Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: gay marriage

  • Angry Gay Rant of the Day

    I happen to be gay.

    I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. I didn’t wake up one day and decide “hey let’s be ostracized and hated for the people we love” – I just have always been this way. I happen to like the way I am. Most people know I’m gay, I don’t hide the fact that I like men. I am not overly flamboyant or girlie nor do I wear lots of rainbows, dresses or sparkly clothing – neither do the men I like.

    I am not the stereotypical gay male – most of us aren’t the characters you’ve come to know and love on TV or in movies – we’re just ordinary people who happen to love other ordinary people. Some of us ARE more fabulous than others but the same could be said about straights as well. We are all unique and we all have a right to love whom we want – gay or straight, male or female, binary or non-binary… love is love. (more…)

  • A Heifer for Heffner #heifer4heffner

    Tomorrow was supposed to be my wedding day. It was something I was really looking forward to, an event that brought me happy tears just planning it with someone I thought loved me. We had picked gorgeous flowers, a novelty cake, a quaint church with stunning views of San Francisco’s Bay Bridge (if the fog would have allowed), sappy music, dancing, delectable food… yep, we were going to go all out and celebrate our love for one another with our closest friends and family. But two months before the wedding he dumped me with no explanation and no goodbye.

    Cold Hearted – Written by Zac Brown and Nic Cowan

    Fell to my knees with a knife in my back,
    Never thought you’d be the kind to do something like that,
    But you did
    Cold hearted

    You talked so sweet, and your smell it made me weak,
    And I fell so fast that I never thought to ask
    If you were
    Cold hearted

    While planning the wedding we had some debate about a gift registry and I wanted donations sent to Heifer International, a great non-profit that provides animals and training of how to raise those animals to needy communities in all parts of the world. It’s pretty smart idea “teach a man to fish” and all that… The former betrothed was adamantly opposed to this idea as a vegetarian (er, sorry pescatarian – someone who eats some animals [fish] ) as these needy people would just wait for the volunteers to leave and then butcher the animal for food. I tried to reason with him and show him the documented evidence on the website, but he was stubborn and adamant about it. One of many reasons people think I probably dodged a bullet by not marrying him.

    An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
    I want someone to hurt you, make you die the way I do
    I don’t think that I could be so
    Cold hearted

    Pretty little words covered your dark and crooked heart
    With a forked tongue I fell in love,
    Then I fell apart
    You are so
    Cold hearted

    Since he called off the wedding and I still have a resentment festering inside (yes, I am indeed poking it with a stick several times a day). I’ve decided to buy a Heifer through Heifer International to benefit some needy community. I urge you to also, it’s a great opportunity to help end world hunger. If you want to take the special time to honor my not getting married check out Heifer’s website and maybe make a contribution to them. I know times are tough right now in the US, but it’s a lot harder to live in some countries and we can help.

    Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
    I want someone to hurt you, make you die the way I do
    I don’t think that I could be so
    Cold hearted

    Tomorrow night I’ll be dining with some friends at Fogo De Chao,  a Brazilian steakhouse – the more meat the merrier, they just keep bringing meat until you’re satisfied. A bunch of friends are joining me for dinner and friends all over the country will be joining me in spirit going out of their way to chow down on some meat! Love me some beef!

    An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
    Want someone to hurt you, make you die the way I do

    I don’t think that I could be so
    Cold hearted 

    What could be better than a cow for some needy community – besides the fact that I don’t actually have to spend any time in San Francisco or San Antonio ever again if I don’t want to. Life goes on, better fish in the sea and all that…

    So today, please help me spread the word about Heifer International, stop and have a burger or a steak, shop for some leather, or pull a Palin and shoot something from a helicopter. Do it for Hefner, do it for the Heifer… My heart will appreciate it. Moooooo

    And if you’re going to chow down on meat tomorrow please use #Heifer4Heffner on your Twitter feed.

    And buy this song from the Zac Brown Band: Cold Hearted

  • End Of the Engagement Woes

    Even planning to get married is expensive, I’ve put down $1,600 in non-refundable deposits since October. He fronted deposits for other things as well, but I don’t recall the amount right now.

