Last night I listened to a political podcast that asked a question we rarely hear asked honestly. What does this country actually need right now? Not another Trump. Not another Obama. Not recycled promises about fixing healthcare or ending corruption. What we need is a candidate, and a movement, focused on real change to a system that no longer works for most people.
Let’s find candidates and ideas that enact real change.
Mamdani, mayor elect of New York City, ran on a platform of real change and we’ll see if he can make any of these promises a reality. People voted for him because they want the kind of change he’s talking about. Mamdani ran on some important issues that matter to New Yorkers: affordability, fare free city buses, a $30 minimum wage and more. These are things people want – not just left or right leaning people, but real people struggling or just getting by.
I don’t want to hear “it’s too soon” or “we’re not ready for that kind of candidate” I think we’re more than ready to move on from what’s broken. I’m tired of name calling and mud slinging campaigns that lead to more of the same.
Let’s think about what we need for this great country of ours to not just get by, but to become that dream that people always wanted it to be. Let’s list off some things that would make a change.
Term limits on politicians across the spectrum, too much power for too long has let these “leaders” just get fat on the hog. No one politician should be in office for more than one or two terms. Some of these “leaders” have been in office for up to 50 years, that’s too much power and not enough responsibility.
Real government/tax funded healthcare. It’s way past time for the US to join other civilized nations and enact this for our citizens. This is doable, other civilized countries do it. I’d rather pay an extra $38 dollars in taxes for healthcare then the $300 I pay out or my paycheck or pocket. Let’s make it happen.
Let’s be real about the minimum wage. Current federal guidelines are at $7.25 an hour. Honestly this is an insult to people trying to pay rent, buy groceries and live a real life. No one should need to work three jobs just to live a semblance of a life. Corporations can afford it. Small businesses may feel a deeper pinch, but we need this to change. Have our taxes help small businesses overcome.
Close tax loopholes for corporations that are making huge profits from our purchases or service or goods. If they threaten to move or stop selling to us, so be it, this is a land of opportunity, someone will fill that void.
Tax everyone with more money than they need (millionaires, billionaires, trillionaires…) at a higher rate. Let’s get real here, they can afford it. I ran some AI ideas on taxing the richer and it makes sense so this isn’t an unrealistic idea. I’m not saying stop taxing everyone else, just saying tax them a simple, immediate amount.
Quit sending tax dollars to other countries for any reason. These monies weren’t meant for them, taxes are to pay for government programs that actually help the people here, not over there.
Invest in our people, infrastructure and technology. Let’s put our tax dollars to work for us. We do not have a technology problem here, we have a process, incentives and accountability problem. Let’s make everyone more accountable for what they and get rid of incentives or relying on government favors and backroom deals. Work on our own country again.
Get rid of the electoral college. This is a big one. Would require a constitutional amendment. We have the technology, we can do a popular vote. Having states that have a lower population carry so many votes seems crazy. Let’s let the people decide and the majority of people at that.
Legalize marijuana and other recreational drugs nationally. It’s time. Regulate them, tax them, stop incarceration of people that just want to have a little buzz. Forgive sentences of those who are filling up our corrupted prisons and let those people get back into the world. I’m clean and sober and think this is wise, I don’t plan to start using drugs again.
Lastly, and maybe most importantly, let’s keep religion and those who practice it out of politics and policy. We need to move on from the faith of the goat herders and ancients and embrace a world of reality. No more laws based on what the Bible tells you, we have grown as a species evolutionarily, in wisdom, in truth. It is perfectly fine to believe, to have faith, in a higher power – it is not okay to base laws and ethics on all others.
I’m sure there is more. Why wouldn’t there be? We have so much room to improve to grow and overcome our own deficiencies. I want a country I can believe in again, a place people admire that inspires people to be better.
I know there are those of you that will call my ideas childish or foolish, by all means school me. Tell me where I get it wrong or why the current systems are working. But if you do school me I hope you have some ideas that will enact change and change that matters. No more broken promises from politicians and parties…. let’s do something.
Today I celebrate 30 years of continuous sobriety!
It’s just another day; I plan to go to work, have dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant and be in bed by 10. It is a drastic change from when I was using daily.
Life was different then. I usually woke up a little drunk from the night before and I’d head off to work (if it was a good day). I smoked at least a pack a day back then too, so I was smelly. I wasn’t big on brushing my teeth so my breath was likely lethal. Hygiene was not my friend.
