Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Category: diabetes

  • Navigating Work and Recovery: Balancing Responsibilities During an Extended Absence

    Navigating Work and Recovery: Balancing Responsibilities During an Extended Absence

    I’m going to be out of the office for an extended period beginning the middle of next month. I have a planned vacation with one of my best friends to Cancun for a week, then a few days later I’m having surgery on my right shoulder. I googled the recovery time for shoulder surgery and it’s not definitive, but looks like a few weeks before I can get back to the office.

    My shoulder has been bothering me for over a year now. Limited motion and pain. Pain to move it, pain if I sneeze, pain just walking down the stairs. It’s not been fun. We tried some physical therapy (PT) for two months and while I did regain some motion, we didn’t relieve the pain. The Physical Therapist said that was all she could do for me and recommended I talk to the Ortho specialist to see what options there were.

    The Ortho doctor, well first the physicians assistant, said that we could keep on with the PT to see if we continued to improve. This didn’t sit well with me as I kept thinking of the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I told him that – so he called in the doc. The Doc and I then went over everything again and he said these things “sometimes” get better with time – I asked how much time – he said about 6 months… but I’d been experiencing this for about six months at that time. He said our other option is surgery, we went over that and talked about moving forward with that. I suggested we give it three more months, see if it changed – it didn’t.

    I don’t currently have any anxiety about the surgery, doesn’t mean it won’t come later I guess. Mostly my anxiety is about work and not being there. It’s not a money thing, it’s what am I going to do if I can’t work and/or play video games… really, how boring is this recovery going to be. Also, how long will I be gone… first a week for vacation then at least another week for initial recovery.

    Planning on being out is different, I have a lot of responsibilities at work. I like to think my teams depend on me for results and camaraderie. I work all kinds of hours with my team, at home I’m always stepping up to help someone with a sale or a document – doesn’t matter the time, they rely on me to be there.

    Who can you trust to step in and cover for you, to take care of your team while you’re out? I have 30 some people in my department that are capable of doing so. Some of them are swamped with prospects of their own and I think my team would be an afterthought to them. Not in a bad way, but like they have established work ethic and system that makes them successful, I don’t want to throw a wrench into that. Some of my team just couldn’t meet the challenge of a large team to help out in addition to their current duties. So I called an audible and asked my manager who I should pick. My first choice he shot down as someone with too much on their plate already, but then he threw out some names I hadn’t considered and we chose someone that should be up to the task. My manager did joke, I hope, that my team would like my replacement more than me…

    It’s a hard thing to let go of, my team, letting someone else step in and help them with their various needs… will they be fast enough, nice enough, efficient enough or will they disappoint me and my team. Most of my team has my direct mobile number and I don’t want to hear they haven’t been taken care of in my absence. It’s not rocket science, what I do, and I’m not asking them to sell my book of business, just to cover customers that call in to move forward after previous interactions. This is going to be ok, I keep telling myself.

    I have to trust my manager’s instinct. Let my team be in capable hands of my co-worker. Relax and focus on me and my recovery. I will have work to do – PT and a lot of it from what I understand – they have scheduled me for my first PT appointment the afternoon after my surgery. That I find aggressive, but probably in my best interest.

    I may invest in Dragon Naturally Speaking to see if I can get some work done. I’ve also been playing around with my left hand, seeing if I can maybe use it to get somethings done… but again, really should be focusing on my PT and doing what the doctor says.

    I’ll be ok, my team will be ok and I’ll have a pain free shoulder before I know it!

  • Thanksgiving

    Thanksgiving

    For the last few years I’ve traveled up to Maryland to have Thanksgiving with my best friend Eric and his family. This year Eric moved from Maryland to Wisconsin – yes on purpose. I traveled to Wisconsin last month so I didn’t see the need to see Eric again so soon. This year, I stayed home in Virginia Beach.

    Previous years Eric’s son-in-law Dan would deep fry the turkey. OMG it was amazing, very juicy and tasty, not sure what he basted it with but it was always very tasty. One year he smoked it – not as good. We’d have mashed potatoes (never enough), green bean casserole, stuffing… the works you know. Then finish it off with some pecan and pumpkin pies. Then we’d watch the football games, fall asleep on the sofa or play with Eric’s grandkids. It was always a nice get away.

    This year, I stayed local.

    I had a morning doctor appointment, check up on my diabetes. The doctor said improvements in my blood work, but still wanted me to lose 10 pounds and eat healthier to get my A1C down more. He does talk a lot to me – which is good and bad – my appointment was at 8:45 and I didn’t get out until 9:30. So I was late for work.

