Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: Random Rantings

  • New Years Resolutions – Quitting Smoking

    It’s really kind of hard to believe, but I quit smoking almost 9 years ago (Jan 1, 2005). It was very cliche, I did it as a New Year’s Resolution…. and I had tried countless other times to quit and not one of them took.

    I think at the time the main concern was how expensive they were getting – I think they were a little over $4 at the time and I kept thinking it was going to to up and up (and it sure has). I had decided enough was enough (but I always thought that before quitting) and I meant it (like always) so I went out and bought Nicorette gum, the lozenge, and the Patch, I even ask my doctor for a Wellbutrin prescription. An extra step I had taped all over my bedroom and bathroom “You Can Quit Smoking” so I’d see it constantly. I also purchased a hypnosis/positive thinking tape (yes, cassette tape) that I played each night before I went to bed.

    As the New Year approached I kept doubting I could do it, I wondered why I even bothered. Hadn’t countless attempts before failed at getting me to quit? Yes, but I was determined this time (like always).

    I didn’t use the gum that day, the lozenge or the patch… I just stopped and gritted my teeth through it. The first day seemed so hard, the habits of when I’d light up were there with me – when I’d step outside, after eating, after sex, during commercials… I was always smoking it seemed and the first day was so hard to get out of that expectation.

    I was grumpy for probably a month, but I had a lot of support of friends and coworkers who kept on encouraging me… before I knew it I no longer had the cravings or the desire to have one at all.

    There was an immediate downside – everything smelled – whether good or bad I could smell all kinds of things I hadn’t before – car exhaust, bad breath, good breath, perfumes… and most of all smokers! Ugh, why didn’t anyone tell me how awful I smelled and how my breath was rancid like that? Probably because I hung out with other smokers, it became evident to me why some guys wouldn’t date a smoker and now I won’t date one.

    There are still days when I consider a cigarette – after a really good meal, on rainy fall days, during movies with lots of smoking.. but I resist and remember how expensive it is (holy crap how can you afford that?) and how bad people smell.

    I tried to quit a million times, I didn’t think this time would work either – but it did. Don’t give up, keep trying if you’re trying and eventually you’ll make it. I think after the first few months you’ll be happier, I know I am.

  • Newcomer

    Here we go again, I think as we stand and grab hands. We sure do pray a lot here, but at least everyone doesn’t hug me here like they did at the NA meeting I attended.

    “Who keeps us sober?” comes a voice from across the hall and then the chanting begins:

    “Our Father who are in heaven, hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory for ever and ever. Amen”

    I try to let go of the hands but this group does another ritual – “Keep coming back, it works if you work and you’re worth it” they say while pumping our hands in unison together. The man next to me has sweaty hands and I try to wipe off my hands without him noticing, I don’t know why it matters, he must know he has sweaty hands. Try as I might every time I hear that prayer and any of the chantingI picture a Borg Cube talking about assimilation. (more…)

  • …the end's well

    The worst part of preparing for surgery is not being able to have coffee in the morning… really that was the absolute worst part of prep. This mornings coffee tastes so good, absence indeed made the heart grow fonder. MMMMMM

    My friend Cliff picked me up yesterday morning and took me to the Hospital, I had offers from several people including work folk, but Cliff made the most sense. Cliff did come with a cup of coffee for himself, which made me crave it soooo badly. He came in with me and we made sure they had his number to call when I was finished. I handed him my wallet and keys and he was off. He could have come up with me to the pre-surgical place – but why would you do that to some one? (See my post on how I get when I visit folks in the hospital: Squeamish) (more…)

  • Weird Funeral Experiences

    I read a lot of different blogs and read random things that I find on the internet – WordPress helps by giving me suggestions for blogs that have similar themes ore that are comparable to ones I’ve favorited.

    dead dead, mostly dead ...probably
    dead dead, mostly dead …probably

    I read this blog piece the other day and commented on it:

    The Wednesday Question: What was the Weirdest Experience you  had at at Funeral

    (more…)

  • He Hit Her…

    I know about the obsession of the mind that affects alcoholics, I know from first hand experience, it can overwrite common sense – it takes liberty with the past and tells you that this time it’ll be different, it promises you’ll finally get that feeling you’ve been chasing so long that’s been just out of your reach.

    I don’t understand the trick the mind plays with domestic abuse victims.  Time and time again they go back to the abuser “I’ll never do it again” he says… “I’m so sorry” he says… “Give me one more chance” he pleads… At least that’s what my Mother seemed to do.

