Hit Hard

Hit hard Can’t stop the tearsStarted with self doubtThen came the fear There’s a point somewhere A cause of the scareAn underlying reasonSome kind of demon Want to run away and hideWish I’d already diedDon’t want to search for clues As to why I’m feeling the blues Does it ever stopEver get betterClimb my way on topOnly […]

Trying to Let Go

Sometimes, more often that I’d like to admit, I can’t sleep. Insomnia is a big deal and it literally keeps me awake at night. I’ve tried a bunch of different things to combat this – stopped drinking caffeinated beverages, stayed up really late to make myself more tired, took a nap when I first got […]

Two Pills

The depression I have is mostly under control with medication. I was taking Celexa but it stopped working so now I’m taking Paxil which appears to be working again. Working means no dark cloud around world, not everything seems hopeless and I can justify not ending it all. I talk about depression and how I first […]

Mumblings

The sick thing keeps holding on and continues to be sick – I wasn’t actually referring to the President but it applies there too. My cough remains (and it drains me, saps all my energy) and the more I talk the less I can talk – it seems. I folded a load of laundry this […]

The Extractor

In 2028 the US Government took a dramatic swing from Democrat and Republican to Technocrat. After over twelve years of decline into the superstition of religion and the fear it breeds, the population rose up and replaced those running on old ideas and replaced them with those who had scientific knowledge and acumen to change […]

Eric John – Part VIII

The beginning of this story can be found here: Eric John Eric John had been missing two days now. The police had questioned Mrs Smithton, but she had slipped into a shock where she couldn’t seem to talk at all. She would just stare straight ahead at nothing. Once in a while a tear would […]

Eric John – Part II

Part I can be found here: Eric John Wednesday morning Eric John woke up late. His mother had not knocked on the door with her regular greeting, his door was still shut, his room quiet. With trepidation he rose from his bed and headed for his mother’s room to check on her. Her bedroom door was still […]

Got Trust?

A few years back a psychologist helped me come to a conclusion on love – it has to be earned. No one gets a default feeling of love just because they are related to you, know you or were nice to you once in passing. I loved the idea of my mother – a woman […]

Damaged Goods

I’ve talked a bit about EMDR therapy and today during therapy I cried… not bawling, just some tears. I can manage to hold back and just let tears fall, if I could stop that I would. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. We focus on the trauma and then either move your eyes or […]

The Journey Out of AA – so far

It’s been a little over five months since I published my story “Walking Away from AA” where I talked about my decision to leave Alcoholics Anonymous after almost 22 years. I stated then that I didn’t have a desire to drink, but I had a desire to be more honest and truthful with all aspects […]