Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Author: Jamez

  • My Experiences with DC AA

    Lets be honest: I come from a different place filled with hard nosed, tradition preaching, big book thumping recovery. I recall an old friend in the program, Buck C. (who passed a few years back) who had come to the Eau Claire area from the south and struggled mightily with AA up there.  Each group is autonomous everywhere you go, you don’t realize how autonomous until you get out of your comfort zone.

    One of the first meetings I attended in DC was at the Dupont Circle Club, I think on a Saturday back in 1998. Typical AA clubhouse with smokers out front blocking the entrance, old friends chatting away about what’s going on and a few solo folks like myself trying to figure out where to sit. The most shocking part of the meeting was during the reading of “How It Works” when everyone in the room started to chant along to the steps being read, I started laughing (I still chuckle every time I hear this). Then the meeting was filled with mostly bad day stuff – it was a topic meeting after all. But a few people talked recovery and I came back a few days later and had the same experience and those same people were talking solution. I asked one of them to be my sponsor here and he agreed and told me I had to call him every day. “Every day?” I asked, “yes, he said, that’s the deal”. This seemed like a pretty stupid thing to do for someone who was three years sober, but I did honestly try to do this for a few days. Eventually I gave up on that and just didn’t call him again.

    I had never been to a Gay AA meeting up to this point and decided to try one out and this time I thought I should find a Step or Big Book meeting. I found a Wednesday night gay 12×12 meeting and gave it a try. One thing about Gay AA is all the eye candy, but at that time i was pretty overwhelmed by the whole thing. I sat in the back and thought the meeting was just ok. I was planning to sneak out when the guy next to me said “you’re new here”.

    That was Michael K and he was the only person to talk to me at that meeting – that’s why I asked him to be my sponsor. He never did ask me to call him every day or I don’t think once a week. He ended up being just what i needed at the time to acclimate to gay culture and stay in AA. (He’s also a StarTrek fan so that helped a lot). He suggested I do thing reluctantly and I did them, usually “fun” social activities with peers – eeeewww. Michael is my friend today and we still talk a lot about everything, though not as often as we used to.

    I attended that Wednesday night meeting and a Sunday morning meeting both gay meetings pretty regularly and made some friends in there. Some of those friends are still friends today, most are just acquaintances – hard to maintain friendships if I don’t see them and I don’t go to those meetings regularly at all. I was at the Wednesday night meeting after I found out my Ma had breast cancer and I shared in that meeting that I “felt like such a pussy” and you should have seen the hackles that were raised on the lesbians… wow. This was also a time when, mostly the lesbians, would try to make all the readings gender neutral and replace “Him” “He” “His” “Men” and anything else with “Him/Her” or some gender neutral term – I found it annoying.

    I really missed having a good Big Book meeting to attend and all the ones I would try to attend were reading the stories in the back or really just bad day meetings with a Big Book name. So a few months before 9/11 I attempted to start a new meeting based on the format of a group I attended in WI on Monday nights. I had a lot of people interested in it and about 10 people were at the first few meetings. It was a rather strict format and people were asked to stay on the subject of what was read – what happened was people got upset who came because they wanted to talk about what happened to them that day and the group felt they should be allowed to. That ended my experiment with creating a Big Book meeting here (or so I thought).

    Many years ago in WI someone told me I have no tact. That seems pretty accurate.

    In meetings I would frequently speak out against things I considered to be inaccurate or complete bullshit – like “Pills are just dry alcohol so feel free to talk about whatever you need to, it’s all the same.” and I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut and it would show that I would be visibly upset about it. At a business meeting for the Wednesday night meeting I suggested we read the Traditions more frequently (they read three at one meeting at the end of the 12 Step cycle) it was not taken as a good suggestion, this is what they’ve done for years why change now. Open minds I could not find, or so it seemed.

    I also tend to think a lot of the talk in Gay AA is “I drank the way I did because I was gay”. But I believe that alcoholics drink they way they do because they are alcoholics – gay, straight, bi whatever.

    I started to branch out and look for other meetings. A meeting close to home was labeled a “big book” meeting but when I went there were no books in sight – there were lots of  women and the goal apparently was to have a more horrible story than the woman before you and get lots of “Amen”s. I found my way to the West Side Club, a “Big Book” meeting there was discovered to not actually be anymore, but it was suggested I try out the Sunday morning meeting there and I did. I discovered that I rather liked it – still not a lot of book or tradition talk or practice that I could make out, but the folks were friendly and once in a while you could hear someone talk about their experience with the steps and/or how their sponsor took them through the book and how important it was.

