Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Author: Jamez

  • No Relationships for the First Year… or 16 years

    I will be the first person to point out to you that the “stay out of relationships for the first year” rule in the fellowship is NOT in the book. I’d also be one to argue that it’s none of anyone’s business what you do or don’t do outside of the suggestions in the book. Of course that was before I had any real romantic relationships – and it’s so much easier to balk at rules when you have no real experience. The reason for the rule is based on experience, the people who came before us discovered this the hard way and have tried to save you from experiencing the same pain and regret that they went through.

    Speaking for myself a relationship at year 16 had me very much focused on him and the relationship instead of the usual things (praying, AA, friends, family) and I guess that’s partially ok, but there needs to be some balance in there. Some of my normal routine things; Wednesday night calls to Pat, Suzanne’s AA birthday, praying – just slipped by and though I regretted those instances it helped me to understand the unwritten rule about relationships.

    So when it all started to unravel I guess I wasn’t really prepared and my spiritual footing is not very firm at the moment. Today, after some tears and old tapes playing in my head I actually had a desire to drink. I would like nothing more than to drown the feelings that have taken up residence. That’s honesty for you.

    I did go inside myself and turn that switch off. No tears now, no obsessing, no regretting. We’ve made our choice and one of us is probably happier that way and both of us are probably better off. Very unhealthy way to deal with your feelings, and I really don’t recommend it, but I know that I can survive without that switch on.

    I could take this time to get into what happened in detail and go over ever word six different ways, but I’m a little to close to it to be objectionable about it and he’s never been happy that I would talk about him on my blog.

    I’ve been in touch with my support network, a lot of people are worried about me, I’m not really interested in talking right now (or texting, or emailing or anything like that). But I have the tools available to get through this and I will.

    A lot of people have already purchased airline tickets and reserved rooms. The rooms can be cancelled, usually without cost and the airline tickets will likely be good for one year after the cancellation date – depending on how bad the airlines are screwing people over this week.

    My apologies to those of you that were looking forward to the wedding and were happy that I was not my malcontent self. What’s that saying? Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all… yep, it was certainly worth it.

  • Invitation to the Royal Wedding

    By now some of you have received your beautifully designed invitation to the Royal Wedding. Some of you have responded via the self addressed stamped envelope and that is very appreciated. You have no idea how much coordination goes into planning this kind of a shin dig and RSVPing with the provided materials is so very helpful. Sure phone calls, emails and telling the couple in person is a nice touch, but they went to the trouble of putting a stamp on the envelope, not only to help fund the Post Office, but to make each attendee counted on all the official forms. At the very least you should send it via mail and be counted like most of the other common folk. Bill and I are working diligently on the wedding details and head counts are very important in this phase of the planning…

    What’s that? There is another Royal Wedding? I hadn’t heard – I’ve been so wrapped up in contacting you to get you to actually mail the RSVP that I haven’t had time to notice other Queens getting hitched.

    What’s that? oh, those Royals… well sorry for any confusion.

    Sure our attendees wont be heads of state or celebrity soccer stars, but it will be during Gay Pride week in San Francisco and really doesn’t that sound a whole lot more fun than a bunch of photo hogs … well I guess SF Pride has those too… My point being everyone who’s anyone will be in San Francisco for my special day. At least I hope so, it’d be nice if they actually RSVP’d. Why is this such a big deal for you folks? The card  saying yes or no is there, the envelope (which is stamped and addressed) is included – how hard can it be to seal this thing and drop it in the mail? The Post Office needs work folks, help them out here.

    Some people, who shall remain nameless, begged and pleaded for an invitation to the wedding and then promptly declined. Like I knew you would Julie Zielger!  Oh… sorry about that, I forgot. She still managed to drop the card in the mail and if SHE can do it, really anyone can do it.

    If you haven’t received and invitation at this point chances are you probably aren’t going to get one. I’m sorry but there is only so much room and only so much food I’m willing to purchase. I’d be grateful since you don’t have to fly all the way to San Francisco.