    For the reception I booked the San Francisco Marriott Fisherman’s Wharf, I put down a non-refundable deposit of $900. That guaranteed me rooms for 50 nights (10 rooms on Thursday, 20 rooms on Friday and Saturday) at a special rate ($160 a night) and the ballroom. I thought that was a pretty good deal…. until I tried to cancel the reception.

    That bill is $12,989.44. I seriously said WTF when I saw it. So first I emailed and asked for explanations and was told: The contract I signed says that if we cancel for any reason I’m responsible for paying for any revenue they wouldn’t get for the rooms and the ballroom. So reviewing the contract with my boss, it does kind of look like I should have read it better than I did. So we drafted a letter that basically said:

    This letter is being provided in accordance with Section Five: Cancellation/Modification and Section 7.5 Dispute Resolution.

    Due to unexpected and unfortunate circumstances, it was necessary to totally cancel this event. Accordingly, notice was formally given to the hotel on April 21, 2011.

    Considering that notice was given more than 60 days prior to the scheduled June 25, 2011 event and prior to the May 27, 2011 cut-off date for room reservations, I request that we mutually agree to cancel our contract without penalty.

    In addition, I request that you refund my $900 deposit as, in accordance with 4.1 Deposit, it was provided solely for the purpose of securing the room block which has been released back to the hotel more than 60 days prior to the event.

    I thank you for the opportunity to have scheduled this event and am both sad and disheartened that it will not occur as had been anticipated.

    I should note here that on April 22, the hotel started to phone the guests who had booked rooms to let them know the event had been cancelled and if they still wanted their room they would have a new rate of $239 a night. Some of these guest hadn’t heard yet that the wedding was off so I received frantic phone calls asking what was up.

    The hotels sales manager contacted me back and said: awww, that’s too bad. When are you going to pay us our $12,989:

    I am very disappointed to hear that you will no longer be having your event beginning on June 23, 2011, with us at the San Francisco Marriott Fisherman’s Wharf.

    As I am xxxxxx xxxxx direct supervisor, I asked her to forward all questions regarding your contractual obligations to me so that I may answer you directly.

    Per the points that you address in your letter to us – please note the following:

    1.) We did receive formal notice of your intent to cancel your event on April 21, 2011. In your letter, you imply that this date is relevant to your cancellation obligations. The date of cancellation, however, has no bearing in section 5.1, which outlines your cancellation fees.

    2.) Your cancellation obligations are outlined in your contract dated October 20, 2010, in section 5.1, entitled “Group’s Cancellation”. Pursuant to this paragraph, “100% of all estimated revenues” are owed to the hotel at time of cancellation. Additionally, the definition of “estimated revenues” is listed in this paragraph. I believe that xxxx has sent you an invoice outlining all liquidated damage fees, totaling $13,889.44.

    3.) We have applied your $900 deposit to the above total, making your current outstanding amount owed at $12,989.44. I see that in your letter you request that we refund this $900 deposit to you. As xxxx mentions below, pursuant to section 4.1 of your contract, deposits are “non-refundable”.

    4.) As you mention in your letter, the cutoff date for your attendees to obtain your discounted Group Rate was indeed May 27, 2011. This date, however, has absolutely no relevance to your cancellation fees. All cancellation obligations are outlined in section 5.1.

    5.) You reference section 7.5, Dispute Resolution in your letter. We too always prefer to have contractual questions first addressed through informal means, versus immediately pursuing legal opportunities. So I appreciate the opportunity to address your questions and clarify your contractual obligations.

    Please let me know if there is any further clarification you require as well as your estimated timeline of payment.

    So I asked her if she didn’t think she could resell the rooms, to which I was told

    We have had this space blocked off for your event since October of 2010.
    Thus, we have turned away multiple opportunities from groups looking to
    contract both the guestrooms and function space.  Now that we are only
    two months away from your originally scheduled date, however, we do not
    anticipate being able to resell this space at this time.

    So, first I said, “it’s Gay Pride weekend in San Francisco, I think you’ll be able to sell the rooms” then I said: “Could I resell them on Craigslist? I know I could sell them”. Apparently not:

    It is a violation of our contract with Marriott International to allow
    anyone other than an approved Wholesaler, with a registered Wholesaler
    license and tax-exempt status, to “re-sell” guest rooms.

