Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: AA

  • Only The Lonely

    Over the last several months I’ve been fortunate (or unfortunate – depending on how you want to look at it) enough to have heard from several different people how lonely, depressed or just out of sorts they seem to be.

    My advice to each of them has been the same: Maybe you should go to more meetings.

    It’s easy to give the same advice to these people when I met each of them in a 12 step meeting.

    Now it came as a surprise to me when each of these individuals gave me exactly the same answer: I don’t go to meetings anymore. I just don’t feel connected there and don’t think I really need to go anymore.

    Well, I can understand why you feel lonely, depressed and out of sorts. You’ve obviously become well enough that you no longer need other people, a program of recovery or a power greater than yourself.

    I’m not going to feel sorry for you, I’m not going to enable you, I’m not going to listen to you whine. Get the hell out of your self-imposed seclusion and go to a meeting, you’ll feel better, see people and rejoin the path of recovery that will show you a way of life that is indescribably wonderful.

    “Yeah but…” A friend of mine says that everything after “yeah, but…” is bullshit. I’m all for that, there are no excuses, take the action you need to take to recover for your disease and quit complaining that the world doesn’t treat you right. It’s not attractive.

    If you go to meetings and don’t participate in the fellowship before or after the meetings, that’s half your problem. Whey aren’t you reaching out to other members and calling, emailing or hanging with them?

    “Yeah, but emails aren’t the same…” see above
    “Yeah, but no one really connects with me…” see above
    “Yeah, but my case is different…” see above

    You want to feel a part of, you want to feel like you belong? Take the action. Hold out your hand to shake, raise your hand to share, invite yourself to lunch… Do something.

  • WIsconsin Trip – Summer 2009 – part 2 (Coulee Region)

    First a little background information. Coulee “in Wisconsin, they are the product of nearly a half million years of erosion, unmodified by glaciation. The loose rocks at the base of the wall form what are called scree slopes. These are formed when chunks of the canyon wall give way in a rockslide. Left alone, the valleys are often woodland, with the ridgetops transitioning into tallgrass prairie when not turned into pasture or used for row crops.” I always think of coulee’s like big spacious valleys, I’m not sure if that’s accurate, but when I think of “coulees” in WI I think of valleys of lush green forests and rolling hills.

    I awoke relatively early on Sunday morning and after saying my farewells to the Isenberger’s I headed off for Galesville.

    A little more information – My Pa, who died in November loved to go to auctions. He would go to auctions and buy anything that struck his fancy – lawn mowers, snow blowers, tables, street lamps, old books, clothes, motors… relatively ANYTHING. And he managed to fill the old Beaver Builder’s building in Galesville (over 300′ long with 4 floors) with those items he purchased. This is what my Pa did after he retired, much to the occasional frustration and frequent concern for finances that he caused my Ma. It’s hard to put into words what the Shop looks like inside, Pa had no recognizable form of organization we might have a stack of riding mower decks in this corner, at the far side of the building and behind a row of snow blowers. The vast expanse of the building have allowed many bats and stray cats to call it home and therefore there are various forms of feces in different parts. It was rare that Pa would cover items with a tarp or put them in a protected place, most if not all of the items in the shop are covered with a thin layer of black dust that gets transferred to your face, hands and clothes with ease.

    I arrived in Galesville a little after 10, having just missed my Ma who was off to a 50th wedding anniversary party for old friends. I headed off immediately to the Shop to go to work. Rhonda, her husband Greg and my nephew Michael were already there hard and work. Rhonda put me to work sorting lawnmower bags which is frustrating. We assume that Pa must have bought a lot of old Toro bags at an auction as we have more than twice as many Toro bags as we do Toro mowers. Rhonda brought a movie (Paul Blart, Mall Cop) over that evening and we enjoyed that with Rhonda and Greg.

    Monday morning Ma and I went to breakfast at the Garden of Eatin’ a local cafe (Galesville is called the Garden of Eden by some so the restaurant’s name fits) before I headed off to the shop for day two. Rain was falling pretty hard most of the day so we were confined to the inside of the shop which hindered our progress some and gets a person depressed pretty quickly. The local paper stopped by to ask questions and take pictures and we called it a day a little early. Rhonda brought over a movie (Bride Wars) and we were all likely in bed before 10 p.m.

    Tuesday we all met at the Garden of Eatin’ for breakfast, the sun was out and it was threatening to be a nice day. Rhonda and I set our sites on moving lawnmower decks from the inside of the building to the outside – let me tell you those things are heavy and I am very grateful for the two wheelers that were on hand to cart them long distances and up the hill. I was put to the task of sorting out and lining up a pile of rear ends that belong to various tractors and riders.