    One of the most often asked questions is “Can you legally get married in California now?” and well, the answer is no. There was a time in California when same-sex couples could marry, but people who think the Church should be able to decide what’s legal have put a stop to freedom of love – temporarily. Bill and I will have to fly to Washington, DC after the ceremony in San Francisco to be legally wed in our nation’s capital… that is unless that is the next thing on the Tea Party’s chopping block. Well, I’m hopeful that we’ll be able to pull it off without a hitch… so to speak.

    For those of you that weren’t invited, once again so sorry to hear that you wont get to come, I’m hoping to get a webcast of the actual ceremony and I’ll be posting that information when it’s available… see, you don’t have to dress up, don’t have to fly all the way across the country and you can watch from the comfort of your own home.. unless something entertaining is on.

  • Freedom of and from Religion

    In Washington, DC on a Sunday morning you cannot purchase alcohol until after 10:00 a.m. Do you know why? Because the churches want to make sure you attend church – where it is legal to drink from the blessed cup while your eating flesh. This is the alcoholic in me speaking, but it does kind of irk me that religion has its influence on a law. Restaurants in DC can be fined for serving alcohol before 10:00, but it’s ok to go to the church and drink up. (Yes, I know it’s only a sip of blood… er wine.)

    This isn’t the only place that churches influence the laws in our country that supposedly practices freedom of religion. The First Amendment:

    “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

    This doesn’t actually scream out to me that churches need to stay out of policy and law – but I think that’s what it means. Check out this Wiki article and see what others are saying: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Establishment_Clause_of_the_First_Amendment

    As it stands right now the Catholic and Mormon Churches (among others) are opposed to same-sex marriage, and homosexuality is a sin in their eyes. According to them the only legitimate place to get fucked up the ass is in the back of the church and then only if your under the age of consent.

    To the Parishioner who continues to put money in the plate each Sunday or monthly or annually. I want you to look at what your contribution to the Pedophile Pimps is paying for:

    Catholic Church Sex Abuse Settlement ($166.1 Million)- March 25th, 2011 : http://www.youralaskalink.com/news/Catholic-Church-Sex-Abuse-Settlement-118693789.html

    Catholic Church 2007 ($660 Million) : http://www.voanews.com/english/news/a-13-2007-07-15-voa6-66567222.html

    LA Catholic Church ($250 Million): http://www.americancatholic.org/news/clergysexabuse/

    Bishop to seek Treatment: http://www.monstersandcritics.com/news/europe/news/article_1631904.php/Bishop-in-church-sex-abuse-scandal-leaves-Belgium-for-treatment

    This list goes on an on, so please don’t think that the money you contribute to your local church stays there – it doesn’t. It helps pay the moving costs of the monsters you let near your children so they can find new victims.

    The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says I should be tolerant of the religious – but it also says that as children of God we crawl before no one. I’ve been commenting lately on Facebook and Huffington Post on the failings of churches, religions and their chosen leaders. I didn’t initiate the attacks, I’m just fighting back against the hate spewing, intolerance of them. I’m considering adopting a motto for myself: Hate the Christian before they can hate you.

    Recent Church Leader Scandals:

    Joe My God: http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2011/04/this-week-in-holy-crimes_10.html (there really IS enough of these for a weekly version)

    Eddie Long: http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/103798754.html (I’ve seen the texted photos)

    Falwell and Robertson: http://www.snopes.com/rumors/falwell.asp

    Yes, these people are human and have faults – perhaps they should quit tossing stones at others.

  • Name of the Past

    So this morning I was fretting about having to update my résumé, which I’ve been procrastinating about for a few months now, and a thought occurred to me:

    “How do I address my old name in my résumé and references?”

    Wow, that’s a monkey wrench I hadn’t thought about. For those of you out of the loop, I officially changed my name from James Jody Appel to Jamez Ronald Prudlick in September of 2009 to honor my Pa who passed away in 2008 (wow, it seems like just last year 😦 ). I did everything by the book legally and paid all the fees for such a thing to happen.

    When it comes to referring prospective employers to my résumé and or references most of those employers wouldn’t even know I had changed my name. An odd position to be in and if I were an employer hiring folks this situation would make me think twice.