All through the day my head would replay events and resentments and I would focus and be angered by something that occurred that had no basis on reality most of the time. I would imagine futures and pasts of horrible consequence. I would hang with my friends and talk about the upcoming nights events that always included alcohol and if I was extremely lucky – some LSD. I had my share of nicknames, but in the end most people knew me as Mr. Trip or simply Trip.
It always started with the first drink and usually ended up with me passed out somewhere. My friends would try to rouse me if I passed out in bars, but if I didn’t wake they’d just leave me there on the floor. I didn’t have a license so I’d walk home or to a friends.
Employment came and went I did land a job and keep it a year once, but more often then not absenteeism or being late or drunk resulted in me getting booted.
I wasn’t a violent drunk; just stupid, sappy and messy. Looking back I was probably the one they laughed at, not with. Never one to fight, mess with girls or drive (I didn’t receive a license until I got sober).
I owned nothing except a few boxes of comic books and was renting to own a dryer – long story. I lived with friends where I could with no responsibilities and only a desire to get drunk.
Final Bender
As I recall my last day/night drinking was in Ettrick WI. I had sung a song or two at a wedding for friends and was dolled out in a white tuxedo. It was the night after the wedding at the reception and I was broke, unfortunately there wasn’t free beer, so I stole what I could and begged and borrowed enough to get sloshed.
I had been suicidal and planning on ending it all soon. I was miserable and tired of everything. I didn’t have any hope at all. I shared my suicide plan with a friend who had shared his suicide plan with me a few days previously – however he wasn’t in that state any longer. Soon I was on the phone to the cops asking for help. Friends surrounded me and got me to go with the cops as I had changed my mind after I called for help.
The local guys took me in to the psychiatric ward in LaCrosse WI. I was the best dressed guy there. It was at the hospital and they had left me alone for a few minutes and I got to thinking – what the hell was I doing, I didn’t want to be here, so I started putting on my shoes and then a police officer came in and said “you’re not going anywhere”.
I spent 4 days and nights in there the room was padded but I didn’t get a straight jacket. They fed me meds and told me they were just vitamins, which I believed for some reason. I didn’t want anything that would get me better, I still just wanted to be done with everything.
On day 4 I had my day in court, where I was ordered to not more than 111 days in a drug and alcohol facility. That didn’t scare me, I’d been in one of those before. A country cop transported me from the hospital/psych ward in LaCrosse all the way to Eau Claire WI and a treatment center named Fahrman Center.
One of the counselors, Shelly, did my intake and showed me to my room. I was still hopeless and didn’t have any cares in the world. I’d get out of there soon and be on my way to find a drink.
I did the 21 days inpatient treatment there. Group sessions, chores, homework and some excursions. I was just playing the game, answering questions like I did in the last treatment center. My counselor was Brien and I liked him. He and I had an instant rapport but I still didn’t want to get better. If I thought of a way out I had planned to kill myself as soon as I was free.
HOPE
On Saturday’s they would invite members of the local recovery communities to come and share with us. It was similar to an AA meeting and the speakers would drone on and on about themselves and we were supposed to get something from that. Well one Saturday a kid named Terry came and told his story and for the first time I could relate to someone and felt a kinship.
That night I prayed to the “god” of my understanding “If you can make me as happy as that kid seems, I’ll do anything”.
I asked Terry to be my sponsor and he gave me direction almost immediately – 1 shake every persons hand and introduce myself, even if I knew them, before and after a meeting. 2 Northside Group (an AA meeting) would now be my home group. I may have rolled my eyes at both suggestions.
So I set about doing what I was told to do I attended the Northside Group and the Pacific Group and would shake everyone’s hand before and after the meeting no matter what.
The Pacific Group of Eau Claire WI is an offshoot of a meeting from, where else, California. The founder of the Eau Claire group was sponsored by the founder of the LA group. Very different type of meeting than I was used to and I planned to stick around long enough to tell them they were doing it wrong. Instead of moaning and bitch sessions you would get uplifting stories from speakers and participants that left you wanting more… lots of oohs and ahhs and hand clapping at almost everything.. and they had cake.
There were two pretty girls who also attended both groups, one named Krista (though I only knew her as “cake lady” for a little while) and one named Suzanne. We became friends and often they would give me rides to meetings and other things.
My sponsor Terry got drunk. I wasn’t privy to the details, I just was destroyed. I asked another member of the Northside Group to be my sponsor – Joe. Joe had double digit sobriety, a job and was married… we had nothing in common lol. Joe’s wife Carol also in the program, sponsored both Krista and Suzanne.