    That’s a recurring thing here – I can go to a meeting every day and hear days and days of crap, but once in a while someone comes through and shines with a real message of hope and expressing the promise that the program of recovery offers. My problem is I don’t think we should have to wade through all that shit to see hope – and newcomers especially need to have a clear path with directions.

    Eventually I gave up on the gay meetings altogether. I did go to the Florida Round Up one year despite myself, I had told myself that contempt of it … well contempt prior to investigation is a bad thing – There main speaker had several decades of time, but her talk consisted almost entirely of her relationship with her lover and very little program of action.

    I subscribed to a few Speaker of the Month CDs and those helped to sustain me when I’d get discouraged about the whole scene here. I have had social workers and psychiatrists friends tell me that some of their clients find the same lack of real recovery here compared to where they were from.

    After a low time in my spiritual life (see story here) I asked a man from gay AA to sponsor me. He had what I wanted, but I couldn’t describe it then… I think it’s serenity. He’s a calming that I needed. I also found my way back to some gay AA meetings, but it hadn’t changed either. The people were a help – comforting to be around some friendly faces.

    I had been tattooed by my artist a few times, including the circle and triangle symbol of AA on my leg, and he never mentioned that he was in AA until the fall of 2011 (to be honest one of the guys in the shop outed him a few months earlier but it was none of my business). I whine a lot about AA, when you’re getting tattooed you have a lot of time to talk and need topics… AA is a big part of my life (I want to say “AA is my life” but I think I could do more than I’m doing so I’m not going to say that). He suggested I attend a meeting on Saturday that he found tolerable and there were others that were talking real recovery there too… I’ve told this story recently here but will share a bit here too.

    I found a group of folks that also got sober outside of DC, struggling with the same things I’d been struggling with for so long. Those people became my friends, I’m very lucky to have those handful of people in my life – they are shining beacons of hope for people suffering from alcoholism here in DC. We became a group, then we formed a meeting, now we’re paving a road of happy destiny together (well I’m moving and abandoning them all, but I wish i could take them with me).

    I’ve said it a few times before, there is a serious lack of the practice of the Traditions here – I think that’s part of the problem. There is also this need in the city to be politically correct and not hurt anyones feelings – which is scary. Time after time after time the chronic relapsers struggle on, but don’t change a thing about their journey – they get the same sponsor they go to the same meetings, they come and they share about how terrible life is or that their cat died or, my favorite, what they told their therapist today.

    “The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.” Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 2, “There is a Solution”, Page 17

    Nowhere in our text book (the first 164 pages in the Big Book) does it suggest “just come talk about whatever” or “take what you want and leave the rest”. It says we have a common solution, a way out. I worry about the health of AA, we were given the Traditions – ok, maybe Bill forced them on us, but they’re very good tools to keep us whole and let this program be here for several generations to come.

    My current home group, the Tuesday Night 7:15 Big Book Study is the best meeting in the city. If I thought otherwise I’d have a different home group. I hope, if you read this, you think about your group and ask yourself if you’re having to wade through shit to find the gems of recovery at each meeting or if its a gleaming diamond with a few flaws now and then.

    When I get to Phoenix and try out the AA there chances are it wont be like Eau Claire WI nor like DC nor anywhere else that I’ve been, but I’m going to go and spread the message that was so freely given to me by others. And I’m going to ruffle some feather, mostly cause I have no tact.

    One last thing: When’s the last time your group did a group inventory? Ask your old-timers.

    Here’s a link to it: http://www.thejaywalker.com/images/Group_Inventory-8_2005.pdf

    I’m happy that I got to meet some great people in the AA here, but I would have been happier to see some with programs that I’d admire or desire.

  • My Time and Work in DC

    I came to Washington, DC from Eau Claire, Wisconsin back in 1998 at the suggestion of a friend – my goal back then was California and warmth and I was assured DC was warmer than WI (part of the reason I believe in global warming as this hasn’t really been the case most of the winters I’ve been here). I helped a friends fiancé load up the moving truck with her stuff and my stuff and he and I drove out to DC (MD suburbs really) with one stop in OH on the way.  I’d been to Los Angeles before but DC traffic seemed overwhelming to me just that day.