    I missed a meeting at work, didn’t mind, the boss filled me in when I got there. I made my calls, followed up on emails and did my regular duties like I always do. I did have a sale which is nice. Work let us off an hour early on Wednesday so I headed home around 4.

    I played World of Warcraft when I arrived at home for a couple hours and Suzanne and Brucifer went off to see the Nutcracker so I watched Fluffy for a bit as well. She’s low maintenance so it’s no biggie.

    My best friend Suzanne’s parents live nearby and they hosted us on Thanksgiving. Suzanne, Brucifer, Adam, Eileen (Suzanne’s sister), Paris (Suzanne’s niece), Chip and Judy (her parents) and Paris’s roommate, whose name I can’t recall… and I’ve met her several times.

    Suzanne made the turkey, in an oven, and her corn soufflé. Judy made a lot of the rest mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, apple pie …. . Eileen made ratatouille. I asked Judy on Monday night if mashed potatoes were on the menu and she assured me they were.

    Photo by ASHISH SHARMA on Pexels.com

    Chip watched football with me while everything was getting ready. Adam may have watched with us, I can’t recall. Fluffy, the English Bulldog played with her dad Brucifer on the floor while all this went on. The games entertained us while the girls got everything ready.

    When they announced dinner was ready – Brucifer was first ini line. I waited until almost everyone had gone as there was a crowd in the kitchen. When it was my turn I loaded up on turkey and mashed potatoes, Just had made a whole bunch of them so there was plenty for me to take extra. They encouraged me to try the ratatouille but after thinking it over I opted not to. I’m sure it was good the others seemed to think so.

    We all waited patiently at the table for the last person to arrive, Chip was the last in line which they indicated was unusual. I was pretty hungry at this point so I wanted him to hurry up, but he seemed to take his time. FINALLY he sat down, Judy made a blessing that she was happy to have such a nice group in her home and then we ate. I had seconds and then made me way to the football game in the living room.

    After a while, when others were finished eating also, I got up and fixed myself some apple pie with ice cream. Yummy.

    I texted friends and family “Happy Thanksgiving” and one of them I texted “Happy Birthday” by mistake, lol. Oh well.

    There was a little drama, but nothing to complain about and not one person cried.

    We left for home around 5, said our goodbyes and gave hugs. It was a nice holiday.

    Later that night we watched the season finale of Andor, which is such a good show. I liked how it played out but I’m sad it had to end… 2024 is when they say the next season will be out and that’s just NOT ok.

    I went to bed with a full stomach, or it seemed that way.

  • Bad Diabetic

    Bad Diabetic

    I’m a bad diabetic. I don’t take care of myself, watch what I eat or care really.

    During a hospital stay a few days after the initial diagnosis they asked me ‘Are you planning to do anything about your diabetes?’ The diagnosis was Thursday this was Sunday so I told them that, what could I have done in four days. During the stay they managed my carb intake, gave me insulin shots and kept me at a good blood sugar level.

    I did try, initially to eat better and the doc prescribed me Metformin, which I took. I even went so far as to buy strips a meter and needles to test myself… though what the results were to mean I had no idea. I didn’t track my results or know what 125 meant in the morning or 155 meant at night, I was just testing myself at random because they told me to test.

    Photo by PhotoMIX Company on Pexels.com

    I really love rice, the texture the feeling of it kind of melting in my mouth. I love it, I want it with everything. Not “brown rice” regular old white rice, I can cook it easily takes about 17 minutes. I have it with chili, chicken, beef, whatever… I just love rice. But rice is carbs and carbs are bad for diabetics. So when I make my meals for the week and it includes a good serving of rice, this doesn’t help. At night I usually eat a pizza, yes the whole thing. A stop at an Indian restaurant once a week for Chicken Tikka, but again that means rice.

    Soda is also a downfall, what I like to drink is Rockstar Pure Zero Fruit Punch, it has like 20 calories and one carbohydrates, that’s not bad… but if I go out to eat (and I don’t eat out much) I have a regular soda, 240 calories and lots of carbs too. On a normal day I drink between 1 and 2 gallons of water, I’m not kidding. I have a half gallon container that I fill up at work twice, sometimes three times and at home I drink 2 – 3 32 oz containers a night.

    I really hate, exercise. Not a fan at all. I did try recently some personal training sessions and didn’t like them at all. I spent about 3 months doing this and at healthier at the same time…. didn’t make my numbers go down much at all. So the doc changed my meds and now I’m taking Janumet XR. Janumet is a huge horse pill and hasn’t made a dent in my numbers either.