    I am so very grateful that Rhonda is there in Galesville. She has done an amazing amount of work getting everything ready for the auction. When I go into the building I am still overwhelmed at the enormity of it all and how much has yet to be done. I think there are over 100 push mowers, 100 riders, 100 snow blowers, 100 tillers on the first auction block (in addition to the various 1000s of spare parts, the 1949 1/4 ton truck, the fish finned car and god only knows what else. Rhonda (with little help from others) had put this all together for the first auction this Saturday which has helped Ma immensely.

    Thank God for wonderful sisters! I’ll be heading back to the Coulee region in late July just in time for the 2nd auction.

  • WIsconsin Trip – Summer 2009 – part 1 (Chippewa Valley)

    I awoke in DC early Thursday morning and despite the clear skies that followed the severe thunderstorms that night, my flight was canceled. I didn’t know that until I reached the airport – having failed to check my flight status before heading out the door that morning. Delta/NWA booked me on a relatively similar flight and I arrived in La Crosse, WI only an hour or so later than I had planned. Flying into La Crosse, I knew why they call our land God’s country – the land is covered in life – forests of trees, streaming rivers and serenity… just beautiful.

    Rhonda and Ma came to pick me up at the airport and we went to Rocky Roccoco’s for Lunch. If you didn’t know, Rocky’s is Chicago Style pizza and one of the treats that I look forward to when I go home. It’s a wonderful feeling to come home and have a nice lunch with your Ma and your sister. I dropped Ma and Rhonda off in Galesville and took Ma’s car about 100 miles north to Eau Claire, WI.

    I arrived at Pat and Brenda’s about 1:30 or so and found Brenda, Samantha (the graduating one) and Anna (Sam’s friend) hard at work in preparation for the party Saturday. I was greeted with hugs and dog kisses (from the dog Maui) and tried to help as I was directed to.

    Thursday night a friend (Stephanie) was the speaker at the Eau Claire Pacific Group of Alcoholics Anonymous and I was in attendance. Stephanie did a great job sharing her experience, strength and hope and afterward we all all headed to Perkins for a very late meal, I’d say there were about 20 folks in attendance it was good fellowship.

    Friday during the day Pat and I ran errands for his wife and generally helped to prepare the house for all the guests. That evening was the graduation ceremony. We (Pat, Brenda, Stephanie and Anna) were all in attendance for what seemed to be the longest graduation commencement ceremony – ever… The Assistant Principal spoke, they inducted people from the classes of 1945, 55 and 62 into some special recognition group, students talked, principals talked, songs were sung… and finally (2 hours later) they started to hand out diplomas to the 300+ students… when my niece Sam received hers we pleasantly left the building.

    Saturday morning I had breakfast with my biological sisters daughters (or my nieces) Samantha and Tabatha at Perkins. I hadn’t seen either of these girls (women?) since my mother died about 5 years ago. They have both grown up so much and are so very different from the little girls that I used to spin in circles and make smell my socks in my memory. We had a nice breakfast filled with moments of awkward silences and shy moments. I then drove Tabatha home all the way to Fall Creek before heading back to Chippewa Falls for the party.

    Saturday’s party was preceded by temperatures that were in the low 50s and a rain that fell all day long. The party’s spirit threatened to abandon us before the actual festivities… nevertheless the family and friends arrived in the early afternoon and stayed into the evening. Family and friends tend to do that for people they love.

    These types of events are always a double edged sword for me, I do get to see and spend great quality time with people that mean the world to me, and I get a chance to see folks that I don’t see very often – there are plenty of people that I don’t know that are there also and these events do seem to be an excuse for people to hang around and whine about life… sigh.

    I’ve known Samantha since she was about 4 years old and I’ve been called “Uncle Jamez” almost since day 1… for a little while she and her brother called me “James and the Giant Peach” and I am grateful that that finally lost interest with them. Samantha has grown into a fine young woman and I have been amazed at her accomplishments, triumphs and journeys into adulthood. Right now I know she doesn’t know where she wants the future to lead her, but I hope when she chooses a path that that path leads her to a life as filled with loved ones as I’ve managed to assimilate.

  • Humbling

    I’ve been asked to speak at the Chippewa Valley Roundup this year. This is one of those crazy things that doesn’t seem like it can be real.

