Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Author: Jamez

  • Loads

    The apartment complex where I live has three separate laundry facilities – the one closest to me is not far so hefting a basket down there to wash isn’t a big deal. The machines can all be used with coins OR credit cards, which I really like. One heaping basket of clothes is usually two loads of laundry – sure i could mix it all together but I separate lights and darks (I’m a clothes racist and believe in segregation). I’d still prefer to have a washer and dryer in the unit, but this works, I can always find two machines next to one another.

    This particular time was no different than the rest – laundry in the basket, detergent capsules on top. As I approached I could see two other people in the facility, nothing new there. I went in and said hi to the person closest to the door – she just glanced and me warily and then towards the other person there. I looked back there and didn’t think anything of it and said hello to him as well. As I was loading the washing machines I noticed the woman kept looking past me at the guy in the back, so I took a better look at him.

    The man was really skinny, with a short hair cut. He was wearing a blue short sleeved shirt and tan shorts with flip flops. His eyes were hooded and he wasn’t there. Very slowly, slow-motion like,  he would pick up a piece of clothing, hold it to his chest an fold it. I think I loaded two washing machines in the time it took him to fold that one piece of clothing. He was shaking as he moved and every once in a while I’d hear a loud “sniff”.

    “None of my business” I thought and proceeded to pay for the machines, set the timer on my phone and headed back to my apartment. But the man gnawed at my thoughts on the way back – he must have been on something, maybe he has mental issues – again, none of my business was the thought that rose to the top.

    When the timer went off I headed back to start the drying cycle, thankful that the odd one would be gone, but as I approached I could see he was still there in the back of the room, his basket where it was when I left. As I approached I saw he was still moving at a snails pace, even the simplest of motions.

    It wasn’t until I was on my way out that I noticed the clothes he was folding were dirty. I could see dirt, red stains and what I hadn’t noticed before was the smell from back there – a mildewy scent wafted from that side of the room.

    This was several months ago now, and I’ve not seen that guy in there since. But I wonder what’s become of him sometimes and what he was on. A small part of me wonders if he was enjoying himself – it was hard to tell what he was feeling when I would look at him.

  • The Difference

    I was at a small birthday celebration for a friend Friday night when I overheard one of the attendees talking about being a foster parent. I listened as best I could over the din of the bar. You should have heard this woman talk about some of the kids she had come through her house – she talked with joy, pride and sadness, sadness that some of them were now back in danger again. She’s also a teacher, elementary school I think, and that in itself should be considered a superhero, the foster parent doubly so.

    I’m a product of Foster Care, I wasn’t really in any danger, but I was one of those kids that lacked proper supervision and was amok in most parts of my life. When I entered my foster home for the first time I tried to talk myself into running the first day – nothing bad had happened, but these people just didn’t understand me and couldn’t possibly keep up with me. My Ma had plenty of foster kids before me and was more than a match for my teenaged ideas of right and wrong.

    My Ma and Pa held me responsible for my own actions – I had to wake up to my own alarm clock for school each day, I had chores, I received allowance, I had dinner every night at the table with the family (seemed stupid at the time, but it was something I came to look forward to each day and long for today). In my foster home I didn’t fear anyone coming home drunk in a rage to beat up anyone else, I didn’t worry about having food for dinner, I found peace. I wrote a poem about it a few years ago you can find here: (Foster Home) and I’ve pasted it here too

    brown house now blue

    gray hair then and now too

    Ma in rocker knitting

    Pa in recliner

    fear crawls up my spine

    my bags packed, all that is mine

    social worker pressures shoulder

    keeps me from running

    dinner together, conversation and laughter

    alien world, foreign notions – food a plenty

    tears delay that first night,

    though hard fought, buried deep

    rules, responsibility, chores

    wake up myself for school

    wash dishes, mow lawns

    allowance? what’s that?

