Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Tag: jamezrant

  • Icky D's

    I went down to the Ahwatukee Foothills for a meeting tonight – I left early so I could get some food before the meeting. What I failed to recognize was there’s all kinds of stupid construction on McDowell and it went from 3 to 1 lane for no apparent reason (they do construction at night as it’s so hot during the day I think). Anyway, so that put me further behind than I anticipated and I was looking around for somewhere, something to eat and I did a dumb thing.

    I went to McDonald’s

    Now I’m not on any special diet or anything, but I’ve learned there are much better burgers almost anywhere else – Five Guys for example. But it was there and I was in a hurry so I stopped.

    The line was short – just two people ahead of me (well 7 people – 4 adults and three kids oh… and an old guy – 8 people). Of course one of the adults is a woman, and that automatically means it’s going to take longer (see this post). So they order for them and the kids and it’s now been ten minutes. (more…)

  • …the end's well

    The worst part of preparing for surgery is not being able to have coffee in the morning… really that was the absolute worst part of prep. This mornings coffee tastes so good, absence indeed made the heart grow fonder. MMMMMM

    My friend Cliff picked me up yesterday morning and took me to the Hospital, I had offers from several people including work folk, but Cliff made the most sense. Cliff did come with a cup of coffee for himself, which made me crave it soooo badly. He came in with me and we made sure they had his number to call when I was finished. I handed him my wallet and keys and he was off. He could have come up with me to the pre-surgical place – but why would you do that to some one? (See my post on how I get when I visit folks in the hospital: Squeamish) (more…)

  • First Trip Sober

    I was with my sponsor and grand-sponsor the first time I flew on a plane as an adult. We flew from Minneapolis to Los Angeles, a Northwest flight and we were seated in the same row. It was May of 1996 and we were going for the one year AA birthday of my first sponsor, Terry.

    Many years before the events of 9/11 it was easy, worry free and a pleasant experience. I was still a smoker at the time and my biggest concern was making it far without a smoke – I think the ban on smoking on flights had just started and I was none to pleased. They offered us pillows, blankets and showed a movie. I had the window seat and was much more interested in the sky outside than the entertainment inside. I may have slept for a bit I really don’t recall.

    Mid-flight they came to offer us a meal, I think it was a sandwich of which I had no interest. I was, if you can believe it, even pickier about what I ate back then. My grand-sponsor glared at me and said next time I was to give him my lunch if I didn’t want it – he wentertainment inside. I may have slept for a bit I really don’t recall.

    We landed without much ado, my ears didn’t have a hard time adjusting to the altitude change like they do now. I think we were going to be there for about a week so we all checked luggage. When I thought of LAX I’d imagine scenes from Airplane with the “the white zone is for loading and unloading only – shut up Jane” and such… and it wasn’t really that, but there were so many people and it was rather loud. Everyone seemed to know where they were going and were in a hurry to get there, my Grand-sponsor led the way to baggage, but I think he was a bit unsure of himself.

    The traffic was insane, even once we departed the freeway I kept imagining we’d soon be crashing into other vehicles. The trip to Santa Monica was short enough and the weather was very nice, I recall us having the windows open and feeling the sun shine warm us.

    The whole week we were there was mostly about going to meetings. Being the good AA’s that we were we showed up early to every meeting, helped set up (sometimes this can be an issue, people are very serious about their commitments) and then waited sometimes almost an hour for a meeting to start. At the Big Meeting we were chastised by the people in front of us for clapping and “woo woo” ing to loudly. I remember seeing a famous person and telling Terry “wow, look there’s so and so” and Terry said it was just a look-a-like… but I’m still not sure.

    We met Terry’s roommate Oscar who showed us around one day, we were at Venice Beach, climbing some rocks, driving faster than folks should drive. He was a nice guy. I learned about couch commitments – where people let new folks sleep on their couch while they first get sober to get established, seemed crazy to me at the time but now I can see where it would be helpful to folks. I remember being in their apartment and hearing the news reports constantly talking about people getting shot, that was most of the news and it was a bit of a culture shock to go from “the weather and farm report are next” to “breaking news as shots fired in local mall”.

    We visited the Midnight Mission and chatted with Clancy. It was way above my pay scale to meet all these old timers. I recall I had my hands in my pockets and one of the old-timers said: “Get your hands out of your pockets, He’ll (pointing to Clancy) provide the entertainment.” I was mortified (I was very sensitive back then).