    If my memory serves me well, I helped do the groundwork to get this roundup up and running all those years ago. Shortly before it came to be a reality is when I copped my resentment and left the group, but I was there at the beginning and I am fairly certain I attended the roundup.

    So, in preparation for this event I’ve downloaded all the AA Speaker Podcast’s I could and will listen to as many as I can. I’m hoping all this listening will not only be good for my program, but also manage to help me be a better speaker. Fortunately, there have been some really good talks, a few that have made me a little weepy…

    Anyway, this is gonna weigh heavily on my mind over the next month or so and I’ll do my best to deliver the message.

  • Thump… Thump…. Thump

    So at Wednesday nights meeting I got pretty frustrated. I interpreted a lot of folk that shared to say that it was ok to just give living amends to immediate family or co-workers as that’s what they really need.

    ok, it was one of many things that got on my nerves and maybe I was just in the wrong spot (I had considered going home, but changed my mind – *slaps self in head*)

    The step (step 9) says: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

    Now when I was fairly new a speaker pointed out that he very frequently heard people in meetings say “whenever possible” and he wanted me to be sure I read it right… so its kind of stuck with me. But there are many times that I hear people say they are waiting for that person to cross their path or show up again.

    When I was doing my step 8 and 9 with Joe (long, long ago) he made sure I understood it was an action step and it was MY job to find these people and do everything in my power to do just that. That’s how I found Eric here on the East Coast ( you try to find the right Eric Nelson in the US ) and recently Facebook helped me to discover that my old friend Jenni died… which was a sad way to find out, but I did have the opportunity to talk to her brother.

    “Faith without works is dead.” they say…

    So, I was listening to a Clint H talk ( a podcast which is very damn cool) and he started out saying that we shouldn’t (I’m paraphrasing) try to make the words in the book matter that much, the program is so much more than the words in the book…

    I’m sorry that I have to disagree with you Clint H, the words matter as they are written, the steps matter more when done in order and we do better if we actually follow the directions, rules, guidelines that have been set forth for us in the first 164 pages. That’s why it’s there so we know that it’s not “…made indirect amends whenever possible…” and not “…unselfishness that we think is the root of our problem”… We’re not CA, CMA, NA, OA or any other A… we’re the first, the original and our traditions spell it out pretty clearly, we have a singleness of purpose and if we stray from that path we may very well lose what we’ve been so freely given…

    It’s there, its our program that has worked miracles for the last 74 years, that’s all that we’ve been around, 74 and the more I look around and listen in rooms the less and less I hear that is actually grounded in the program as set down by our founders.

    yeah, I’m a little unhappy with my “AA”… I just wish I actually felt like I used to feel – like I wanted to go to a meeting, like I knew it would make me feel a little safer, a little better and hopeful.

  • 15 Years – Unbelievable

    On May 8th, 2009 I turn 15 years sober! Which doesn’t even seem real.

    When I was new in the program and heard people talk about having double digit sobriety I rarely believed them, how could it be possible to go that long without a drink, they must cheat or something. I was determined to find out how they were drinking and still maintaining a normal life style… and so I stuck around.

    My first run in with a guy that had 15 years was at the Northside Group in Eau Claire. The Northside Group is a step meeting and they were on Step 12 at the time (12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.). The format of the meeting was that every other person got to share, I was in the right (or wrong) seat and when it was my turn I started to spout a bunch of nonsense that had nothing to do with Step 12, recovery or alcoholism. Chuck C. interrupted me and said that I didn’t know what I was talking about and maybe I should just listen to some folks that did. I was offended, shocked, horrified… but he was absolutely right. Attending that meeting for the next year I was fortunate to learn about the steps as they are practiced in the book, and even more fortunate to be introduced to the Traditions, ACTION and service work.

    I consider myself fortunate for being raised in two meetings that were dramatically different from one another. One was focused primarily on the steps and traditions and the other was more focused on fellowship and structure. It provided me with a unique look at the program and gave me the best and worst of all its parts.

    Have I grown into a spiritual giant and circuit speaker? No, far from it. I am still very rigid in my ideas of what AA means and what constitutes a meeting. I often find myself stewing in a meeting about a little thing that isn’t just right, so much to that I miss the message.

    When I was new, desperate and willing to do anything to recover, I would read my Big Book, say my prayers, call other AA’s on the phone and try to actively participate in the fellowship of the program each and every day. Today, I’m lucky if I can remember to say a prayer on a daily basis. They talk about resting on our laurels in the book and I know the dangerous road I’m now walking.