    The internet was rather new back then and I found gay chat rooms fascinating here and met my roommate on one. He convinced me to come into the city and I had to take the metro – I was so scared about taking the metro by myself – which side of the tracks is the train I want? (Shady Grove it doesn’t matter, but I didn’t know that then). It shocked me to see people sleeping on the train, wasn’t that dangerous – everyone looked scary [please note, I’m from very white, very Lutheran WI].

    My first job was a temp job with Atlantic States Fisheries Commission on H downtown, it was so cool to be in a city with all the cars and tall building and people everywhere. Sadly they were paying me around $8 an hour and that wasn’t enough back then for here – would have been great in WI really. I took a position at BET with a temp agency but didn’t even last the whole day – I was unprepared for the attitude and awkwardness being almost the only white guy there.

    It was culture shock seeing people of different races not just everywhere but holding hands with other races and, gasp, in the open too. The most I’d been exposed to other races was the Cosby show and that didn’t do a good job getting me ready for the real world.

    A different temp agency got me a job at ARVO (the Association for Research in Vision and Ophthalmology) which at the time was located near NIH. That job stuck and I worked there for a little over two years and liked it. I was at their convention working on my 4th AA birthday and oh so tired from being on my feet all day.  I met some nice people there and learned a lot about databases and membership issues.  But I really wanted to work in the city. I brought my cat Q home on the subway after work one day from out there.

    An AA member gave me the heads up on his job, he was vacating and suggested I should apply. So that’s how I became the data manager for a grant at Children’s National Medical Center – not really what I would consider “in the city” but it was nice. I remember that I was so convinced I wouldn’t get the job because I had forgotten to wear my belt during the interview – it’s that a weird thought to have? I did get the job and before I knew it my supervisor was replaced by Julie Ziegler – who I wasn’t too sure of, but she became one of my best friends (unless she’s pregnant then I really cant recommend staying away from her enough 🙂 ). I worked with a great team of nurses: Kristy, Jean and Zelda and a became a part of a huge team of people that worked on those same type of grants. I was with those folks on 9/11 and our offices were on the top floor of CNMC and we could see the pillars of smoke from the Pentagon where the plane hit. Zelda, Waldo and I were out smoking on the room talking about things and heard jets fly close. We watched that terror unfold on the internet and bonded those people to me if they weren’t already bonded. There are things that happened with them that matter so very much to me – Mrs. Doubtfire comes to mind. Eventually Julie left and I think the grant changed a bit and I took a job within the same department and got to know even more wonderful people – Michelle, Ann, Debra, Donna, Sonia, Kim, Chen (I miss you Chen), Denise, Phyllis, Maryanne, Mary Lou (good bye heart), Dr. D., Angela… so many people that are so very warm-hearted.

    In the year 2005 a lot of things happened, Donna M introduced me to World of Warcraft (some day I might sue), I quit smoking, Ann retired and I decided to go back to school to prove to myself that I wasn’t stupid. I moved to Virginia Beach near my best friend Suzanne and went back to school for a year at Tidewater Community College. I did really well and loved learning. I loved writing for people that graded me and advised me what to do. I had two stories published in the Annual Journal for the school and managed to get a 3.8 – who knew?  Sadly, there is no money in school so I was quickly out of funds and paying out of state tuition. So I came back to DC.

    My roommate Gary was unsuccessful finding a new roommate so I moved right back in with the cats. I worked a temp job for a few months at National Association of Home Builders as an admin type and really liked it. I was only there a brief time but they liked the way I did something’s and implemented them into their regular routine. While I was there I interviewed with Ann’s husband for an Office Manager job in Takoma Park – Ann’s husband liked the way I helped Ann and she talked well of me. The interview didn’t go well, one of the owners asked me why he got so many Viagra ads in his email and I answered simply “it’s the sites you visit” which outraged him.. but it’s true, if you go to a site and enter an advanced age and that your male and that site sells the info to others then yes, you’ll be spammed with Viagra ads. I was disappointed I didn’t get the job but was happy to still be at NAHB – then I received a call from them and while I didn’t get the OM job they did want me to come be an Admin for the OM.

