to get you to actually mail the RSVP that I haven’t had time to notice other Queens getting hitched.

    What’s that? oh, those Royals… well sorry for any confusion.

    Sure our attendees wont be heads of state or celebrity soccer stars, but it will be during Gay Pride week in San Francisco and really doesn’t that sound a whole lot more fun than a bunch of photo hogs … well I guess SF Pride has those too… My point being everyone who’s anyone will be in San Francisco for my special day. At least I hope so, it’d be nice if they actually RSVP’d. Why is this such a big deal for you folks? The card  saying yes or no is there, the envelope (which is stamped and addressed) is included – how hard can it be to seal this thing and drop it in the mail? The Post Office needs work folks, help them out here.

    Some people, who shall remain nameless, begged and pleaded for an invitation to the wedding and then promptly declined. Like I knew you would Julie Zielger!  Oh… sorry about that, I forgot. She still managed to drop the card in the mail and if SHE can do it, really anyone can do it.

    If you haven’t received and invitation at this point chances are you probably aren’t going to get one. I’m sorry but there is only so much room and only so much food I’m willing to purchase. I’d be grateful since you don’t have to fly all the way to San Francisco.

    One of the most often asked questions is “Can you legally get married in California now?” and well, the answer is no. There was a time in California when same-sex couples could marry, but people who think the Church should be able to decide what’s legal have put a stop to freedom of love – temporarily. Bill and I will have to fly to Washington, DC after the ceremony in San Francisco to be legally wed in our nation’s capital… that is unless that is the next thing on the Tea Party’s chopping block. Well, I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to pull it off without a hitch… so to speak.

    For those of you that weren’t invited, once again so sorry to hear that you wont get to come, I’m hoping to get a webcast of the actual ceremony and I’ll be posting that information when it’s available… see, you don’t have to dress up, don’t have to fly all the way across the country and you can watch from the comfort of your own home.. unless something entertaining is on.

  • Freedom of and from Religion

    In Washington, DC on a Sunday morning you cannot purchase alcohol until after 10:00 a.m. Do you know why? Because the churches want to make sure you attend church – where it is legal to drink from the blessed cup while your eating flesh. This is the alcoholic in me speaking, but it does kind of irk me that religion has its influence on a law. Restaurants in DC can be fined for serving alcohol before 10:00, but it’s ok to go to the church and drink up. (Yes, I know it’s only a sip of blood… er wine.)

    This isn’t the only place that churches influence the laws in our country that supposedly practices freedom of religion. The First Amendment:

    “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

    This doesn’t actually scream out to me that churches need to stay out of policy and law – but I think that’s what it means. Check out this Wiki article and see what others are saying: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Establishment_Clause_of_the_First_Amendment

    As it stands right now the Catholic and Mormon Churches (among others) are opposed to same-sex marriage, and homosexuality is a sin in their eyes. According to them the only legitimate place to get fucked up the ass is in the back of the church and then only if your under the age of consent.

    To the Parishioner who continues to put money in the plate each Sunday or monthly or annually. I want you to look at what your contribution to the Pedophile Pimps is paying for:

    Catholic Church Sex Abuse Settlement ($166.1 Million)- March 25th, 2011 : http://www.youralaskalink.com/news/Catholic-Church-Sex-Abuse-Settlement-118693789.html

    Catholic Church 2007 ($660 Million) : http://www.voanews.com/english/news/a-13-2007-07-15-voa6-66567222.html

    LA Catholic Church ($250 Million): http://www.americancatholic.org/news/clergysexabuse/

    Bishop to seek Treatment: http://www.monstersandcritics.com/news/europe/news/article_1631904.php/Bishop-in-church-sex-abuse-scandal-leaves-Belgium-for-treatment

    This list goes on an on, so please don’t think that the money you contribute to your local church stays there – it doesn’t. It helps pay the moving costs of the monsters you let near your children so they can find new victims.

    The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says I should be tolerant of the religious – but it also says that as children of God we crawl before no one. I’ve been commenting lately on Facebook and Huffington Post on the failings of churches, religions and their chosen leaders. I didn’t initiate the attacks, I’m just fighting back against the hate spewing, intolerance of them. I’m considering adopting a motto for myself: Hate the Christian before they can hate you.

    Recent Church Leader Scandals:

    Joe My God: http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2011/04/this-week-in-holy-crimes_10.html (there really IS enough of these for a weekly version)

    Eddie Long: http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/103798754.html (I’ve seen the texted photos)

    Falwell and Robertson: http://www.snopes.com/rumors/falwell.asp

    Yes, these people are human and have faults – perhaps they should quit tossing stones at others.

