Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: Gay

  • Frank Ocean in the Barber Shop

    Today in the barber shop as Frank Ocean was playing in the background one barber said to the other “I disagree with his lifestyle, but man can that dude sing. I love his songs.” to which the other barber (My barber) said “his songs are just everything”.

    I don’t think the barber really disagrees with his lifestyle at all. I’m sure he’d love to go to the fancy parties, the award shows and rub elbows with the rich and famous. I’m sure the money would feel just as good in his hands and buy him all the clothes, cars and people he wanted. All the girls and boys would want to meet him, hang out with him and bend their ear to his every whim…

    The truth is the thought of one man sucking on another mans cock is not really his idea of a good time and hey, that’s ok he may be into all kinds of weird ass shit in the bedroom that I don’t want any part of too. If the thought of two men together in bed bothers you – quit thinking about it. If you like Frank’s music just groove to it and let it be what it is – powerful music.

    Frank Ocean isn’t on our TVs or computers sucking cock. He’s not down on his knees on the red carpet. He’s just out there telling stories in songs and what good songs they happen to be. It shouldn’t matter one bit what his sexual orientation is if you like his music – I listen to all kinds of straight artists and don’t hold it against them (a few I’d like to hold against me) I just enjoy their music and stories for what they are.

    Personally, I don’t want the celebrity lifestyle myself – who on Earth wants that many people poking their noses into your business? Not I.

  • Dead Pets and Doorknobs

    “We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will provide so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.” Alcoholics Anonymous, xiii Forward to the First Edition

    The above paragraph was written in 1939. Since that time over 39 other 12 Step Groups (I recall back in the late 90s seeing somewhere that there are well over 200 different 12 step groups, but I can’t find a source that says something different from Wiki) have been formed based on the principles of the original 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (according to Wiki there are and additional 10 groups that only partially base their programs on the 12 steps). According to A.A. estimates from January 1, 2012 there are approximately 2,133,842 members of Alcoholics Anonymous world-wide and 114,070 Groups – I have no estimates for how many people attend 12 Step groups outside of AA. The last sentence of the quote above indeed came true for all these other people and groups with problems outside of alcohol.

    There is a circuit speaker I’ve heard a few times who says “Got a gambling problem? catch alcoholism. Got a drug problem? catch alcoholism” He’s referring to the great success rate of the program of alcoholics anonymous and how we can change the lives of alcoholics for the better. I’ve actually met people in the rooms of AA that state they don’t have a drinking problem but really got better following the directions of AA from our book and 12 Steps – I don’t have a big problem with that, I do when they want to speak at our meetings because I believe only alcoholics should participate in our meetings.

    I was sent to treatment via the court system, I didn’t know what my problem was I just didn’t want to live anymore. A lot of people come into AA that way, the court sentences them to go to a certain amount of meetings and they show up and put their paper to be signed in the basket and typically don’t stick around – it’s rare I see these people still coming to meetings after they’ve done what was ordered of them (I do know a guy that kept getting his paper signed a year or more after he had met his legal obligation, it was a part of his recovery program; like shaking hands or making coffee). At today’s meeting I saw papers to be signed for Crack Addicts, Cocaine Addicts as well as the drinking problem forms.

    Not just alcoholics come to AA, we also get hard drinkers, heavy drinkers “.. though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as our were.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 39 come to, and people who might have gotten into a little bit of trouble and looking for a quick way out.

    So these people come to AA meetings and we’ll hear the leader say “the topic is Step 3, but talk about whatever you might need to talk about” and we’ll hear attenders just come “to check in”.

    As a result over the years AA has changed, I think partially due to treatment centers and court systems sending almost everyone to the rooms. This is overall good for the mental health well-being of the nation and or the world – really having group therapy available to anyone in so many parts of the world is amazing.

    This is however, not good for the well-being of A.A. Contrary to popular belief, A.A. is NOT group therapy. It’s not the place you get to come and talk about your dead pets or (as I heard in a meeting today) how your co-worker is not being helpful on a project you share with her.