    Domestic ViolenceI don’t remember the first time my step-father hit my mother, after a while all the times run together and every incident is the same. He started the same each time, he’d be normal, he’d maybe even be nice to people even us kids…

    Then there was something in his eyes that would change you knew right behind those eyes the rage was just itching to get out. You could see the rage back there and some times he’d temper it, he’d keep it glowing under cover but the embers were waiting to strike each time.  (more…)

  • Getting Around

    I’m finally to the point, I hope, where I don’t have to use my GPS every time I want to go somewhere here. I know how the city works and can find my way to most places with little trouble. It’s even reached the point where I am getting to know stupid intersections that I want to avoid as much as possible. I know that’ll be challenged over the next few days, I’m going to have dinner at a friends in Chandler, not really been down there. Today I get to go over to one of the school, Grand Canyon University for a trade show type thing for work… joy, of joys.

    IMG_2895

    Traffic still kind of baffles me, and probably would where ever I happen to be. I keep waiting for the Onion headline that explains why everyone in front of me is traveling 10 miles under the speed limit in all three lanes… and why it happens every day. I see the speed limit sign, “Look there’s another” I say as we creep along… OK, creep along might be pushing it, but I just can’t figure this stuff out… how and why?!

    Turning and turn lanes I don’t get either – when I turn I turn into the lane that I want to be in, unless there is another turn lane or obstruction that I can see – but many people turn into a lane they don’t want and then rush over to get in the lane they should have been to begin with. WTF… OK, this could be a slow GPS thing for them or something… I’m not really sure. They have turn lanes in the center of the road here which you would think people could use and it would help traffic flow better, but what happens is they don’t know how to use them or they go in cockeyed with their ass hanging out and people have to swerve around them… and swerving way out to make a turn onto a regular street, why do people do that?

    The lack of signal use drives me crazy… you’re cruising along and then someone slows down, and sometimes for blocks at a time. Then they either turn or finally put on their signal. How hard can it be?

    As you can imagine I spend a lot of my driving time waving my hands in the air, screaming like I just don’t care… oh wait… no, I often talk to them even though they can’t hear me and try to explain how stupid they are. I do it in a nice calm voice most of the time.. ok, not really.

    This driving thing is still pretty unusual for me… I do my best to be careful…

  • Careful Readings

    I want to thank someone, problem is I can’t remember who to thank. At the beginning of the year someone suggested that I start reading As Bill See’s It cover to cover, in order… you know how you read most books. I had always just opened it up randomly or searched in the index in the back for a particular topic. I’ve added it to my morning readings and read two pages a day (at least, sometimes more) and it’s been really great to have those extra ideas and reflections. (you can add in here the joke you hear at conventions: Bill wrote “As Bill See’s It” but Lois wrote “Lois Remembers” which is kind of funny… the first time…)

    As Bill See's It
    As Bill See’s It

    As Bill See’s It is an interesting book – it contains quotes from Bill’s letters, books, talks, most of them offer something to think about for the day. But there are things that really get on my nerves about it – they will cite the book Alcoholics Anonymous for certain passages but it wont match exactly… for example I’ve written about the Grouch and the Brainstorm a few times where in the book it says “brainstorm” but in ABS it says “the sudden rage”. There are actually several times where it does that and I think to myself “Aren’t there Cite Police” that monitor this kind of thing? I actually went so far as to contact A.A. World Services to ask them about it…  (more…)

  • Answering the Phone 101

    I almost forgot, this is one of those things that I wanted to write about.

    Photo on 10-10-13 at 6.52 AM

    Yesterday I called to schedule an initial appointment with the surgeon (more on that later – is this getting annoying or what?), they were supposed to call me and didn’t so I initiated the call and it went something like this.

    “Hi my name is Jamez and I have a referral to call you.” I said

    “What for?” she said in a not to friendly voice

    I specify why I’m calling, the referral and that I’d like to schedule an appointment.

    “An appointment for what?” she asks “just to see the doctor? surgery? what kind of appointment?”

    “I can schedule surgery without first seeing the surgeon?” I inquire

    “Why didn’t you say that to begin with?” she barks “which location do you want an appointment?”

    “I wasn’t aware you had more than one location what are…” I start

    she shoots off the two addresses before I can even begin to understand thats what she’s doing.

    This is an example of bad customer service, this is an example of how NOT to answer the phone for your job. She was not the least bit friendly, not the least bit helpful and maybe was having a really, really bad day (it was only 9 how bad could it have gotten by 9?).

