I happen to be gay.
I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. I didn’t wake up one day and decide “hey let’s be ostracized and hated for the people we love” – I just have always been this way. I happen to like the way I am. Most people know I’m gay, I don’t hide the fact that I like men. I am not overly flamboyant or girlie nor do I wear lots of rainbows, dresses or sparkly clothing – neither do the men I like.
I am not the stereotypical gay male – most of us aren’t the characters you’ve come to know and love on TV or in movies – we’re just ordinary people who happen to love other ordinary people. Some of us ARE more fabulous than others but the same could be said about straights as well. We are all unique and we all have a right to love whom we want – gay or straight, male or female, binary or non-binary… love is love.
Today someone I was helping with their computer asked me “why aren’t you married to a nice girl, you’re a wonderful person?” I explained that #1 I’m gay, #2 marriage isn’t for me. I’m not very good at hiding in closets not as a homo, alcoholic or atheist – I like honesty and living without fear. I feel truth is the best policy for everyone – it just works.
Most people that find out I’m gay don’t mind at all. My nephew says I don’t seem like a gay, he doesn’t seem like a hillbilly but sometimes he is 🙂 Those who can’t accept it either try to preach to me about how their “God” can cure me or they just leave. I prefer the leaving.
I had to come to terms with being gay. It was a struggle. I was raised in a small town and my only exposure to gays was the ones I saw on TV (true of other races too) – these were not looked upon kindly. They were ridiculed, hated, laughed at – and to me, not attractive. Limp wristed, lisped, prancing skinny men. When I initially thought I might be gay there was this self-hatred that consumed me – for years all I had heard about gay people (homos, faggots, queers) were negative connotations about them being against God, full of disease and against nature. That’s how I looked at myself and my feelings – that I was wrong, that there was something wrong about me.
When I moved to the big city of Washington DC I had culture shock. There were other races everywhere, interracial couples on the street holding hands, same-sex couples kissing it was amazing. I felt that maybe I had found a place where it was safe to be me, to find a guy and settle down – one that I could hold hands with, kiss on the street and bring home to meet the family.
Shortly after I had moved there I was walking down the street on the outskirts of the gay neighborhood. A truck blaring music and packed with a bunch of guys in the front seat drove by. One of the guys in the truck leaned out the window said “fucking faggot” and pitched a half can of beer at my head. My hopes for a safe place didn’t seem so hopeful anymore.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more cautious – I once dreamed of being able to always hold a guy’s hand if I was walking down the street, now I look around and try to recognize the neighborhood, individuals and such. I have to think twice before I can show affection. Not something your average American has to do, not something people need to do in most cities across the globe – unless they’re Gay… and probably places still that aren’t safe for interracial couples.
The father of the shooter explains his son wasn’t motivated by religion, but by the sight of two men kissing. I think that disgust comes from religion, that it is so bred into the believers they cannot see the true from the false. I’m not saying it’s a muslim thing – it’s a religion thing. For all the supposed love and tolerance of others they supposedly preach they seem to produce a lot of hate, fear and loathing.
I’ll tell you the first thought that crosses my mind whenever there is an act of violence “I wonder which religion taught him that – which religion was so righteous that their way is the only way to love, live and let live?”
The same guy that asked me today about marriage asked me about the upcoming election. He, and many other people, are concerned about Donald Trump’s potential to be elected. I’m more concerned that there are so many people (some of them my Facebook friends) that think exactly like he does. They hate openly, discriminate and honestly believe this is the right way to go with the country and the world. I am of the belief that the majority of people supporting Trump are religious – that hate has been bred into them since Sunday school. That a fundamental right to live as you want to live only exists for them and no other. I find that religious people are so blinded by faith and trust in their ancient sacred books they wont bother to read that they’ll over look the hatred or maybe pretend it doesn’t exist.
I try not to do this, bash on the beliefs of others. Let them believe as they want to, this is the land of the free and the home of the brave after all – we have the power of choice. I have come to suspect religion is a poison against reason, compassion and love.
How many stories of love being forbidden because of separate religions, other races, same genders and more. All because some old fools who thought the earth was flat were misinterpreted and taken literally by the masses of sheep who can’t think for themselves.
Fuck religion, fuck those of you who hide behind it so you can hate and discriminate. Fuck belief and dependence upon your imaginary friend who wont let you eat certain meats or that you must wear a silly hat or pray 7 times a day.
Religion and it’s hate breeding, intolerance teaching factories needs to be removed from society now – it is a cancer that is eating away at the whole world. There must be a cure.
Fifty people died. Fifty gay people. Over a hundred were shot – Where do they get these guns? Who in the civilian population would need a gun that would let them shoot that many people in so little time?
“The right to bear arms is a God-given right” – actually it’s not. The constitution mentions “God” once and it’s talking about the date. The founding fathers weren’t sitting around thinking that anyone would ever possess the ability to shoot that many bullets in so little time. So stop with your bullshit. It isn’t about shooting deer or antelope either.
Your need to have big guns has something to do with fear or your small penis – get the fuck over yourself.
Something must be done – something has to be done about guns. Similar to religion they are a poison.
The excuses used to defray serious discussions after children were killed, after theater goers were killed, after anyone was killed have to stop. Yes, you and the NRA are opposed to listen to reason, change or grow… we get that. But the rest of us demand change – we’d be open to you being a part of the discussion.
I don’t pretend to know how the world works – I just go forward with what seems to be the right thing to do and do the best I can. I wont change who I am based on someone else’s fears, hatred, or ignorance.
I’m a little upset at the recent events. I happen to like gay people – the beefy, furry masculine ones more than the others… we’re good people I like to think… sure we have our loonies and our nut jobs… but we are people who deserve to live without fear of being who we are.
Today I’m very angry. Today I’m very motivated. Today and tomorrow I will remain the same until we find a way to make a difference.