There should be rules for something and one of those things that got on my nerves today – again – was folks in Self-Checkout aisles that don’t follow the rules. Now you would think that common sense would prevail and there wouldn’t need to be rules for self-checkout aisle, but you would be wrong. You may find that these rules apply to other situations as well and by all means, feel free to adopt them to your need or cause.

1. Don’t use your pocketful of change to pay if you’re in the self check out aisle. There are other people with credit cards or cash that are staring at you in disbelief – it is not your imagination, they really hate you.

2. Don’t attempt to use that wrinkled up dollar to pay if you’re in the self-check out. You should know by know that the only machines that will take those dollars easily are in Vegas and Atlantic City… feel free to move.

3. Don’t buy beer, liquor, wine, cigarettes or decongestants these items require you to show your identification, that is the anti self check out.

4. Know your fruits and vegetables. If you get to the self-check out and can’t remember what the name of the produce that you picked up is and have to ask the clerk… well, see number 3.

5. You have a cart full of groceries – yep, that’s not going to be fast at all. Part of the appeal of the self check out is that it’s fast, but if you’re there with your month supply of food stuff it’s not going to be fast at all.

6. Children. If your child can’t help but touch things, including the scale and where the bags go. It might be a good idea to tie them up with duct tape or perhaps leave their asses at home… or you could simply go to a regular aisle.

It is my belief that the purpose of the self-check out is efficiency. If you have all the time in the world, go talk to the clerk and get the hell out of my way.