    I’m currently using a testing system called Dario – it’s a nice little all-in-one system that works with your smart phone. It’s compact, fits in my pocket and is intuitive. Every morning I test before I eat or pee and it’s 135 – 156. I’ve had valleys of 102 or 106 but mostly they stay in the high range. I’ve never had higher than 156. I guess good numbers are below 100, but I don’t test there. Dario is pretty cool though and I like the software which tracks your measurements, gives you advice on health and food.

    I don’t have any repercussions. Nothing has gone bad, I still have my teeth, my eyesight is just as bad as it always has been and my feet are fine. Mayo Clinic has a page all about Diabetes from causes to complications and if I look at that there are a lot of dangerous things that could happen to me. I’m apathetic, if it happens it happens.

    I see my primary care physician next week and I’ll ask him what the big deal is, maybe he can explain why I’m supposed to care so much. Last time I saw him he advised I lose 10 pounds and I think I’ve put 10 on instead.

    There is some consideration in eating better again, but I find it so boring. I drank some Glucerna and while tasty it wasn’t as satifying as a meal can be. I can’t recall if I felt full or not after drinking it, which is also a good feeling that I like. They do have bars also, but I’ve not seen them yet in the store, so maybe I’ll try those out.

    All in all, I’m a bad diabetic. I don’t take care of myself or really feel any need to care about this disease and I probably should.

  • Husband Hunting

    Husband Hunting

    I’m looking for my special guy. Taking applications or referrals.

    I’ve done the dating apps, the online dating, the blind dates. Been engaged once, in love a few times and played around more than I probably should have. I’ve had good dates, bad dates and bad break ups that left me an emotional wreck. I’ve had elicit affairs with married guys – most of the time that didn’t feel right to me. I take vacations to destinations where I know I’ll get to hook up with guys – Ft Lauderdale, Palm Springs, Philadelphia. So I thought I’d just throw together an application for a husband on here and see what happens.

    Jamez March 2022

    I’m looking for something with substance, stability and seriousness. Something passionate, personal and productive. I want a man or men (I’m open to a polyamorous relationship) to call my own, to come home to, and to get lost in his eyes.

    I’ve always had a thing for older guys, when I was in my twenties I drooled over many a 45 or 50 year old – most said I was much too young for something serious. It may not be an age thing but a maturity thing, I like a man who’s grown up, responsible and drama free. I do lust after a man with gray hair though, turns all the right buttons for me. I like furry guys, hair on their chest and on their face, have since forever. When I was just a kid I remember finding a dirty magazine down in the basement. There was one image of a man with a beard and a hairy chest that got my attention more than any of the other ones. Most of the images were hairless, clean shaven men and I just thought meh, not so much. I also like a man with some meat on his bones. A barrel-chested, muscular, beefy man is just the right size. My first lover was a bigger guy, and my first love as well.

    I gravitate towards these types of men and frequent dating sites that cater to them. I like a mans man, with hairy chest, gray hair and some meat on their bones. I like bears, silver daddies and fur… but that’s not written in stone, I’ve found myself drawn to other types of men along the way, this is a guideline for what I’d really like.

    It’s not all about looks, that’s just for starters. I want a man with passion in and out of the bedroom. Someone who has his own loves and habits that I can grow with and live with mine as well. A man that makes me want to be with him, makes me want to give up my video game time to spend it with him instead. So, he should be interesting, funny, lovable, laughable…. understanding, serious, willing to compromise and open-minded. I like to think I’m those things and my friends tell me I am.

    Here’s my current narrative on sites I frequent:

    No face pic no chat no exceptions. Looking for my special guy. I tend to like older, bigger guys. Hairy face and chest are nice. I also like gray hair. Be. honest, have more than one photo, be open to the idea of actually meeting.

    You should have a job, I do. Non smokers only. No vegetarians or vegans need apply – yes, that’s funny but I’m serious.

    I like kissing, sucking and getting fucked. Not really into any kinks. I’m 51, moderately hairy. I like to go slow, enjoy the entire experience and really please my guy and have him please me. I’m open to trying new things and honest about it if I like or don’t like it.

    I’m sarcastic, funny and I like to think smart. Introverted, I’m not big on crowds or meeting new people. Once I meet them I’m usually good a second time, but the first time I’m rather quiet and wary.

    I was born in Wisconsin, lived in DC for almost 2 decades, lived in Phoenix for another and now I’m in Virginia Beach, I’m not tied to any location really. I don’t like winter that’s a big deal, hate might be the word.