    I was a really good Admin there and the OM they hired spent most of her time on the phone or taking long lunches – it was noticed and before I knew it they offered me the OM job and let her go. That was a fun job and I made friendships with some good people and made very good money. I was asked to be part of the management team to help make decisions for the good of the firm and that was fun until one of the partners seemed to lose his shit and started doing insane things. I was planning my exit when my friend Jim was terminated – I advised against it and tried to talk the other owner out of it so many times and on so many levels but he couldn’t see his way to not.

    I gave 30 days notice at the beginning of 2008 and was fired a few days later J. Jim and I then started our firm Access-Ability Consultants, Inc. with a commitment to give it five years and see what happened.  (I wrote about all that recently you can read it here)

    I’ve wanted to be somewhere warmer for quite a while now and this job in Phoenix appears to be my ticket out of here. I’ve learned a lot here that I probably wouldn’t have learned in WI on how to be a good worker and what’s expected of me and usually think there is a different mindset to workers here than there in in WI or maybe it’s a factory vs office mentality. I’m not sure. Every position I’ve had here has been good to me, even my one day at BET was a lesson to be learned about who I am and not taking things too seriously.

    I’ll miss the Metro, the celebrities, the politicians and the very openly gay city and a few select people (the list does seem to grow more every day) that I consider friends.

  • Leaving Pussy Behind

    In thinking about moving to the other side of the country the thought of my cat Mouse came up frequently. On a previous move just a few hours away she was traumatized and never felt safe in the new apartment. I wasn’t sure how she’d do on a plane or a car across the country.

    So I asked the roommate how he felt about keeping the kitty and he has agreed – she loves him and he her so it works out. He spoils her with salmon and shrimp from his own plate on occasions.

    So I decided to leave her here and I’m sad about that. IMG_2107

  • Frank Ocean in the Barber Shop

    Today in the barber shop as Frank Ocean was playing in the background one barber said to the other “I disagree with his lifestyle, but man can that dude sing. I love his songs.” to which the other barber (My barber) said “his songs are just everything”.

    I don’t think the barber really disagrees with his lifestyle at all. I’m sure he’d love to go to the fancy parties, the award shows and rub elbows with the rich and famous. I’m sure the money would feel just as good in his hands and buy him all the clothes, cars and people he wanted. All the girls and boys would want to meet him, hang out with him and bend their ear to his every whim…

    The truth is the thought of one man sucking on another mans cock is not really his idea of a good time and hey, that’s ok he may be into all kinds of weird ass shit in the bedroom that I don’t want any part of too. If the thought of two men together in bed bothers you – quit thinking about it. If you like Frank’s music just groove to it and let it be what it is – powerful music.

    Frank Ocean isn’t on our TVs or computers sucking cock. He’s not down on his knees on the red carpet. He’s just out there telling stories in songs and what good songs they happen to be. It shouldn’t matter one bit what his sexual orientation is if you like his music – I listen to all kinds of straight artists and don’t hold it against them (a few I’d like to hold against me) I just enjoy their music and stories for what they are.

    Personally, I don’t want the celebrity lifestyle myself – who on Earth wants that many people poking their noses into your business? Not I.

  • That is All

    That is All

  • Confession of a Horde Player

    On World of Warcraft I play a proud member of the Horde Noq, an undead mage from the world of Azeroth. He’s been around for a few years now and seen all the wonders of the world – he’s even been to Outland where the squid faced (Draenei) and Blood Elves originate.  He’s helped take down the likes of Onyxia and the Lich King along side his guild Hammer of the Ancients or his friends in This Is Mana Tap. He is well known on his server, has a sharp tongue and a wicked staff (that could be code!).

    But I have a deep dark secret…

    I… I… I like gnomes. They’re so cute and funny and make me want to just scoop them up in my arms and cuddle them. They have the cutest dance of all the dance moves in the game

    Gnome_male250x

    I actually try to emulate this dance when I go out dancing – I mean the hips, the slapping the hand behind the head it’s just perfect!

    My Horde friends like to talk about gnome cookies (made out of real gnomes) and punting them across the Barrens. Some of my Horde friends are undead and would readily eat these cute little buggers, but not I.

    I love playing them as mages and rogues and priests – as soon as we were able to play priests on gnome characters I ran out and rolled a new priests (sadly this means I have two active priests) and simply love it. I love their emotes of /train and /charge and of course dance.

    *sigh* I love Gnomes.