    So now I’m not sure what to do, I’d rather not think about the wedding at all, but these folks want $13,000 for rooms and space I can no longer want to use and am sure will be resold at a higher rate. I’m running out of options here and am looking for advice on what to do. One person told me to file bankruptcy, but I’m really not a fan of doing that. I just really don’t think I should have to pay for something that 1. I’m not going to use, 2. will be resold at a higher rate, and 3. reminds me that I was going to get married.

    *sigh*

  • Invitation to the Royal Wedding

    By now some of you have received your beautifully designed invitation to the Royal Wedding. Some of you have responded via the self addressed stamped envelope and that is very appreciated. You have no idea how much coordination goes into planning this kind of a shin dig and RSVPing with the provided materials is so very helpful. Sure phone calls, emails and telling the couple in person is a nice touch, but they went to the trouble of putting a stamp on the envelope, not only to help fund the Post Office, but to make each attendee counted on all the official forms. At the very least you should send it via mail and be counted like most of the other common folk. Bill and I are working diligently on the wedding details and head counts are very important in this phase of the planning…

    What’s that? There is another Royal Wedding? I hadn’t heard – I’ve been so wrapped up in contacting you to get you to actually mail the RSVP that I haven’t had time to notice other Queens getting hitched.

    What’s that? oh, those Royals… well sorry for any confusion.

    Sure our attendees wont be heads of state or celebrity soccer stars, but it will be during Gay Pride week in San Francisco and really doesn’t that sound a whole lot more fun than a bunch of photo hogs … well I guess SF Pride has those too… My point being everyone who’s anyone will be in San Francisco for my special day. At least I hope so, it’d be nice if they actually RSVP’d. Why is this such a big deal for you folks? The card  saying yes or no is there, the envelope (which is stamped and addressed) is included – how hard can it be to seal this thing and drop it in the mail? The Post Office needs work folks, help them out here.

    Some people, who shall remain nameless, begged and pleaded for an invitation to the wedding and then promptly declined. Like I knew you would Julie Zielger!  Oh… sorry about that, I forgot. She still managed to drop the card in the mail and if SHE can do it, really anyone can do it.

    If you haven’t received and invitation at this point chances are you probably aren’t going to get one. I’m sorry but there is only so much room and only so much food I’m willing to purchase. I’d be grateful since you don’t have to fly all the way to San Francisco.

    One of the most often asked questions is “Can you legally get married in California now?” and well, the answer is no. There was a time in California when same-sex couples could marry, but people who think the Church should be able to decide what’s legal have put a stop to freedom of love – temporarily. Bill and I will have to fly to Washington, DC after the ceremony in San Francisco to be legally wed in our nation’s capital… that is unless that is the next thing on the Tea Party’s chopping block. Well, I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to pull it off without a hitch… so to speak.

    For those of you that weren’t invited, once again so sorry to hear that you wont get to come, I’m hoping to get a webcast of the actual ceremony and I’ll be posting that information when it’s available… see, you don’t have to dress up, don’t have to fly all the way across the country and you can watch from the comfort of your own home.. unless something entertaining is on.

  • The Wedding is Off

    I’m fighting back the tears this morning and still can’t quite believe that we’re over. I thought he was the one and that we’d spend the rest of our lives together, but now… I just don’t know. I thought he loved me, why would he say he loved me if he didn’t.

    It all started with the music the DJ asked us to pick out. I thought for sure I knew he’d be picking lots of songs that I wouldn’t really like but could tolerate. Sure enough there was some Barbra Streisand, Broadway  songs, Baby Got Back – those I could live with and he was able to reasonably explain to me why they mattered to him. But it was the other songs that I just couldn’t imagine having played for our wedding day.

