Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: Wedding

  • Wisconsin, Wedding, Withering Heat

    I flew out to Wisconsin this time for the wedding of very dear friends, Eric and Rosy. Eric and Rosy dated back in high school and like most high school romances it came to an end and they went their separate ways. A few years back they rekindled the love they felt and I was fortunate enough to be the best man for the ceremony. They got hitched in Wisconsin Dells at a little hotel called the White Rose Inn. I had never been to Wisconsin Dells before and was amazed at the traffic, tourists and teething toddlers.

    The Happy Couple

    I stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge, Eric picked it I think, a family friendly resort with it’s own water park – let me say it was more expensive than a very nice hotel in DC would have been; Eric is no longer allowed to pick hotels. I was given an accessible room (there was a wheelchair symbol on the sign outside the door) that wasn’t fully compliant, I notice these things now that I’ve worked for Jim for six years – I’ve sent them an email about the issues I noticed. Eric and Rosy managed to pick one of the hottest days of the year to get married, and I’m amazed we all survived the sweltering heat. It was very sweet and I finally got to meet all of the kids and had a great time.

    On Sunday morning I left the Dells for Galesville, I told my Ma I’d be there about noon so she wouldn’t skip church or her regular Sunday routine, I really don’t want her to go out of her way. Rhonda, Michael and Michelle were at the house when I arrived. Ma returned from lunch and Cory and Danielle came over with Charlie and Patrick and we had pizza. Mostly at Ma’s Ma and I read while Rhonda went to work and Michael worked on demos or what ever. At the suggestion of my best friend Suzanne’s dad, Chip, I started to read The Godfather and couldn’t put it down – after reading it I started to watch the movie but it really is watered down so I don’t know how much I’m going to enjoy it.

    Tuesday night I had dinner with my sister Amy, her daughter Joplin and Amy’s long term boyfriend who’s name escapes me for whatever reason. Afterwards we played Cranium for a while which was fun.

    Wednesday I headed up to the Chippewa Valley. Pat and I went off to see The Amazing Spider-Man which I really liked. Pat, Brenda and I went out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then headed back to my hotel where we all partook of the swimming pool. Did I mention this was the hottest week of the year? Thursday I had lunch with Nicholas at Taco John’s, swam for a while in the hotel pool, napped and finally headed out to the Eau Claire Pacific Group where I was the main speaker – I did ok, nothing to get excited about, just ok. After the meeting I joined the guys for food at Perkin’s before heading back home to bed. Friday I had breakfast with Pat and Brenda. Friday afternoon I met my brother Ryan for dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then we went to see the movie Savages, which was ok.

    Saturday morning after dropping in to say goodbye to the Isenberger’s I drove down to Galesville and used my GPS, which was a huge mistake. The GPS on the way down to the Dells had me leave the interstate to go off on a county road for a few miles only to put me back on the interstate – it also had me drive through the Dells to my hotel which was two exits up and would have been easier to get to had I stayed there… had I remembered all that I might have not even thought of following the GPS. But I did and ended up on several back roads but finally did make it to my Ma’s. Ma and I went to Winona for dinner. Michael was brough back from canoeing and was passed out in his truck until about 1:30 a.m. Sunday morning Ma, Rhonda, Greg, Michael and I went out to breakfast and around noon I headed off to the LaCrosse airport.

    I had a long lay over in Minneapolis, three hours, and then the head flight attendant was pretty grumpy on our plane. She had us turn off our electronic devices 5 – 10 minutes before the door was closed and came on the loudspeaker a few times to insist that we turn off our electronic devices so we could depart on time, meanwhile folks were still coming on board and we were subjected to listening to children crying an obnoxious laughter. Any time she made announcements you could here the frustration in her voice, obviously she’d had a long day and been subjected to annoying passengers, but at the end of the day you still have to treat your customers right. As we were landing there was some turbulence before the initial decent and she had us turn off our electronic devices much sooner than we normally would and then when the pilot announced we were beginning our initial decent she came on to say something about us not following crew member instructions – really if she had been even a bit nicer I’m sure it would have gone better for her.

    Then I arrived home and the kitty was very happy to see me, and she’s interrupted my writing this several times for love… so I’d better go see to her.