  • Getting to Know Your Tools

    Sometimes perfect strangers come up to me and ask me to help them with their computer, smart phone or office equipment complications. Happens  a lot in the buildings I work in but I’ve had folks approach me on planes and trains as well. To the best of my knowledge I don’t look that much of a brain. Or do I? 

    I didn’t have a ton of computer training in high school, I did take a programming class but was really bored with it (this was the mid 80s) as it had a lot to do with math and I’m not really a fan of math. What we learned was really simple stuff with dots that moved across the screen or functions that calculated numbers and the like. For me not really of any interest at all and the one thing besides pot and alcohol that held me back in high school was pure boredom.

    What I find most interesting about it is that I can actually help these people, I may not even be familiar with the software or equipment that they’re using but I somehow just know which menu’s to explore to make it function as they had hoped. I figure this stuff is just natural to everyone and wonder why they even call me to ask. In the office building almost everyone who moves in with their new PC’s have issues making the internet work (no one with a Mac has reported an issue – just saying) and I end up in their offices in their Control Panel adjusting their firewall and internet connection settings. It’s usually a day after they move in that someone points them in my direction for help and sure enough after the visit they are up and running.

    Back when I was working overnights at one of my first office jobs I was asked frequently to do computer stuff to help out the secretary. That gave me the opportunity to explore the computer and discover all the ins and outs of what was making it work. I started on the notion (possibly out of ignorance) that I couldn’t do anything to hurt the computer, once I made that decision it was a lot easier to look around and explore a bit. The way I see it, if the company thought a lowly office guy could screw up their system with a few keystrokes they shouldn’t have released it, I still kind of look at it that way and it only gets me in trouble once in a while. After I had done the menial tasks on the word processor or spreadsheet I’d look around in the file and root structures and start to change things to see what would happen.

    The functions of all software programs seem to be laid out the same. We have File, Edit, View, Insert, Format, Tools… well those are the basics. From those basics I can always figure out where to go and what to tweak. I really wasn’t all that happy when Microsoft changed some of the menu functions on their software with Vista, but it’s still all fairly intuitive to me. Once you get used to some basic rules you can work your way out of almost any problem or make your program do what it is that you wanted it to do.

    Before you try anything new back up your system, make sure you don’t lose all your hard work because you’re experimenting with things.

    I tell my regular IT customers all the time “Oh, that’s easy to do” and they look at me with fear in their eyes. Take the time to explore your equipment, the more you use it the more comfortable you’ll feel. I really think that your best option for problem solving on your computer or technological device is to explore it more, find out what it can do and tweak things here and there. The more you play with it the more comfortable your going to feel about it when a little blip threatens to interfere with your project or just your average day. Don’t wait until your having an IT problem to find out more about your tool, it’s a tool and like all tools, you should know how to use it.

  • Chapter One

    I’ll be adding a few of the chapters here to the blog so you can follow my progress, here is Chapter One, let me know what you think.

    Chapter One

    Having been born in a mental institution, I often find myself wondering if I’m crazy myself. Fortunately, too often, I run into someone else that I’m convinced is crazy and puts my mind at ease – for at least a moment or two.

    My mother, it turns out, was one of those cases where no one even knew she was pregnant, I’m sure you’ve seen them on the news. Seems she was so big when she was admitted to the ward that they didn’t even think to run a pregnancy test. The birth was too much for her to handle and she died giving birth to me; I heard all of this relayed to what had been a long list of foster parents by a loud-mouthed social worker. She informed them that was why I had been to so many homes, but I knew that wasn’t it, I’m not the crazy one but most of the foster parents had been. Some foster homes would turn me down right there or only agree to take me temporarily, and this is the main reason I was never adopted – or at least that is my theory.

    Foster homes are always an adventure; you never know what might happen to you. Id met all kind of monsters in them; pyromaniac kids, molesting adults, drunks, drug addicts, and slave labor traders top the list. Each placement I’d find a way out or would be asked to leave – usually if I threatened to tell on the men who wanted to touch me or if I’d defend myself against rotten kids. Those people were crazy, even a young kid could see that. Sometimes I couldn’t get away, those scars will always be with me. There were good foster homes, the one I ended up for the last three years especially, but more on that later.