    At Alcoholics Anonymous we come to talk about our common problem – the spiritual sickness of alcoholism. This is not a drinking problem, it’s a living problem. At A.A. we share a common solution that shows precisely how we have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

    The message of A.A. has been watered down to help everyone that needs help getting over every problem from people who just need somewhere to go talk about their problems, gay people struggling to come to terms with being gay*, people with drug addictions claiming that it’s just dry booze. A few weeks ago at a group conscience that was called to address the lack of focus on recovery at a particular meeting it was argued that the idea of having to work the program was contrary to what AA is all about and they just like to come and talk about how their life is going – that argument got lots of nods and acceptance and I think swayed the vote.

    Alcoholics Anonymous is only 78 years old and the longer we go on the farther and farther from our common solution it seems we go. Bill W. wrote the traditions to … well here’s what our book says on page 561 of the 4th edition:

    “The “12 Traditions” of Alcoholics Anonymous are, we A.A.’s believe, the best answer that our experience has yet given to those ever-urgent questions, “How can A.A. best function?” and, “How can A.A. best stay whole and so survive?”

    And everywhere was have a lack of traditions we have weak, watered-down, just come and talk about whatever you need to talk about – group therapy. I say again, A.A. is not group therapy or bad day meetings or any other kind of meeting – it’s a life solution for people who really need it and I fear the message will not be heard by those who need to hear it most.

    *I call Gay AA Meetings Gay A, they come to talk about how hard their life has been being gay and that the reason they drank they way they did was because they are gay – I drank the way I did because I’m an alcoholic and I drink alcoholicly. (I’ve written about this before here) It should be noted there is a group that semi-basis its program on the 12 steps called Homosexuals Anonymous, who knew.

    **The Title of this blog piece was chosen by Cynthia P, Laura W and Jason S – the story was in my head already, I hope they like what I’ve done here.

  • Date Night

    I was at dinner the other night and saw a handsome older man enter a restaurant and what follows is what I kind of observed and insinuated.

    The distinguished older gentleman enters the restaurant, dinner jacket and dress shirt with just a tuft of gray chest hair peeking through, pressed slacks and shined shoes, the spring in his step accompanies the smile on his face. He briefly talks to the maître d and approaches the bar glancing back over his shoulder at the entrance before motioning to the bartender and ordering a drink – nothing too strong tonight but something to help calm the tensions and nervousness.

    A date, it’d had been too long since he’d had a dinner date – he’d all but given up on ever having one again. He misses his younger days when he could pick and choose from the different guys that noticed his swagger or just begged for a kiss. But age catches up with you before you know it and the prime of gay life had passed many decades ago. He glances at the door and checks his cell, the young man should be here any minute. Maybe one more drink to sure up his confidence, this time a double.

    He’s almost finished his third drink now and the time has come for his date to arrive. The bartender has tried to start up a conversation with him and he tried to pay attention but glancing at his phone and the entrance to the door it’s hard to keep track of the bartenders joke.

    While he’s looking at his phone again it rings and he almost drops it. His eyes light up as he answers knowing his date is probably parking right now. Then his shoulders slump and his face changes the joy and expectation replaced by disappointment and confusion. He assures the young man on the that he understands, these things happens and he’s looking forward to rescheduling – trying to remain upbeat.

    Ending the call and just staring at the phone for a good long while the distinguished gentleman then orders another drink and settles in for a night of forgetting and resignation.

  • Men – Eye of the Beholder

    I’ve been thinking recently about what I find attractive in a man. Partly because as I age I’m gaining more and more of the qualities that I like to see in others. It really isn’t just about what’s swinging between his legs … no really.

    Immediately I notice and am attracted to men with facial hair, but not really long beards or funky sideburns from the 70s. This attraction increases significantly if they have gray hair, it’s always been this way, just something about a man with a gray beard or goatee turns the right knob in my system… heh heh, I said knob.

     

    If they have their shirt off I love to see a hairy chest  unless he’s black, it’s the only exception, I love the look of a black man with a hairless chest, i think that’s weird but there you have it. 