  • A Heifer for Heffner #heifer4heffner

    Tomorrow was supposed to be my wedding day. It was something I was really looking forward to, an event that brought me happy tears just planning it with someone I thought loved me. We had picked gorgeous flowers, a novelty cake, a quaint church with stunning views of San Francisco’s Bay Bridge (if the fog would have allowed), sappy music, dancing, delectable food… yep, we were going to go all out and celebrate our love for one another with our closest friends and family. But two months before the wedding he dumped me with no explanation and no goodbye.

    Cold Hearted – Written by Zac Brown and Nic Cowan

    Fell to my knees with a knife in my back,
    Never thought you’d be the kind to do something like that,
    But you did
    Cold hearted

    You talked so sweet, and your smell it made me weak,
    And I fell so fast that I never thought to ask
    If you were
    Cold hearted

    While planning the wedding we had some debate about a gift registry and I wanted donations sent to Heifer International, a great non-profit that provides animals and training of how to raise those animals to needy communities in all parts of the world. It’s pretty smart idea “teach a man to fish” and all that… The former betrothed was adamantly opposed to this idea as a vegetarian (er, sorry pescatarian – someone who eats some animals [fish] ) as these needy people would just wait for the volunteers to leave and then butcher the animal for food. I tried to reason with him and show him the documented evidence on the website, but he was stubborn and adamant about it. One of many reasons people think I probably dodged a bullet by not marrying him.

    An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
    I want someone to hurt you, make you die the way I do
    I don’t think that I could be so
    Cold hearted

    Pretty little words covered your dark and crooked heart
    With a forked tongue I fell in love,
    Then I fell apart
    You are so
    Cold hearted

    Since he called off the wedding and I still have a resentment festering inside (yes, I am indeed poking it with a stick several times a day). I’ve decided to buy a Heifer through Heifer International to benefit some needy community. I urge you to also, it’s a great opportunity to help end world hunger. If you want to take the special time to honor my not getting married check out Heifer’s website and maybe make a contribution to them. I know times are tough right now in the US, but it’s a lot harder to live in some countries and we can help.

    Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
    I want someone to hurt you, make you die the way I do
    I don’t think that I could be so
    Cold hearted

    Tomorrow night I’ll be dining with some friends at Fogo De Chao,  a Brazilian steakhouse – the more meat the merrier, they just keep bringing meat until you’re satisfied. A bunch of friends are joining me for dinner and friends all over the country will be joining me in spirit going out of their way to chow down on some meat! Love me some beef!

    An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
    Want someone to hurt you, make you die the way I do

    I don’t think that I could be so
    Cold hearted 

    What could be better than a cow for some needy community – besides the fact that I don’t actually have to spend any time in San Francisco or San Antonio ever again if I don’t want to. Life goes on, better fish in the sea and all that…

    So today, please help me spread the word about Heifer International, stop and have a burger or a steak, shop for some leather, or pull a Palin and shoot something from a helicopter. Do it for Hefner, do it for the Heifer… My heart will appreciate it. Moooooo

    And if you’re going to chow down on meat tomorrow please use #Heifer4Heffner on your Twitter feed.

    And buy this song from the Zac Brown Band: Cold Hearted

  • End Of the Engagement Woes

    Even planning to get married is expensive, I’ve put down $1,600 in non-refundable deposits since October. He fronted deposits for other things as well, but I don’t recall the amount right now.

    For the reception I booked the San Francisco Marriott Fisherman’s Wharf, I put down a non-refundable deposit of $900. That guaranteed me rooms for 50 nights (10 rooms on Thursday, 20 rooms on Friday and Saturday) at a special rate ($160 a night) and the ballroom. I thought that was a pretty good deal…. until I tried to cancel the reception.

    That bill is $12,989.44. I seriously said WTF when I saw it. So first I emailed and asked for explanations and was told: The contract I signed says that if we cancel for any reason I’m responsible for paying for any revenue they wouldn’t get for the rooms and the ballroom. So reviewing the contract with my boss, it does kind of look like I should have read it better than I did. So we drafted a letter that basically said:

    This letter is being provided in accordance with Section Five: Cancellation/Modification and Section 7.5 Dispute Resolution.