    foster brother and i

    share smokes and stories

    on the front patio

    now enclosed, then exposed

    three years teach me, show me love me

    five years gone, back i come to make right

    show them i’ve found the light

    love unconditional, no exceptions

    dc bound, to find my way

    just call anytime

    no questions asked

    you can always come home

    breast cancer scare,

    tears unhindered

    stream down my cheeks

    fear strikes deep and hard

    twenty years later, college bound

    ma and pa, rhonda and greg

    come to see the sites,

    nope!

    to see me off, wish me well, show me love

    the family i didn’t choose

    forced upon me by action of youth

    became the one that mattered most

    showed me the truth of love itself

    When my Pa died a few years ago it … it still brings tears to my eyes… I decided to change my name to honor him. That’s the kind of impact they had on me – I owe my life to them (to AA too, yes) and have had so much opportunity as a result of everything they gave me.

    I’m not a foster parent, I’m not very patient with kids, but I urge you to be. I urge you to be the person that makes a difference in the life of a child, show them that not all parents are irresponsible, hurtful and mean. Show them a path that leads to a better life… and make sure you hug them, kids need hugs.

    Here are some links about foster care, if you’re interested give them a read and help make a difference.

    http://www.adoptuskids.org/for-families/how-to-foster

    http://www.fosterparents.com

    http://nfpaonline.org

    http://www.kidspeace.org/Foster.aspx

  • Friends, Memories and Time

    In May of 1988 I graduated high school with a whole bunch of people I hardly knew. See I’d been at G-E-T High (that’s really the name of the school) for only 2 years after I’d been shipped off to foster care because I was a dirty rotten thief – actually, more of a petty thief or a snatch and grabber… To be fair, I can only recall a handful of the folks I went to school with in Whitehall also and I spent many years in elementary and high school with those folks.  – I think drugs did a lot to my memory….

    GET High
    GET High

    It was mentioned to me that it’d be nice to get together and I created a Facebook group and invited a bunch of the old gang. A year later we all actually showed up. Some of these people I hadn’t seen in 22 years. People get new jobs, join the military, marry, move a million times and disappear from our radar – one good thing about Facebook is the ability to find some of these folks again.

    We had a dinner Friday night at Wason’s Supper Club outside of Galesville and most of us were there, we quickly fell into old patterns of solving the worlds problems and rolling our eyes at one another. Time may have come and gone but we are all basically the same people – the same friends – we were back in school.

    Saturday we had a bar-b-q, and even with a few of us getting lost we all managed to find our way to the old cabin where we used to do all manner of things which young people do that they are encouraged not to :-). Someone found a radio station that played old 80s music and we all brought food and drinks.  Just being in the cabin stirred up all kinds of old memories:

    beer parties

    pot smoking

    don’t worry the alcohol will kill whatever is wrong with you, just take a sip

    warm fires in the cold winter

    getting snowed in for a few days and running out of booze – that was terrible, running out of booze is unforgivable

    the old nicknames: Burnout, Sleazy, Zeus… more I can’t recall

    I had to head out early and didn’t get to chat with all of my old friends as much as I would have liked, but it was nice to see them. They are people that help make me who I am today a million different ways and I’m glad I had them in my life them and hope that i’m lucky enough to have them in my life for however long I have.

  • Like Passengers of a Great Liner

    I attended the SRI Roundup this weekend – well as much as I attend roundups: I went to the Friday night speaker, the Saturday banquet and Saturday night speaker. I would have attended the Sunday morning speaker which I normally associate with the “spiritual” talk, but they do it differently here – here it’s a local person on Sunday’s and I figure I’ll hear them ranting eventually in a meeting so I can stay home and do chores.

    Friday nights speaker was the energetic Katie P from Austin, TX. She told a very powerful story and it hit all the right points, I really appreciated her talk. She was funny at times, told of tragic happenings and stressed the importance of the Big Book, the Steps and even the Traditions. During her talk she talked about having “meeting based sobriety” which is different than “solution based recovery” and it was just right.

