Training Tribulations

I do a wide variety of tasks at the office. I like to think I do them all pretty well. One of the things I do that others think I do well is train people.

All I really do is share what I know. It’s akin to Alcoholics Anonymous – someone shared with me so I can do this better so now I’m sharing it with you. I may on occasion have to modify my message to be heard by someone who can’t relate to it a certain way or other but still share the same message. AA gave me that and I’ve been using it for quite a few years now.

It works for me with the people that have come into the office to be trained. I don’t lecture, or teach I share. I’ll sometimes say “this is the problem, and here is how I found a solution” and then show them how I did it. Action (that’s another thing I learned from AA), take the steps to show others how to get past an obstacle. This has worked time and time again.

But now I have a new problem. Continue reading

My Team

I love my job (most of the time) – I’m busy from the moment I get there until the moment I leave and that’s a great way to spend the day. Considering I spend 9 – 12 hours a day there and sometimes go in on Saturday – it’s good to like it.

I manage some tasks at work – I say I manage people, but one of my bosses said a few years ago that I don’t, so we’ll let him have that – I know what needs to be done each day and I get to map the best way to get there. I’m a result oriented guy – I want the jobs done efficiently and timely. I rely on a handful of people to get that accomplished.

It’s hard for me to let those things go and trust those other people… well it was at first. After you give them a chance to prove themselves often enough and they do then you can relax a little bit about what you’ve given them. If I give these six things to her and these 5 things to him I can do these remaining things that also need to be done.  Continue reading

Vegas with Zanne

I used 4 hours of vacation time on Friday so I could drive up to Las Vegas and see Suzanne.

It’s nice to get away from the office – weird things going on there. I think I finally figured out what they’re trying to accomplish – doesn’t make a damn bit of sense but I don’t think I care anymore – that’s a good indicator that you should get away from the office. (deleted the rest of this paragraph for self preservation) Continue reading

Got Trust?

A few years back a psychologist helped me come to a conclusion on love – it has to be earned. No one gets a default feeling of love just because they are related to you, know you or were nice to you once in passing.

I loved the idea of my mother – a woman who cared for me, loved me, made sure my needs were met. I didn’t really have that, but was stuck on an idea of obligation of loving her because she birthed me. Truthfully, she only loved me when she needed something – attention, pity, affection or my social security number when her credit wore through.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back, is using or manipulating you… not really a winning game. The same is true of trust and respect. Continue reading

The Journey Out of AA – so far

It’s been a little over five months since I published my story “Walking Away from AA” where I talked about my decision to leave Alcoholics Anonymous after almost 22 years. I stated then that I didn’t have a desire to drink, but I had a desire to be more honest and truthful with all aspects of my life.

Being sober – living a life without drugs or alcohol – is for me. It’s a cheaper life, more enjoyable and less messy… things I need and want. Belief in a “higher power” or “faking it until I make it” aren’t for me, I can’t live that lie anymore. I gave it a fair shot – lying for AA, lol.

So what’s changed really?  Continue reading

Learning by Repetition

In college I took Psychology as one of my classes, I didn’t really have any desire to be a psychologist I was just filling up class space with something that I could tolerate. I only wanted to take English classes, but somehow I had to take math, computer science and welcome to college too… It got me on the Deans list so I guess that’s ok.

In preparation for my class I purchased my books ahead of time and then read a few chapters into each class before the first week of school – I wanted to be prepared. For my English class I don’t think we even referenced it the whole semester, but it was still good for me.  Continue reading

What’s Going On In My World

A nightmare woke me up this morning around 1:30 – couldn’t fall back to sleep after an hour or so so I’m up.

Someone was using text messages to hack into my brain – their little profile pic showed it was the Bones villain Christopher Pelant, a very smart computer guy who makes other peoples lives hell. He taunted me in the message a few times, I’d close it and another would open up again. I turned off the wifi and it was there again… pop, a new message from the hacker guy.

I felt as if he was inside my mind trying to erase important data that I needed. I had an image of a tall brunette woman with an axe chopping through walls that were made of magazine paper. “It’s gone, I’ll find it and you’ll never even know it was yours” she said.

I tried to close the chat window again and it just wouldn’t close – Pelant taunted me again, his profile pic laughing at me.

A friend grabbed my hand and said – “shut it all down, shut it all down before it’s too late.” but my other hand went to close the chat window… he squeezed my wrist and yanked out the power cord.

and I woke up

I was kept awake by the thought that maybe someone was really hacking into my brain – like on Johnny Mnemonic and they were taking something valuable. Then I realized I don’t really have anything valuable… so I started obsessing about work…  Continue reading

Passing

In 2014 I took and failed the exam for insurance licensure in the state of Arizona 4 times… I kid you not… 4 times. Three of those times I scored 68% (you need 70 to pass) and the last time was under 60 if I remember correctly… ugh

You can only take the test four times in a year… and then you have to wait one calendar year from the last time you failed. That was last October that I was eligible. I was in a class for The Hartford at the time and not feeling at all like that was going well either.

I was pretty overwhelmed by the entire notion… I was going through some shit last fall though so I’ll forgive myself I guess. Continue reading

Andre

I use writing as a tool to get things out of my head – ideas, conjecture, stories and memories. I can’t seem to move on from one of these things rattling around in my brain until I set it down on paper. Sometimes it’s just drivel, sometimes it’s quite beautiful – at least to me. I’ve been having a rough couple of days and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to get this out there. But lack of sleep and the flashing of the incident keep bothering me. I’m hoping this will help me to get better, to recover and move on. This is selfish, I understand, but I need to be me again and I’m impatient.

My co-worker and friend Andre was a French Canadian. You could hear the accent especially when you would talk to him for a while. It was just precious the way he would say “pardon” or even “yes”. He would call our mutual friend Guy “Gi” and myself he would call “Jamie”.  Continue reading

Never Judge a Book by Its Tattoos

I was reading a post on LinkedIn this morning about a manager that requires his team to wear business attire – even if they’re traveling on a domestic flight. The idea behind this  “you never know who you’ll run into and you’re representing the company” makes sense I guess. They say something similar in AA – “you could be the only example of recovery that person will see” so act as if.

For years though I’ve heard the old adage “never judge a book by its cover” – you have no idea what the story is inside the jacket and you might find, by turning a few pages, you rather enjoy the trip down into the looking glass. Continue reading