Joe took me through the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and we worked the steps. I did my homework and I wrote my list. I was still in the halfway house portion of the treatment center and they were very concerned with me doing my 4th Step with my sponsor instead of some clergy member. The treatment center’s version of the 4th step left a lot to be desired and didn’t help me. Whereas sharing my list with Joe and talking about my resentments, fears and sex conduct really opened my eyes and showed me what kind of a human being I was – not a very good one.
Our sponsors invited us over to go through the book as a group, there were about 6 of us sponsees when we started but by the end there were about 4. We went through page by page, word by word examining it and coming to terms with what Bill W meant in 1935 compared to what we mean now.
I learned valuable lessons in Alcoholics Anonymous – how to suit up and show up, how to introduce myself, how to volunteer – even if I didn’t want to – just raise your hand. The one thing AA didn’t sell me on was the idea of “God” but I followed the sayings and words and prayed to a god I didn’t believe in. But it stuck in my craw.
Meetings were a regular part of my world. I would go to 2 – 3 meetings a week. Roundups (conferences) and workshops. AA was my life.
I was though, the angry young man, and everyone knew it. I had resentments that I couldn’t work past that were current and damaging. One night at a meeting I was particularly mad and Krista turned to me and said “no one said you have to stay here” and it resonated with me. So I walked away from my home groups and went solo.
Still mad, but reading the book every day. Talking to a fellow AA member every day and still hanging with Krista and Suzanne, but I wasn’t happy. I would go back to meetings here and there but not shake hands… I was a little pissy.
At year 4 or so of sobriety I moved to Washington DC and soon came to miss my structured, recovery based meetings. Themeetings I found in DC were whine sessions more than anything else (see this story My Experience with DC AA) . I wasn’t a fan. Took me about 10 years to find like minded people there and we made our own groups.
After 15 or so years in DC when my job came to an end, I moved to Phoenix. I found recovery based meetings there and a new sponsor Flo. Flo and I went back through the book and I was regular at my home group. (See this story: My Sponsor Won’t Shake My Hand)
Walking Away
Not believing the core part of Alcoholics Anonymous – the need for a power greater than you – was a real dilemma. It seemed all my fellow members believed where I couldn’t and I found I couldn’t talk from my chair or the podium and claim that I believed in something any longer.
At 22 years of sobriety I made a decision to walk away from AA (see this story: Walking Away from AA). I told my sponsor and he had said he could feel me slipping away so it wasn’t a surprise, he still loves me and we talk once in a while.
What I found after I left that I was no longer stressed about getting to the meeting on time. No longer concerned if the room was set up just right. No stress on shaking everyone’s hand – which neither DC nor Phoenix was into. No dissecting other peoples shares for what was important and what was just fluff. Not that you’re supposed to criticize every inch of a meeting or compare members to others, but I would. I was free when I left, free.
Eight Years Later
So what’s happened in eight years?
Nothing really has happened, life is good, I’m happy overall and living life to the best. I don’t have cravings for alcohol – I do have dreams where I’m a closet smoker though, which is so odd. I don’t hold resentments, don’t say daily prayers to things I don’t believe in and don’t attend meetings.
I have a great job that I love to go to, where I get to help people every day. I live with my best friend, Suzanne, who still does go to meetings and enjoys them. Life goes on for me and I think I’m less angry, less worried and have overall less anxiety.
AA is a great program that taught me a lotabout life and living (See this post: Worker Among Workers). I wouldn’t be the man I am today without their help in the beginning and the many men and women who came before me. I practice several parts of the program daily and it matters to me.
Today, I’m almost a militant atheist. I try to bring truth to the world and those around me and probably get blocked on Facebook as a result, but I think it’s important. My life is deity free, and I’m willing to risk an eternity in hell to prove it.
Several of the key philosophies of AA that I still follow – help other people, have no opinion on outside issues, anger and resentment are the mind killers, be self-supporting, watch out for defects of character and more. There are good parts in the 12 step recovery programs.
Today, I’m 30 years sober. Something I never thought would be possible. I remember when I was new thinking people that said they had 15 or 17 years of sobriety had to be lying, why would someone choose to live that life? How could they go so long without a drink, it baffled me.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous promises that as far as alcohol goes sobriety will make you immune to the temptation, that you’ll recoil as if to a flame. That’s come true for me – I don’t recoil, but I don’t mind if it’s around me, except the smell of wine… can’t handle that for some reason, and I wasn’t a wine drinker.
Sobriety isn’t for everyone and not everyone needs it, but if you have a problem with alcohol or drugs or both, the 12 step programs can give you a solid foundation to build on that will lead to permanent sobriety. If you want/need help – go to www.aa.org or www.na.org and take a look. It can be a scary place to start and very uncomfortable – especially with those NA folks, they hug. True story: the reason I chose AA over NA was because the NA folks hugged me, ewww. They do rather insist upon the “power greater than you” thing and no matter what they say, it’s “God” they’re referring to.
