Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: GMCW

  • I’m a homophobe?

    I might be a homophobe, is that even possible? Well I guess it is. I was in Ft Lauderdale a week or so ago, hanging out with my friend Michael K and when I commented about something that he said he looked at me and said: “Oh, that’s right you’re a homophobe.” and I thought to myself, well yeah, I guess I am.

    It’s not that I hate gay people or what gay people do, I’m a gay person and happen to like some of the things that gay people do and especially some of their body parts (I’ll try to keep this clean). I’m believe that gay guys should be able to get married, lesbians too. I believe that if I were to serve in my countries military I should be able to do so openly gay.

    Let’s take a look at what homophobia is according to Wiki:

    Homophobia (from Greek homós: one and the same; phóbos: fear, phobia) is defined as an “irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals”,[1] or individuals perceived to be homosexual; it is also defined as “unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality”,[2] “fear of or contempt for lesbians and gay men”,[2] as well as “behavior based on such a feeling”.[3]. It is defined by behavior (such as discrimination) as well as motivation (such as fear, antipathy or contempt).[2] Homophobic is the adjective form of this term used to describe the qualities of these characteristics, while homophobe is the noun form given as a title to individuals labeled with homophobic characteristics.

    So lets take a look at my record:

    I auditioned and was accepted into the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington DC in 2007. I love singing and love looking at handsome guys, and I AM GAY… what’s not to love about the gay men’s chorus. Well it turns out they sing songs about being gay, gay life, gay love… even Christmas songs that are gay. I’m not much of a fan of Christmas (is there such a thing as a Christmasphobe?) but the one part of it I do like is the music, and I don’t really want to gay up the lyrics with Judy Garland, Mary and rainbows… I just want to sing Christmas music.

    As my readers know, I’m an alcoholic and regularly (I use the term regularly loosely) attend 12 step meetings. I am a big book thumping, quote spewing, 12 step principle practicing alcoholic – I quit going to group therapy in treatment and don’t really want to return to it. However, I can’t seem to tolerate Gay AA (or Gay CMA that somehow ends up leading meetings) and the different message I hear there. More than a few times I’ve heard the comparison in meetings that “I drank like an alcoholic because I’m gay.” and I’m fairly certain that people drink like alcoholics because they happen to be alcoholics. We also tend to reference gay icons, movies, role models and such… not really what I thought it was about. If I snuck into a women’s AA meeting would they reference their vagina’s a lot in relationship to their disease? God I hope not.

    A few years ago my friend Robert (and Mark) gave me a handful of DVD’s for my birthday, all but one of them was a gay themed movie. I cringe at even the thought of watching these movies. It may have something to do with the casting, the people that are on the cover have characteristics I associate with gay people, a look, a mannerism that really turns me off. Yes, I know how I sound and how ridiculous it is, but there it is. I sold them at a thrift sale last spring, I didn’t watch a single one. On the other hand I did really enjoy a gay themed movie from the Gay Film Festival a few years back, it was called: Cachorro (Bear Cub), a foreign film. I really liked it.

    Gay Games? not really interested. Gay TV Channel? nope, sorry was bored by all the drag. Drag Queens? um, no… thanks, no… Flaming, flamboyant, extroverted… not really interested there either.

    Perhaps its from growing up in the Midwest, in a small town where the types of characteristics I associate with gay people were frowned upon, teased, mocked – if so, why wouldn’t 12 years of living in DC surrounded by homosexuals of every type break this mentality. There are also characteristics that I associate with gay people that could be the direct result of living in Washington DC – I think we whine a lot, I think we are overly sensitive and over concerned with labels, colors and titles. Perhaps I’m just a homophobe.

    So am I a homophobe? Probably, but I don’t think I care as long as I can someday find a husband and settle down. I’ll do my best in the meantime to keep my feelings inside and try to change my level of tolerance and acceptance… but I don’t really want to.

  • Rockets Red Glare

    The 4th thing is off, for those of you that didn’t know, I had volunteered to sing with the Washington Choral Arts Society for A Capitol Fourth. A televised show in front of the Capital.