    The question is am I ready to change directions and walk down a more spiritual path? Right now all I can tell you is that I’m more willing to telling someone in a meeting to shut up… I’ll have to work on the rest!

    Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly

  • April 2009 Trip to Wisconsin

    Relief. That’s what I feel that this time i wasn’t going to fly US Airways with their fees, surcharges, surly crew and bad seats. Instead I had booked a flight on Northwest, which has always been a pleasant experience. My flights were on time, my seat was comfortable, it was relaxing! The flight from MSP to EAU on the little plane was a little bumpy, but that was more entertaining than frightening.

    I landed a little early in Eau Claire and had to call Brenda to let her know I was there, she was soon at the airport to scoop me up. She and I drove to Oakwood Mall where we ate Rocky Rococo’s pizza and met up with Pat and then headed back to Chippewa (their home).

    That evening Pat, Brenda and I went to see the new movie Observe and Report, which had a few good one liners but was mostly not worth the money.

    Saturday was mostly uneventful up until we headed out the door for the Pacific Group’s 15th Anniversary Party. Before the party we stopped at Starbucks for coffee, Brenda got hit on by a 20 something kid… made her weekend. At the party is was great to see all the old familiar faces and reminisce about the early days. The food was good, the talk was good, the movie was too long… but it was fun.

    Sunday morning, bright and early, I left for Galesville to see Ma and Rhonda. Ma and I went to breakfast at the Garden of Eatin’ and then we headed down to the shop to meet up with Rhonda and Greg. Rhonda, Greg and I worked hard throwing away broken mowers, snow blowers and other crap that Pa had managed to collect. Around 12 we broke for lunch and then were joined by Michael and a friend of his, more and more stuff was cleared out and sorted. I soon discovered that there was to be a thrift sale April 25 and 26 and two auctions the first of which will be right after my next trip to WI (June 4 – 11). We worked hard and got very dirty. Sunday evening we all met at Ma’s for pizza, Danielle and Cory brought their baby Charles (my first great-nephew) and we all had a relaxing night.

    Monday I was VERY sore, it’s been a long time since I put in a day of manual labor. I had a quick breakfast with Ma and then headed back to Eau Claire. Monday and Tuesday were pretty uneventful at Pat and Brenda’s but it was nice to see and spend time with them.

  • The Florida Roundup – Contempt after investigation?

    I usually do this kind of thing in time line synopsis like paragraphs, and I see no point in changing now so here we go. (This would have been a very long post, I’ve changed it)

    This past summer Chris G. said something about the Florida Roundup that made me realize I had been poking fun at it and dismissing it as less than a worthwhile event without ever having gone myself: Contempt prior to investigation. So I set out to correct that error and was self assured that I would soon be able to boast at what a horrendous waste of time and money the Florida Roundup was.

    There were rules of course, there always are when I go about this kind of thing. I agreed to attend at least one of every scheduled event – friends suggested that I go to at least one workshop, the Sunday brunch and the Play. OK, to be honest I had no intention of going to the play, the same friends that had suggested I go to the play told me you had to see the movie The Devil Wears Prada on the big screen to see the details of the fashion, and, as I’ve said before, I’m not that kind of gay. I even spent an extra day or two, arriving Wednesday and leaving Monday… well that was the plan anyway. I also agreed that I would not start to complain about things, because when I start it’s hard to stop and I wanted to be fair.

    So what did I like about the Roundup? Seeing friends, getting to know new friends, 2 of the main speakers, the one day that I managed to spend lying on the beach with my Kindle reading, meals with folks I didn’t know really well and meals with folks that I had just met, eye candy everywhere.

    What I didn’t like: the hotel, the hotel’s housekeeping, the hotel’s idea of hot water and water pressure in showers, the cost of a cab to/from the airport ($80), the drag shows, the Sunrise meeting (which I was told to attend at least once – it rained, was dark, and cold), the drag shows, the drag shows before almost every meeting… well, you know.

    I was pleased to meet some very special people with long term sobriety that I hope to get to know better over the years if I’m fortunate enough to stay sober and alive – Michael and Terry among others.

    At the big meetings there were some things that really got to me, little shout outs back to readers of conference approved literature (How It Works, the Preamble, the promises). A member of AA standing at a podium reading the literature that contains specific directions on how we get better and instead of honest reflection and mediation there is laughter at the cat calls and what not that they’ve added to our ritual. At one point, some young man yelled out to a woman reading: “show us your tits” which was promptly booed, but that’s where we are headed I think.

    So, would I attend the Roundup again? I don’t know, I’m sure I could be persuaded, but not today.