    “The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 17

    The fellowship is not sufficient on it’s own for real recovery from alcoholism was what she was relaying to us. In her experience she spent decades going to meetings for the sake of going to meetings before she needed something more. When she finally hit a spiritual bottom while sober for quite a while she found real solutions in the Book.

    I myself never found a need to go to more than a few meetings a week, it would seem odd to stop going to bars and hangouts only to now to to AA houses and fellowship things. To be recovered we become a part of society again and that’s all society not just the rooms of AA.

    Here in Phoenix I hear people say they are going to meetings two times a day, seven days a week and it just baffles me, these people have 20+ years and say they have to do that to maintain their sobriety… I say, there is a real solution in the book that will show you precisely to recover from alcoholism – and that solutions doesn’t mention 4 hours each day in AA. Going to meetings every day is “meeting based sobriety”, going every day to get a small spiritual fix in a meeting when a real solutions is in the action described in the book is insane.

    The AA program is threefold: Recovery, Unity, Service – we need all three.

    The Saturday night speaker was a “slogan slinger” he had a lot of slogans and stories to tell, most of them not his. It brought lots of laughs and claps, but it wasn’t his story really and that would have probably been a better talk.

     

  • Finding a Home Group

    Walking into new meetings the first thing I notice almost every time: OMG they’re so young! Where are the old people? It’s at that point I realize I consider myself old and that my age prevents me from remembering that I was one of the young people when I came into the rooms. Which makes me say out loud, almost every time, “Well crap”. Last night at my friend Cliff’s home group we were talking about that and he said “if they’re lucky some day they’ll be as old as us and still going to meetings” or something to that effect.

    Cliff has made that meeting his home group recently and people have been asking me recently where my home group is and I just haven’t decided yet. It was so much easier when I was new to find a home group: my sponsor said “this is your home group” and I nodded and made coffee, set up chairs, greeted or whatever they would have me do. Oh… you might not know what a “Home Group” is …

    Excerpted from “The A.A. Group . . . Where It All Begins”, a pamphlet published by A.A. World Services and available online here http://www.aa.org/en_pdfs/p-16_theaagroup.pdf

    The A.A. Home Group 

    Traditionally, most A.A. members through the years have found it important to belong to one group which they call their “Home Group.” This is the group where they accept service responsibilities and try to sustain friendships. And although all A.A. members are usually welcome at all groups and feel at home at any of these meetings, the concept of the “Home Group” has still remained the strongest bond between the A.A. member and the Fellowship.

    With membership comes the right to vote upon issues that might affect the group and might also affect A.A. as a whole—a process that forms the very cornerstone of A.A.’s service structure. As with all group-conscience matters, each A.A. member has one vote; and this, ideally, is voiced through the home group.

    Over the years, the very essence of A.A. strength has remained with our home group, which, for many members, becomes our extended family. Once isolated by our drinking, we find in the home group a solid, continuing support system, friends and, very often, a sponsor. We also learn firsthand, through the group’s workings, how to place “principles before personalities” in the interest of carrying the A.A. message.

    Talking about her own group, a member says: “Part of my commitment is to show up at my home group meetings, greet newcomers at the door, and be available to them—not only for them but for me. My fellow group members are the people who know me, listen to me, and steer me straight when I am off in left field. They give me their experience, strength and A.A. love, enabling me to ‘pass it on’ to the alcoholic who still suffers.”

    It was definitely easier when someone assigned me a home group and when I was ignorant about the things that matter so much to me now (Traditions, knowledge, Big Book, steps, history…). Now it seems I start dismissing a groups chance before I even attend a business meeting. I think a part of me will always want the Northside Group to be my home group, or the Eau Claire Pacific Group or the Tuesday Night Big Book Group… Those groups hold special places in my heart and are the model for me to find a new home group where I feel like I belong… All of those groups had flaws, some more glaring than others, but each of them felt like I belonged there.