    I was first shocked that he wanted this one:

    No self-respecting groom wants to hear or see this at his wedding and we’re both grooms. I just couldn’t grasp the two of us out there dancing to this ridiculous song. This is supposed to be a celebration of our love and he was turning it into a farce for YouTube. I have to stop and cry again, I am going to miss him so much. I put my foot down on this song, I said there was no way I wanted it at our wedding reception, but he wouldn’t give in. He threatened to make me watch clichéd movies that gay people love (What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, The Wizard of Oz, Blades of Glory,  From Justin to Kelly, the list goes on and on) once a week until I agreed

    I could tell he was mad at me and I was really disappointed in him, our special day reduced to a Chicken Dance. I took a deep breath and said a little prayer asking God to help me through this minor issue, but then the real surprise came.

    I was also really not interested in this choice:

    Then He showed me the tux he is wearing at the big day. It’s hideous. I thought he had such class and style but then he goes and picks this? I know that he has some 80s parachute pants in his closet that he hopes will come back in style, but I thought the rest of his fashion sense was in a better frame of mind.

    I had picked a classic tux with a nice red tie and he decides THIS is what he’s going to wear, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to be ok with this. I realize that this is from the movie Dumb and Dumber, and I know he studies Film, but i just can’t…. I just can’t.

    We’re gay and there are certain rules about these kinds of things – if photos of him in this got out they might revoke his gay card and send us back to the closet.

    I said no way in hell could he wear that down the aisle I was marrying a handsome smart guy not Wayne Newton. I tried to explain to him that I’d put a lot of time in effort into not being a Bridezilla about the whole thing and that this was one thing I couldn’t get past. He started screaming at me on the phone, spouting how I’d gotten everything I wanted in the wedding and he just wanted this one thing. I screamed back, I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it.

    After several minutes on the phone he said that he wouldn’t relent, I begged and pleaded with him, but you know how stubborn he can be. He finally gave me the ultimatum that if he couldn’t wear this tuxedo then he didn’t want to get married at all.

    I said “Fine” and he said “Fine” and we hung up.

    I’m crying again, are we really this stupid to let fashion end it all? Seriously look at that picture and tell me you could do it. *sob*

    Bill, if you’re reading this please come to your senses. These things really don’t matter in the long run, it’s you I love and your fashion sense that I’m having troubles with. Perhaps we can get you some help, there must be a 12 Step program out there for this type of thing, I’ll ask around the Gay AA meetings they know all about these things.

    Please Bill, reconsider these choices, we could still live happily ever after, you just might have to wear your odd clothes in the spare bedroom alone, where no one could see you.

    Please pray for us, this is a very hard thing to get through. I thought he loved me.

     

    OK if you’re tuning in later in the day, yes this was an April Fools posting. Bill and I are still very much in love, and even though he is now threatening to buy a powder blue tuxedo for the wedding, we will be married, as planned in June! Thanks for all the clicks and messages.

  • Timelines, Tuxedos, and Travel

    This morning I have an appointment with Jody at Macy’s by Appointment to find the right tuxedo for me. Jody’s helped me in the past pick out some great clothes and he’s a really friendly guy too. I have no idea how long this will take or what I’ll like or dislike. I’ve thought about wearing a white tuxedo, but the last time I wore one my life changed for ever… which it will again, but I’m looking for more of a smooth transition. Since the wedding invitation had top hats, I am seriously considering a top hat – it wouldn’t surprise me at all if Bill showed up in a cowboy hat. I wanted to get matching tuxedo’s but Bill didn’t think that was relevant so he’ll do his thing and I’ll do mine *sigh*. At least I know he usually has good taste.

    Thursday morning I’m heading back to San Antonio  for an extended weekend. Bill and I will be going over the DJ questionnaire among other fun things. It’s been about a month since I’ve seen Bill and it’s hard to be so far away, thankfully our next visit happens mid-April when Bill heads to DC for a week of touristy goodness. He wants me to show him DC as I know it, but seriously all I know about DC is how to avoid tourists… and he’s coming as a tourist so that’ll be hard 😉

    I can’t really believe that we are a little over three months away from the wedding day – where the hell did the time go? Everything seems to be happening at once now and more and more of it. Flowers (A Simple Ceremony), DJs (Love in the Mix), Menu’s, Photographers (LostRacco), Hotel Rooms (Marriott San Francisco Fisherman’s Wharf), Wedding Cakes (CakeWork)… there is a lot going on. I’ll be asking a friend later today if they’d be interested in being the point person during the big two days. If something goes wrong I want someone else to be able to make decisions for us as we’ll be rather obsessed about ourselves those days I think.