    I also love dwarves (much too tough of a meat for most Horde to consider eating) they’re so furry and have great beards and I imagine furry chests (I can’t see em naked – I know that’s  a little pervy, but hey it’s me). They also have great emotes – you simply cannot believe how much I literally laugh out loud as I /rasp over and over on a Dwarf. Their flirts are pretty awesome too.

    *sigh* I love Dwarves

    I care not one bit for any of the other Alliance races and they can be thrown into a pit of red dragons for all I care.

    But all of my friends love Horde, all of them!!! Kerrig the Orc, Salthair the Undead, Janka the Orc, Landrai and Luesarim the Blood Elves, I even know Trolls… /gasp .

    So I play with my friends as a Horde but each day I secretly dream of a day when Gnomish or Goblin Engineering creates a device that would permanently grant my Horde players the appearance of gnomes and dwarves, with emotes and all. Maybe some day Blizzard will break down the barriers of racism and allow my gnomes and dwarves to switch factions, I’m sure that all the Horde leaders would benefit from daily hugs given by gnomes.

    There, I’ve come out and said it, I’m a gnome lover a dwarf lover and long to scream out during raid encounters “For Gnomeregan!!!”

  • Dead Pets and Doorknobs

    “We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will provide so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.” Alcoholics Anonymous, xiii Forward to the First Edition

    The above paragraph was written in 1939. Since that time over 39 other 12 Step Groups (I recall back in the late 90s seeing somewhere that there are well over 200 different 12 step groups, but I can’t find a source that says something different from Wiki) have been formed based on the principles of the original 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (according to Wiki there are and additional 10 groups that only partially base their programs on the 12 steps). According to A.A. estimates from January 1, 2012 there are approximately 2,133,842 members of Alcoholics Anonymous world-wide and 114,070 Groups – I have no estimates for how many people attend 12 Step groups outside of AA. The last sentence of the quote above indeed came true for all these other people and groups with problems outside of alcohol.

    There is a circuit speaker I’ve heard a few times who says “Got a gambling problem? catch alcoholism. Got a drug problem? catch alcoholism” He’s referring to the great success rate of the program of alcoholics anonymous and how we can change the lives of alcoholics for the better. I’ve actually met people in the rooms of AA that state they don’t have a drinking problem but really got better following the directions of AA from our book and 12 Steps – I don’t have a big problem with that, I do when they want to speak at our meetings because I believe only alcoholics should participate in our meetings.

    I was sent to treatment via the court system, I didn’t know what my problem was I just didn’t want to live anymore. A lot of people come into AA that way, the court sentences them to go to a certain amount of meetings and they show up and put their paper to be signed in the basket and typically don’t stick around – it’s rare I see these people still coming to meetings after they’ve done what was ordered of them (I do know a guy that kept getting his paper signed a year or more after he had met his legal obligation, it was a part of his recovery program; like shaking hands or making coffee). At today’s meeting I saw papers to be signed for Crack Addicts, Cocaine Addicts as well as the drinking problem forms.

    Not just alcoholics come to AA, we also get hard drinkers, heavy drinkers “.. though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as our were.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 39 come to, and people who might have gotten into a little bit of trouble and looking for a quick way out.

    So these people come to AA meetings and we’ll hear the leader say “the topic is Step 3, but talk about whatever you might need to talk about” and we’ll hear attenders just come “to check in”.

    As a result over the years AA has changed, I think partially due to treatment centers and court systems sending almost everyone to the rooms. This is overall good for the mental health well-being of the nation and or the world – really having group therapy available to anyone in so many parts of the world is amazing.

    This is however, not good for the well-being of A.A. Contrary to popular belief, A.A. is NOT group therapy. It’s not the place you get to come and talk about your dead pets or (as I heard in a meeting today) how your co-worker is not being helpful on a project you share with her.

    At Alcoholics Anonymous we come to talk about our common problem – the spiritual sickness of alcoholism. This is not a drinking problem, it’s a living problem. At A.A. we share a common solution that shows precisely how we have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

    The message of A.A. has been watered down to help everyone that needs help getting over every problem from people who just need somewhere to go talk about their problems, gay people struggling to come to terms with being gay*, people with drug addictions claiming that it’s just dry booze. A few weeks ago at a group conscience that was called to address the lack of focus on recovery at a particular meeting it was argued that the idea of having to work the program was contrary to what AA is all about and they just like to come and talk about how their life is going – that argument got lots of nods and acceptance and I think swayed the vote.