    Due to unexpected and unfortunate circumstances, it was necessary to totally cancel this event. Accordingly, notice was formally given to the hotel on April 21, 2011.

    Considering that notice was given more than 60 days prior to the scheduled June 25, 2011 event and prior to the May 27, 2011 cut-off date for room reservations, I request that we mutually agree to cancel our contract without penalty.

    In addition, I request that you refund my $900 deposit as, in accordance with 4.1 Deposit, it was provided solely for the purpose of securing the room block which has been released back to the hotel more than 60 days prior to the event.

    I thank you for the opportunity to have scheduled this event and am both sad and disheartened that it will not occur as had been anticipated.

    I should note here that on April 22, the hotel started to phone the guests who had booked rooms to let them know the event had been cancelled and if they still wanted their room they would have a new rate of $239 a night. Some of these guest hadn’t heard yet that the wedding was off so I received frantic phone calls asking what was up.

    The hotels sales manager contacted me back and said: awww, that’s too bad. When are you going to pay us our $12,989:

    I am very disappointed to hear that you will no longer be having your event beginning on June 23, 2011, with us at the San Francisco Marriott Fisherman’s Wharf.

    As I am xxxxxx xxxxx direct supervisor, I asked her to forward all questions regarding your contractual obligations to me so that I may answer you directly.

    Per the points that you address in your letter to us – please note the following:

    1.) We did receive formal notice of your intent to cancel your event on April 21, 2011. In your letter, you imply that this date is relevant to your cancellation obligations. The date of cancellation, however, has no bearing in section 5.1, which outlines your cancellation fees.

    2.) Your cancellation obligations are outlined in your contract dated October 20, 2010, in section 5.1, entitled “Group’s Cancellation”. Pursuant to this paragraph, “100% of all estimated revenues” are owed to the hotel at time of cancellation. Additionally, the definition of “estimated revenues” is listed in this paragraph. I believe that xxxx has sent you an invoice outlining all liquidated damage fees, totaling $13,889.44.

    3.) We have applied your $900 deposit to the above total, making your current outstanding amount owed at $12,989.44. I see that in your letter you request that we refund this $900 deposit to you. As xxxx mentions below, pursuant to section 4.1 of your contract, deposits are “non-refundable”.

    4.) As you mention in your letter, the cutoff date for your attendees to obtain your discounted Group Rate was indeed May 27, 2011. This date, however, has absolutely no relevance to your cancellation fees. All cancellation obligations are outlined in section 5.1.

    5.) You reference section 7.5, Dispute Resolution in your letter. We too always prefer to have contractual questions first addressed through informal means, versus immediately pursuing legal opportunities. So I appreciate the opportunity to address your questions and clarify your contractual obligations.

    Please let me know if there is any further clarification you require as well as your estimated timeline of payment.

    So I asked her if she didn’t think she could resell the rooms, to which I was told

    We have had this space blocked off for your event since October of 2010.
    Thus, we have turned away multiple opportunities from groups looking to
    contract both the guestrooms and function space.  Now that we are only
    two months away from your originally scheduled date, however, we do not
    anticipate being able to resell this space at this time.

    So, first I said, “it’s Gay Pride weekend in San Francisco, I think you’ll be able to sell the rooms” then I said: “Could I resell them on Craigslist? I know I could sell them”. Apparently not:

    It is a violation of our contract with Marriott International to allow
    anyone other than an approved Wholesaler, with a registered Wholesaler
    license and tax-exempt status, to “re-sell” guest rooms.

    So now I’m not sure what to do, I’d rather not think about the wedding at all, but these folks want $13,000 for rooms and space I can no longer want to use and am sure will be resold at a higher rate. I’m running out of options here and am looking for advice on what to do. One person told me to file bankruptcy, but I’m really not a fan of doing that. I just really don’t think I should have to pay for something that 1. I’m not going to use, 2. will be resold at a higher rate, and 3. reminds me that I was going to get married.

    *sigh*

  • Watching Trainwrecks

    The most looked at posts in my blogs history were “No Relationships for the first year...” (176 total views) and a close second was “the Wedding is Off” (145 views) April fools day post. No other posts come close to those counts, everything else is under 80. You’re a bunch of sick bastards! 😛  It reminded me of one of the Matrix movies when the machines said they had tried to give humans a utopia to live in – but it kept failing. That’s cause we need conflict and drama and it probably explains why there is so much crap TV, we like garbage and suffering.

