Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: Friends

  • The In Between Place

    I’m not the best speller just ask my boss who frequently corrects things that I type for him. In high school I was worse I misspelled several things that I look back on now as just foolish, how on earth could I spell those things wrong. I’ve found that the more I realize my mistakes and correct them the more I remember how a word should be spelled and then I catch myself, mid word sometimes, and correct it.

    One of the words I used to misspell in high school was friend. I always wanted to put the e before the i and kept getting corrected on papers when using the word.  Until one day Ms. Gretch, my English lit teacher, explained how to spell it.

    “A friend will always END”

    I’ve never forgotten that. It seems a little harsh to be telling a high schooler, but it really did work.

    Sadly, it also appears to be true.

  • but, that's not the miracle…

    This last weekend I was at the Gopher State Roundup in Bloomington, MN. Over 8,000 people attend this round up each year and it can be a bit overwhelming. I haven’t been in a few years, the last time I was in town for the Roundup there were about 4,500 folks, so it just keeps growing. At the Saturday night speaker we found ourselves without seats in the main room, thankfully they show all the speakers on the closed circuit TV that you can see in your bed room.

    Love and Tolerance was the theme this year, I only heard two of the speakers reference it even though a huge banner was draped over the curtain right behind them. Almost every speaker did have one phrase in common though: “but, that’s not the miracle…”. Each one said it about some part of their journey in recovery and why it wasn’t as special as the real miracle.

    I had met several old friends who live in the greater Minneapolis area and go to meetings up there, it was nice to catch up and relive old times. Each of them, without mentioning it, reminded me of how pissed off I was in AA. It really made me remember all the bitterness, intolerance and selfishness that I displayed and honestly felt during the first few years of my recovery. Some people still fondly remember me as the “angry guy”.

    You see, in early recovery I still thought I should run the show and believe me, my actors and actresses kept screwing up the production. I would honestly look around the room before the meeting a criticize (in my own head most of the time) what others had done to help set up or get ready, sometimes even what they were wearing. Didn’t they know how important this was to me? Didn’t they understand how hard I was struggling to just make it through a day – they could at least try to do things the right way. But of course that was me being my selfish, self-centered, ego-centric self and wondering why you didn’t realize that pleasing me was the most important job in AA.

    At one particular meeting I was so angry you probably could have toasted marshmallows near me, other people were not living up to my expectations one more time and I was just pissed. My friend at the time turned to me and said: “no one said you have to stay here”. That was it, I really needed to hear that and I looked at her, relieved and walked out of the meeting and away from that group, but that’s not the miracle…

    Luckily, I didn’t drink or go postal during this time but I assure you that was probably where I was headed if I didn’t find release soon. I didn’t know what to believe in anymore, I had seen the program work in other people and knew that something had happened that gave them an entire psychic change, something or someone gave them a solution. I didn’t have that nor did I really know how to get that all I really knew to do was read the Big Book and pray to a God I didn’t really want to believe in. That’s all I needed to stay sober – taking actions that didn’t believe would work. But, that’s not the miracle…

    For years after leaving this meeting I would attend meetings, I wasn’t interested in sharing my experience, strength, and hope as far as I was concerned my experience was flawed, my strength missing and I had little hope. I would listen to people yammer on in meetings about their problems, rarely hearing a solution (the book, the steps) and sometimes would be so pissed off again that I would stand up and walk out of the meeting. Sometimes I would walk out just knowing who the lead was, that person will never grow or change and I’m not interested in hearing the same crap that they’ve said countless times before. That’s not real recovery that’s just bringing your body and hoping that you learn by osmosis.

    I was in double digit so-called sobriety still the angry young man. I was lost and just didn’t know it. I had put my Big Book on a shelf to collect dust, hadn’t talked to God in quite a long time (unless something was wrong and I needed a pinch hitter), and wasn’t trying to be of service to anyone except myself. I didn’t drink in any of these years, nor take a drug… but I might as well have. I had the chance to go to a meeting with my friend Suzanne out of state and I spent the whole time obsessing about what they didn’t do right that I didn’t hear the message. Afterward, Suzanne remarked on the powerful stories of the speakers and I just wasn’t at the same meeting – I was still director and my actors were out of control again.

