Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Author: Jamez

  • Unofficial National Plan

    President Bush’s plan for securing our nations borders is awe inspiring, and so brilliant it should be applied to all of our nations problems.

    Senior Citizens not signing up for an appropriate Medicare plan? Send in the National Guard.

    Brittney Spears’s child safety seat not the most popular one? Send armed personnel to show her right from wrong.

    The Da Vinci Code a violation of what’s right? Send in our men and women to block the movie from being seen.

    Lawsuits being filed due to the NSA tapping our phone lines? Send in Dick Cheney with his shotgun.

    If it’s not being done to our liking, lets send in the troops and make it all better. This is the new strategy for our great nation.

  • To Boldly Go Where No Cat Has Gone Before…

    I’ve gotten a little smarter, I no longer spend 45 minutes attempting to put the cats in their carriers, I just scoop them up one at a time and carry them to the vehicle. “It’s ok baby, it will be ok, I’m right here.”

    The UHaul Truck proved to be better than most for the cats, they could crawl under the drivers seat and just hide there and cry, so they did. The antennae for the radio-coat hanger bent just so, maybe that’s why the stations came in so beautifully. The air condition unit, if you could call it that, spewed forth noxious fumes that made me and the cats sleepy… so I turned it off and opened the window. As soon as there was fresh air again the cats would start to howl… so I’d roll up the windows and blast the A/C til they were snoozing again, and I’d almost drift off myself. Sure it was risky, but the quiet was well worth it.

    Unloaded about half the truck, still have some bigger things to unload today. I’m tired and sore and for all the wrong reasons. The cats are exploring, but very happy. Mouse tipped over the litter pan last night (you can see she did this the first night in Chesapeake also in the September archives). Q hid for 3 hours, then he came out, plopped himself in the middle of the living room and purred. I think the cats are happy to be home. And I am too!!!

  • Ready, Set…

    I’m packed, mostly, the computer is still up (obviously) and I have some cleaning to do… but I am ready.

    I think it will be ok if I leave today, so that’s my goal, to head out for DC now, otherwise I’m basically sleeping on the floor tonight anyway.

  • Learning to Swim

    I just wanted to fit in, all the other kids knew how to swim, but there I was in my trunks without a real clue what to do in the water. Sure I waded in and splashed about, but I had no idea how to kick my feet and move my arms to swim like everyone else.

    I didn’t want to appear as if I didn’t know what I was doing, so I faked it. I bent over my arms stretched as far as they would go, flailing about like they were propelling me and probably making more splashes then anyone else, but my feet were still planted firmly on the ground. I would walk around the lake, arms still slapping up and down against the water, once in a while I’d look up and tell my Mom that I was swimming. They all knew of course, I guess it was pretty obvious, that I was faking it.

    Then one day it happened, I slipped. I lost my footing and was propelled forward in the water like a rocket, at first panic struck and I thought for sure I was gonna get stuck underwater or something. But soon I was kicking my legs, wiggling my body as I moved under the water, I had learned how to swim and it was the most glorious of occasions.

    *

    It has been 12 years since I slipped into sobriety and found a better way of life. At first I faked it, there couldn’t be a God that believed in me or a way to live without drugs or alcohol, I just pretended and tried to fit in, moving my arms like I saw the other spiritual kindergarteners doing.

    Then one day it happened, I let go. I let go of all my fears, hatreds and just had to trust one person, and then more people. And I found myself rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, from which I have found no substitute (nor do I want to) that could compare to the wonders of life. There are things in life I never imagined possible, that have filled me with such joy and happiness I cannot even describe them.

  • No Idea

    I managed to pass my Algebra Final, not sure how… but I did… so I do NOT have a R (repeat) or a U (unsatisfactory). It’s over… I will fight tooth and nail to never take any type of mathematics again.

  • What did you forget? EVERYTHING!!!

    So, first, I missed an entire essay that was due for my ENG 252 Class. No worries, truly didn’t know I had to do it and the Professor is letting me turn it in late. I have it mostly written at this point.

    Algebra… what did I forget?

    • A “-” not a “+” in the quadratic formula… wrote it wrong, explains why it didn’t work out on the exam.
    • How to find the length of all three sides of a right triangle…
    • Graphing in its entirety

    We were given two hours for the test, and I spent 1:45 there trying to remember it all… but it just wouldn’t come. How did I do on the test? I have not one clue.

    I asked my Professor, as I left, if I received a poor score on the exam if she would please put an i after it to make it imaginary. She laughed.

  • Grade Update

    This morning I received the grade for my term paper and my ENG 112 class… both A’s.

    My ENG 252 Class will be a low A or high B.

    An A in Self-Defense.

    And hopefully an S in Algebra… but I don’t care, we’ll pretend it’s imaginary.

  • Unsplittable Square Roots

    Oh my God, I hate math… now I’m having nightmares about square roots not splitting… the square root of 36 just wouldn’t split … I tried and tried, but it was being stubborn and I spent the entire test trying to fix it…

    AAAARRRRGGGHHH

  • Classes draw near their end…

    Today was the last Self-Defense class, got an A… woo hoo. Not sure I could actually defend myself, but I could give it more of a try than I could have before.

    I took my final exam for my World Literature Class on Sunday, still waiting on a grade for the class.

    This morning or was it afternoon? I finished my research paper on the dreaded subject: Hamlet. I am only proud of the last paragraph of it.

    All I have to worry about now is imaginary number in real live algebra.

  • Bunchism by Proxy

    It was the same every night, she’s sit there; bare legs tucked under her, a romance novel in one hand and the other holding some chocolate or perhaps a fork with a piece of steak on the end. Usually, if us kids had been lucky we had Mac and Cheese for dinner… if not just the mac. There always seemed to be money for a new romance novel, chocolate and steak for Mom, but mac and cheese was a luxury.

    The four of us were, in retrospect, starved for attention. We’d come up with little shows or dance acts to put on for Mom and whichever Dad happened to be there at the time. There are the four of us, doing a performance of Elvira by the Oak Ridge Boys, bouncing up and down and mouthing the lyrics. I wonder now who was the choreographer and who was the brains behind such schemes. Mom would watch us and smile always enjoying the show, unless or course something else was on that she needed to watch that meant we had to be quiet.

    Maybe the truth behind it all is we had Brady Bunchism, the need to be dorky in a group.