    Here I should post that it’s nice that so many of you care and have called, emailed, texted and Facebooked me your concerns over the past few days. um, thanks

    I’m trying to look on the bright side of things, here’s a list:

    1. I can now buy that new iMac
    2. I can now buy that new iPad 2
    3. I get to keep my job, and let me tell you I have a great job
    4. I get to keep my apartment and roommate (which pleases Mouse too)
    5. I don’t have to visit San Francisco – ever again if I’m lucky
    6. Dancing with the Stars will never be on the TiVo
    7. 100% less Barbra Streisand music played in the house
    8. no more worrying about where I can eat with a vegetarian

    That’ll have to do for now, I’m sure I’ll think of more good that came out of this… later.

  • No Relationships for the First Year… or 16 years

    I will be the first person to point out to you that the “stay out of relationships for the first year” rule in the fellowship is NOT in the book. I’d also be one to argue that it’s none of anyone’s business what you do or don’t do outside of the suggestions in the book. Of course that was before I had any real romantic relationships – and it’s so much easier to balk at rules when you have no real experience. The reason for the rule is based on experience, the people who came before us discovered this the hard way and have tried to save you from experiencing the same pain and regret that they went through.

    Speaking for myself a relationship at year 16 had me very much focused on him and the relationship instead of the usual things (praying, AA, friends, family) and I guess that’s partially ok, but there needs to be some balance in there. Some of my normal routine things; Wednesday night calls to Pat, Suzanne’s AA birthday, praying – just slipped by and though I regretted those instances it helped me to understand the unwritten rule about relationships.

    So when it all started to unravel I guess I wasn’t really prepared and my spiritual footing is not very firm at the moment. Today, after some tears and old tapes playing in my head I actually had a desire to drink. I would like nothing more than to drown the feelings that have taken up residence. That’s honesty for you.

    I did go inside myself and turn that switch off. No tears now, no obsessing, no regretting. We’ve made our choice and one of us is probably happier that way and both of us are probably better off. Very unhealthy way to deal with your feelings, and I really don’t recommend it, but I know that I can survive without that switch on.

    I could take this time to get into what happened in detail and go over ever word six different ways, but I’m a little to close to it to be objectionable about it and he’s never been happy that I would talk about him on my blog.

    I’ve been in touch with my support network, a lot of people are worried about me, I’m not really interested in talking right now (or texting, or emailing or anything like that). But I have the tools available to get through this and I will.

    A lot of people have already purchased airline tickets and reserved rooms. The rooms can be cancelled, usually without cost and the airline tickets will likely be good for one year after the cancellation date – depending on how bad the airlines are screwing people over this week.

    My apologies to those of you that were looking forward to the wedding and were happy that I was not my malcontent self. What’s that saying? Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all… yep, it was certainly worth it.

  • Invitation to the Royal Wedding

    By now some of you have received your beautifully designed invitation to the Royal Wedding. Some of you have responded via the self addressed stamped envelope and that is very appreciated. You have no idea how much coordination goes into planning this kind of a shin dig and RSVPing with the provided materials is so very helpful. Sure phone calls, emails and telling the couple in person is a nice touch, but they went to the trouble of putting a stamp on the envelope, not only to help fund the Post Office, but to make each attendee counted on all the official forms. At the very least you should send it via mail and be counted like most of the other common folk. Bill and I are working diligently on the wedding details and head counts are very important in this phase of the planning…

    What’s that? There is another Royal Wedding? I hadn’t heard – I’ve been so wrapped up in contacting you to get you to actually mail the RSVP that I haven’t had time to notice other Queens getting hitched.

    What’s that? oh, those Royals… well sorry for any confusion.

    Sure our attendees wont be heads of state or celebrity soccer stars, but it will be during Gay Pride week in San Francisco and really doesn’t that sound a whole lot more fun than a bunch of photo hogs … well I guess SF Pride has those too… My point being everyone who’s anyone will be in San Francisco for my special day. At least I hope so, it’d be nice if they actually RSVP’d. Why is this such a big deal for you folks? The card  saying yes or no is there, the envelope (which is stamped and addressed) is included – how hard can it be to seal this thing and drop it in the mail? The Post Office needs work folks, help them out here.