    So that’s how I found myself on a ship, a cruise ship, looking out over a beautiful starlit sky and thinking to myself “If I just throw myself off that would be the end of it.” That thought shook me, how did I get here again, how was I at the jumping off place? I was honestly pretty frightened and avoided the balcony the rest of the trip. I was lost, again.

    When I returned home I sought out help from someone who had what I wanted – serenity. I explained that I was lost and asked for direction and help finding a path again. I committed myself to shaking everyone’s hand before a meeting. I started reading my Big Book regularly again. I sought out step meetings and examples of service and action. Slowly, I got better (I guess that’s a personal opinion).

    The miracle is that I asked for help.

    The miracle is that I remembered “Faith without works is dead”.

    The miracle is that the anger is gone.

    The miracle is that I remembered God doesn’t make to hard terms to those who seek him.

    The miracle is things are exactly as they are meant to be and every once in a while, in the group therapy sessions the locals think is AA, I hear the real message of Alcoholics Anonymous and remember that someone else might be hearing it too.

  • Time, so precious

    I’m having a reoccurring nightmare.

    I walk up the stairs to my bedroom when I have gotten home and I peek into Gary’s room seeing just his brown shoes and slacks. I assume he’s listening to his music lying on the floor, don’t know why he would be but I just go into my room and shut the door. Soon he’s at my side asking why I didn’t tell him there was a dead person in his room, he’s angry and I’m confused, I stand up and look in his room the same shoes and legs are there but I don’t venture in to see the top half of the body.

    Why on earth would someone else be lying in Gary’s room dead and wearing his shoes and slacks? I have no idea but suddenly Gary disappears and I venture into his room slowly, not knowing what I’m going to see when I get in there. It’s only a few feet but I can’t seem to reach the end of his bed to see what’s really there and then I wake up, scarred to death.

    So what the hell is this all about? I’m not sure, it certainly makes me worry about Gary, Jim and other males in my life (a woman simply wouldn’t be caught wearing those shoes…).

    Recently a member of my best friend Suzanne’s home group took his own life. Tonight will be the first time the group is having a meeting since he died, she’s obviously shaken up.

    My best friend Pat lost a client in similar circumstances – it was very devastating to him and he’s just now starting to come to terms with that. It’s affected how he deals with every day life and also how made him more active in looking for signs of depression and detrimental things to his clients well being.

    And, my sponsee recently had a friend’s partner take his own life and then a scare that her friend might have done the same. It really shook up the sponsee.

    So, maybe I’m just subconsciously thinking about death and seeing this dream over and over again is my subconscious way of dealing with it. I don’t have experience with this type of thing and I’m not sure the right thing to say to my friends or sponsee. I only know the things that have gotten me through my own crises: prayer, action, talk, and hugs… lots of hugs (god the cats hated that time).

    Anyway, if you’re reading this and you have someone in your life that you care about or worry about – take the time to tell them, let them know how you feel today because tomorrow might be too late.

  • The 2009 WI Holiday

    When I left WI for DC 11 some years ago I made it pretty clear to everyone how much I dislike winter and that I wouldn’t be home for Christmas. When Pa died last November I looked back over the last decade and saw all the time that I could have been there to see him and spend time with him and instead I stayed in DC. So this year I decided it was time to go home to see Ma and the family. I planned early and had a ticket to leave DC on Christmas Eve and come home on the 30th. The best part was that I didn’t tell her I was coming. I did have to tell Rhonda though, to be sure someone would actually be home if I surprised everyone (One year I called home to wish Ma and Pa a Merry Christmas and my nephew Michael let me know they weren’t home but off gambling…. on Christmas!!! gasp!).

    So that’s how I ended up at Washington National Airport on Christmas Eve morning surrounded by a million people trying to get home for the holiday’s. I arrived an hour and a half before my plane was to depart (thanks to a ride from Gary) and it took me that long exactly to check my bag and get through security. I’d never encountered lines like that at the airport before. I had an aisle seat and was across from a woman who claimed to be a reporter and was asking the Flight Attendants a million questions and more often than not I’d have a Flight Attendants behind in my face as they bent to listen to her and answer her query. I can get through that kind of thing, I have the Ipod on shuffle and the Kindle in my lap, I can get through almost anything… then she taps me on the shoulder. I remove one of my ear buds and look at her questionably. “Do you know what time it is?” She asks. I think she wasn’t a reporter but just likes annoying people.