    What I want in a home group isn’t that much, I don’t think…

    • knowledgable people talking about the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
    • knowledge and working of the 12 Traditions
    • regular business meetings
    • structure
    • reliability
    • greeters (this one is just a hope… but it was a part of some great meetings I used to attend)

    There will always be a part of me that wants old-timers and big book thumpers to be armed with stun guns to shock people who are off topic and or rambling on and on… I’ve had that desire since I started attending and it’s never going to go away. But really, I want to be at a meeting where they aren’t afraid to call someone on their bullshit and ask them to shut the fuck up.

    So, for now I’m still without a “Home Group”, but i haven’t given up looking and I haven’t given up hope to finding one. It took me almost 14 years to find a home group in DC and being the type of alcoholic that searches for loopholes to slip through I’m glad this sentence is the first in the Home Group portion of the pamphlet:

    “Traditionally, most AA members through the years have found it important to belong to one group which they call their ‘Home Group.’”

    That “most” keeps me looking and keeps me from settling for second best when the right group is probably out there for me to find.

  • Coming Out and Coming to Terms with Me

    A friends brother came out recently after many years of being closeted and she wanted to talk to me about how that kind of thing can happen… so I wrote this long email to her and decided I should put it here too.

    Long before I had any notion of what it meant to be gay I found men attractive (especially bearded, hairy men). When I’d play with my superhero figures it was usually Batman and Superman that were kissing – Wonder Woman was nowhere to be found, it could be that I didn’t have Wonder Woman… who would buy a boy Wonder Woman in the 70s? We were actually pretty poor and I don’t recall having Superman and Batman dolls so that was all in my imagination… so I could have thought of Wonder Woman, but she didn’t come up.

    It didn’t take long to see how homosexuals were portrayed on TV and in movies and even though I couldn’t identify as one yet, I was suddenly much more aware of how limp my wrist was or how I walked, talked and dressed, I’d seen the way other people (my parents, TV stars, school kids) talked about gay people and I didn’t want them to talk about me like that so I was very careful at a very young age to not show too many signs… lol, seems silly to me now. Elementary school and high school gym class and shower rooms were very uncomfortable and i would get out of there as soon as possible, not looking at anything because I knew I might get excited and then I’d be discovered, the worst were the gym teachers and coaches – with their hairy arms and full bodies… just don’t look, just don’t look.

    When I was around 12 or 13 an adult friend of my mother seduced me and took me – and several other kids in our small town – as his own for his pleasure. That was more secretive than being gay and exciting too. Finally the things I couldn’t really put into words or thoughts in my head were happening and it felt good but it felt bad too and it was a struggle to get through with that. It didn’t help that at that point I didn’t have any positive male figures in my life, all my mothers husbands beat her and were drunk no one I wanted to be like. This was the first time I had been loved, that I could tell, by another man.

    When the adult that molested me was caught they sent us to therapy, in the 80s at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, what I heard the therapist say was “if you enjoyed any of that than your a sick pervert too and will catch AIDS and die…” again, that’s what I heard what he actually said might have been something very different. But it did instill in me again this feeling that I WAS WRONG, not that there was something wrong with me but I was completely wrong.

    When I was seeing a therapist while in my foster home I was honest with him about my feeling towards other guys and explained I could only get off thinking about guys… he suggested that that was a learned behavior and could be changed… if I wanted to I could imagine cars when I was beating off and after enough time that would change, I was desperate to be normal and not “get AIDS and die” … sadly, thinking about girls, or cars… didn’t seem to do it for me… and wasn’t satisfying, so I gave up.

    Outside of the molestation, I didn’t have sex with anyone until I was 19 or 20. My friends convinced me I had to have sex with a girl so that happened.. but I honestly had to think about a man to perform. It wasn’t enjoyable, it didn’t feel right and it wasn’t something I ever wanted to do again… but my friends were excited for me, I felt they accepted me a little bit more now that I was normal…

    During my first drug and alcohol treatment I discussed my gay thoughts and feelings about it with my counselor… who suggested I might be gay… which I didn’t like very much. How dare he say such a thing! Even though I’d been fighting that very thought for years in my own head. But the thought stuck there and I started to give in – I was a doomed homosexual and the world would hate me.. and the “God” of my understanding was going to condemn me to hell because of something I didn’t have a say about.