    Some people, who shall remain nameless, begged and pleaded for an invitation to the wedding and then promptly declined. Like I knew you would Julie Zielger!  Oh… sorry about that, I forgot. She still managed to drop the card in the mail and if SHE can do it, really anyone can do it.

    If you haven’t received and invitation at this point chances are you probably aren’t going to get one. I’m sorry but there is only so much room and only so much food I’m willing to purchase. I’d be grateful since you don’t have to fly all the way to San Francisco.

    One of the most often asked questions is “Can you legally get married in California now?” and well, the answer is no. There was a time in California when same-sex couples could marry, but people who think the Church should be able to decide what’s legal have put a stop to freedom of love – temporarily. Bill and I will have to fly to Washington, DC after the ceremony in San Francisco to be legally wed in our nation’s capital… that is unless that is the next thing on the Tea Party’s chopping block. Well, I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to pull it off without a hitch… so to speak.

    For those of you that weren’t invited, once again so sorry to hear that you wont get to come, I’m hoping to get a webcast of the actual ceremony and I’ll be posting that information when it’s available… see, you don’t have to dress up, don’t have to fly all the way across the country and you can watch from the comfort of your own home.. unless something entertaining is on.

  • The Wedding is Off

    I’m fighting back the tears this morning and still can’t quite believe that we’re over. I thought he was the one and that we’d spend the rest of our lives together, but now… I just don’t know. I thought he loved me, why would he say he loved me if he didn’t.

    It all started with the music the DJ asked us to pick out. I thought for sure I knew he’d be picking lots of songs that I wouldn’t really like but could tolerate. Sure enough there was some Barbra Streisand, Broadway  songs, Baby Got Back – those I could live with and he was able to reasonably explain to me why they mattered to him. But it was the other songs that I just couldn’t imagine having played for our wedding day.

    I was first shocked that he wanted this one:

    No self-respecting groom wants to hear or see this at his wedding and we’re both grooms. I just couldn’t grasp the two of us out there dancing to this ridiculous song. This is supposed to be a celebration of our love and he was turning it into a farce for YouTube. I have to stop and cry again, I am going to miss him so much. I put my foot down on this song, I said there was no way I wanted it at our wedding reception, but he wouldn’t give in. He threatened to make me watch clichéd movies that gay people love (What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, The Wizard of Oz, Blades of Glory,  From Justin to Kelly, the list goes on and on) once a week until I agreed

    I could tell he was mad at me and I was really disappointed in him, our special day reduced to a Chicken Dance. I took a deep breath and said a little prayer asking God to help me through this minor issue, but then the real surprise came.

    I was also really not interested in this choice:

    Then He showed me the tux he is wearing at the big day. It’s hideous. I thought he had such class and style but then he goes and picks this? I know that he has some 80s parachute pants in his closet that he hopes will come back in style, but I thought the rest of his fashion sense was in a better frame of mind.

    I had picked a classic tux with a nice red tie and he decides THIS is what he’s going to wear, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to be ok with this. I realize that this is from the movie Dumb and Dumber, and I know he studies Film, but i just can’t…. I just can’t.

    We’re gay and there are certain rules about these kinds of things – if photos of him in this got out they might revoke his gay card and send us back to the closet.

    I said no way in hell could he wear that down the aisle I was marrying a handsome smart guy not Wayne Newton. I tried to explain to him that I’d put a lot of time in effort into not being a Bridezilla about the whole thing and that this was one thing I couldn’t get past. He started screaming at me on the phone, spouting how I’d gotten everything I wanted in the wedding and he just wanted this one thing. I screamed back, I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it.

    After several minutes on the phone he said that he wouldn’t relent, I begged and pleaded with him, but you know how stubborn he can be. He finally gave me the ultimatum that if he couldn’t wear this tuxedo then he didn’t want to get married at all.

    I said “Fine” and he said “Fine” and we hung up.