    Landing in MSP the runways were white and the snow was blowing around quite wildly. Friends in Eau Claire said they had ice coming down. With a three hour layover I had plenty of time to contemplate being stuck in the Minneapolis airport overnight. I made alternate plans to take the Chippewa Valley Airport Shuttle an hour after my plane was to take off (just in case) and was about to make a room reservation (just in case) when we boarded our small commuter plane for Eau Claire. A very uneventful short flight.

    I rented a car in Eau Claire and drove the wrong way out of the airport (with all the snow I couldn’t see very well and the roads were all blanketed in white) to my friends Pat and Brenda’s where I was greeted by Pat and Brenda out in the garage smoking and then my (home from the Army in Iraq) nephew Scooter in a bathrobe and not much else… it was frigid cold out. I had intended to go tot he Pacific Group that night for a meetings but the weather kept us all from our intended plans. We did get to drive around aimlessly looking for somewhere to eat dinner – we arrived at McDonald’s 5 minutes before they closed. That evening we opened gifts from our stockings. Christmas Day arrived and we had a nice breakfast cooked by Sami and Helen and then opened gifts. It was entertaining. I received several different superhero shirts, great stuff for me. After gifts were opened I jumped in the rental car and started my drive to Galesville (about 100 miles south).

    The roads on the interstate were not as bad as I’d imagined, there were miles where it was snowing, miles where it was raining and stretches of road that looked like it hadn’t been affected by the weather at all. Just outside of Osseo there were two Semi’s lying on their side on opposite sides of the road but other than that no obvious accidents. I arrived in Galesville in a relatively short time and attempted to get up Rhonda’s driveway but the ice had me sliding back down it pretty quickly so I followed them (Rhonda and Greg) out of town to Ma’s. At Ma’s were Kenny and Sheila and they were all a little surprised to see me.

    The six of us all went to the movies, this has been a Christmas tradition for me for a few years now, to see Avatar in 3D. I liked it, Ma thought it was “meh”, Kenny can’t deal with the 3D effects … but it was nice to be all together. When we got out of the theater the weather had gotten a bit worse and the roads were treacherous, we had planned to go see the holiday lights but instead we ended up at Ma’s eating dinner and watching Observe and Report (a movie to avoid, this was the second time I’d seen it and I did try to warn them).

    The day after Christmas was when all the family managed to get together and exchange gifts. But that day for lunch I did manage to get to Rocky Roccoco’s for a slice of pizza. The Christmas festivities started around 5:00, Ma, Kenny and Sheila, Rhonda and Greg, Uncle Rick, Michael and Michelle, and Cory, Danielle and Charlie were all there… and lets not forget Winnie and Sammy. It was nice and everyone seemed to have a good time. Lots of photos of Charlie (My grand-nephew) were taken by all and he was very entertaining. The nicest part for me was Uncle Rick being there, he sounds so much like Pa it was like he was in the room with us enjoying the holiday. I’m glad I went home and got to hear that (Ma says she can’t hear it but Rhonda and Kenny have said they can).

    Sunday morning I headed back to the Eau Claire area, stopping at Taco John’s to have my favorite lunch, and that evening I went to the Northside meeting and listened to good discussions on step 12. It was refreshing to be there and to hear the traditions and real recovery. Monday I had breakfast at my favorite breakfast place, (Heckel’s) and that evening went to the 5:30 Big Book meeting at Club 12, more good recovery … it’s like a booster shot that will hopefully help keep me sane back here in DC for a while.

    Tuesday morning, bright and… wait, it was dark, I headed off to the airport to return the car and board the plane for MSP. Nothing to speak of happened until I boarded the plane to DC and was seated next to one of the two screaming toddlers on the plane. I put my Ipod on as soon as I could but the little guy was sleeping and thrashing in his sleep, hitting me several time and or dropping his bottle or screaming … it didn’t really help that the heating system in the plane was screwy – in the back of the plane where I was the heat was so bad I was sweating and in the front I understand they kept their jackets on.

    Alas, it’s over, I’m home and the cat couldn’t be happier. My friends in DC were on Facebook complaining about the cold but having just come from WI I can tell them all it’s warm here, warm and nice and you should appreciate it.