    Perhaps I could hint to new employers during interviews that I’m in the witness protection program and not at liberty to explain the circumstances? Nah, there must be an easier way to address this.

    I don’t know if contacting past employers would be the route to go … it’s a conundrum.

    If nothing else, it does give me a legitimate excuse for not updating the résumé at the moment…. 😉

  • The Wedding is Off

    I’m fighting back the tears this morning and still can’t quite believe that we’re over. I thought he was the one and that we’d spend the rest of our lives together, but now… I just don’t know. I thought he loved me, why would he say he loved me if he didn’t.

    It all started with the music the DJ asked us to pick out. I thought for sure I knew he’d be picking lots of songs that I wouldn’t really like but could tolerate. Sure enough there was some Barbra Streisand, Broadway  songs, Baby Got Back – those I could live with and he was able to reasonably explain to me why they mattered to him. But it was the other songs that I just couldn’t imagine having played for our wedding day.

    I was first shocked that he wanted this one:

    No self-respecting groom wants to hear or see this at his wedding and we’re both grooms. I just couldn’t grasp the two of us out there dancing to this ridiculous song. This is supposed to be a celebration of our love and he was turning it into a farce for YouTube. I have to stop and cry again, I am going to miss him so much. I put my foot down on this song, I said there was no way I wanted it at our wedding reception, but he wouldn’t give in. He threatened to make me watch clichéd movies that gay people love (What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, The Wizard of Oz, Blades of Glory,  From Justin to Kelly, the list goes on and on) once a week until I agreed

    I could tell he was mad at me and I was really disappointed in him, our special day reduced to a Chicken Dance. I took a deep breath and said a little prayer asking God to help me through this minor issue, but then the real surprise came.

    I was also really not interested in this choice:

    Then He showed me the tux he is wearing at the big day. It’s hideous. I thought he had such class and style but then he goes and picks this? I know that he has some 80s parachute pants in his closet that he hopes will come back in style, but I thought the rest of his fashion sense was in a better frame of mind.

    I had picked a classic tux with a nice red tie and he decides THIS is what he’s going to wear, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to be ok with this. I realize that this is from the movie Dumb and Dumber, and I know he studies Film, but i just can’t…. I just can’t.

    We’re gay and there are certain rules about these kinds of things – if photos of him in this got out they might revoke his gay card and send us back to the closet.

    I said no way in hell could he wear that down the aisle I was marrying a handsome smart guy not Wayne Newton. I tried to explain to him that I’d put a lot of time in effort into not being a Bridezilla about the whole thing and that this was one thing I couldn’t get past. He started screaming at me on the phone, spouting how I’d gotten everything I wanted in the wedding and he just wanted this one thing. I screamed back, I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it.

    After several minutes on the phone he said that he wouldn’t relent, I begged and pleaded with him, but you know how stubborn he can be. He finally gave me the ultimatum that if he couldn’t wear this tuxedo then he didn’t want to get married at all.

    I said “Fine” and he said “Fine” and we hung up.

    I’m crying again, are we really this stupid to let fashion end it all? Seriously look at that picture and tell me you could do it. *sob*

    Bill, if you’re reading this please come to your senses. These things really don’t matter in the long run, it’s you I love and your fashion sense that I’m having troubles with. Perhaps we can get you some help, there must be a 12 Step program out there for this type of thing, I’ll ask around the Gay AA meetings they know all about these things.

    Please Bill, reconsider these choices, we could still live happily ever after, you just might have to wear your odd clothes in the spare bedroom alone, where no one could see you.

    Please pray for us, this is a very hard thing to get through. I thought he loved me.

     

    OK if you’re tuning in later in the day, yes this was an April Fools posting. Bill and I are still very much in love, and even though he is now threatening to buy a powder blue tuxedo for the wedding, we will be married, as planned in June! Thanks for all the clicks and messages.

  • Getting to Know Your Tools

    Sometimes perfect strangers come up to me and ask me to help them with their computer, smart phone or office equipment complications. Happens  a lot in the buildings I work in but I’ve had folks approach me on planes and trains as well. To the best of my knowledge I don’t look that much of a brain. Or do I? 

