Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: AA

  • VA Beach Visit

    This weekend I returned to Virginia Beach to visit Suzanne, meet her fiance (Paul), and her new dog (Farley). I took the long way there – Jim and I drove up to New Jersey to get his mother and brother for their holiday weekend, and then dropped me off just in time at the BWI airport. This was my first visit back to the Virginia Beach area since I moved back to DC in the summer of 2006.

    When I arrived in Norfolk Suzanne and Farley were there to greet me, it was nice to meet the dog I’ve heard so much about, he’s an adorable English Bulldog. He was enamored with me immediately, proceeded to make love to my leg in the car on the way to Suzanne’s house. That was the most action I’d seen in a while.

    When we arrived at the house the music was blasting and Paul was upstairs finishing getting ready for dinner. When he came downstairs I saw that he is one of those individuals that doesn’t photograph well: he’s cuter than he looks in the pictures Suzanne has shared with me in the past.

    We headed off to dinner at a mexican restaurant where Suzanne and I used to eat pretty regularly. We were joined by Rodney (an friend from the rooms), his new girlfriend (who’s name I can’t recall) and one of Suzannes sponsee – Jennifer B I think. Dinner was nice, lots of conversation and laughter. Then Suzanne, Paul and I headed to a meeting – Paul’s not an alcoholic, but he plays with them in the Navy – the meeting was open so he was free to attend. It was a good meeting on step 8 and I’m glad we were there.

    Saturday morning when S&P went off to try to kill themselves in a body step class (Suzanne is the instructor) I watched cartoons and tried to fend off Farley’s advances, he’s a very insistent lover. When S&P returned we went off to have a quick lunch and then… shopping at the mall. The shopping wasn’t as bad as I feared, not too crowded so maybe there is something to this recession thing.

    Saturday evening we had dinner at Carrabba’s cause I love their spicy chicken soup, and then headed out to see Four Christmases with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, we laughed alot and I grabbed a new tag line for the holiday’s:

    You can’t spell families without lies.

    Sunday was mostly uneventful, I said farewell to Farley, Suzanne and I got manicures and then I came home.

    It was a nice, relaxing weekend and I’m glad I had the chance to meet Paul and Farley.

  • My Pa

    I was at an AA meeting yesterday, Saturday, which is odd for me… but I was scheduled to be on a plane to Cancun today so I wanted to be sure to hit a meeting. I had left my Blackberry on vibrate as the person I was taking to Cancun had lots of questions and I wanted to be available to her. The meeting had just started, the lead was sharing his experience, strength and hope and I truly don’t remember his name or anything… but my phone vibrated and I looked at the Caller ID. It wasn’t a 715 area code which would have been my friend that was to go to Cancun with me, but a 608 area code, which meant family.

    Most of you know about my family, this is the good family, the ones that were my foster parents and actually cared for me… i’m crying.

    I stepped out of the meeting and checked my voice mail, it was my nephew Michael, the message simply said: call Grandma right away. I called back and my nephew Cory answered the phone and said: PaPa died this morning. I said ok, I’ll call you back, and hung up. The day was filled with me doing odd things like that. I called right back and asked when the service was and if Ma wanted to talk to me. Ma didn’t, and he said the service would be Tuesday or Wednesday. that was the end of the call.

    A few weeks back my Pa told my Ma that he had been having BMs filled with blood for the last two weeks… men are stupid that’s why… and she took him immediately to the hospital where the performed a colonoscopy and found nothing, the next day they performed another (poor guy) and found a lesion which they cauterized (you medically inclined folks always want to ask me relevant questions here, but I don’t know relevant answers so just clip your toenails and read the rest of the story already… geez). Then Friday night I had called Ma, which I try to do regularly, and she told me they had done another colonoscopy and found some pollops (spelling?) which they sent off to be tested. Ma expected results to come in about 2 weeks. Because My Pa had been bleeding where the sun don’t shine, they took him off his Coumadin … that is what we think killed him, they are fairly certain he had another clot (He had had one a few years ago).

    I motioned for Darren, poor guy, to come step out of the meeting. He pointed at himself and mouthed: ME? and I nodded. Darren came out and I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t leaving the meeting due to a bad lead or anything, just my Pa had died and I had to go. (I had been explaning to Darren earlier that day why I left early the week before, which was a psycho crazy person leading the meeting and I managed to hold onto my judgmental abilities… and hopefully always will). Darren, was a godsend, he escorted me outside, comforted me and wanted to walk me all the way home.

    I was having moments where I wanted to just burst into tears and I had calls to make and I felt bad for having calls to make when he was right there trying to comfort me and It was a mess… change that, I was a mess. I called my Cancun guest, Brenda, as she was about to board a plane for DC and I didn’t want her to come if she didn’t want to come if I wasn’t going to be able to go. I told her to call the airline and see if she can cancel the trip. I called my business partner, Jim, and told him and we discussed me calling the travel agency and getting refunds or vouchers. I called Suzanne, Gary, Mark and Robert who were all not at their phones, and I was so mad at them for not being right there in the street to hug me… I know that’s illogical, I know that was near impossible, but I just needed them. I’m crying again.