    After that treatment, when I was drinking again, a friend offered to let me see if I was really gay by having sex with him… he wasn’t “gay” of course, just doing a favor for a friend… It wasn’t really an enjoyable experience, but he wasn’t exactly my type either. So I didn’t repeat that experiment and it didn’t answer any of my questions about myself really.

    After my second (and hopefully last) treatment visit I decided I was gay, but I didn’t have to act on it… so at night I’d pleasure myself and then ask “God” as I understood him, to forgive me for being a monster… every night, again and again…

    At that time, the mid 90s, the internet was pretty new so there weren’t the massive amounts of gay sites there are now… so I did this Phone Bank thing where you could listen to guys on voicemail like things and then hook up… the closest city was Minneapolis/St Paul and I found a guy that I was interested in base mostly on his voice – he didn’t sound “gay”. I told my two best friends I was going to my Ma and I told my Ma that I was going to a conference – this is me in early AA lying… even though I know I have to be honest about everything to stay sober… and I went up to the Twin Cities and had the best time ever with this guy who was very patient, gentle, understanding and virile… OMG VIRILE, insatiable event. Then I was being destroyed by the lie… I felt so horrible for the lie but felt so right about what I had done… it was so conflicting, so I told my two best friends that I lied to them and told them the truth about me, which they knew anyway, but it felt better to be honest.

    one of those two best friends was moving to Washington DC and told me that I had to come with “Eau Claire WI is no place for a gay boy to be” and I jumped at the chance, but mostly to get out of WI, it wasn’t about exploring being gay at all. When I told my co-workers I had to tell them something (that I was leaving) one of them said “You’d better not be coming out, you fucking faggots all need to die”

    When I did get to DC it was amazing: guys were holding hands with one another ON THE STREET, for that matter, there were other races and some of them were holding hands with other races and some of them were gay or lesbian… I didn’t know what the hell was going on… it was so cool but I didn’t think you could do those things…

    Shortly after moving there I was walking down 17th street, minding my own business and a car of a bunch of kids drove by and tossed a half-full beer can at me yelling “fucking faggot”… so there was that, this hatred of me for being me was everywhere not just in my head or in small town America, even in our nations capital.

    I learned more and more about gay people and our history the longer I was in DC. I became more and more comfortable with myself the more I let myself… I came out to my entire family (loved ones) via an email on National Coming Out Day in 1998… and later that year I came out to my mother by wearing a t-shirt that said something clever like “my boyfriends mother doesn’t know I’m gay” or some such… she was not amused 😉

    I’m a typical gay man, because I happen to like having sex with other gay men… but in other senses I’m not a typical gay man. I don’t care about the Tony Awards or Liza Minnelli, I’m not a fan of drag shows or say “fabulous” a lot… but not all straight people like NASCAR or Fox News or find Rhiana attractive… I’m an individual who finally came to terms with being who I am after much trial and error. Are there still times I feel hated by others? sure. Are there times I hate myself? not so much anymore. I think I’m fortunate to live in these times when people start to realize that there are more than one kind of love, more than one kind of relationship in the world… To come out today with all the wonderful things happening for gay people … well it would have been a great time to get to know myself… but I wouldn’t trade the struggles I had for an easier softer way, those struggles shaped me into the man I have become and I like him… I wouldn’t date him, not my type at all 😀

  • In All Our Affairs

    In All Our Affairs

    Everything I know about being a good worker I learned from 12 step programs.

    One of my first sponsors told me to shake hands with everyone before and after the meeting and introduce myself to them. 

    When someone comes to the office I stand up from my desk, walk over and extend my hand, introducing myself – they apparently like this and I see their shoulders relax a bit and a smile form on even the grumpiest of people.