  • My Birthday Wish

    This year for my birthday, December 6, 2009, I’m trying to raise cash for the Midnight Mission a non-profit organization in LA that helps the homeless and has a 12 Step approach. If you’re planning to give me a gift this year I would certainly appreciate a small donation to this worthy charity.

    Their mission statement:

    • To offer a bridge to self-sufficiency for homeless people through counseling, education, training and job placement.
    • To make available the necessities of life to homeless people: food, shelter, clothing, personal hygiene needs, and medical care.
    • To offer the 12-step approach to recovery.
    • To serve homeless people with empathy and respect, without sermonizing.
    • To provide for the homeless as an independent social service agency.

    In 1995 and 1996 I had the opportunity to visit the Midnight Mission first hand and see the good work they do. I also know several people who personally got their second chance at the Mission and made the most of it.

    All I want this year for my birthday is second chances for others and you can help me achieve that goal.

    Click here to donate through my birthday wish.

  • Aloha and Mahalo AAC Inc

    So for the company trip this year we headed off to Maui for 8 days of relaxation, fun and sun. Ana had mentioned Hawaii so I worked on Jim for a few months before he agreed, then I had to work on him to get him to agree to bring Vera. He did thank me right before we left – he knows how much work Vera does for us.

    I booked the whole trip Expedia and we did it on the phone with an agent who made several promises that were not kept in the end. Also the day after the trip was booked I received an email that said one leg of our flight was canceled – this happened several times between when we booked and when we left. Calls and emails to Expedia for assistance were all roads to no where.

    Our connections in the lodging industry got us room upgrades (ocean views) and free breakfast. We stayed at the Fairmont Kea Lani which was so lovely and just about perfect. Our rooms were great and we all had an ocean view. I highly recommend this hotel to anyone that might be staying in Maui. I loved the pool and even had a spa treatment.

    On Friday we left BWI for ATL at 9:55 a.m. on Delta (Delta was great the whole trip) and spent almost two hours in ATL, hooking up with Lisa and Rankine there for the next leg. The flight from ATL to LAX was relatively painless, I watched G.I. Joe on the little screen in front of me (horrible movie) for $6. And most of us participated in a trivia game that was also on the monitors.  In LAX we had a short layover before getting on the plan to OGG (Maui). On the leg to OGG we had great flight attendants, I shook my head no at the free peanuts and cookie but the attendant insisted, telling me they had exceeded their trash quota for the month and I had to be responsible. And there was an lady that came to a group of us and had us do art work which was great she was entertaining.

    We landed in Maui at 8:40 p.m. local time which was about 1:40 home time and we were all pretty tired. The directions to the hotel were not really great and it’s REALLY dark on the road to the hotel so it was hard to see the map in the car and figure out street signs. Gary and I headed up the wrong road for a while before I remembered the GPS on my Blackberry and figured out we were heading in the wrong direction. Even though we got a little off track we were still the “First Team to Arrive”.

    I didn’t sleep well the first night, I was awake several different times during the night for no reason and finally at 5 just woke up and started the day. It was nice to have free breakfast and the coffee in the room helped me. Each room had a balcony and I watched the light come into the day from it all but one of the mornings, it was rather spiritual for me. I read my daily meditations out there. [Meanwhile back in DC, Mouse had been scared to death when Mark A stopped by to feed her – it was then that she realized Daddy wasn’t coming home that night – *scratch, scratch, scratch on the pole*]

    Saturday after spending some time at the pool and in the sun Gary and I headed off to Lahaina where he got to see the Sugar Cane Train (he likes trains) come into a station and turn around. We then headed back to the hotel. I got a facial at the Spa. We had dinner at Carl Jr.s… well we don’t have one of those in DC and an early night, I think I was asleep by 9:00 I think. [Meanwhile back in DC: Mouse had been almost all alone for two whole days except for that stranger Mark who she didn’t want to get to know *meow, meow, meow* {translation: woe is me}]

    Sunday morning after breakfast Gary went to church at an open air place near out hotel. When he returned he and I decided to go out to the Road to Hana. I got sick on the Road to Hana, two hours each way of winding, twisty roads, really not my cup of tea my stomach didn’t agree. Jim wanted to invite me to dinner but that was the last thing on my mind. [Meanwhile back in DC: Mouse is hoping her Daddy gets sick and can’t enjoy himself]