    Alcoholics Anonymous is only 78 years old and the longer we go on the farther and farther from our common solution it seems we go. Bill W. wrote the traditions to … well here’s what our book says on page 561 of the 4th edition:

    “The “12 Traditions” of Alcoholics Anonymous are, we A.A.’s believe, the best answer that our experience has yet given to those ever-urgent questions, “How can A.A. best function?” and, “How can A.A. best stay whole and so survive?”

    And everywhere was have a lack of traditions we have weak, watered-down, just come and talk about whatever you need to talk about – group therapy. I say again, A.A. is not group therapy or bad day meetings or any other kind of meeting – it’s a life solution for people who really need it and I fear the message will not be heard by those who need to hear it most.

    *I call Gay AA Meetings Gay A, they come to talk about how hard their life has been being gay and that the reason they drank they way they did was because they are gay – I drank the way I did because I’m an alcoholic and I drink alcoholicly. (I’ve written about this before here) It should be noted there is a group that semi-basis its program on the 12 steps called Homosexuals Anonymous, who knew.

    **The Title of this blog piece was chosen by Cynthia P, Laura W and Jason S – the story was in my head already, I hope they like what I’ve done here.

  • Demons and Toast

    Dream One

    It was in the horse and buggy days and I found myself defending my allegiances. My accuser had gone so far as to say I could never be trusted again so I related a recent experience to him.

    “Indeed, I have recently been stabbed through the chest with a demons sword.” I said

    “I knew it, you’ve been corrupted. You are a taint upon all we’ve tried to do here. Kill him now.” he insisted

    “As you all know it’s been many years now they’ve been trying to take my life so I had precautions set in place should just such a thing occur.” I said to the wide eyes and gaping mouths around me, “I had a spell set in place that would draw from my library a silver container containing an ancient rune that would be delivered to my familiar back at my estate – that container would open in front of him informing him of my predicament and giving him the means by which to purify me once again.”

    In everyones mind sure enough they see a silver container being opened in slow motion in front of an ugly faced creature, no doubt my familiar.

    “This proves nothing, even this vision you’ve place in our minds could be some kind of trick” he spat

    “True, but it’s all I can offer and I’m afraid I cannot allow you to assault my reputation any more” I said and then turned and faded away.

     

    Dream Two

    There was a stage play going on, overly made up characters and everyone was a bit off. Suddenly the actress on stage stopped her line, put her hands on her hips and stared out at the end of the auditorium. We all turned to look and there was the male lead – clownish make up, victorian ensemble and rage just coming through like nothing. He screamed things at the actress and she screamed  things back before rushing the stage and declaring “I’ll never be on stage with a has been like you” to which she pointed to the floor of the stage he was standing on.

    The audience erupted with laughter, I turned to look at everyone and there was Jason S motioning to me – Jamez, he said, the toast is fresh hurry before it’s all gone. Before I could even make it over to him there were hands reaching out for a piece of the toast everywhere and I was crowd surfing trying to make my way through the people.

     

     

     

  • My Appendix

    I had my appendix taken out on Tuesday night at Washington Hospital Center, I feel much better already.

    Sunday night, January 6, 2013 as I sat on my bed to go to sleep i felt a weird twinge in my belly area – just found it weird, didn’t think about it too much and went to sleep.

    Monday my stomach/side ached most of the day. Nothing to keep me from work or anything, just annoying. It did actually start to hurt more and more as the day went by. I ate a couple times, hoping that would help, and actually didn’t have dinner wasn’t hungry. I was just over the whole achy thing and went to bed around 9:30.

    At around 12:30 I woke up to extreme pain in my right side – I went to the toilet, hoping maybe I just had gas or something, but I couldn’t go. After a few minutes of the pain not going away and the feeling of nausea a couple times I called the Kaiser advice nurse and explained what was going on – she advised me to call 911.

    I called 911 and within five minutes and ambulance arrived in our parking lot. I didn’t know if I was to go out there or if they were to come into my house so I just sat here. They came in and said ok lets go, lol. They took my vitals – I was pretty freaked out not only because of the pain but being in an ambulance really isn’t a fun idea to me and the paramedic guy kept asking me to calm down but it was hopeless. They called in to dispatch and dispatch directed them to Howard University Hospital (HUH). On the way to Howard the Paramedic told me I’d be better off going to Washington Hospital Center (WHC), but they had to go where dispatch sent them.