    Then something came up at work, and I think I will not be able to devote to the practice or the performance the amount of energy that should be devoted to the project, so I bowed out. It is a big thing at work, so I think it was the right decision.

  • The Results

    I don’t recall the exact day I became a member of the Choir, I know I was pretty excited and let all of you know… I’m that way. Today was our first performance out with the Songs Of My Family pieces, we sang at the Steven Kaufman Aids Foundation event in Baltimore.

    I was very nervous getting ready and in the ride over to Baltimore. I was even nervous sitting with the other guys singing/rehearsing before the show. One guy who I sat next to for the first time said: it’s nice to finally sit next to some one in tune. So that was nice.

    During the actual concert I know that my entrances were off in a few places, and I forgot lyrics in a few places, but I’m seriously blaming nerves. I’ve listened to these songs, and practiced them so much my roommate already knows the lyrics.

    Anyway, it was a very nice time. I was proud to be there and several people complimented the choir after the show saying how nice it was.

  • The Steven Kaufman AIDS Outreach Project

    Here is your first opportunity to come hear me sing as a part of the GMCW. Now, not only will you get to see me all decked out in a tuxedo, but this is an AIDS Benefit, which is wonderful.

    to purchase tickets:

    http://www.associated.org/section_display.html?ID=1519
    I’d love to see you there.

  • GMCW Rehearsal 3

    Saturday I attended the GMCW New Member Party at the Halo bar on P street. It was nice, I met some nice people, saw some of the guys from the choir that I think are attractive. I left there around 7 and headed home.

    Tonights rehearsal was extra long, in part to make up for not practicing during Easter weekend, I think it was a successful rehearsal and enjoyed myself. My buddy showed up about 15 minutes or so late, but he is involved with another choir and they had performed at the Kennedy Center today.

    After the rehearsal, I stopped in at the Green Lantern with some of the guys from the choir to do some karaoke, which I did not participate in.

    Now I’m home and heading to bed.

  • 2nd Rehearsal

    So, I just got in from the second rehearsal, I’m tired and a bit sore (posture is important).

    I was telling Gary (my roommate) about how sometimes I’ll be typing a word and a different word actually comes out. (like typing “house” but what appears on the paper/screen is “ginger”) and how that can be a bit … troubling at times. Makes me wonder what else could be out there.

    So tonight, when we were warming up and the pianist played the single note for all the chorus to sing… I heard it, my mind registered it, and I came in very low. So, anyway, that threw me off for the rest of the nights rehearsal. I did my best, but was unsure of every note before it left my mouth. It’s a weird thing to have happen.

    There was a nice looking guy sitting next to me, that’s always a good thing. The one guy did hug me twice, which is a little odd. Less odd now that I’ve seen him hugging other people. It must be his thing.

    So this Saturday is the new member welcome party, and I’ve agreed to go, so that might prove interesting.

  • The First Rehearsal

    I arrived for the orientation for members at 5 minutes to five, met my “buddy” who will be my primary contact for all questions and such. His last name is James, so he’s already very cool. The orientation was boring, but nice, an full of information.

    The actual rehearsal was daunting, there are lots of nice voices in the chorus. I had downloaded the Tenor 2 parts from the website a few days ago, so I was a little more prepared than most. But alot of these guys can just read it and sing it from the page, I’m not quite that good, or at least I’m rusty enough to not be that good.

    The songs, when heard with all parts are all quite lovely.

    I chose not to participate in the after practice Karaoke at Green Lantern, instead I came home.

    There are several very handsome men, only one of whom I’ve seen naked, and one that I hope finds me as cute as I find him.

  • GMCW

    So, I’ve finally done it: made my decision to audition for the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington. Last week I attended their rehearsal, and my audition will be in the middle of March. It was a little bit nerve racking, just showing up. They offered me sheet music and to sing along.

    It’s been almost 20 years since I’ve attempted to interpret sheet music, I don’t recall what the symbols mean which are rests, how long do the rests last and so forth. But, I think I did pretty good, I did not see anyone wincing in pain near me as I sung. I did not sing during the one latin song, as they had included some pronunciation keys which I did not have before hand.

    Anyway, it’s a lot of pretty guys, some I’ve seen in AA. I’ll let you know if I manage to get in or not.