There are secular alternatives to the 12 Step Programs – S.M.A.R.T. Recovery is one and there are others, use Google, it’s your friend. I looked into SMART but it’s not for me, I’m not a meetings guy I think.
Sobriety changed me from a drunken loser with no prospects into an old man with a life beyond what I ever imagined. In the beginning it seemed very hard, but the more days you string together and practice the principles, the easier it gets. I don’t think of a drink today or drinking, don’t play resentments in my head all day, plan my days around getting stoned or drunk – I just live life. That’s all I can ask for.
Yesterday a more religious “friend” sent me a Facebook message image of “Jesus Loves You”. This “friend” knows that I’m not a fan of the religious – what I call nonsense and I’m not sure why she did that.
I’m not very tolerant of that kind of thing. I’m just not – I don’t come knocking on your door, holding science books praising quantum physics and asking for money for test tubes… Nor would I send private messages spouting why you’re invisible friend is a threat to humanity as a whole… I’d blog about it sure, but not private message or text.. It’s like walking up to a urinal next to a guy and asking him if he’s had lunch.. it’s just fucking weird, don’t do that.
I responded to my “friend” that I was unfriending her. (more…)
This post may offend some of the more religiously inclined… this don’t bother me, just thought you should have a warning.
I officially have laryngitis – thanks Doc, I kind of figured that. I’ve been asked to refrain from talking, yelling or singing (My Doc has a sense of humor). This is hard to do really, the singing part… I don’t really yell often. Not talking is proving to be harder than i thought too, but I’ll get there. What the doctor didn’t say was laughing is bad too – when I laugh I seem to lose more of my voice… no no jokes damn you. (more…)
The sick thing keeps holding on and continues to be sick – I wasn’t actually referring to the President but it applies there too.
My cough remains (and it drains me, saps all my energy) and the more I talk the less I can talk – it seems. I folded a load of laundry this weekend and had to take a nap after as I was beat. The only thing that has been alleviated since I started the antibiotic is pain. My throat doesn’t hurt any more and that’s a really nice thing – thank you science.
I’m going to call my doctor this morning and try to see him to see if this is something else or just a virus thing. Hopefully he can get this all sorted out.
Work folks think it’s a nice change from me talking all the time and my friend Vanessa is happy I’m not singing at my desk all day (I’m never sure if she doesn’t like my singing or just finds it odd that someone sings at the job). (more…)
It’s been a little over five months since I published my story “Walking Away from AA” where I talked about my decision to leave Alcoholics Anonymous after almost 22 years. I stated then that I didn’t have a desire to drink, but I had a desire to be more honest and truthful with all aspects of my life.
Being sober – living a life without drugs or alcohol – is for me. It’s a cheaper life, more enjoyable and less messy… things I need and want. Belief in a “higher power” or “faking it until I make it” aren’t for me, I can’t live that lie anymore. I gave it a fair shot – lying for AA, lol.
I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. I didn’t wake up one day and decide “hey let’s be ostracized and hated for the people we love” – I just have always been this way. I happen to like the way I am. Most people know I’m gay, I don’t hide the fact that I like men. I am not overly flamboyant or girlie nor do I wear lots of rainbows, dresses or sparkly clothing – neither do the men I like.
I am not the stereotypical gay male – most of us aren’t the characters you’ve come to know and love on TV or in movies – we’re just ordinary people who happen to love other ordinary people. Some of us ARE more fabulous than others but the same could be said about straights as well. We are all unique and we all have a right to love whom we want – gay or straight, male or female, binary or non-binary… love is love. (more…)
“There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity. But just underneath there is deadly earnestness. Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish.” Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill’s Story, Page 16
“So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.” Alcoholics Anonymous, The Family Afterward, page 132
People in Alcoholics Anonymous and many of the other 12 step programs, millions if not billions of people, have escaped certain death. We reached a point in our lives the way we were living it where there was no hope – many lost friends, family, spouses and careers as a result of addiction.
There was a vision in my head of what an AA meeting must look like –
old men, white t-shirts and overalls on – the smell of cigarettes and bad coffee waft through the room and man after man shares about his tragedy and how horrible life is…
That was the vision, and in truth I’ve been to a few meetings like that, you can switch out old men for young men or black women or what have you – there are meetings that resemble my old vision all over the country if not the world. Fortunately for me, and people like you, there are many more meetings that aren’t like that at all.