    At Howard I filled out a simple form and the paramedic told me I could call a taxi and go to WHC if I was waiting to long, he really wanted me to do that – I should have listened I guess. I arrived at HUH around 1:00 sat in the waiting room for 1 1/2 hours and then in a hallway for 2 more hours and had only peed in a cup and given blood. It was around 5:30 when I finally got a bed in a hallway in the ER and another hour or so before anyone came to look at me. I kept whispering “just come fix me, just come fix me” over and over again as I wanted to no longer be in pain so badly. At the shift change I think I finally started to get help a nurse gave me pain medication – I felt very loopy. They gave me an IV for the cat scan or the X-ray machine.

    The results of the cat scan said I didn’t have appendicitis but they were going to ask for a surgery consult just in case – the surgery consult guy was right behind him and came over to examine me – honestly I think it was the first doctor to touch me during this whole time and it was around 9:00 a.m. He was so super sexy, bearded, furry chest hairs peeking through his shirt collar and he was almost positive I had “early appendicitis” and said we’d be having surgery.

    Ana came to visit while I was there, that was nice. I felt like I had been there forever by that point.

    As I have Kaiser insurance they had to get approval to do the surgery there, but that didn’t happen and there were orders to send me to WHC that was around 10:30 a.m. I sat and waited until 2:00 before I was transferred via ambulance. Did you know there are speed bumps on the way to WHC ER? Isn’t that a sweet thing to do to people that are in pain already? geez!

    At WHC I was put in a temporary room for a few hours until they got my permanent room ready. We had a small problem with medications for me, I was in pain again but my SSN kept coming up as James J. Appel and they wanted to make sure I was who I said I was… I think it was 2 hours before I received pain medication at WHC and then they moved me to my permanent room. My permanent room I shared with a 80 year old man who’d never been in a hospital before that he knew of, nice quiet guy. My friend Donna came to visit from CNMC, that was very nice too.

    They started prepping me for surgery around 6 or something. Antibiotic IVs, fluids, pain meds – I should mention they wouldn’t let me eat or drink anything since I got there, I wasn’t hungry but I was very thirsty.

    They rolled me away to the surgery area around 7:30 and I met the people who put you under, they were in good spirits and seemed like nice folks. They asked me about ever having surgery before and I explained that I had lazy eye surgery as a kid and threw up after on my parents – who had tried to feed me McDonalds so really it was their own fault.

    The Operating room was really very cool to look at I loved the look of the lights and the tech they had in there. I kept trying to breathe deeply and my eyes closed when I’d start to think about what was about to happen. I thought someone was pushing my socks up but she was really attaching something that massaged my legs – that was very nice, but honestly freaked me out when it first started. I remember them putting the oxygen on my face but I don’t recall anyone asking me to count backwards or anythings.

    I woke up and needed to pee and cough and I hurt – and I said all those things and wanted to roll over on my side and they kept saying “no, it’s ok, just stay still” and the feeling that I wanted to pee was apparently the catheter. Then nothing.

    Then I was awakened by a BEEP, BEEP, BEEP and I looking around and was in a new room and someone said I was in the recovery room and I tried to go back to sleep and then BEEP, BEEP, BEEP and again and again… apparently I wasn’t getting enough oxygen and the beeping was to get me to breathe deeper – I made an audible complaint that that was pretty rude thing to do after all I’d been through all I wanted to do was sleep – she laughed at me.

    It wasn’t long before they rolled me back up to my room – 12:30 I was in my own bed. I would fall asleep and they’d come to take vitals or to change my IV or to annoy me. There is very little sleep to be had in the hospital bed – I felt sorry for my roommate.

    They had given me a urinal to pee in while I was in the bed, but nothing I could do would allow urine to flow into that thing in a bed – I tried and tried and tried and nothing. So I got them to let me walk to the bathroom and then there was joyful release! Being hooked up to the IV machine made it difficult to go to the bathroom solo – and I’d press the button for help and they’d say they’d be right there and I’d wait and wait and wait… honestly, Gary Jim and Ana were there during a few of these encounters and actually went off to find someone to help me. Pushing the button was a pointless endeavor the longer I was there the more I realized that. I was really surprised the bathroom didn’t have any grab bars.

