Many years ago my mother was in the ICU after having surgery and us kids got to go in and visit her. Almost immediately upon seeing her with all those tubes in her and looking rather ragged I felt faint. I wanted to grab on to something to hold on and then there were nurses all around me asking if I was ok, I had no idea if I was ok or not I just really needed to get out of there.

In 1995 after I sobered up, my best friend Suzanne went off and got a brain tumor. I’m almost certain that exercise is the cause. So being a good friend I was there when she checked into the hospital with her husband, parents and another friend. As the doctor described the procedure in detail (“we will be entering your brain by placing an instrument under your lip and it has a little clasp…” or some disgusting thing) to Suzanne and family I had to excuse myself and soon was in the bathroom where I fell over. Suzanne was worried about me – they weren’t doing anything to my brain, I’m just squeamish.

Then in 2004 while working at Children’s Hospital in DC (yes, I know – a hospital what was I thinking. But I’m a computer guy, not a person that had to deal with the icky stuff) a patient that loved me (who doesn’t?) was in the hospital having surgery and I had to be there for the little guy. That was hard, I not only was there for pre-surgery but then visited him in his room for several days after.

So, you’d think with all this experience that it would get better or that eventually this silliness would just go away entirely, but last night I picked up my cat from the vet. She had a mass removed from her right shoulder and is all stitched up now. Sure enough every time I see it I’d like to pass out. She’s a trooper, not really happy to be wearing a cone on her head but not crying, I’m the weak one.

I’m not entirely sure where these things come from, maybe I’m just designed to be this way. When I was very young I did have surgery on my eye. I don’t recall many things about that but my Mother had said that I was very good until they tried to take me home and I threw up. All I remember from that time is when the medical folks were talking to me about the anesthesia and the mask they were going to put on my face, but I don’t remember wanting to faint the whole time I was there.

Anyway, I hope Mouse gets better quickly and I really hope none of my close friends or family end up in the hospital… it’s hard for me to visit.

2 thoughts on “Squeamish

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