     

     

    They can have a full head of hair or be bald or have a shaved head all that is good, but i’m not a fan of long hair on a guy – there are exceptions to this rule

    1 exception
    yummy

    Generally I’m a fan of barrel chested, hairy men – I don’t like them skinny bitches, I do not like them at all. The men can have a belly but no man boobies – that’s a big turn off too. Here is an example of the max amount of man boobies:

    I’d be ok with this

    in a more intimate setting their eyes matter, I love blue and green eyes; love some men in glasses and some men without. The feel of callused, a working mans hands, the smudge and smell of grease and sweat, thick build, tattoos, a rough half-smile, not too cheery, certainly not girly at all.

    probably TMI, but it’s been floating around my head now for a week and it had to come out.

    Me letting the gray beard out

  • Equally Separate

    I was getting my haircut today at my regular barber – all the barbers are black (or African-American if you have to) and the conversation moved to President Obama’s stance on gay marriage. Another one of the customers (also black) said it shouldn’t matter what people do in their bedrooms, if they love one another that should be all that matters. One of the barbers said that there was a black preacher from SC on TV and he said it should be up to the states to decide. There was a lot of head nodding at that…

    But it can’t be up to the states to decide – that’s simply ridiculous. Loving gay couples will be discriminated against in different states, the Federal government wouldn’t bestow partner benefits to survivors, taxes couldn’t be filed together… these are some, non-religious based, rights that gay couples don’t have. Letting each state decide would be a disaster – its one thing to say in this state you can drive 85 MPH and quite another to say in this state if your partner dies you’ll be left penniless and without a say in what happens to his (or her) legacy.

    Our President has stood up and declared he believes gay people should be allowed to get married. That’s pretty amazing for a guy to say in an election year. I’m very proud of him for saying so.

    A lot of folks get all up in arms about the word “marriage” and state that marriage has always been about one man and one woman. I say it used to always be that people of different races couldn’t marry and sometimes still frowned upon when couples of two separate religions get married.

    This isn’t about religion, this is about equal rights.

    Our country supposedly has this thing called “separation of church and state” we aren’t a country that’s run by the church, but it seems like our politicians spend a lot of time worrying about what the church may think and what’s right “according to God”.

    Can you imagine our country if we let churches of all religions dictate what our laws should be?

    • No work on Sunday? Some religions no work on Saturday
    • A Tithe: 10% of your income goes to the church
    • Women are less than, like the Catholic Church where they cannot become priests
    • No naming your teddy-bear Mohammed or drawing your god as a cartoon
    • We’d all have to wear silly hats or headpieces
    • Child molesters would no longer go to prison, just be set up in a new town with access to fresh meat
    • Mormons would allow us to have multiple spouses, as long as they weren’t of the same gender as we
    • Some religions ban dancing
    • Some ban drinking
    • Some religions would teach us that Superman is teaching the use of witchcraft

    This list could go on for quite a few pages I’m sure, but the point I want to make here is your religion – my religion anyone’s religion should have no say on laws and basic civil rights of others in our country.

    I want you to consider what it would be like for you if someone wanted to limit your rights based on their religion or beliefs. I want you to consider what Jesus said about gay marriage:

     

    ” _____________________________________” Jesus Christ

    Keep your religion out of my laws and hope we keep our laws out of your religion.

  • Tonight It's High Holy Day for the Gays

    Tonight it’s high holy day for the Gays – The Oscars! or maybe that’s the Tonys… Well “the gays” get excited about both probably. All the glitz and glamour and snobbery – sounds gay, looks gay, probably all gay. Last year I feigned interest in the Oscars for the fiance – glad that never has to happen again. I have watched other times when nothing exciting has been on TV, I watched the year that the Return of the King won and was happy about that.

    As a disclaimer, I guess I’m gay. Not in the “can’t wait to see how Betty Sue looks on the red carpet tonight” or “oooh, she’s such a queen” or “she’s had work done, horrible work” kind of gay, nope, not those kind. I just happen to like kissing a handsome hairy guy or sucking on a cock now and again among some other nasty exciting things when i get the chance.