    Monday Gary and I had intended to go up to the top of the volcano but I was reluctant to go to any twisty, turny roads and declined the invitation. Gary did go up the mountain and did some exploring on hs own. It was Gary’s birthday so we had dinner at an Italian restaurant. It was nice. I told everyone that it was his birthday, much to his dismay, so at breakfast he got a cake, at the restaurant and even the ladies who came to do the turn down said happy birthday to him. He made like he wasn’t happy about it but I saw the smile. [Meanwhile back in DC – Mouse came out of hiding to let Mark pet her *purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*]

    Tuesday afternoon 4 of us took off in the early afternoon to go Ziplining it was so fun and everyone had a great time. Piiholo Ranch Zipline, great team, very safe, very good. There were two other sets of people in our group and one couple got stuck out in the middle of one of the ziplines and was stuck out there for about 20 minutes. Glad it wasn’t us. I would love to do it again and again and again. I managed to get a video of me zipping on the last line and soon I’ll figure out how to upload that here.  Tuesday night Gary, Ana and I had dinner together at the Fish restaurant at the hotel and I went out on a limb and ate fish. Not something I would do willingly. [Meanwhile back in DC – Mouse took advantage of the solitude, finally realizing that her Uncle Gary couldn’t come give her attention and disturb her nap *zzzzzzzzzz*]

    Wednesday I took Gary to the airport as he went off island but technically stayed on Maui, he went to the island of Molokai which is part of Maui. Jim and Ana drove me to Kihei for an AA meeting and then we had dinner at the Pupu Lounge, it was ok. The meeting started and the chair said: this is a speaker meeting. Well apparently Speaker meeting is code for topic/bad day meeting in Maui as that’s what it was. After the lead he picked me to share which I didn’t appreciate – not being familiar with the format of the meeting I felt off kilter but as the topic was “spiritual tools” I talked about how close I felt to my higher power in the morning watching the light join the day. It was mostly downhill from there. [Meanwhile back in DC – Mouse started to eat more and more to ease the sense of loss – *Mmmmmeeeeeeeoooooowwwww*]

    Thursday was mostly a day of sitting by the pool and swimming in it until the afternoon when Jim and I went to pick up Gary at the airport. That evening was the only “required event” for the travelers, we all met at Outback for dinner. The company, toasts, laughter and fellowship was wonderful, the service not so much. Several orders were messed up. But we still had a great time. Afterward we went to Dairy Queen for dessert (I got to pick and I love me a Banana Split Blizzard. [Meanwhile back in DC – Mouse wished her Uncle Gary would come and wake her up from her nap]

    Friday morning at 6:00 a.m. we left the hotel to go snorkeling. *Yawn* We followed a GPS device that didn’t recognize a new road so we were almost late. We left on the boat and headed to the first of two snorkeling areas. The water was cold but the wetsuit top helped to make it seem less so. It was rather choppy (to me) out there and this was my first time and wasn’t really enjoyable for me. I chose not to participate in the second spot and didn’t get to see the turtles but I understand they were very cool and they say the water was less choppy. [Meanwhile back in DC – Mouse wonders if they will ever come home]. The rest of the day I didn’t do much, I ordered room service and watched a movie on the TV (Transformers 2 – not worth it). [Meanwhile back in DC – Mouse considers trusting this Mark person more and maybe that Robert person who’s been here too]

    Saturday, our last day in Maui, I decided to spend most of the day by the pool and did exactly that. I ordered a burger for lunch at the pool and just took it easy. We packed and headed home around 6:00. [Meanwhile back in DC – Mouse came out of hiding for Mark and Robert and was sociable.]

    It was a long, long trip back and I don’t think anyone slept well. We left Maui at 9:00 p.m. and arrived at BWI at 4:15 or so. Mouse was very loud, talkative and happy to see both of us. She wouldn’t stop purring and that night while I attempted to sleep she was, as expected, very needy.

    It was a great vacation. I’m very tan. I highly recommend that if you’ve never been to Hawaii you go at least once, it’s certainly worth it.

  • The Long Goodbye

    My friend Jim’s mother was diagnosed with cancer this spring and at 85 years old she made a decision not to fight the cancer this time (she had fought cancer before). So the family did as she asked and then proceeded to do the other important things, make extra trips to New Jersey to see her, send out the call for cards to be sent and prayers to be requested. People responded to the call. Last fall when my Pa died Jim’s mom sent me a lovely card that touched my heart and made me cry all over again, I still have it – so when the call went out I participated in the card sending just little notes to keep her spirits up.

