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Thump… Thump…. Thump

So at Wednesday nights meeting I got pretty frustrated. I interpreted a lot of folk that shared to say that it was ok to just give living amends to immediate family or co-workers as that’s what they really need.

ok, it was one of many things that got on my nerves and maybe I was just in the wrong spot (I had considered going home, but changed my mind – *slaps self in head*)

The step (step 9) says: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Now when I was fairly new a speaker pointed out that he very frequently heard people in meetings say “whenever possible” and he wanted me to be sure I read it right… so its kind of stuck with me. But there are many times that I hear people say they are waiting for that person to cross their path or show up again.

When I was doing my step 8 and 9 with Joe (long, long ago) he made sure I understood it was an action step and it was MY job to find these people and do everything in my power to do just that. That’s how I found Eric here on the East Coast ( you try to find the right Eric Nelson in the US ) and recently Facebook helped me to discover that my old friend Jenni died… which was a sad way to find out, but I did have the opportunity to talk to her brother.

“Faith without works is dead.” they say…

So, I was listening to a Clint H talk ( a podcast which is very damn cool) and he started out saying that we shouldn’t (I’m paraphrasing) try to make the words in the book matter that much, the program is so much more than the words in the book…

I’m sorry that I have to disagree with you Clint H, the words matter as they are written, the steps matter more when done in order and we do better if we actually follow the directions, rules, guidelines that have been set forth for us in the first 164 pages. That’s why it’s there so we know that it’s not “…made indirect amends whenever possible…” and not “…unselfishness that we think is the root of our problem”… We’re not CA, CMA, NA, OA or any other A… we’re the first, the original and our traditions spell it out pretty clearly, we have a singleness of purpose and if we stray from that path we may very well lose what we’ve been so freely given…

It’s there, its our program that has worked miracles for the last 74 years, that’s all that we’ve been around, 74 and the more I look around and listen in rooms the less and less I hear that is actually grounded in the program as set down by our founders.

yeah, I’m a little unhappy with my “AA”… I just wish I actually felt like I used to feel – like I wanted to go to a meeting, like I knew it would make me feel a little safer, a little better and hopeful.

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