I had been in the background at meetings my mother attended when i was a child – they seemed pretty somber to me and I didn’t see many people happy, smiling or laughing – maybe the rose-colored glasses were covered in dirt, which is likely. So I entered my first meetings as an alcoholic myself expecting much the same. Instead I found a Pacific Group.
The Eau Claire Pacific Group in Eau Claire WI was a different kind of meeting for me. There was applause, laughter, oohing and aahing. I saw genuine smiles and people who talked about getting better. That first night I decided to stick around, because obviously these people didn’t know what AA was all about (I was a little over 1 month sober and thought I had it all figured out already).
I don’t stick around at meetings that aren’t fun with people talking about the joy of living now that we’ve escaped certain doom. I “don’t want what they have” as we say… I want more, I expect more. The Big Book even promises more – there are promises all over the book that I seek during my journey. One of my favorites that has come true again and again in my life is:
“At once we begin to outgrow fear.” Alcoholics Anonymous, How It Works, page 68
and most other people like the promises after Step 9 (I think they are over read personally)
“…We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us…” Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, Pages 83 and 84
So we want to shout it from the rooftops, we have found a solution – we found a way to resurrect the dead… a speaker I like says it “I’m looking at a room full of dead people sitting upright” or something like that. We were the dregs of society that no one really wanted around anymore, but here we are – recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body… “miracles” they say.
We are loud though… I guess. My home group meets at a church and we are probably 50 strong each week. We have fellowship before and after the meeting and we catch up with friends we might not have seen for a week or more. We laugh, we hug and give one another a hard time. During the meeting when we celebrate birthdays (1 or more years of continuous sobriety) we sing loudly and horribly off-key – on purpose. This is a big deal – someone who at one point couldn’t go a single day without a drink of alcohol has found a solution (most people call that solution God) and is now a contributing member of society… that’s a BFD. We have a “Rule 62” which tells us not to take ourselves too seriously – so we try to enjoy life.
But the church says we’re being too loud during the music lessons. Now as a functioning, contributing member of society – whom, according to the big book, ceased fighting anything or anyone… I’m supposed to just leave this be. But it’s hard… I would think a church would be happy that a group of men have found the spirit, the joy of living that the church talks about (or at least I figure that’s what they talk about) and would be happy to hear us laugh love and live in their basement each Wednesday night… it should be the great news that is spoken of on Sundays “Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday nights and Saturday mornings the hopeless have found hope – here in our house of worship” I’d sell the shit out of that and encourage members of my congregation to attend and find the power greater than themselves that will lead them back to the church…
But I’m not the guy in charge there or anywhere, no matter how many times I think I am – The Director job has been taken by someone else and my job is just to help others. I have to stop and think about what would happen to the alcoholics that needed a meeting if we were asked to leave? What if all the groups were asked to leave the church as a result of my meeting being loud (and happy, joyous and free).
Each AA group is autonomous except in matters affecting other groups of AA as a whole. (Tradition 4) So there you have it… I have to be responsible again and try to get my fellow members to be a little more quiet before and after the meeting. Because we have a home here and we still have many other alcoholics to show the way out – it’s the only thing we have to do to stay sober – help another alcoholic, and to do that we have to have a place to share our message. This will be hard, but we’ll find a way to make it work.
(I thought this was just going to be a rant about asking us to be quiet, but once I started writing I saw my own defects and those of my group and that we needed to change… it’s interesting to see different results come out then I expect)
I’ve been thinking about funerals lately – near death experiences by a couple of folks have put dying in my rotating thought patterns. Then I start thinking about wills and cremation and making sure there is a gold coin in my mouth before I’m burned – just in case I end up at the river Styx and need to pay Charon, being stuck on this side of the river would be rather boring I’d think.
Who’s funerals do I have to attend? Seems an odd question doesn’t it? There must be some kind of etiquette that tells me the ones I have to go to. Obviously close family, but not the bible thumping crazy aunt – unless she’s come into a fortune and me getting a chunk of it is dependent on attending the morbid death ritual – and even then, probably not. Co-workers (current job or all the others? Fellow AAs (maybe just the ones that weren’t annoying)? Certainly former sponsors, certain ex bosses and a lover or two…
I figure that I had to make my own rules for this kind of thing and decided that if I would invite them to my own wedding – not for gifts, but because I actually enjoy their company – then I’d be willing to put up with a funeral. Granted, I have no intention of getting married, much to selfish to give up my free time, but if I were and wanted to invite some people – those are the people that I’d miss if they were dead – most likely… maybe… I guess (more…)