    My friend Jim, who I work with every day didn’t or couldn’t really talk about that with me in the office. I got the information I needed (what to tell friends and clients when the time came, what charities and so forth) from his daughter Lisa, a nurse who works in the hospice industry. Lisa received regular updates from the hospice nurse that came to the house and about three and a half weeks ago she made the decision to go up to NJ (from Nashville) full time. I know that Jim appreciated knowing she was there and he got regular updates. As her journey approached Jim and his wife, Ana, headed up to be with is mother during her last days – they were there for over a week with only a brief return to their home down here for more clothes.

    On Friday of last week Dorothy, Dot, or Mom-Mom as she was called, finally left our plane of existence for the kingdom of heaven. Jim and his family planned for the wake and funeral to be on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Dorothy had specific requests that I believe were followed to the letter.

    My friend Vera and I drove up on Wednesday afternoon and arrived with enough time to spend a few minutes at the family home before heading to the funeral home for the week. There were some last minute items to be taken care of and Lisa was at the church practicing songs for the service the next day.

    There are four children at the moment in the family, all of them great grandchildren to Dorothy. They brought so much life to this event – dancing, laughing, signing. Many a sad tear was turned into a laugh or at least a smile by their antics. I’m glad they were there.

    Jim put up a strong front, but you could see the sadness in his eyes that just stayed there. He knew that his family and friends were all around him, but it’s a hard thing to go through. I remember last fall when Pa died and that nothing really made the pain any easier, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I know he’ll get through this, but I also know it’ll be tough.

    The service the next day was at the Catholic Church. Lisa sang powerful songs and was just amazing. David and Jim both gave eulogies and both choked up a bit. The priest had powerful words to say. I saw tears in the eyes of many people around me and felt them run freely down my face. We had the funeral procession to the cemetery where Mark had a nice eulogy as well. Dorothy was buried next to her husband James.

    I can’t express in words how beautiful Lisa sang, nor the pain and loss in Jim’s eyes. But I was honored to be there and witness the love they shared for one another, the loss they all felt and the beauty of how they said goodbye.

  • Ft Lauderedale Trip

    My last trip to the Royal Palms was over two years ago and every day I was there it rained, this time all I had was sunshine warmth and handsome bears… what more could a guy ask for?

    Friday was rather uneventful for me, swam in the pool layed out by the pool and read from my Kindle. I was tired and in bed before 11:00 and I slept in until 8:30 crazy… that is what I love about vacations, doing what I want and usually that equates to nothing. Jim’s mother passed away in the afternoon so I sent out a few notification emails and made a few calls. I received a few calls to for Jim and Ana from friends that were worried about them, it’s nice to know that I’m an emergency contact.

    Saturday I had a Costa Rican for lunch 😉 and that evening I went out to dinner, a meeting and a movie with Michael K to celebrate his AA anniversary. Dinner was at J Alexanders, a nice steak house down there (I think it’s a chain).

    We went to the beginners meeting and it was an interesting format. There were very entertaining moments, one guy who said he was 9 years sober and still restless, irritable and discontented ever day said basically that if you didn’t slip you’re not a real alcoholic, it was precious… poor guy really needs to get a program and some help.

    We went to see Julie and Julia or whatever and it was very cute.

    Sunday was a nice relaxing day, I went for a walk, spent some cash on clothes and headed back to the resort for a quick nap and some afternoon delight.

    I got enough sun and relaxation and made some nice new friends. Then I boarded the plane… lol

    There was a young thin blonde girl right in front of me and she kept getting up and fidgeting (this was even before we left the gate) and I heard the stewardess tell her that if she felt that strongly about it we would go back to the gate… I had a window seat and she had a clastrophic thing going on and she eventually got moved to my row on the aisle. She apparently is very phobic about flying and had forgotten her Xanax that day so was particularly frightened. The cute guy (married, straight, beared bear) next to me and I did our best to distract her and made conversations with her the entire way. She did finally allow me to open my shade when we were landing. She was on the first leg of her journey and I hope she fared better on the second flight.