    I’m also thinking that I need a really good bachelor party and considering that I’m getting married in San Francisco during gay pride weekend there should be lots of fun things for a sober guy who’s going to get married the next day to do. I think I’m supposed to let Suzanne (my best woman) plan all that, I’ll have to check the rule book, but hopefully we’ll get to see lots of hairy bear (bare) chested men and dance and stuff… who knows. Bill thinks he’s too old to have a bachelor party the night before the wedding, he’s an earth person and can drink. The wedding’s not until 2 I think he could pull off a nice night on the town with his friends – oh well, his choice I guess.

    I’m excited and nervous about all that still has to be done… I’ll have to pray about all that.

  • Weekend At the Opera

    As you may know, I left for San Antonio early due to an encroaching storm which would have delayed my departure by at least a day had I not. Not that I’m complaining, spending an extra day with Bill is a real treat. I had Thursday pretty much to myself and didn’t do much outside of the norm.

    Friday morning (… 11:59 is still morning) we left for the long drive to Houston. There is absolutely nothing of interest to see on the drive from San Antonio to Houston, NOTHING… it’s really an incredibly boring three-hour drive which I’m very grateful that Bill drove… I would have fallen asleep I’m sure.

    Friday night we saw a late movie: Another Year. This movie was rare in that it was a movie Bill hadn’t actually already seen. We really both enjoyed it and I only have one caveat for you, if you’re not a fan of people drinking a lot on-screen, this may not be for you. It was a good little movie, and I do recommend it.

    Saturday evening was our first Opera, Dead Man Walking at the Houston Grand Opera. I will be upfront with you and say that I have never seen the movie and never read the book but I knew the basics. Before the show there is a brief lecture about the show by someone connected to the opera, this may be a singer or a conductor, I’m not sure where these folks come from. The gentleman who told us about Dead Man Walking was very good, he gave us good back ground on where the story originated and a lot of biographical information on the Sister who wrote the book. It was such a good lecture that I really wanted to go rent the movie to see it after he was done. During his lecture he mentioned a part of the play where there is no music (vocal or otherwise) only the sounds of the death machine and he points out how powerful it is to have this silence after such grand music… I wish he hadn’t said it as I think it would have had more of an impact on my thoughts of the show had I not been waiting for the silence…  it was still pretty powerful.

    When the Opera started we were seated in the middle section in the front row, not Bill’s usual seat as a season ticket holder, but they made changes when I opted to come with him. The seats, in my opinion were great, I was close enough to the performers that I could really read their emotions on the stage very well and I felt really connected to the story. I really enjoyed the vocal and instrumental sounds and the scenery was really used in such a way that it changed the feel of things as we progressed. There was a screen with subtitles so I could read along if I wanted, but I rarely found the need. I really enjoyed the entire thing, and only found it mildly disconcerting that they could sing the word “No” with a trail of notes so often. [“No” is just an example, I understand it’s an opera and they sing everything, but it was different]. We left the Opera House having enjoyed the show, and for a first Opera, I’d say it was a great one to start with.

    Sunday morning we awoke to rain and the prospect that the Chevron Houston Marathon was between our hotel and the Opera House. After an attempt trying to find away around the marathon we were forced to park and hoof it, not so bad as the rain wasn’t torrential or anything.

    Our second opera of the weekend was Lucia di Lammermoor, I think I’d call it a classic opera. The entire thing was sung in Italian (with English subtitles). I tried not to look at the subtitles, as I had read synopsis of the Acts and thought I could follow along, I found that I could follow along most of the time, but did look more than I had looked during Dead Man Walking.

    The set was simple enough but the lights and the panels managed to really change things. The background and panels were all painted sky with billowing clouds. The costumes were all very well done era pieces from the 17th century and really pretty.

    We did see a lecture before this show as well, but it was more focused on the history of operas and the writers of operas rather than the opera itself. She did talk about this particular opera, but not as much as the previous lecturer did for Dead Man Walking.