    But it does beg to question, do crazy people think they’re crazy? Probably not, but I’m not crazy… of that I’m fairly certain. Ride the bus you’ll see crazy.

    The other day I had left my iPod at home and by the time I realized it I would have been late to work had I gone to retrieve it. I knew I’d hear crazy on the bus, but I also didn’t want to be late for work – so when the bus arrived I walked on, paid my fare and found a seat near the window. In the rare occasions that I had forgotten my iPod before I had learned a few tricks that sometimes keep me safe from conversation or confrontation, lean your head against the window, slouch down and make sure your eyes are closed. Above all, don’t react, that’s the important thing, don’t react.

    So when the tap, tap, tap was felt on my shoulder I knew I should have ignored it, but there I was opening my eyes. I looked across the aisle at what appeared to be a lovely lady, dressed nicely for the morning commute with a handbag on her purse. She smiles at me and I say “Yes?” to which point she asks me what times it is. Seriously, she wakes me from my fake slumber to ask me what time it was I’m mildly furious yet kindly tell her that I do not know.  This was pretense of course, she’s not really interested in the time, instead only wants to talk to me, even if I’m not interested in talking to her at all. I lean back against the window and close my eyes, she keeps on talking at me hoping I’ll take part in the conversation – but this time I remember not to react. Bus people are like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if she smiles at me the next time she sees me and considers us old friends.

    At the junction I get off the bus and wait for the next, lighting a cigarette and generally go over what is sure to be a busy day. Before the third drag on the cigarette the bus has arrived and it’s full, most of the seats are taken and none of the open seats are windows. There is one guy in the fourth seat back that is hogging up both seats, but past experience has made it clear the odors that waft from him are not worth sitting next to him even if your feet are about to fall off. So I find a seat next to a young man, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he looks harmless enough.

    Very quickly I discover that he’s far from harmless. Almost as soon as I sat down he started to chat away at me incessantly. Seems his father was a bad man, he tells me four or five times, so I’m sure he must have been bad. He talks with what I assume is African accent that makes it hard to understand the words I’m trying to ignore. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the lives of crazy people, so I can’t help but listen. It’s not too long before he starts to tell me how he shot his father in the leg, doesn’t tell me why he shot him, but does go into graphic details about the amount of blood and screaming that happened after he had pulled the trigger. (At this moment one of the other people on the bus looks up suddenly at him in horror, so part of me thinks she is either not crazy, or upset that someone mentioned blood or guns or screaming on the bus, any of these are possible) Then the really crazy part happens, he asks me if I’ve ever been shot – to which I answer, “No” and a smile as huge as I’ve ever seen spreads across his face while his eyes get a glint of expectation and he gets lost in his own world. Thankfully, that’s my stop. I make a note never to sit by this individual again come hell or high water.

    The work day goes as expected and I’m so overwhelmed with things to do at the office at five o’clock I don’t remember that I had left the iPod at home, so tentatively I head to the bus stop and hope for a quiet commute home.

    When the bus arrives I get in line to board and can see the sane people on the bus – they’re the ones wearing headphone or talking on their cell phones (listen carefully to their conversations and you can tell it’s a ruse – they only do that to avoid the crazy people on the bus). There is an empty seat and I sit by the window thankfully, but as I start to slouch in my seat someone comes to sit next to me, I glance up and a guy smiles at me, naturally I smile back, but still slouch down and get ready for my faux slumbering – of course it’s never quite that easy. He of course wants to talk, and at first it’s just casual conversation so I let my guard down and start to participate – bad mistake. Before I know it he lets me know that he has recently had penis reduction surgery, which is of course not something I hear every day but definitely in the realm of possible conversations you’d hear on a bus any given day of the week. He goes into details about how difficult of a life it had been for him up until the surgery no girls were interested in dating him as soon as they saw his humongous member – apparently it was difficult in physical education classes as well, all the other boys gave him a hard time (no pun intended) for the size of it. He goes into very specific details about not just the length of it, but also how enormously thick it was.

    If that weren’t enough he wants me to know that they can’t just cut it off at the top, they actually have to take a chunk out of the middle and then reattach the two halves for it to work properly again. The doctors explained to him that there was nothing to be done for the thickness of it, he was dismayed at the news but hopeful that he might find someone who’d be able to withstand his big member.

    In spite of myself, I’m fascinated but I’m not sure if what fascinates me is the whole story or the details to which this man has gone to creating such a tale. There are several people around me also listening to him go on and on about his dong, some with smiles others with blushes and some with eyes as big as saucers.

