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The Wedding is Off

I’m fighting back the tears this morning and still can’t quite believe that we’re over. I thought he was the one and that we’d spend the rest of our lives together, but now… I just don’t know. I thought he loved me, why would he say he loved me if he didn’t.

It all started with the music the DJ asked us to pick out. I thought for sure I knew he’d be picking lots of songs that I wouldn’t really like but could tolerate. Sure enough there was some Barbra Streisand, Broadway  songs, Baby Got Back – those I could live with and he was able to reasonably explain to me why they mattered to him. But it was the other songs that I just couldn’t imagine having played for our wedding day.

I was first shocked that he wanted this one:

No self-respecting groom wants to hear or see this at his wedding and we’re both grooms. I just couldn’t grasp the two of us out there dancing to this ridiculous song. This is supposed to be a celebration of our love and he was turning it into a farce for YouTube. I have to stop and cry again, I am going to miss him so much. I put my foot down on this song, I said there was no way I wanted it at our wedding reception, but he wouldn’t give in. He threatened to make me watch clichéd movies that gay people love (What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, The Wizard of Oz, Blades of Glory,  From Justin to Kelly, the list goes on and on) once a week until I agreed

I could tell he was mad at me and I was really disappointed in him, our special day reduced to a Chicken Dance. I took a deep breath and said a little prayer asking God to help me through this minor issue, but then the real surprise came.

I was also really not interested in this choice:

Then He showed me the tux he is wearing at the big day. It’s hideous. I thought he had such class and style but then he goes and picks this? I know that he has some 80s parachute pants in his closet that he hopes will come back in style, but I thought the rest of his fashion sense was in a better frame of mind.

I had picked a classic tux with a nice red tie and he decides THIS is what he’s going to wear, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to be ok with this. I realize that this is from the movie Dumb and Dumber, and I know he studies Film, but i just can’t…. I just can’t.

We’re gay and there are certain rules about these kinds of things – if photos of him in this got out they might revoke his gay card and send us back to the closet.

I said no way in hell could he wear that down the aisle I was marrying a handsome smart guy not Wayne Newton. I tried to explain to him that I’d put a lot of time in effort into not being a Bridezilla about the whole thing and that this was one thing I couldn’t get past. He started screaming at me on the phone, spouting how I’d gotten everything I wanted in the wedding and he just wanted this one thing. I screamed back, I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it.

After several minutes on the phone he said that he wouldn’t relent, I begged and pleaded with him, but you know how stubborn he can be. He finally gave me the ultimatum that if he couldn’t wear this tuxedo then he didn’t want to get married at all.

I said “Fine” and he said “Fine” and we hung up.

I’m crying again, are we really this stupid to let fashion end it all? Seriously look at that picture and tell me you could do it. *sob*

Bill, if you’re reading this please come to your senses. These things really don’t matter in the long run, it’s you I love and your fashion sense that I’m having troubles with. Perhaps we can get you some help, there must be a 12 Step program out there for this type of thing, I’ll ask around the Gay AA meetings they know all about these things.

Please Bill, reconsider these choices, we could still live happily ever after, you just might have to wear your odd clothes in the spare bedroom alone, where no one could see you.

Please pray for us, this is a very hard thing to get through. I thought he loved me.

 

OK if you’re tuning in later in the day, yes this was an April Fools posting. Bill and I are still very much in love, and even though he is now threatening to buy a powder blue tuxedo for the wedding, we will be married, as planned in June! Thanks for all the clicks and messages.

3 thoughts on “The Wedding is Off

  1. Pingback: Watching Trainwrecks | The Book of Jamez

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