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In a Spot

I’m in a spot. It’s a dark spot. I’d say it was a santorum but nothing really enjoyable immediately preceded the spot. Right now I can’t seem to care about – well anything.

Yesterday a dear old friend called me from her hospital bed and told me first why she was there and then other troubles going on, but I can’t seem to care about it. I still took steps to spread the word to some of our other friends so she’d get a few calls, but honestly it couldn’t pierce the fog I’ve managed to wade into.

A few other friends have recently gotten engaged or made their relationship “Facebook Official”, and again it doesn’t seem to matter too much to me. These I understand a bit more having only been a month ago dumped.

The boss sent me an email and it took me reading it probably more than five times before I saw that he wasn’t firing me, but was worried about me. I’m in a spot. It’s a deep dark spot and I hate it.

What I hate more than being in a spot is people who complain about being in a spot – so at present I doubly hate myself. I’m going to sit here and whine about this that and the other thing and that really isn’t productive – I hate people like that. But, I’m in a spot, so I’ll probably whine a bit more.

There a probably lots of things to be happy about: a new Avengers: Earths Mightiest Hero’s is likely downloading tonight or tomorrow, I’ve been able to watch Game of Thrones, I have friends that I’ve known for over 20 years that call me when they are in the hospital cause they know I (normally) care, I have friends that I’ve known almost twenty years that tell me I reacting normally, I have friends… yeah, all those things are probably things that should make me happy, but mostly today all I wanted to do was cry and sleep. Sadly, I’m in a spot.

One thought on “In a Spot

  1. I can hear that you are in a spot, my dear friend. I recognize this spot very well for it lives in me permanently. Most of the time it hides itself very well, but then it does come out and want to play once in a while. That’s when I know that I need to get myself back to my therapist and have a few one on ones with her to find the light.
    May this old friend of yours suggest that this perhaps might help. Kaiser has a great mental health section and it is not expensive. You may have to try a few therapists out before you find one that agrees with you. It’s difficult to examine one’s self as you know from AA. Try it. It can’t hurt. We are worried about you.

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