    Inevitably, he has to ask the question: “Do you want to see it” and in all honesty, no I had no desire to see this mans reattached penis – not something I’d ever thought I’d say to myself or another human being. Nor did anyone else, as they all suddenly had other things to look at besides this man and me. Fortunately he didn’t pull it out there on the bus next to me – the bus was crowded enough. I politely say no, and luckily see that my bus stop is just a few more minutes down the road. The man with the monster penis looks disappointed that I’ve not wanted to see it but remains quiet for the rest of my ride. When I pull the cord to stop and ask him to get up I can’t help but glance down at his groin area, where indeed there is a very big mound.

    So while forgetting my iPod can be an adventure, it’s not something I hope to repeat in the future. Maybe I should just carry a set of headphones with me, that way I could pretend to be listening to music but really listening to all the crazy, without having to actually be a participant. I may not be crazy myself, the jury is still out, but I obviously attract crazy. Ride the bus, you’ll see crazy.

     

  • iRead, iWork, iPlay – iPad

    I am just continuously impressed with my iPad and how much it can do with such ease.

    First, I love the size and weight of it. It weighs so little compared to my Macbook, image of iPadbut a little more than my Kindle weighs and fits in the smallest of carry on bags for me to take with to the airport. I’ve bought a nice little bag for it which also is big enough to carry other travel essentials – it has a pocket for my iPod.

    I bought the 64GB iPad, the largest size available, and don’t keep my music on it as that would take all of my memory – I can’t pick and choose which music I might want to hear traveling across the country. Whereas my iPod has over 5000 songs and room for more at present.

    I’ve rented and downloaded a movie and some TV shows that I’ve watched on my iPad while on a plane trip to San Antonio. The sound, the picture quality and the large screen are just wonderful to have with me.

    In addition to being able to read my Kindle books on it, I can also read digital comic books from Marvel, DC and Image (there are other comic companies but I read primarily from these) all of which have an app specifically designed for the iPad. Let me tell you, its beautiful to see the characters on this screen – absolutely love it. The price for some of these comics is a little extreme and hopefully it’ll come down as we progress into the future.

    I have apps for news (Huffington Post, Cnet, ABC News), games (Jumbline2, Slice It and more), work (from Apple’s iWork series I have Pages and Numbers – if Microsoft was smart they’d get an app out for Word and Excel soon), music (Pandora and iTunes) and photos.There are also some that are just cool, Wikihood, Starwalk, Netflix… I could go on and on.

    It’s just an amazing tool that allows me to do all of these things on such a small, light device. I know it might seem like an expensive toy, but it’s really a very effective tool for all aspects of life. I’m glad I spent the cash on mine and suggest you give it a shot yourself.

  • Paragraph

    When I was young my parents moved around a lot (for various reasons, most of them having to do with alcoholism) and as a result I ended up attending several different elementary schools – sometimes we would show up mid-term at these new schools. No one seemed to have the same curriculum so besides having to make new friends and get used to the new surroundings I also had to figure out what the heck it was that I was supposed to have been taught already.

    This became a problem for me when a teacher asked everyone to read a paragraph or two from a story. The two kids before me each read a bit, I have no idea what they read I was busy trying to figure out what the hell a paragraph was. It was my turn and I still didn’t know what one was so I just started reading.

    As I read I went through the information in my mind trying to ascertain if I’d been taught this and forgotten already or if this was an entirely new word and was baffled. All this thinking in my head had me distracted so words that I knew how to pronounce tied my tongue in knots and made me feel more insecure than before. Not only did I not know what a paragraph was, but now all the other kids think I’m a moron. Great way to start a new school. As I still had no clue what a paragraph was I just kept reading and reading and reading – finally I was so embarrassed that I stopped in the middle of a particularly long (what I was to discover later) paragraph.

    There was an eerie silence in the classroom then. I imagine they all wondered if I was going to keep reading, having heard me stumble through several paragraphs poorly they probably hoped not. Eventually the teacher must have nodded to the girl behind me and she picked up where I dropped the ball. I was mortified, I recognized that I screwed up, the silence and awkwardness was too much for me.

    Eventually I did learn what a paragraph was, I don’t think anyone ever set me down to tell me it was just a general observation of other classes. Today when I’m in a meeting and reading out loud I flash back to that morning class and still feel a sense of calamity and chaos spread through me – but at least I know when to stop now.