I’ve been thinking about funerals lately – near death experiences by a couple of folks have put dying in my rotating thought patterns. Then I start thinking about wills and cremation and making sure there is a gold coin in my mouth before I’m burned – just in case I end up at the river Styx and need to pay Charon, being stuck on this side of the river would be rather boring I’d think.

Who’s funerals do I have to attend? Seems an odd question doesn’t it? There must be some kind of etiquette that tells me  the ones I have to go to. Obviously close family, but not the bible thumping crazy aunt – unless she’s come into a fortune and me getting a chunk of it is dependent on attending the morbid death ritual – and even then, probably not. Co-workers (current job or all the others? Fellow AAs (maybe just the ones that weren’t annoying)? Certainly former sponsors, certain ex bosses and a lover or two…

I figure that I had to make my own rules for this kind of thing and decided that if I would invite them to my own wedding – not for gifts, but because I actually enjoy their company – then I’d be willing to put up with a funeral. Granted, I have no intention of getting married, much to selfish to give up my free time, but if I were and wanted to invite some people – those are the people that I’d miss if they were dead – most likely… maybe… I guess

Then I start thinking about wills and if I need one, I have no fortune, but I don’t want there to be family squabbles over my burial or lack of and recent experience says that’s likely to happen – someone is going to get more upset about my death than necessary and cause no end of drama – I want a drama free death, maybe a big New Orleans style party with music and parades – maybe a clown, only for those in attendance that might have coulrophobia.

Ah, death… what’s that she said?

“You get what anybody gets – you get a lifetime.”

Certainly time to live and enjoy life as much as you can, make the most of it and certainly don’t spend time at a funeral – unless you’d invite them to the wedding, or if you stand to inherit a fortune…