    Our basic text, the Big Book, tells us “Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.” A.A. page 62

    If I’m manning a table/booth at an event I smile and welcome people over – I ask about them, I want to know what they do and how they like it. I find out how I can help them. If I focus on helping others then I can’t spend time in my head thinking about me which is a great thing.

    I am Responsible.  When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there.  And for that:  I am responsible. 

    and

    “How can A.A. best function” and, “How can A.A. best stay whole and so survive” A.A. page 177 (in the mini Big Book)

    I am responsible for my job too, my company and my co-workers. I want them to always be there for me so I have to be responsible. That means I ask how I can help them do their jobs, if there is anything I can do to make their loads lighter – if their load is lighter than that might make them have a better day. It also means I have to be aware of the rules and how the company is doing. “How can my work best function?” and, “How can work best stay whole and so survive?” Those are some great questions to consider when thinking about your job.

    “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.” A.A. page 178 (in the mini Big Book)

    I try to stay out of gossip at work – I don’t want to need to participate in it and become involved in any drama. I also just focus on the job at hand there and keep politics and religion out of discussions with co-workers. Yes, I do have an opinion about all kinds of things – but that doesn’t mean work is the place I need to share it.

    “…and when we were wrong promptly admitted it…” A.A. page 59

    That one’s easy – usually… it throws some people off when you come at them and say “Hey, I screwed up here, how can I fix this with you”. People like the honesty, the openness when you do things like that – sometimes it makes them wary but if they see you practice it more they’ll come to understand it’s a part of you.

    “As we go through the day we pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.” A.A. page 87

    This one saves my bacon time and time again – before I toss out my witty retort or type off a heavily worded email I stop and take a deep breath and consider what I’m about to do – sometimes I have to take a few pauses before I’m alright again…

    Sponsor Direction: Show up early, help set up the meeting – make the coffee, get to know people. Stay late – help tear down the meeting and get to know people.

    I’m always early for meetings, I’m always early for work. I make sure that I’m there to talk to people before the day starts and to see how they’re doing. I make the coffee (sometimes my co-worker does) I turn on the lights. At the end of the day I clean up the coffee (sometimes my co-worker does) and make sure everything is locked up tight… It helps to get the day off on the right track. Staying after is nice if someone needs help there you are, you can be in a place of maximum helpfulness to them.

    A.A. can and does make it easy to go to work and do what I do, it also bridges a gap in relationships with my co-workers and people my company serves that otherwise I wouldn’t have. My natural instincts are to stay to myself not talk to anyone else – even when I was drinking I was that way. But I have to be involved in the stream of life and participate, I’m meant to.

    November 2014 edit: People have commented over the years and recently about my great work ethic – I used to credit it to being raised in the Midwest, but then I recall my younger days at factories when it was all about me and my jobs didn’t last very long at all. Being a better worker means thinking about your coworkers, organization and those goals – it means focusing less on you and yours. Surprisingly these small changes can make a world of difference in every day.

    originally published July 2013

  • My Take on Man of Steel – SPOILERS

    I’ve heard a lot of differing opinions on the new Superman movie Man of Steel and wanted to share my thoughts on the movie with you. This post will be full of spoilers and if you’ve not seen it yet don’t bitch to me about things you didn’t know…

    OK?

    OK? OK?

    Really now, I’m about to talk about the movie…. so this is your last chance!

    Here I go…. this time I mean it….

     

    Man of Steel – a review by Jamez

    First off, I loved Krypton and everything about it. I found it visually pleasing and loved Russell Crowe as Jor-El and not just because he’s so fucking sexy and that accent makes my knees wobble… he just played the part well and I liked it. We were introduced to the villain really quickly which pleased me. I loved the technology on Krypton, the robots were great.

    On Earth we jumped forward and backward in time with Clark and I didn’t mind that at all, I heard some people complain that it was confusing – which baffles me, here he’s young, here he’s old… how hard can this be? I found Clark’s struggles with having his powers growing up to be a great part of the story and how he came to deal with those powers over time was easily explained but I didn’t put certain things together until later.

