55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer
I read a lot of different blogs and read random things that I find on the internet – WordPress helps by giving me suggestions for blogs that have similar themes ore that are comparable to ones I’ve favorited.
I read this blog piece the other day and commented on it:
The Wednesday Question: What was the Weirdest Experience you had at at Funeral
This isn’t going to be a warm and fuzzy post full of nice things or cute animals… ok, here’s a cute animal….
but after this it really becomes a TMI post and you probably don’t want to continue reading… that was your last chance… (more…)
Sometimes I rewrite famous songs – ala Weird Al … I’ve been doing this for a long, long time. The first song I ever did like this (well that I performed anywhere) was George Michael’s I Want Your Sex which I did as I Want Your Socks and had a laundry basket with real laundry too onstage at G-E-T High and then got a job singing in a band. I don’t recall all the lyrics, but I remember it went well and was one of the criteria the music teacher used to get me a “letter” in music… not a goal I had in high school.
Recently here at work we had a special person move to the east coast and had a farewell lunch for her at Humble Pie (local restaurant – good pizza) and I rewrote Don McLean’s American Pie to bye bye at Humble Pie (more…)
I know about the obsession of the mind that affects alcoholics, I know from first hand experience, it can overwrite common sense – it takes liberty with the past and tells you that this time it’ll be different, it promises you’ll finally get that feeling you’ve been chasing so long that’s been just out of your reach.
I don’t understand the trick the mind plays with domestic abuse victims. Time and time again they go back to the abuser “I’ll never do it again” he says… “I’m so sorry” he says… “Give me one more chance” he pleads… At least that’s what my Mother seemed to do.
I don’t remember the first time my step-father hit my mother, after a while all the times run together and every incident is the same. He started the same each time, he’d be normal, he’d maybe even be nice to people even us kids…
Then there was something in his eyes that would change you knew right behind those eyes the rage was just itching to get out. You could see the rage back there and some times he’d temper it, he’d keep it glowing under cover but the embers were waiting to strike each time. (more…)
The alarm goes off before I’m ready, it cuts off the music and blares at me until I get up to shut it off. I long for the days of my childhood when I could sleep the day away but I’d settle for just sleeping until I awoke naturally.
I then slip on some underwear or superhero pajama bottoms – depending on how cold it is – and go into the kitchen, right about then I remember to slip on my slippers and turn back around to my bedroom… every morning this happens. The coffee pot in the kitchen is prepped and ready to brew, I push the button and then head for the living room – the computer also needs to be awoken. After I push the button on the back of it I have to head back to the bedroom, the bed needs to be made… then I remember the pressure on my bladder and I stop in the bathroom to relieve myself… mornings are hard (no pun intended). Back to the bedroom I go and I actually make the bed, something else I never did as a kid, I was just going to mess it up again. (more…)
In 1982 my mother decided to run from her troubles and move to Florida. This run she took us kids with her, which I thought was very considerate of her, in later years she couldn’t be bothered with kids tagging along.
We were living on Elm Street in Whitehall WI at the time, I was 11 or 12. Mom was buying through a HUD loan and it was nice – the bedrooms were downstairs for us kids and I think we had bunk beds. There was a huge back yard and we had family friends that lived on the same block almost. Not to far away was the railroad tracks and the golf course – lots of things for a kid with an imagination to enjoy. We’d lived on this street before in a little red house where I broke my two front teeth and threw Kilo, the dog, down the stairs… long story. Aunt Gerry and her daughter Angie were living with us too, Gerry’s boys had opted to live with their dad. This was a house that has a lot of odd memories for me, I can recall us kids doing a performance for our parents (just like the Brady’s) a few times.
I can recall someone calling the house and asking if Mother was home and me telling them she went to the AAA Meeting – I had one to many A’s and Mom was very upset about me telling someone even though I named it incorrectly. So this was one of Mom’s attempts at getting sober, but all she really did in AA was date men, go to potlucks dances and complain about her life.
I’m finally to the point, I hope, where I don’t have to use my GPS every time I want to go somewhere here. I know how the city works and can find my way to most places with little trouble. It’s even reached the point where I am getting to know stupid intersections that I want to avoid as much as possible. I know that’ll be challenged over the next few days, I’m going to have dinner at a friends in Chandler, not really been down there. Today I get to go over to one of the school, Grand Canyon University for a trade show type thing for work… joy, of joys.
Traffic still kind of baffles me, and probably would where ever I happen to be. I keep waiting for the Onion headline that explains why everyone in front of me is traveling 10 miles under the speed limit in all three lanes… and why it happens every day. I see the speed limit sign, “Look there’s another” I say as we creep along… OK, creep along might be pushing it, but I just can’t figure this stuff out… how and why?!
Turning and turn lanes I don’t get either – when I turn I turn into the lane that I want to be in, unless there is another turn lane or obstruction that I can see – but many people turn into a lane they don’t want and then rush over to get in the lane they should have been to begin with. WTF… OK, this could be a slow GPS thing for them or something… I’m not really sure. They have turn lanes in the center of the road here which you would think people could use and it would help traffic flow better, but what happens is they don’t know how to use them or they go in cockeyed with their ass hanging out and people have to swerve around them… and swerving way out to make a turn onto a regular street, why do people do that?