    Most of the gay people I know are excited about the show tonight, at breakfast I heard and over heard several conversations about tonight and how much fun it’ll be to watch – I even, believe it or not, heard some people who were excited to know Billy Crystal would be the host. I just don’t find it that interesting myself, hours of pre-show with outfits and sound bytes from folks we pay millions of dollars to each year for a relatively small number of worthy movies.

    Me, I’ll probably play World of Warcraft or watch Boardwalk Empire instead. Either sound more exciting to me.

  • Stupid Valentines Day – All Men Lie

    I’ve fallen for that scam they call “love” before on an occasion or two – I hope I’ve learned my lesson and never fall again. Certainly initially the feelings can be overwhelmingly wonderful and everything can appear to be as if the stars have aligned. When that happens you’ve forgotten one very important thing:

    All Men Lie

    That’s the basic rule you need to hold onto to avoid falling into this trap of a boyfriend, partner, husband, spouse… They’re only after one thing: porn – oh, no… well ok two things…. they want to get their rocks off and they want to watch porn. The rest is a lie. All men lie. If you allow them to trick you into thinking there is something, anything more than them having their orgasm then they have effectively tricked you and you will eventually be hurt, usually badly. All Men Lie.

    Having that special someone in my life used to be a primary goal, but I’ve learned from those experiences. Yes, I’ve been duped and duped again. Yes, I fell into his eyes and believed the lies, took chances and thought “this time I wont get burnt” but I did, once again.

    All Men Lie

    You’re really better off using them for what they’re good for: sex, fixing the toilet, teaching you how to use the remote control or what have you. Don’t let them get emotionally attached, don’t let them leave a toothbrush at your house for overnights – just get what you’re after and send them packing. If they performed well, consider bringing them back for a repeat performance, but not immediately. If you bring them back to soon they’ll work their snake charm on you and before you know it they’ll have your heart in a vulnerable position once again. It’s not worth it. Don’t forget the rule:

    All Men Lie – it’ll serve you when they’re trying to worm their way in.

    I hope that today you’ve not already found yourself entrenched into some fantasy world that he’s spun, leading you to believe that he cares, or that he’ll always be there. I hope you see through the games, gifts and gratitude he expresses. Those just serve his purpose, those just sink you further into his trap of “love” that chemical reaction that you can resist, that you can defeat, that you don’t have to get burned by.

    After your done having fun with his stick, send him packing and bring on the next fool to use and abuse. Don’t get clingy, don’t get attached and never fall for their ever ready, ever present, ever self serving lies.

    All Men Lie

  • Sunny, Windy, Fun in Ft Lauderdale for my 41st

    For my 41st I made my usual trip to Ft Lauderdale. I stayed at the Royal Palms Resort,an all male clothing optional resort that I’ve stayed at before. Friday was pretty windy and a bit chilly, I hoped that it was not going to last as I enjoy sitting in the sun by the pool.

    the Royal Palms

    Gary had purchased a massage for me at the spa at the resort, so I had a great 1 1/2 hour massage treatment that made all my achy muscles go away and I really needed that. I had planned to meet a guy at Bill’s Filling Station Friday night, but he bailed so I stayed at the resort, ordered pizza and was in bed early.

    Saturday the wind was still pretty strong and it was a bit chilly, but I was determined to get some sun and swim in the pool (thankfully it’s heated). There are two sections to the resort, one clothing optional and one clothing mandatory, I hang out in the clothing optional part even though my room is on the clothing mandatory area. The first thing I noticed at the resort was that most of the guys looked like they belonged on a promotional photo for Atlantis Cruise, muscular, hairless chested, stereotypical gay men – I was sad about that. But there were three exceptions, one hot Daddy, one hot bear and one hot Brit (who was also bearish). I was very direct with the bear and made my intentions clear – but apparently I scared him away as I never saw him again after that, oh well. The hot Daddy was more open to having fun and we had several trips to his room. I had an enjoyable time with the Brit too, but he was a smoker and that really wasn’t much fun kissing. I didn’t do all of that on Saturday, it was over a period of time.