    I spent most of the day in and out of consciousness that really coordinated with the pain meds. They wanted me to walk and pass gas so I walked as soon as I could. The passing gas didn’t happen until right before I went home but it did happen – I’ve since pooed too if you were wondering.

    I arrived home last night, Gary came to get me and went to get me medications too. Mouse was happy to see me but not sure why I didn’t pick her up for a hug or play our nightly game. Gary sent me this email while I was still in the hospital:

    “Mouser and I were talking.  I told her you were in the hospital to have surgery and she said that she was in the hospital twice for surgery but no one came to visit her.  She said that when you come home that I should put one of those hoods (he’s referring to the cone of shame) on you like you made her wear and handcuff you so you cannot touch yourself.”

    Standing up, getting up, sitting down all those things currently hurt a little bit. I can sit here and type and have basically no pain at all. Oh and coughing hurts a little too. I have three little bandages on my belly and they shave most of that area, but not all of it so it looks like half of my belly is dirty and it’s going to really itch soon I know it!

    I don’t know if it would have taken less time to just take a cab to WHC when I first got to HUH or not but I think if I ever end up in a similar situation I would go to WHC first.

    There was an outpouring of love and comments and text from friends and family that I truly appreciated – but all of you that kept wanting me to keep you updated with calls or text used up my phone battery that much sooner – thanks! lol

     

  • An End, a Beginning and an End to a Beginning

    During the summer of 2006 I interviewed at a company owned partly by a former supervisor’s husband, the job was to be an Office Manager. I interviewed with three people, one of them was my current boss Jim DiLuigi.

    I was kind of selling myself as something of an IT guy and Jim asked me if I knew why he was getting so many spam emails for Viagra in his inbox. I answered simply – “It’s the sites your visiting.” which he didn’t take well at all. I should have clarified that it is about filing out information on websites that ask for your age and gender and those sites selling your information to spamming companies.

    I didn’t get the job, partly I think because of that answer. Jim doesn’t recall it that way, but I’ll bet that’s what happened. The same company did call me a few weeks later to offer me an Administrative Assistant position which I gladly accepted.

    While at this company I sat facing Jim and we quickly developed a good working routine where he’d pass me things to type and I’d hand him the document that he’d then edit a bazillion times, sometimes reinserting words he’d deleted three drafts ago – that was kind of annoying (still is today). We were quick, efficient and comfortable.

    In a few short months it was obvious the Office Manager they hired wasn’t meeting expectations, she was let go and the position was offered to me. I took it, glad that my hard work hadn’t gone unnoticed and thankful for the opportunity to grow.

    In the fall of 2007 things with the other boss were getting crazier and crazier and logic was being tossed out the window at regular intervals. The other boss got it into his head that he should fire Jim and nothing I could say would deter him from that goal. So in December, Jim was terminated and I made plans to exit that company as well.

    In January of 2008 Jim approached me with the idea of starting a new firm, I had let him know previously I would be giving notice at the beginning of the year. Initially I was just humoring Jim, and thought such an endeavor would last maybe a few months and then he’d want to do something else or I wouldn’t like it… Jim asked if we could give it a try for five years and we both agreed to that.

    We did pretty well in those five years. We laughed almost every day. Every day I got a hug in the morning and a hug in the evening. We’d have lunch and take trips and spend time in waiting rooms and walk around the city. We worked too, Jim would travel all over the country to help find simple solutions for accessibility issues and then come back and we’d write up reports for the client and answer their calls and emails.

    One thing I’ve loved about this is Jim’s open-mindedness, even with the law he knows so well. He’d take my suggestions sometimes and answer my questions no matter how trivial they might have seemed to me.

    We survived snowmageddon, the earth quake, my Pa and his Ma’s passing, his friend passing, my failed engagement and arguments here and there. We took trips to Boca Raton, Maui, Cancun, San Antonio, Danville, and more. We ditched the PC’s and went Mac. We’ve had some of the most interesting clients and situations come up that kept us intrigued and entertained.

    The goal was never really about making money, the goal was about having fun and helping others. We met the goals.

    Sadly, we’re going to be closing our doors January 31, it was a great run and I’ve received a great friend (and his family) out of the deal. I’m a lucky man. I’ve just had the best job a person could ask for and it taught me the importance of loving the job you have and the people you work with, go do what you love and do it with people that are worth knowing.

    My boss, my friend, my partner – Jim DiLuigi is worth knowing.