    I didn’t have a ton of computer training in high school, I did take a programming class but was really bored with it (this was the mid 80s) as it had a lot to do with math and I’m not really a fan of math. What we learned was really simple stuff with dots that moved across the screen or functions that calculated numbers and the like. For me not really of any interest at all and the one thing besides pot and alcohol that held me back in high school was pure boredom.

    What I find most interesting about it is that I can actually help these people, I may not even be familiar with the software or equipment that they’re using but I somehow just know which menu’s to explore to make it function as they had hoped. I figure this stuff is just natural to everyone and wonder why they even call me to ask. In the office building almost everyone who moves in with their new PC’s have issues making the internet work (no one with a Mac has reported an issue – just saying) and I end up in their offices in their Control Panel adjusting their firewall and internet connection settings. It’s usually a day after they move in that someone points them in my direction for help and sure enough after the visit they are up and running.

    Back when I was working overnights at one of my first office jobs I was asked frequently to do computer stuff to help out the secretary. That gave me the opportunity to explore the computer and discover all the ins and outs of what was making it work. I started on the notion (possibly out of ignorance) that I couldn’t do anything to hurt the computer, once I made that decision it was a lot easier to look around and explore a bit. The way I see it, if the company thought a lowly office guy could screw up their system with a few keystrokes they shouldn’t have released it, I still kind of look at it that way and it only gets me in trouble once in a while. After I had done the menial tasks on the word processor or spreadsheet I’d look around in the file and root structures and start to change things to see what would happen.

    The functions of all software programs seem to be laid out the same. We have File, Edit, View, Insert, Format, Tools… well those are the basics. From those basics I can always figure out where to go and what to tweak. I really wasn’t all that happy when Microsoft changed some of the menu functions on their software with Vista, but it’s still all fairly intuitive to me. Once you get used to some basic rules you can work your way out of almost any problem or make your program do what it is that you wanted it to do.

    Before you try anything new back up your system, make sure you don’t lose all your hard work because you’re experimenting with things.

    I tell my regular IT customers all the time “Oh, that’s easy to do” and they look at me with fear in their eyes. Take the time to explore your equipment, the more you use it the more comfortable you’ll feel. I really think that your best option for problem solving on your computer or technological device is to explore it more, find out what it can do and tweak things here and there. The more you play with it the more comfortable your going to feel about it when a little blip threatens to interfere with your project or just your average day. Don’t wait until your having an IT problem to find out more about your tool, it’s a tool and like all tools, you should know how to use it.

  • Timelines, Tuxedos, and Travel

    This morning I have an appointment with Jody at Macy’s by Appointment to find the right tuxedo for me. Jody’s helped me in the past pick out some great clothes and he’s a really friendly guy too. I have no idea how long this will take or what I’ll like or dislike. I’ve thought about wearing a white tuxedo, but the last time I wore one my life changed for ever… which it will again, but I’m looking for more of a smooth transition. Since the wedding invitation had top hats, I am seriously considering a top hat – it wouldn’t surprise me at all if Bill showed up in a cowboy hat. I wanted to get matching tuxedo’s but Bill didn’t think that was relevant so he’ll do his thing and I’ll do mine *sigh*. At least I know he usually has good taste.

    Thursday morning I’m heading back to San Antonio  for an extended weekend. Bill and I will be going over the DJ questionnaire among other fun things. It’s been about a month since I’ve seen Bill and it’s hard to be so far away, thankfully our next visit happens mid-April when Bill heads to DC for a week of touristy goodness. He wants me to show him DC as I know it, but seriously all I know about DC is how to avoid tourists… and he’s coming as a tourist so that’ll be hard 😉

    I can’t really believe that we are a little over three months away from the wedding day – where the hell did the time go? Everything seems to be happening at once now and more and more of it. Flowers (A Simple Ceremony), DJs (Love in the Mix), Menu’s, Photographers (LostRacco), Hotel Rooms (Marriott San Francisco Fisherman’s Wharf), Wedding Cakes (CakeWork)… there is a lot going on. I’ll be asking a friend later today if they’d be interested in being the point person during the big two days. If something goes wrong I want someone else to be able to make decisions for us as we’ll be rather obsessed about ourselves those days I think.