    Saturday night for dinner I met my friend Hampton and his partner Mark for dinner. I also got a tour of their house and a walk through Wilton Manors. It was nice to see them both and get away from the resort for a while. We ate at a little place off the main road, owned by two lesbians. They even brought me a sparkler on my dessert for my birthday!

    Sunday was still windy, but a bit warmer than it had been. I had a bit of fun with the hot Daddy, swam a bit and tanned. That evening my friend Michael K came to get me and we went out to J Marks for dinner. I only get to see Michael a few times a year, so we got a chance to catch up. We spent a lot of time talking about his dad – who’s recently home from the hospital and not doing well. I like to see Michael, we talk about anything when we talk, it’s a great friendship. Michael paid me a compliment that I kind of liked: “Aging has been good to you”… I think that might be a compliment right?

    Monday the wind finally stopped being nasty and I had a chance to sit in the sun for as long as I wished. I had an established date with a friend of a friend who I’d met up here in DC during a few of his trips so no fun with the hot Daddy. Around 1:30 I went off with Charlie and he took us on a RiverFront Cruise through the canals and into the port where they have the cruise ships, it was nice. Then he and I went back to his condo, which was really nice. We had a bit of fun before dinner at Tropics and then went back to his place for the night. I hadn’t planned that out well and in the morning remembered that I still had my contacts in – ouch, that was fun!

    Tuesday, my birthday, waking up with Charlie was very nice. He took me out to breakfast and then back to the hotel where I attempted to do some office tasks unsuccessfully. Charlie came back to my hotel and we had a relaxing afternoon before he had to leave for Chorus rehearsal. Charlie said I was a “sexy bear”, lol. I had a good time with him and hope to see him again soon.

    That evening I swam in the pool for an hour or so, went tourist shopping for a hat, and was in bed by 11:00. I also managed to start packing. That was my last full day for my annual birthday trip.

  • Men Behaving Badly – Las Vegas

    About eight years ago I was looking into moving to Las Vegas – no snow, lots of opportunities, lots of new housing. During a few of the visits out there I would check out AA meetings (which were pretty good) and modify my online profiles (gay men meet up sites) to let guys know I would be in the area.

    Before one particular visit I met a guy online who lived out there and we started up conversations leading up to my visit getting the small chat out-of-the-way. He had a nice looking photo and didn’t come across as an axe murderer – a good sign in my book. We arranged to go to dinner and the movies when I got into town, it was opening weekend for the Matrix Reloaded and I really wanted to see it. He agreed to pick me up at my hotel – so about 15 minutes before he was to arrive (I do these things to myself all the time – why do I wait 15 minutes before an event? not one clue, but I do it for almost everything) I was outside enjoying comfortable weather in Las Vegas.

    When he pulled up on time in an old beat up collector type convertible (I don’t know car brands, models and crap) I wondered if he was running late and had his father come to pick me up for him – he appeared much older than his photographs online. But he assured me it was him and then explained that those photos were about 10 years old. *sigh* Now you might think this is an uncommon occurrence, surely most people have a current photo on their online profile, but I’ve found numerous profiles with this same issue. This was also not the worst part of the date.

    The conversation on the way to the movies was good, he didn’t frighten me with erratic driving, nor scream at the other drivers even though I wanted to. Sure he looked older than the photograph, but he seems like a genuinely nice man. So when we picked our seats in the movie and he smiled at me before the lights went down I thought this might have potential. Then it happened….

    His cell phone rang. Wow, I hate when I forget to turn off my cell phone in a movie and I get all embarrassed… probably nerves from the first date I think… but no – he starts to have a conversation on the phone during the movie. Yes, the conversation was brief, yes he was quiet, but several people glanced back at us and I really wanted to move several seats away from him. What seemed to me to be an eternity of him talking on his cell phone finally came to an end and he said “Work” with a half-smile, like that was supposed to make it all better.