The lack of signal use drives me crazy… you’re cruising along and then someone slows down, and sometimes for blocks at a time. Then they either turn or finally put on their signal. How hard can it be?
As you can imagine I spend a lot of my driving time waving my hands in the air, screaming like I just don’t care… oh wait… no, I often talk to them even though they can’t hear me and try to explain how stupid they are. I do it in a nice calm voice most of the time.. ok, not really.
This driving thing is still pretty unusual for me… I do my best to be careful…
I want to thank someone, problem is I can’t remember who to thank. At the beginning of the year someone suggested that I start reading As Bill See’s It cover to cover, in order… you know how you read most books. I had always just opened it up randomly or searched in the index in the back for a particular topic. I’ve added it to my morning readings and read two pages a day (at least, sometimes more) and it’s been really great to have those extra ideas and reflections. (you can add in here the joke you hear at conventions: Bill wrote “As Bill See’s It” but Lois wrote “Lois Remembers” which is kind of funny… the first time…)
As Bill See’s It is an interesting book – it contains quotes from Bill’s letters, books, talks, most of them offer something to think about for the day. But there are things that really get on my nerves about it – they will cite the book Alcoholics Anonymous for certain passages but it wont match exactly… for example I’ve written about the Grouch and the Brainstorm a few times where in the book it says “brainstorm” but in ABS it says “the sudden rage”. There are actually several times where it does that and I think to myself “Aren’t there Cite Police” that monitor this kind of thing? I actually went so far as to contact A.A. World Services to ask them about it… (more…)
I almost forgot, this is one of those things that I wanted to write about.
Yesterday I called to schedule an initial appointment with the surgeon (more on that later – is this getting annoying or what?), they were supposed to call me and didn’t so I initiated the call and it went something like this.
“Hi my name is Jamez and I have a referral to call you.” I said
“What for?” she said in a not to friendly voice
I specify why I’m calling, the referral and that I’d like to schedule an appointment.
“An appointment for what?” she asks “just to see the doctor? surgery? what kind of appointment?”
“I can schedule surgery without first seeing the surgeon?” I inquire
“Why didn’t you say that to begin with?” she barks “which location do you want an appointment?”
“I wasn’t aware you had more than one location what are…” I start
she shoots off the two addresses before I can even begin to understand thats what she’s doing.
This is an example of bad customer service, this is an example of how NOT to answer the phone for your job. She was not the least bit friendly, not the least bit helpful and maybe was having a really, really bad day (it was only 9 how bad could it have gotten by 9?).
When I answer the phone at work (I do this for a living) it’s like this:
“Good morning thank you for calling [insert workplace here], my name is Jamez how can we help you today?” and then I listen… and then I go out of my way to help that person get what they need… sometimes I have to put them on hold to think to myself “had this person just read the email they wouldn’t have had to call” but I don’t tell them that…
My job is to be of service, to be friendly and to make them feel like they were listened to and cared about. If you answer the phone for your job that’s what you’re supposed to do, don’t be all bitchy to them no matter how bad a day you are having… You’ll actually find that when you’re grumpy or not up to the task that faking this kind of thing actually helps you to feel better… because those people sometimes say thank you, those people need to feel like someone is listening and most of the time they’re human..
Remember that golden rule thing… treat them as you would have them treat you. And smile, it helps to make you less grouchy
I’m keeping the doctor appointment, but I might be overly, syrupy cheery when I get to their office!
“My mother was born in the psychiatric unit…”
That’s how I always planned to start my book. It’s true… we think… and I like truth. Also it really kind of makes things seem like they happened for reasons. Some of the things that happened probably didn’t have to happen at all, but they happened nonetheless. But I wonder if I were a reader reading that first sentence would I then expect to find a book about my mother? Cause it wouldn’t be about her that much, it would be about my experiences. I find though that it helps to have backstory for your own experiences to strengthen the validity of the story.
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I wrote a lot more of this and expanded a bit on mothers aunts and siblings… and then I kept running into things that I didn’t want to say here … partly because I didn’t want to suddenly argue with her born again christian brother and sister and partly because I wanted to be sure my stories were accurate. That means I have to collaborate with someone and that’ll be fun, but it also means that this story will have to be told somewhere else and I’m alright with that.
I’m in a writing mood I guess, I’ve got thoughts running rampant in my head and have written quite a lot in the last few days… a few posts I cannot post yet due to surprises that are in store for others that I can’t share now… don’t you just hate a tease? But after next Wednesday those will start to appear.
I’ll continue the story of my mother, myself and growing up… and maybe once in a while I’ll post a snippet of that here for your amusement or shock or what have you, depending on the situation. I never thought the story was all that but others have consistently told me it is so we’ll get it out there and deal with debate after the fact.