  • Lost on the Spiritual Road

    When I was thrust into sobriety (it wasn’t my idea I swear) I hated the concept of God. For years the whole notion of this gray haired figure in the sky condemning me for all I had done wrong or for what I was led me to just not want anything to do with “Him”. Hate begets hate I guess.

    I recall that in my youth when my biological mother was in the hospital on numerous occasions I entered the hospital a few times and prayed to the god of her understanding and asked that God to make her well. That just never did happen – but I underestimated the depth of her sickness, it was all in her head.

    So when I found something to hope for in AA I made a deal with God as others understood him: “If you can make me as happy as this kid (long story), I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.” That’s just what I did for the next few years, my interpretation of his message through AA is what I tried my best to do.

    Fake it til you make it – that’s what they say in AA. Pretend to believe until you really believe. But what do you do if you’ve faked it for a few years and maybe here and there found moments of time that maybe there could be a something out there, but probably not. What do you do when you know in the deep recess of yourself that there isn’t a talking snake.

    That’s just part of it. I can honestly say it’s been years since I’ve looked forward to going to a meeting, years since I’ve come from a meeting thinking to myself “I needed that.” Dangerous.

    In April of 08 Suzanne and I were at a meeting in NY and I wasn’t at the meeting. I was marking off the things that they were doing wrong, I have no idea if it was a good lead or if the message would have been helpful – I was buy taking the meetings inventory.

    I keep looking and listening for the fundamentals of recovery that, well that I used to believe in. How are all of these people that I see staying sober in what I consider group therapy? I have no idea.

    Tonight I went to a meeting near my office, there is still a glimmer of hope in my head that there is good AA out here and when I find it I will feel better about everything… but it wasn’t what I would consider to be a good meeting for the most part. One girl talked about someone showing here a page in the Big Book with a prayer that she found helpful – I was shocked to hear it.

    I subscribe to the Grapevine, an AA speaker of the month CD club and read my Big Book fairly regularly. I go to one meeting a week, sometimes (like this week) I force myself to go to more than one – but I don’t want to anymore, and I find that its more of a chore than anything else.

    The three sides of the old AA triangle are: recovery, unity and service

    So if I only have one, all I have is a very flat plateau I guess – I’m going to take a few steps to see if I can repair this, I’m not sure that I can… bless them, change me – I recently heard in a meeting.. well, sometimes you have to change yourself, and I guess it’s time.

  • Never Quite What I Expected

    This was quite possibly the oddest year I’ve ever had. I started out the year surrounded by a host of friends supporting me during a small crisis and ended up the year with a host of friends surrounding me during a major crisis. I’ve been very fortunate to have such good friends, family and mentors in my life… and this year it paid off.

    First, the list of Favorite Things of 2008
    Movie: The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger was spectacular and it was a great comic book story)
    Album: Evolver (John Legend) – if you buy any album this year, buy this one
    Video Game: World of Warcraft – Wrath of the Litch King (I am getting a bit bored with the game, it’s been my favorite for 4 or 5 years now)
    TV Show: CSI – lots of changes over at CSI this year, not sure if I’ll like it after all the changes are done but I’m trying to remain open minded.
    Airline: Northwest/Delta – the way they helped me in November was just beyond what I expected – Kudos to them
    Coffee Pot: I got a new one, Cuisinart and it’s the best.. I bought one for Lisa it’s that good
    Gadget: Kindle – electronic books I love this thing and I have a ton of books on it.
    Web page: Facebook – dang this thing is addicting and fun

    As per usual, every Sunday morning if we are in DC – Mark, Robert and i have breakfast somewhere before our Sunday meeting. Annie’s changed their menu this fall so we are currently looking for a new place to eat – we may have found one after much searching.

    I started out the year following up on quitting my job, I had made the decision to quit back in November of 07, and events that happened in December just made me want to hurry out that much sooner. I gave notice, a months notice and told them I’d be happy to help them out for a while until my replacement was settled in. Then I was fired the following week (yes Gary fired). They locked me out of my work station and wiped my Blackberry clean. I was resentful for a while, but most of it got out in my blog and I felt better.