    So having been distracted from a movie I was just starting to enjoy I took some time in my head to go over the incident and thought perhaps he only had the conversation because he had forgotten to turn the cell phone off and was a bit flustered. This wasn’t a black mark on the date, people make mistakes and he probably wouldn’t do this again. But sure enough, twenty minutes later his cell phone rang again and he had one more conversation with – what I’m sure was the same person from before.

    After the movie I ask him to return me to my hotel, he asks if I’m sick or something or if he’d done something wrong. I stare at him aghast that he doesn’t know how rude his behavior was and I figure if he can’t figure that out on his own then my telling him certainly wont help.

    Now I’ve been to the movies with doctors, lawyers, judges, EMTs and they’ve all managed to put their communication devices on vibrate and a few times have left the movie to respond to an emergency – but this guy, he managed a hotel and couldn’t be bothered.

     

    REASONS THERE WAS NEVER A SECOND DATE:

    #1 PHOTO OVER 2 YEARS OLD ON HIS PROFILE

    #2 TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE DURING THE MOVIE – TWICE

     

  • Naked Truth

    Two of my favorite things to do on vacation are sun-bathing and swimming in the nude. Not at the YMCA or the community pool, I go to places where it’s perfectly legal to shuck off my clothes and just lie around in the buff. It’s freeing, relaxing and truthfully feels really good. Yes, all the important parts have several layers of SPF, I wouldn’t want to burn something I had plans to use later. I’m not a gym rat, don’t have six-pack abs or sculpted pecs – I’m just an average guy with love handles, but I’m perfectly comfortable in my own skin and have no reservations when it comes to taking it all off.

    I’ve been to several “clothing optional” resorts in Ft Lauderdale and one in Palm Springs, most of them are male only, but a couple would have allowed women to also run around nude – never happened while I was there. While at one of the resorts the local health inspectors came to do a tour of the facility and one of them was a woman. Each resort is a little different in design and those who are attracted to the place. One place I stayed at in Ft Lauderdale targeted couples, another mature men; most though are just clothing optional guest houses that cater to gay men.

    Almost without exception (the exception is the one place I stayed in Palm Springs) very few guests actually partake in the “Clothing Optional” part of the resort. Guys who DO have six-pack abs, sculpted muscles galore  with glistening golden skin that makes your mouth water – nope, they keep their trunks on. Even at night these guys, and yes, some of them are just average looking fellows and some have bigger tits than Dolly Parton, keep their trunks on. It boggles my mind.

    I don’t even need them to take off their trunks for any kind of sexual satisfaction – I just can’t grasp why you wouldn’t go naked if you could. It’s like going to Amsterdam and not smoking pot or hash while your there (I’m practicing sobriety so that would be a no-no, but I had ever gone when I was still using and it was perfectly legal there I damn sure would have) and even suggested to a boss a few years ago that she be sure to try hash if she never had during her trip there. You’ve booked a room for a few days at a clothing optional resort, but you keep your junk all confined – ridiculous.

    During one stay down there, another person that liked being naked checked in during my stay – he was a senior citizen and most of us watched him walk to his room with the bellman. When he came out wrapped in his towel I was glad that another person wasn’t shy. Not only wasn’t he shy, he was a close talker and sidled up next to you whenever he struck up a conversation. He chatted with everyone and it was the exact same each time. It was uncomfortable, not because he was naked – that would have been ok, but rather due to one of his testicles being the size of a softball. It was the elephant in the living room, we all were kind of looking at it without looking at it and when he was sidled up next to us and chatting away we were doing whatever we could to not look at it and find a way to get away politely. So, yeah, OK, in that circumstance maybe staying in your trunks could be advisable, but he was probably very happy to have that nut hanging free in the breeze and the pool.

    I know there are naked gay camp sites, but I’m reluctant to go to such a place – I’ve never been a fan of camping. Give me a nice clean pool, a lawn chair and some SPF 30 and that’s all I need.