    I’m crying again, are we really this stupid to let fashion end it all? Seriously look at that picture and tell me you could do it. *sob*

    Bill, if you’re reading this please come to your senses. These things really don’t matter in the long run, it’s you I love and your fashion sense that I’m having troubles with. Perhaps we can get you some help, there must be a 12 Step program out there for this type of thing, I’ll ask around the Gay AA meetings they know all about these things.

    Please Bill, reconsider these choices, we could still live happily ever after, you just might have to wear your odd clothes in the spare bedroom alone, where no one could see you.

    Please pray for us, this is a very hard thing to get through. I thought he loved me.

     

    OK if you’re tuning in later in the day, yes this was an April Fools posting. Bill and I are still very much in love, and even though he is now threatening to buy a powder blue tuxedo for the wedding, we will be married, as planned in June! Thanks for all the clicks and messages.

  • Timelines, Tuxedos, and Travel

    This morning I have an appointment with Jody at Macy’s by Appointment to find the right tuxedo for me. Jody’s helped me in the past pick out some great clothes and he’s a really friendly guy too. I have no idea how long this will take or what I’ll like or dislike. I’ve thought about wearing a white tuxedo, but the last time I wore one my life changed for ever… which it will again, but I’m looking for more of a smooth transition. Since the wedding invitation had top hats, I am seriously considering a top hat – it wouldn’t surprise me at all if Bill showed up in a cowboy hat. I wanted to get matching tuxedo’s but Bill didn’t think that was relevant so he’ll do his thing and I’ll do mine *sigh*. At least I know he usually has good taste.

    Thursday morning I’m heading back to San Antonio  for an extended weekend. Bill and I will be going over the DJ questionnaire among other fun things. It’s been about a month since I’ve seen Bill and it’s hard to be so far away, thankfully our next visit happens mid-April when Bill heads to DC for a week of touristy goodness. He wants me to show him DC as I know it, but seriously all I know about DC is how to avoid tourists… and he’s coming as a tourist so that’ll be hard 😉

    I can’t really believe that we are a little over three months away from the wedding day – where the hell did the time go? Everything seems to be happening at once now and more and more of it. Flowers (A Simple Ceremony), DJs (Love in the Mix), Menu’s, Photographers (LostRacco), Hotel Rooms (Marriott San Francisco Fisherman’s Wharf), Wedding Cakes (CakeWork)… there is a lot going on. I’ll be asking a friend later today if they’d be interested in being the point person during the big two days. If something goes wrong I want someone else to be able to make decisions for us as we’ll be rather obsessed about ourselves those days I think.

    I’m also thinking that I need a really good bachelor party and considering that I’m getting married in San Francisco during gay pride weekend there should be lots of fun things for a sober guy who’s going to get married the next day to do. I think I’m supposed to let Suzanne (my best woman) plan all that, I’ll have to check the rule book, but hopefully we’ll get to see lots of hairy bear (bare) chested men and dance and stuff… who knows. Bill thinks he’s too old to have a bachelor party the night before the wedding, he’s an earth person and can drink. The wedding’s not until 2 I think he could pull off a nice night on the town with his friends – oh well, his choice I guess.

    I’m excited and nervous about all that still has to be done… I’ll have to pray about all that.

  • Attack of the Bridezilla!

    So there is some debate about who’s the bigger Bridezilla, while I’m certain I’m not a Bridezilla at all, Bill seems to think that I am. So I’m interested in your opinion based on the information provided below:

    • Wants a church wedding: Bill
    • Wants to elope: Jamez (is in love, yes, but needs less pomp and circumstance)
    • Wants flowers for all the family and sponsors – Jamez
    • Wants a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner: Bill (it’s a small ceremony, but someone has lots of big ideas for it)
    • Wants a reception: Jamez (I figure if all those people are coming – we have to feed em)
    • Wants a dj for the reception: Jamez (if we’re going to feed all those people, we need to provide a way to burn off the calories)
    • Wants a photographer: Bill (I figure all our friends will take pictures why pay someone to do what our friends are already doing?)
    • Wants a red-velvet cake with cream cheese frosting: Bill (I don’t like cake)
    • Thinks we need to designate one of our friends or family as the “coordinator”: Jamez

    Thanks for participating in this very unscientific poll, this will help someone get over their denial.