    It was nice to see the parts of Clark that were very human – anger, sadness, confusion, compassion for others form into what is going to make him a great hero one day. Those things are in all of us, even Superman, and sometimes can be a struggle to get through. Pa Kent (Kevin Costner) and Ma Kent (Diane Lane) were cast well – I disagreed with Pa Kent’s decision in the end and not sure that was to character, for me Pa always loved Martha and Clark so much I can’t see him just letting go like that.

    I liked how he found the Kryptonian ship in Canada but it puzzled me how he found it there… I know we heard the one story on the radio or TV but he seemed to be heading that way all along. We also were introduced to Lois (Amy Adams) up there as well as Emil Hamilton (Richard Schiff)… I’m not sold on Amy Adams as Lois, but honestly it didn’t really matter to me who it was, that part was minimal in my eyes.

    I saw absolutely no need for the Daily Planet sub story, I love Laurence Fishburn, but didn’t feel he added to the story as Perry White.

    The things I’ve heard most talked about negatively in the movie were the killing of Zod and the long fight scene.

    First, Zod. I had avoided any reviews or spoilers as best I could so I didn’t know this was going to happen. A friend points out that a more experienced Superman would have found a different way to stop Zod and that seems pretty logical to me. When it happened I was really stunned for a moment – Superman doesn’t kill is a mantra that runs through my head when I read Superman stories in comics or see him in the cartoons. But I recall he once did kill, I can’t recall the story very well but I know it bothered him immensely and he took steps to recover from that – what I felt the movie didn’t do well was show the repercussions of taking a life and the toll it can take on someone who has a soul, a heart if you will, as big as Superman. It felt like Zod was dead, Supes screamed and then boom he was making snarky remarks to the military guy. Maybe I’ll see the fall out in the sequel, which would make me pretty happy.

    Secondly, the big bad fight at the end. So much destruction, is what I heard, was it really necessary? I don’t know. For me it was appropriate – you have a group of aliens hell bent on terraforming the planet and killing all of us who will stop at nothing to do so. There machines were doing a fairly great job of that on there own. I NEEDED a Superman movie where he actually punched things – I needed the fight to be fast and furious with destruction. Again, a more experienced Superman would have taken the fight out of the city, but he had just put on the cape and boots. I don’t know how long this fight scene was but I don’t really think it was much different than the Avengers end fight scene which had just as much destruction and aliens causing chaos. What I did like about the fight was showing how much destruction had been caused – it’s so easy to read these fights in the comics or see them on the cartoons and see just a superhero being thrown through a wall with no one getting hurt and the building always left standing that realism was good for my experience.

    I saw it twice in a two day span – the first time was in 3D which I found to be a waste of money – not enough was done for it to be so. The second time in 2D was just as good.

    In my opinion, this is the best Superman movie to date (I don’t say “of all time” because time isn’t over yet). I’m a fan of the Christopher Reeves movies, I loved them back in the day. I think Superman Returns was a nostalgic movie more about an actor that looked like Christopher Reeves than a Superman movie, and that’s sad, there were parts of it that I liked and parts that I didn’t. This movie the parts that I didn’t like were minimal and nit picky… one of the last scenes ins a flash back to young clark on the farm outside of Smallville wearing a cape and acting like Superman… which really couldn’t have happened and bugged me, but I can look past that and see this movie for what it was – the Superman movie i’d been waiting for.

     

     

     

  • A Plea For Help

    Today I’m going to talk about my friend Jana.

    I first met Jana in the virtual world of Azeroth in World of Warcraft (WoW) while both of us were in the Warsong Gulch (WSG) battleground – WSG is a capture the flag game and you have two teams of 10. Her character was Janka – then a pre 60 rogue. With her and our trusty friends Grokus, Meltiece, Kerrig, Salthair, Robauk, Noq (that’s me) and others we ruled the pre-cross server WSG … well, sometimes the Alliance would win, but come on… they’re Alliance SCUM! This was before the first expansion when the end goals were the level 60 and … hell I can’t even remember the dungeon that mattered back then. This was back in 2005 and I was new to the MMORP world – Janka was one of my early friends there and helped me feel like I belonged.