  • Suzanne's Wedding

    I’m not a fan of beaches, nor of driving anywhere for 2 or three hours, or of screaming babies on airplanes. But for your best friend, you do things you wouldn’t necessarily do for other people. That’s why I could be found on Tuesday September 8th at BWI waiting for a flight to Norfolk, VA.

    Suzanne’s Dad, Chip, planned to pick me up and drive me down to Hatteras (Salvo actually I guess) which saved me from having to rent a car and drive down there myself. I was surprised to find Suzanne’s brother-in-law, Jerry, at BWI and we rode next to one another on the very turbulent plane ride to Norfolk. I hadn’t seen Jerry in probably 10 years or more, but when I lived in Eau Claire he was a regular part of my social network.

    The ride down to Hatteras was drowned out in rain, we were afraid the wedding day might have dampened spirits – yet when we arrived it was sunny with a slight wind.

    The house was a huge thing, like most of the houses that I saw down there. We were greeted by Suzanne’s Mom, Judy, her sister Eileen, niece Paris, friend… who’s name I couldn’t tell you how to spell, and of course Farley the slobbering bulldog.

    It was a relatively slow, relaxing night, we did check out the beach where the ceremony was to be and talked about the upcoming stuff. We did have a lot of fun, silly stories; silly fathers (Jerry) helping their daughters cheat at cards against little old me.

    Wednesday, 9/9/09, Suzanne and I had a nice quiet morning reading AA literature, sipping coffee and talking about the program. The women all left to get their hair done and Jerry and I were left to pick up the house. Later we were sent on a mission to get more flowers, which we did finally find.

    I’ve known Suzanne a very long time, I’ve seen her at special events before, I’ve seen her holding puppies all full of love, but truthfully, I think she looked the most beautiful in her dress on Wednesday, it wasn’t the dress, it wasn’t the hair – she was just glowing with happiness.

    Her man, Paul, showed up with his father around 2 and quickly go into his military dress whites. He was looking pretty sharp. I will let you know that he’s not perfect, he doesn’t like coffee… so he has at least one flaw.

    The ceremony was short and beautiful. The dinner as well.

    I was glad to head home the next morning, but glad that I had the opportunity to spend time with all the folks that I hadn’t seen in a few years as well as Suzanne and Paul.

  • Overruling the President, Publisher and Owner.

    Pretending to cry on the witness stand: $42,000
    Offering to settle for minuscule amounts “to avoid embarrassing Jim in front of his family”: $19,000
    Attempting to make profit on a newsletter after years of failure and studies saying it can’t be done: $100,000
    Watching you lose this case in front of your employees: PRICELESS

    The Players for the Plaintiff’s: Jim and Ana D, their children Mark and David (and Lisa in spirit), cousin Dom, the Attorney Brian, and of course me.

    The Players for the Defense: John and Ann S, their daughter Brynna, employees for the firm Lee, Monica and Kim, the Attorney’s and Paralegal.

    The Players for the Court: the Judge, the Clerk and assistants, the brilliant Jury.

    Supportive Cast: Regina, Carol, Sylvia, Vera, Kate, Gary, Rankine, and a lot of prayerful folks that never gave up hope and kept the prayers coming.

    And, as usual, the star of the show, the big G himself: God

    Brief History of the progression of the Case: John hoped to find a way to make his newsletter profitable and thought the best way was to fire Jim and not pay him money for work performed. That’s a biased point of view, and this review will be very biased as I was there and I can’t report objectively. OK, really I can, but that’s not any fun.

    Day one was pretty boring, we waited around for a judge and courtroom most of the day. Around 3:30 we were rewarded with both and then a jury was selected. The Judge I found to be very nice and professional. Shortly after the jury was picked I was told to leave as I was one of two potential witnesses on the list. I had been subpoenaed by the Defense.

    The rest of my observations (outside of my own testimony) occur from what I saw before or after each day and what I observed through the windows of the court doors or on the faces of jurors or participants of the case.

    I sent brief updates to D family members on day one and one of the recipients asked for more information on what everyone was wearing so I happily obliged on Day 2:

    “Jim, Ana, David, Mark, Dom (Jim’s cousin), Brian (the attorney) and I are here and looking sharp. Jim, Brian and I are in black suits with soft colors accented by striking ties. Ana Maria is looking lovely in her stylish ensemble and black throw.