    When I answer the phone at work (I do this for a living) it’s like this:

    “Good morning thank you for calling [insert workplace here], my name is Jamez how can we help you today?” and then I listen… and then I go out of my way to help that person get what they need… sometimes I have to put them on hold to think to myself “had this person just read the email they wouldn’t have had to call” but I don’t tell them that…

    My job is to be of service, to be friendly and to make them feel like they were listened to and cared about. If you answer the phone for your job that’s what you’re supposed to do, don’t be all bitchy to them no matter how bad a day you are having… You’ll actually find that when you’re grumpy or not up to the task that faking this kind of thing actually helps you to feel better… because those people sometimes say thank you, those people need to feel like someone is listening and most of the time they’re human..

    Remember that golden rule thing… treat them as you would have them treat you. And smile, it helps to make you less grouchy

    I’m keeping the doctor appointment, but I might be overly, syrupy cheery when I get to their office!

  • Poked, Probed and Processed

    I didn’t get a chance to ride my bicycle yesterday, by the time I arrived home it was dark and I think I’d like the thing to have a light or something – today I plan to ride again.

    Don't Panic
    Don’t Panic

    I left work early for a doctor appointment, new city and finally a new doctor. My high-cholesterol medicine prescription has run out and I know I’m supposed to take that stuff… so that means I need a new doctor here. The doctor I got is a woman, which is new for me, for the last 10 years or so I had the same doctor in DC and he was a great guy, got to know me pretty well… it’s like starting over. She had the lab draw blood – no fasting involved, she said it was more realistic of what my every day levels are… been saying that for years I have – I hate fasting. I also asked for a flu shot, I want to make sure the government microchip gets what it needs /tinfoilhat

    She also gave me a surgery consult for something I was diagnosed with last November with Kaiser… I’m not sure why Kaiser made me wait, but now I’m here and have a consult. That doctor will call today and I’ll schedule an appointment probably have another exam and then get to schedule surgery… fun stuff. More on that later.

    Arriving home I quickly showered, ate an headed out again to an AA “meeting” in Tempe, it’s more like a Traditions workshop… a local AA historian and a local AA long-timer shared on their knowledge and experience with the Traditions – they’ll do this all month. This week was about the history mostly, but the long-timer shared about anonymity also meaning “sacrifice” and how it might be helpful to some if they read the Twelfth tradition as follows:

    Sacrifice is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions – ever reminding us to place principles before personal desires. 

    I really kind of thought that hit the nail on the head, but I also think we tend to be over anonymous… I’ll be making two of these next meetings hopefully, one of the weeks I’ll be in Washington, DC so wont get to make it.

    Today’s goal – to ride my bike after work.

  • Up In Smoke

    Today there was a little mishap with someones lunch and the work microwave and pillars of smoke encompassed our small little office space. It was a terrible tragedy as the lunch didn’t survive

    very well done
    very well done

    The smell in the office was pretty bad though, one of our office mates sneezes around smoke as if someone doused her in sneezing powder, I felt sorry for her. The rest of us just ended up with our clothes, hair and skin smelling like burnt plastic. It was lovely. This wasn’t my first time smelling like burnt something or another…

    Back in 1985 (lets jump in the Way Back Machine Sherman!) I was living with Grandma in Whitehall. Every morning was the same routine with her, she’d wake me up and write in her journal and start singing some song or other and eventually get around to making herself breakfast. I wasn’t much of a breakfast person so I didn’t usually partake on school days, which this was.

    I just happened to be in the kitchen when something on the stove caught fire and there were high flames and billowing black smoke and Grandma yelling…

    “Don’t panic, don’t panic! I know what to do” and she grabbed an oven mitt and the lid to the pot and smothered it.

    Then she went on to explain that pouring water on it would have been a disaster and you should always know how to handle kitchen fires. At this point i would stop and wonder if she purposefully had the fire happen to teach me a lesson about putting them out, she was crafty like that. Nah, she wouldn’t… would she?

    Well the fire was out so I just left for school, never bothering to think that I might smell a little off… hell I was a smoker, didn’t I always smell like smoke?

    Well someone at the school thought it must be something else and before the end of first period I was called to the Principals office and asked if I’d been smoking pot. No really, apparently grease fires smell a lot like pot to people who don’t have a clue what pot smells like.

    At first I was outraged, HOW DARE THEY THINK I MIGHT BE SMOKING POT, I mean sure I might be… but how dare they… I always waited at least until lunch time – actually, I rarely had pot at school, why ruin a good high by being at school? (now if I had know about LSD back then, well … then that would have been a much better story).

    Anyway, I assured him that I hadn’t and explained about the grease fire, it actually took me a minute to remember that that’s what had happened that morning. It seemed insignificant in the grand scope of how to be a miserable teenager.

    So today I was taken for a little trip back to Whitehall WI and Grandma… and memories of stealing doorknobs to sell on the black-market… yeah, those were the good old days. And work, well I’m sure we’ll all be fine but I bet that smell lingers for a day or two.