    Throughout the years, sometimes every day, we’d play WoW together. In expansion after expansion Janka would be there with me as I explored this virtual world – we did dungeons together, battlegrounds, raids… craft materials for one another and became real friends – even though we’d never met. I even met her husband Cameron playing WoW. That was true of a lot of my WoW friends.

    Through WoW and Facebook I got to know more and more about Jana and I’d see photos of her animals (she’s a dog and cat lover and has this huge heart) and stories about the crazy things they’d do. I found out about her job and what she does for a living. WoW helped me make a virtual friend a real life friend and I’m thankful to WoW for all the friends I made there. Time and again Jana would lend me virtual gold (not of any real value in the real world) for virtual items that seemed important back then… other things are more important you find out.

    Here’s the rub…

    Jana was recently diagnosed with uterine cancer, something the two of us can’t fight off in the land of Azeroth.

    Because of circumstances in her and her husband’s life they do not have health insurance and the fight for Jana is just now beginning. Here’s a quote from her husbands blog:

    “My research indicates that treatment of uterine cancer often runs about $100,000. Fortunately, MUSC offers patient assistance. We have applied for it and should hear back early next week if we are approved and to what extent. If approved, our costs could run anywhere from $4,000-$10,000. A ridiculous amount of money, but FAR better than the alternative!”

    That’s an awful lot of money to raise just to have a chance at beating this thing. I want to help but I can’t do this alone and neither can Jana. I have faith in the people who I call friends in the world – whether I’ve met them on WoW, Facebook or even – gasp – in person that we can help Jana raise this money and fight.

    I want your help and you can do this by following these steps:

    1. Go read Jana’s husbands blog about what’s been going on so far (here is the link: http://cameronscottwright.wordpress.com )

    2. Share that blog with your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit … friends (it’s called social networking for a reason)

    3. Lastly, you can donate towards her cancer fund – if you can give $5 that would help… if all of my friends gave $5 she’d have the money to do this (click here to donate: PayPal )

    When I have friends ask me to help them raise funds for dogs, running a race or their son or daughters school charity I give what I can if I can. It’s the right thing to do. Today I want to raise money to help a human (she’s really an orc) fight to stay alive… can you help me do that? Someday soon maybe people wont have to raise money to have a chance at staying alive – but at the moment we still do.

    My friend Jana (or Janka as she’ll always be known to me) needs help – I’m hoping you can help me help her.

  • Misreading People

    I’m not very good at reading people I guess. Recently two things happened that I didn’t expect based on how a person reacted with me.

    When I interviewed for my current job in Arizona I did video (Skype) interviews and on more than one occasion my interviewer (now one of my bosses) leaned away from the camera and crossed her arms – I thought for sure she didn’t want me to have the job. Having been on this job for a couple of months now I see that she does that in all kinds of different circumstances and I’m not sure why.

    Saturday afternoon I had a date and I told the guy he was handsome – he didn’t respond… I’m like WTF am I hideous? Then later he did the same thing as my boss – he leaned away from me and crossed his arms and I thought it was over… five minutes later he invited me to his house to go swimming and the rest is censored… 😉

    I think its easy to look at something and see something that isn’t true at all about it, I should know better. I’ll have to judge people based on their actual actions not just their body language in any given situation.

    On a side note a woman on the sober bowling league last week pulled me aside and said: You’re gay aren’t you.

    I wasn’t even wearing a rainbow shirt or anything… but yes, I told her – I’m gay. I think she and I will become friends over time here, she’s crazy and that’s the type of friend I tend to attract (no offense intended if you’re a friend reading this… but honestly… your crazy 😀 )

    I’ve had a couple of dates here and only one that I really enjoyed. I will continue to have dates and see if there is anyone I like enough to see more than a few times but I don’t have any expectations.