    Jim DiLuigi (who was also fired, but in December) and I wasted no time, but started up Access-Ability Consultants, Inc and have been working steadily since. Its a nice arrangement and we have a lot of fun. This year we made a profit, so that’s a very good thing. We have lots of very busy days and lots of days where we have time for Charlie to send jokes or to find cheap things for Jim to buy at Heartland America. Jim is the Treasurer for Historic Takoma which provides plenty of work for both of us, but doesn’t actually pay the bills 😉

    One of the nicer things about working with Jim is his family. As a result of the new company I’ve been fortunate to get to know some very special people better than I had a chance to know them before: Ana Maria, Lisa (and Rankine), David (and Regina), Mark (and Kate) and Jim’s Mom and brother as well. I will let you know that it got a little tense during some of the political circus this year as the DiLuigi family are not all the same political party… it was fun to see some of the back and forth banter.

    I’ve tried dating this year, been on several dates with several men … yes, JUST dates. There have been some promising candidates, but I’m not going to settle for less than I deserve, why would I want to. I’m still looking and its been a lot of fun. wish me luck.

    The cats (Q and Mouse) are fine, though Q has some kind of psychological disorder – or i assume so cause the Xrays found nothing ($338 later) to tell why he wont poop in the box.

    This was a high school year, not just the faux high school reunion, I also spent time with Eric and Kelly here in DC, and then Eric and I had a great weekend at the Renaissance Fair and Baltimore this fall. Ted, Eric, Rick, Jeff, Tim… hell a ton of folks are on Facebook, so I know what’s going on in their daily lives.

    I took several trips this year.

    In April Suzanne and I spent a weekend in NY (NJ and NY really) and besides someone breaking into her car (they didn’t steal anything, and the Ipod I had bought her for Christmas was in the Jeep – we think they were looking for the GPS) we had a great time. I saw my first play on Broadway – Young Frankenstein. I heard alot about Paul (Suzanne’s fiance) this weekend, but I didn’t get a chance to meet him until December. Suzanne’s dog Destiny had been very old at this point and Suzanne had her put to sleep, it was sad.

    In May I took a trip for my AA birthday (14) I went to Ft Lauderdale, but didn’t have quite as much fun as I normally do (read what you want into that).

    In June I took my first trip to Wisconsin for Scooters going away party. He graduated high school and took off for basic training. It’s always nice to spend time with Pat and Brenda and I, of course drove down to see Ma, Pa and Rhonda in Galesville and also visited Jim’s daughter in Nashville – that was very enjoyable it was nice to spend time with Lisa, her husband Rankine and their dogs Daisy and Buddy. so of course I missed gay pride in DC again… nothing new there.

    In July I took another trip to WI, this time for my pseudo 20 year reunion. Just a few of us decided to meet up and reminisce. It was a trip to see Rosy, Ted, Eric and Jen again. I hope we do it often. It was very nice and I stayed at Ma and Pa’s for 4 days I think. I got back and the next night went to see George Michael perform at the Verizon Center with Mark and Robert – I don’t much care for concerts so that’ll likely be my last one.

    In August, Pat, Brenda and Anna (Scooters girlfriend) came to DC to visit Scooter after Basic and then make me play tour guide… they had fun torturing me. In August a friend, John Dunn, died, it was sudden, unexpected and sad. He was one of the nicest people I ever met here in DC, he was mourned by many across the area.

    In October Jim and I finalized plans to take a trip to Cancun in November, I invited my good friend Brenda to go with me and then gave her a hard time every other day. One day I called and told her that the passport number she gave me was listed as invalid… she turned the car around and headed home… then I told her I was fibbin… she swore then. lol

    So of course the day my Pa died in November (15th) I called her as she was about to board the commuter plane to come to DC for the trip to Cancun and at first she didn’t believe me … don’t cry wolf.

    My Pa dying was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through. I cried like I had never cried before and I still miss him. I hope that I will always miss him. I get teary and sad off an on since I found out. I don’t really want to talk about it here… again… I miss my Pa. I am trying to be a better son, trying to be a better brother by staying more in touch with Ma and Rhonda… and as a result I’m trying to be a healthier person also. I had so much support from friends when this happened, and I am so very grateful that they were there and I hope I can be there for them if a similar situation occurs.

    In December I spent 5 days for my birthday in San Diego, exploring, playing tourist and relaxing. It was the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to go back.

    The weekend before Christmas I went to Suzanne’s, met her fiance Paul and her new dog Farley. We had a lovely visit.

    That was my year, it went by entirely too fast, but overall it was a good year. The people (salads and dogs) that have moved on this year made me into the person I am today – which is a good thing.

    If you want to know full on details about anything that was written above, try looking at my blog: http://mrjamezq.blogspot.com almost everything that happened this year to me was documented.

    I hope you all have a lovely year and I hope that I may get to share just a tiny fraction of yours with you.

    love

    jamez