    John, Ann, and lawyers are here as well. They all look grumpy to me. John is wearing a grayish suit and his lawyers are also in black suits with dull colored shirts. Ann is wearing a black sweater over an embroidered shirt and slacks.

    Members of the jury are in the waiting room with all of us.”

    and

    “His lawyers can best be described as the frumpy one with bed head and the escaped circus act guy with the shaved head. At least our guy is handsome and has good hair.”

    I watched Jim being questioned by his attorney and then later by the opposing counsel and all I could tell about anything was that Jim remained calm through what I could see. His testimony was I think over 2 hours.

    Later, I was called by Brian the attorney for Jim and was asked several questions. I was very nervous, which is silly as I had prayed a lot and only told the truth, but I was shaking up there. On the redirect John’s attorney asked me about my resentment towards John and I said that it was still there and I was still praying about it, both of which are true.

    After my testimony the Plaintiff’s side rested and lunch was called.

    Kim was called for the Defense and wasn’t up there very long… it was the end of day two the Plaintiff’s side appeared very upbeat and the Defendants were all rather down trodden looking… some (maybe even me) were pretty sure we had won outright, but I knew there was still the next day for court.

    “Jim and Brian are once again in darksuits with pleasant ties. I realized this was the last business day before labor day and am wearing off white slacks and shirt with a purple patterned tie. Ana looks simply stunning and has repeated the black throw look from yesterday – she has enough style to pull it off.

    John’s attorneys, the frumpy one with bedhead and the escaped circus freak with the shaved head, are in dark suits but common ties. John appears to be wearing the same drab gray suit he wore yesterday. Ann and Brynna are both wearing pleasant outfits.

    Spectators that are here today include Lee, John’s wife and daughter, Jim’s wife and son David.”

    Today’s testimony started around 9:00 and I had my Ipod with me, the day before I had tried to read from my Kindle but couldn’t concentrate, so I put an AA speaker pod cast on and relaxed the hours away. Today was John’s turn on the stand and he was up there a long time just like Jim. There was at least one break during his testimony and he came out looking all smug so I glared at him as best I could… Jim’s lawyer finally got to redirect and they were up there even longer… then before I knew it it was lunch and they were coming out. Ana came out first and she didn’t look happy at all.

    John came out and looked at me and said with his evil smile: “It’s over.” He and Ana were near the restrooms and he told her “I’m sorry that you had to be embarrassed that way Ana..” or something and she had a not too lady like retort… you go girl! At lunch the attorneys had administrative duties with the Judge about jury instructions and I heard from our side some doubts about how we did today. I continued to tell folks that it wasn’t over until the fat lady sang and we had to wait for the jury to return a verdict. We all said our prayers tried to turn it over to God.

    We returned to the court, the Judge instructed the jury on law, the verdict rules and evidence. Then Brian gave his closing statement and I heard all kinds of things that I knew and agreed with of course I’m on his side.

    Then the Defense guy went up there and I heard him tell outright lies and fabrications about Jim and our company and it was a very difficult thing to sit through. I am almost glad that I didn’t have to sit through the actual trial it would have been hard to listen to this slander all day. I don’t know how Jim’s family managed to not burst out in anger at some of it.

    A law in Maryland gives our side a chance at a last rebuttal at the Defenses closing arguments and he did.

    The jury was excused around 3:20 and we waited. At 4:52 we were informed that the jury had a verdict and we all filed into the court.

    They found for Jim and it was just a huge relief and I’m glad that this part of the battle is over. Now there will likely be some legal wrangling from John’s side, but I’m hopeful the ruling will stand based on rulings of the Judge and the verdict of the jury.

    I was in the middle of this particular dispute during it and it was hell then, these three days of trial were also very unpleasant… but the verdict, victory and vindication make it all worth while.

    All told: $206,670 plus the right to argue attorneys fees (that’ll be in a motion later). If the argument is won on attorney’s fees it will apply to any and all appeals that are won by Jim’s side.

    some math below
    Originally owed to Jim, $161,200
    Jury states he now owes $206,670
    that’s $45,470 more

    Plus his own attorney fees, possibly Jim’s attorney fees, lets assume approximately $300,000

    his staff sitting in court all day not doing billable work? well I’m not sure how much that also costs him.

    He should have just paid the amounts owed from the get go but he got very greedy.