    We were soon off to lunch with Clancy, some little Mexican place and we were all seated promptly, Clancy ordered for everyone and before I knew it there was this strange meal and a diet coke in front of me that I wasn’t sure of… WTH is a Fajita and Diet Coke is nasty. I had to watch others and I tried to copy them making a fajita for the first time, I didn’t want to make a fuss – I was the new guy here with 2 years hardly worth noticing 😉 You know what? I loved Fajitas, you can add the ingredients you like, it was spicy, it was flavorful… if nothing else I gained that from the trip to LA.

    Saturday we were to go to the yard, I put on a Country Jam tshirt that I packed and found my Grand-sponsor was wearing one also – he made me change shirts so we didn’t look too bumpkin I imagine. Then we went to the yard (Clancy’s house) and did all the fun things they do there. Softball across the road was next and I had no interest in playing softball, but before I knew it I was up to bat – I saw the ball coming I swung it and actually hit the ball – for a moment I was standing there shocked that I actually hit the ball with the bat… then I looked to see who was going to catch it… but I didn’t realize it had gone straight up and it promptly landed on my head (this explains a lot about the following years of my life)  and I was on the ground. I was ok, and thankfully they let me stop playing softball.

    On our way to the airport to go home there was a news report of a plane crashing in Florida, I was really suddenly worried about the safety of the plane we were going to be on, but all the other LAX people were just rushing from here to there.

    I came back motivated to do more in AA and to have bigger groups and more fun social activities with peers. I also vowed to go again, and I did the following year without my sponsor and grand-sponsor. This became a ritual for me, every year for my AA birthday I’d take a trip somewhere – I found out many years later that my best friend wished I’d take trips to spend it with her, so I’ve done that a few times as well.

  • Are There Options?

    When I started my first factory job I was 18, I didn’t do too well in school – drinking and drugging kept me out of class and unable to care – and factory jobs seemed the logical choice to feed my addictions. I was fired from a job where I worked at plastic molding injection machines I think because I was often late and fell asleep in the lunch room too long a few times. Another job I left for another job and that’s how that goes… when you’re young and stupid. Somehow or other I ended up in Winona MN at a silkscreen printing company, they printed on plastic bottles and I was a catcher – I would catch the bottles as they came off the conveyor belt, inspect them for ink in the wrong places (meaning there was a hole in one of the screens) and pack them nice and tight in boxes – a very easy job to do and the mechanics who set the screens were not too happy with my vision – I could see the tiniest of spots that didn’t belong – for a brief time back then I was wearing bifocals.

    8066692-cog-wheels-work-pattern-seamless-by-vertical[I’m sitting here at the computer trying to figure out how I got to those jobs back in the late 80s… I didn’t have a car or a license and they weren’t right across the street – I actually can’t recall where Northern Engraving was but I remember where the other one was but can’t recall the name – the longer time goes the less I can retain I guess]

    Those jobs paid well for the time and place and each job paid a little more than the other. When I had been there 3 months they’d offer me health care and i’d start to accumulate vacation and such… and I think I’d get a little raise to help offset the cost of those benefits. Now my memory isn’t what it used to be – see the little side note above, but I think that makes a hell of a lot of sense…. Hell it’s even more sense for a company to pay for health insurance for all their employees – keep them well and they’ll be able to work harder, longer, better… right? (more…)

  • Weird Funeral Experiences

    I read a lot of different blogs and read random things that I find on the internet – WordPress helps by giving me suggestions for blogs that have similar themes ore that are comparable to ones I’ve favorited.

    dead dead, mostly dead ...probably
    dead dead, mostly dead …probably

    I read this blog piece the other day and commented on it:

    The Wednesday Question: What was the Weirdest Experience you  had at at Funeral

    (more…)

  • Keep It Clean

    This isn’t going to be a warm and fuzzy post full of nice things or cute animals… ok, here’s a cute animal….

    cute animal
    cute animal

    but after this it really becomes a TMI post and you probably don’t want to continue reading… that was your last chance… (more…)

  • Weird Ol Jamezovich

    Sometimes I rewrite famous songs – ala Weird Al … I’ve been doing this for a long, long time. The first song I ever did like this (well that I performed anywhere) was George Michael’s I Want Your Sex which I did as I Want Your Socks and had a laundry basket with real laundry too onstage at G-E-T High and then got a job singing in a band. I don’t recall all the lyrics, but I remember it went well and was one of the criteria the music teacher used to get me a “letter” in music… not a goal I had in high school.

    the hats for the song
    the hats for the song

    Recently here at work we had a special person move to the east coast and had a farewell lunch for her at Humble Pie (local restaurant – good pizza) and I rewrote Don McLean’s American Pie to bye bye at Humble Pie (more…)

  • He Hit Her…

    I know about the obsession of the mind that affects alcoholics, I know from first hand experience, it can overwrite common sense – it takes liberty with the past and tells you that this time it’ll be different, it promises you’ll finally get that feeling you’ve been chasing so long that’s been just out of your reach.