    To be completely honest with you, I nodded off at least three separate occasions during this show. I wasn’t bored really, I just kind of found the music soothing with the lights dim and Bill right next to me… I didn’t snore or fall out of my seat or anything, but I did struggle to stay awake. I think it would have been easier to fall asleep, but fought the good fight and won?!

    The Soprano, Lucia, was stupendous, some of her notes were just perfect and I found her voice to be captivating. Not one word that she sang did I understand, except “Edgardo” her true love, but only after a few times of her saying it did I start to get it. The good thing is, I didn’t need to understand her words – her face and body and intonation managed to convey everything she sang to such a level that I could relate to her heart ache, her love and her sense of fate closing in around her.

    The tenor, Edgardo, I really didn’t think as much of. Yes, he could sing, very well, but I think you need to do more than sing well to be in an Opera. His facial expressions, his body language, his interaction with the other players just didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t feel like he was the character at all, more like he was a good singer so he got the part.

    The smaller parts were all very well done, the singing, the marching, the dancing and I loved the orchestra.

    Having attended a modern and a classic Opera now, I’d have to say in general that I really enjoyed myself. The people watching was nice before the show and during the intermission. There was a great variety of people there in all manner of outfits. I would like, in the future, to see a Comic Opera now, as these two were tragedies… I did really get emotionally pulled in during scenes of both Operas based on the acting of players.

    I don’t think I would have ever classified myself as an Opera attender. It’s not one of the things that would jump to the top of my list of things I would like to have associated with me. I think that has something to do with misconceptions about the Opera. But this weekend has really given me cause to say that perhaps the Opera is for me, and perhaps it’s for you too. The Opera is really pretty good entertainment which could easily surpass some of the options you’ll find most weekends at the Box Office or the TV set in your living room. Take the chance, the opportunity, spend a little money for a night out at the Opera, I think you’ll find yourself pleasantly surprised by how much entertainment you get out of that one show and be exposed to the unexpected gem that is the Opera.

  • Love Songs

    It wouldn’t be fair to say that I don’t have any love songs in my music collection, but it sure seems that way. Most of the songs in my current rotation that have to do with love are about loves lost, taken away, unobtainable or forgotten. Other songs are usually about “self” and finding your way back to yourself… not sure what that’s about.

    I do have some love songs: “Love, Love Me Do” The Beatles, “Love is a Beautiful Thing” Phil Vassar, “Let’s Make Love” Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, “Greatest Love of All” Whitney Houston… and so on.

    But the majority of the love songs are about the unobtainable or lost love: “Jessie’s Girl” Rick Springfield,  “I Miss You A Little” John Michael Montgomery, “Every Time I Hear Your Name” Keith Anderson… And the rest of my songs are about life situations and dealing with them… well except for a few Modest Mouse, Queensryche, Weird Al… I do like variety.

    Maybe it’s just I can’t find the right love song to match what I’m feeling, that’s possible. But then I hear a phrase in this song or a chorus in this one that almost meets what I need.  I guess I’ll just keep listening and hope to find the one song or several that put it all in the right spot for me.

    Maybe no one ever finds the right love song, that’s why there are so many – we all keep looking for the one that puts it all to music.

    For me today “Look At Me” on Carrie Underwood’s new CD, Play On, is pretty close. 😉 Maybe it’ll stay as the song and maybe it’ll change, I guess that’s the nature of music and love.

  • Choosing Battles

    Our President could be spending his time, energy and influence on getting our troops home safely from a war that he started erroneously. Instead, he and the GOP have decided the most important thing for them to focus on is discrimination and ways to encourage hate across the country.

    How can same sex marriage be primary on an agenda when brave men and women of our country are losing their lives EVERY DAY. How is the private lives of people who love one another more important that saving lives of an American soldier?

    Do our soldiers mean that little to you Mr. President? Are they just one more sacrifice in your vast agenda? Do you care so little for freedom, love and life that you have to focus on ways to ignite this blaze of hate in our country?

    Figure out what’s important here… Sure this got you elected, but don’t you think the lives of American’s in danger every day, because of your decisions and lies, should be first on your list?