    I convinced Darren that I would be ok and I just needed to be alone. I then proceeded to walk the rest of the way up 17th street and then 16th street, crying every other block or so. I couldn’t see, I was embarassed to be crying this much. Im a silly queen with midwest macho sensibilities.

    At home the people at Orbitz were very accomodating and helpful, the operator was very thoughtful. She asked me for our record locator number and inbetween fits of crying I found it for her, then I asked her if she could hold on so I could take out my contacts, I was having difficulties reading with them and the tears were not helpful. I went to my bathroom and removed my contacts, put them in their little container and came back. The operator asked me another question and I couldn’t see the words at all, it took me like three minutes to realize that I forgot to put my glasses on.

    I called US Airways to attempt to get a flight, but they had no bereavement rates and the earliest they could get me to MSP was 11:30 p.m. So I called NWA, and the people were wonderful. The operator answered the phone and inbetween more fits of crying I tried to tell her what I needed, but just couldn’t stop crying. She stepped up to the plate and said, “OK, Sir, I’m going to ask the questions now, You only have to answer with one word, take your time, lets get you home.” She was great, and a comfort at that time. (I’ll send them an email later).

    I had no idea I was capable of crying as hard as I did, it just wouldn’t stop coming.

    Let me tell you, cats are not “comforting animals” they had no idea what that noise was that I was making and were mostly scarred there was no rubbing up against me or purring extra loudly, they just wanted me to be quiet… damn cats.They didn’t like the suitcase, they do understand what that means.

    Jim and Ana wanted to come and take me to the airport, and they needed some of the paperwork for the trip which I had. So they were on their way. I took calls from Pat and Brenda, sent some posts to Facebook and some other regular sites that I regulary frequent and then started to get notes of comfort from the networked world. I called lots of people I guess, but I don’t really remember, I think I talked to Vera for a while.

    My roommate, Gary came home, and that was nice… I realize now that I didn’t hug him like I had wanted to, I don’t know why. As I said I was really off kilter. He of course was concerned that I was going to be ok, and wanted to be sure I had my flight and everything else I needed. Jim and Ana arrived and I gave them what they needed and then spent time looking for a DVD for them to watch, more odd behavior.

    Suzanne called while I was in the car with Jim and Ana, she sounded like she was crying, but I couldn’t talk to her, I didn’t want to cry anymore. I promised I would call her back. Yes, I know how weird I am. Jim and Ana got me to the airport with plenty of time to spare, and offered to sit in there with me, but I just wanted to be alone again. So they were off.

    In the airport, in front of me were perhaps 25 WWII vets, most in wheelchairs, each with an “assistant” … this is in the security line. Most of them had pacemakers and such, and … well, it was just chaos. Then after security, NWA kept announcing the WWII vets they had there and how honored they were to have them on their planes, everyone was clapping, I was in tears. People kept looking at me, but I couldn’t stop crying again.

    Suzanne and I talked on the phone. I got a hold of Mark and Robert, a friend of Roberts had died and they were at a service in PA, my condolences Robert.

    I had a fairly uneventful flight, I realized that if I watched TV shows on my IPOD I was distracted and wouldn’t cry, which was my goal at this point, I didn’t want to cry on the plane. So I’m watching Season 2 of 24, terrorists, government agents, should be tear proof… but then there is a little father/son side story and I had to turn it off. I did cry a little on the plane, and I cried a little in the car ride from MSP to Chippewa, (Pat and Brenda picked me up) but not that anyone noticed. It wasn’t the heaving, sobbing kind of crying, just some tears streaming down my face.

    Today I’ll drive down to Galesville and see what I can do, hug my Ma, my sister and brother and mourn with my family. I think I’ll likely pray alot to.

  • Annual Ft Lauderdale Trip

    My trip to Ft Lauderdale was rather uneventful this year, no malicious woundings in the Metro, not falling in love with some guy I barely knew… or even lust.

    I took long naps each day, watched more TV that I have in months and got more of a tan… all in all, I had a very relaxing vacation. Considering that my last 4 trips were taken with other people, this is EXACTLY what I needed.

    The resort, Pineapple Point was stunning. The rooms (they upgraded me to a Suite) were spectacular, the grounds well kept and the service beyond compare. They saw to almost every need I had before I knew I had it. Bikes for guests to use if they wanted to, an exercise room, water in each room. It was simply lovely.

    The bad news: I’m pretty sure I was the only single guy there. Everyone else was there with their partner/lover. So it wasn’t quite as frisky a weekend as I’d hoped, but it was still nice.