    I don’t understand the trick the mind plays with domestic abuse victims.  Time and time again they go back to the abuser “I’ll never do it again” he says… “I’m so sorry” he says… “Give me one more chance” he pleads… At least that’s what my Mother seemed to do.

    Domestic ViolenceI don’t remember the first time my step-father hit my mother, after a while all the times run together and every incident is the same. He started the same each time, he’d be normal, he’d maybe even be nice to people even us kids…

    Then there was something in his eyes that would change you knew right behind those eyes the rage was just itching to get out. You could see the rage back there and some times he’d temper it, he’d keep it glowing under cover but the embers were waiting to strike each time.  (more…)

  • An Escape

    In 1982 my mother decided to run from her troubles and move to Florida. This run she took us kids with her, which I thought was very considerate of her, in later years she couldn’t be bothered with kids tagging along.

    I think this was our house on Elm Street
    I think this was our house on Elm Street

    We were living on Elm Street in Whitehall WI at the time, I was 11 or 12. Mom was buying through a HUD loan and it was nice – the bedrooms were downstairs for us kids and I think we had bunk beds. There was a huge back yard and we had family friends that lived on the same block almost.  Not to far away was the railroad tracks and the golf course – lots of things for a kid with an imagination to enjoy. We’d lived on this street before in a little red house where I broke my two front teeth and threw Kilo, the dog, down the stairs… long story. Aunt Gerry and her daughter Angie were living with us too, Gerry’s boys had opted to live with their dad. This was a house that has a lot of odd memories for me, I can recall us kids doing a performance for our parents (just like the Brady’s) a few times.

    I can recall someone calling the house and asking if Mother was home and me telling them she went to the AAA Meeting – I had one to many A’s and Mom was very upset about me telling someone even though I named it incorrectly. So this was one of Mom’s attempts at getting sober, but all she really did in AA was date men, go to potlucks dances and complain about her life.

    (more…)

  • Getting Around

    I’m finally to the point, I hope, where I don’t have to use my GPS every time I want to go somewhere here. I know how the city works and can find my way to most places with little trouble. It’s even reached the point where I am getting to know stupid intersections that I want to avoid as much as possible. I know that’ll be challenged over the next few days, I’m going to have dinner at a friends in Chandler, not really been down there. Today I get to go over to one of the school, Grand Canyon University for a trade show type thing for work… joy, of joys.

    IMG_2895

    Traffic still kind of baffles me, and probably would where ever I happen to be. I keep waiting for the Onion headline that explains why everyone in front of me is traveling 10 miles under the speed limit in all three lanes… and why it happens every day. I see the speed limit sign, “Look there’s another” I say as we creep along… OK, creep along might be pushing it, but I just can’t figure this stuff out… how and why?!

    Turning and turn lanes I don’t get either – when I turn I turn into the lane that I want to be in, unless there is another turn lane or obstruction that I can see – but many people turn into a lane they don’t want and then rush over to get in the lane they should have been to begin with. WTF… OK, this could be a slow GPS thing for them or something… I’m not really sure. They have turn lanes in the center of the road here which you would think people could use and it would help traffic flow better, but what happens is they don’t know how to use them or they go in cockeyed with their ass hanging out and people have to swerve around them… and swerving way out to make a turn onto a regular street, why do people do that?

    The lack of signal use drives me crazy… you’re cruising along and then someone slows down, and sometimes for blocks at a time. Then they either turn or finally put on their signal. How hard can it be?

    As you can imagine I spend a lot of my driving time waving my hands in the air, screaming like I just don’t care… oh wait… no, I often talk to them even though they can’t hear me and try to explain how stupid they are. I do it in a nice calm voice most of the time.. ok, not really.

    This driving thing is still pretty unusual for me… I do my best to be careful…