    I’m also thinking that I need a really good bachelor party and considering that I’m getting married in San Francisco during gay pride weekend there should be lots of fun things for a sober guy who’s going to get married the next day to do. I think I’m supposed to let Suzanne (my best woman) plan all that, I’ll have to check the rule book, but hopefully we’ll get to see lots of hairy bear (bare) chested men and dance and stuff… who knows. Bill thinks he’s too old to have a bachelor party the night before the wedding, he’s an earth person and can drink. The wedding’s not until 2 I think he could pull off a nice night on the town with his friends – oh well, his choice I guess.

    I’m excited and nervous about all that still has to be done… I’ll have to pray about all that.

  • Upgrades

    Doing a few minor upgrades to the blog, more storage and a design that works with mobile devices a bit better. Hope everyone likes it as it should be very cool on an iPad and or smart device.

    I added more room so I can incorporate more photos and be more of a visual blog, we’ll see how that goes. I’ll start by adding this photo of Bill and I that I really like.

    I get to see my guy in just three more days, can hardly wait.

  • Attack of the Bridezilla!

    So there is some debate about who’s the bigger Bridezilla, while I’m certain I’m not a Bridezilla at all, Bill seems to think that I am. So I’m interested in your opinion based on the information provided below:

    • Wants a church wedding: Bill
    • Wants to elope: Jamez (is in love, yes, but needs less pomp and circumstance)
    • Wants flowers for all the family and sponsors – Jamez
    • Wants a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner: Bill (it’s a small ceremony, but someone has lots of big ideas for it)
    • Wants a reception: Jamez (I figure if all those people are coming – we have to feed em)
    • Wants a dj for the reception: Jamez (if we’re going to feed all those people, we need to provide a way to burn off the calories)
    • Wants a photographer: Bill (I figure all our friends will take pictures why pay someone to do what our friends are already doing?)
    • Wants a red-velvet cake with cream cheese frosting: Bill (I don’t like cake)
    • Thinks we need to designate one of our friends or family as the “coordinator”: Jamez

    Thanks for participating in this very unscientific poll, this will help someone get over their denial.

  • Squeamish

    Many years ago my mother was in the ICU after having surgery and us kids got to go in and visit her. Almost immediately upon seeing her with all those tubes in her and looking rather ragged I felt faint. I wanted to grab on to something to hold on and then there were nurses all around me asking if I was ok, I had no idea if I was ok or not I just really needed to get out of there.

    In 1995 after I sobered up, my best friend Suzanne went off and got a brain tumor. I’m almost certain that exercise is the cause. So being a good friend I was there when she checked into the hospital with her husband, parents and another friend. As the doctor described the procedure in detail (“we will be entering your brain by placing an instrument under your lip and it has a little clasp…” or some disgusting thing) to Suzanne and family I had to excuse myself and soon was in the bathroom where I fell over. Suzanne was worried about me – they weren’t doing anything to my brain, I’m just squeamish.

    Then in 2004 while working at Children’s Hospital in DC (yes, I know – a hospital what was I thinking. But I’m a computer guy, not a person that had to deal with the icky stuff) a patient that loved me (who doesn’t?) was in the hospital having surgery and I had to be there for the little guy. That was hard, I not only was there for pre-surgery but then visited him in his room for several days after.

    So, you’d think with all this experience that it would get better or that eventually this silliness would just go away entirely, but last night I picked up my cat from the vet. She had a mass removed from her right shoulder and is all stitched up now. Sure enough every time I see it I’d like to pass out. She’s a trooper, not really happy to be wearing a cone on her head but not crying, I’m the weak one.

    I’m not entirely sure where these things come from, maybe I’m just designed to be this way. When I was very young I did have surgery on my eye. I don’t recall many things about that but my Mother had said that I was very good until they tried to take me home and I threw up. All I remember from that time is when the medical folks were talking to me about the anesthesia and the mask they were going to put on my face, but I don’t remember wanting to faint the whole time I was there.

    Anyway, I hope Mouse gets better quickly and I really hope none of my close friends or family end up in the hospital… it’s hard for me to visit.