  • Malicious Wounding

    Today, June 20th, I went to the County of Arlington Courthouse to testify in regards to the incident listed here:

    On May 2nd, 2007, at approximately 9:00 a.m. as I descended the Metro Platform escalator to Terminal C at Ronald Reagan National Airport I heard a man say loudly “you don’t know who you messin’ with” I looked down to see a man pounding his fist into another man near the bottom of the escalator. The victim, was curled into a protective stance (almost a fetal position), not fighting, not making any effort to inflict injury yet the man kept hitting him.

    I waved my arm and pointed to the area to try to grab the Metro Attendants attention, but he could not see clearly what I was trying to point out. As I reached the area I told the man to back away and stop hitting the other man. He hit him a few more time before the Metro Attendant arrived and he listened to him. The Metro attendant told the assailant: you need to get out of my station, get out of here. And after hitting the victim several more times he did leave the station.

    There was blood splattered and pooled on the floor and a dumb bell, I only saw him use his fists as a weapon, not the dumb bell. When the victim sat up it was clear he had been hurt, there was blood dripping from his mouth and on his clothes. The Metro attendant, placed a cone at one area to direct people away from the blood, and I placed a similar cone on the opposite side.

    The Metro Attendant then called over the Airport intercom for security to immediately arrive.

    I asked if I should stay for a statement or something, the attendant returned to his booth and grabbed a pad of paper and told me to write my name, address and phone number down. I asked the attendant why he let the assailant go, his answer: he works for the here.

    I was not a witness to what the victim may have said or done to instigate the assailant, but I’m fairly certain there was not excuse to continue hitting him. I am also no expert on security or protocols for WMATA, but I know letting an assailant go because of where he works is wrong.

    The above mentioned statement was sent to Arlington County Police Department, WMATA, Jim Graham and some others. WMATA’s response is that they have spoken with the Metro Attendant and he claims he didn’t know who the assailant was. Today, I was informed that both the assailant and the victim worked at the same restaurant/cafe within the airport. WMATA said they had given descriptions of the assailant to the police and that the Metro attendant followed procedure and did nothing wrong.

    Unfortunately the victim in this matter did not show up, his number has been disconnected and he no longer works where he did work. The prosecuting attorney asked for an extension and this matter may come up again in August or October. I was also informed that he did use the dumb bell to strike the victim, and that he was indeed in jail.

    The saddest part of this entire experience was knowing approximately 10 “human beings” walked right by while this man inflicted injury upon another human being. They did nothing to stop it, nor even help the victim.

  • Burning Desires

    In AA there is the “custom” and I’m not sure if it’s just here on the East Coast or all over (I don’t recall hearing such things in the Midwest), called Burning Desires. With a few minutes left of the meeting, the lead asks: Are there any burning desires, does anyone feel like if they don’t share they might drink?

    Inevitably, some one will raise their hand and start to talk. Now it’s rare that this person has a real crisis. There was one time when someone used his burning desire time to talk about his upcoming birthday party.

    Truth be told, I hate burning desires. I find that they usually tend to speak so long the meeting does not get done on time. They are usually very insignificant to whomever might have been sharing and a complete and total waste of my time.

  • The Next Right Thing

    If AA has taught me any one thing it is to do the next right thing. Put one foot in front of the other, pick up that piece of trash and toss it in the garbage, pay this bill or be to work on time. So I trudge along, for the most part, doing the next right thing that may come across my path.

    I would think this would lead me to a life of poverty, sure I’d be broke but I’d be a saint — this is, however, erroneous. I have a really good job, make really good money and am recognized as a superb worker (I’ve been told this so many times I am starting to believe it). I have a host of friends, none of them fair weather, who have stood by me through thick and thin. [I should note at this point, that my English professor would cringe at the amount of cliche’ I’m using. ]

    I’m in my last week of being 35 years old. I’ve never been married or had any long term boyfriends (DJ, while the love of my life, does not count). I’ve recently attended school and will continue to take courses for the next several years.

    I guess it’s just odd to look back at my first days of being sober, making $6.50 an hour and barely scraping by.

  • Thankful

    I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

    I successfully completed one year of school, managed to make the honor roll as well.

    I hit 12 years of sobriety in May (had a final exam on my AA birthday too).

    I moved back to DC, found a few jobs a few friends and finally got a permanent job in Takoma Park.

    I have only the best of friends: Pat, Brenda, Suzanne, Mark, Robert, Donna, Chris, Christy, Zelda, Michael, Mike, Julie, Denise, Phyllis, Jeri… well a lot of friends that mean a lot to me.

    I have not picked up a cigarette this year, though I have been tempted quite a bit.

    My cats, Q and Mouse, are healthy, happy and home.

    So, looking back, its been a great year and I have plenty to be thankful for. I hope you can say the same.

    Don’t forget, it’s not a real holiday unless someone cries.