I just wanted to fit in, all the other kids knew how to swim, but there I was in my trunks without a real clue what to do in the water. Sure I waded in and splashed about, but I had no idea how to kick my feet and move my arms to swim like everyone else.

I didn’t want to appear as if I didn’t know what I was doing, so I faked it. I bent over my arms stretched as far as they would go, flailing about like they were propelling me and probably making more splashes then anyone else, but my feet were still planted firmly on the ground. I would walk around the lake, arms still slapping up and down against the water, once in a while I’d look up and tell my Mom that I was swimming. They all knew of course, I guess it was pretty obvious, that I was faking it.

Then one day it happened, I slipped. I lost my footing and was propelled forward in the water like a rocket, at first panic struck and I thought for sure I was gonna get stuck underwater or something. But soon I was kicking my legs, wiggling my body as I moved under the water, I had learned how to swim and it was the most glorious of occasions.

*

It has been 12 years since I slipped into sobriety and found a better way of life. At first I faked it, there couldn’t be a God that believed in me or a way to live without drugs or alcohol, I just pretended and tried to fit in, moving my arms like I saw the other spiritual kindergarteners doing.

Then one day it happened, I let go. I let go of all my fears, hatreds and just had to trust one person, and then more people. And I found myself rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, from which I have found no substitute (nor do I want to) that could compare to the wonders of life. There are things in life I never imagined possible, that have filled me with such joy and happiness I cannot even describe them.