    I’m clean and sober, don’t go to meetings any longer but still maintain my sobriety. I’m an atheist, my choice, my belief and you’re free to have yours. I’m respectful of others choices as far as alcohol, drugs and religion go… you don’t push yours on me and I won’t push mine on you. I’m a diabetic. I have depression and anxiety. all being treated with medications and diet.

    I like animals, cats and dogs mostly… don’t think I’d be ok with a pet pig or llama.

    I like to travel, consider myself something of a writer, like to walk and swim… but not much into exercise really… and I have a little belly to show for that.

    I’d like to know more about you so feel free to hit me up so we can chat.

    So what about me? what’s do I bring to the table….

    I’m 53 now, moderately hairy, 5’9″, around 220. I have a little belly, which I’m half-heartedly working on. I like food and hate exercise so it’s not as easy as I want it to be. I have around 20 tattoos, most mean something to me. My ears are pierced but I rarely wear earrings and if I do usually studs. I wear a couple of rings once in a while as well. I’m most comfortable in t-shirt and jeans, but dress up business casual for the office most days. I look quite good in a tux, but honestly who doesn’t? I shave my head and usually have a goatee.

    Writing is a passion of mine. www.bookofjamez.com More so before one of my medications started to mess with my creative process.. used to be I’d regularly get ideas in my head that wouldn’t go away until I got them down on paper (or screen as the case usually is), but now it’s rare an idea gets stuck there and I write less and less frequently.

    Medications? what’s wrong with me? well let’s see: I’m clean and sober 27 years, have depression, anxiety, diabetes (my A1C is 6.5), and high cholesterol. My PCP (Primary Care Physician), who happens to be very cute, says I need to lose 10 pounds. I’m taking Prep – if you know you know. I take my medications regularly and am honestly trying to eat better. My depression is being contained and rarely flares up to where it drives me to despair. My anxiety is usually event driven – people or places can make me anxious and I do some meditation, breathing to help with that but have emergency meds if it gets crazy.

    I’m a malcontent. A glass truly empty kind of guy. I find it funny most of the time when I look at the world that way. I look at the world through my own eyes and sometimes those views don’t match what society would like them to. But it’s not a harmful thing.

    I keep my room relatively clean, organized and make my bed. I have art on the walls and electronic gadgets everywhere. There is a small Superman collection on a dresser and I will likely get more and more Superman stuff.

    I’m not a fan of the cold or winter. I go home to Wisconsin for Christmas because that’s what my Ma wants, and you should always do what your Ma wants. But will go out of my way to avoid the cold if I possibly can. I vacation in warm places.

    Jamez January 2022

    I love music, I can sing and usually do to any music that happens to be on. Doesn’t matter if it’s Country, Hip Hop, Rock, Heavy Metal, Death Metal or Pop… I love music. I was once in the Gay Men’s Choir of Washington DC (GMCW). I don’t play any instruments, but have a desire to learn to play guitar.

    I am a picky eater. There I said it. I know what I don’t like – mayonnaise, dressings, mushrooms, fish, seafood.. well it’s a lot, but I do try new things. I love Chicken Tikka, a good spicy Mexican dish or good old fashioned hamburger.

    I currently live in Virginia Beach, I’ve not set anything permanent here. I live with my best friend, her husband and their bandmate. I spend a lot of my time in my room, but do socialize and engage with them regularly.

    My friends and family all say I’m a nice guy. I think I’m an honest guy and sometimes people don’t like that. It takes a while for me to warm up to people but once I do they tend to warm up to me too. I have 2 best friends, one’s a straight guy (Eric) and one’s a straight girl (Suzanne). You can ask either of them about me and they’ll tell you the truth, good and bad. I have a small circle of friends that I see regularly, and a large circle of friends I see on Facebook or know from years past that I have moved away from.

    I have 2 families. One is my blood relatives all of whom we share the same Mother (who passed back in 2001 or 2002? I don’t remember) and one foster family of whom I lived with for 2 years in my youth. I changed my name legally to honor my foster father back in 2009 (he passed suddenly in 2008) and at that time changed my first name to James with a Z. I love both my families and consider myself lucky to have them.

    I’ve not been in a long term relationship before really. I was engaged to a guy and that lasted about a year before he called it off. I had a sexual relationship with one guy for 4 years and loved him very much. But other than that not lived with another man that was my own. I do adjust/mold myself to fit into situations and make things work, so I’m not worried about fitting in with someone, I think I do that well.

    Sales is my current occupation, I’ve been doing it for a little over a year now and I’m doing it well by all measurable standards. I’ve been an Office Manager, Personal Assistant, Data Geek and worked in a grocery store a long time ago. I have only had one bad review in my careers and it shocked the hell out of me, I think she just didn’t like me.

    So anyway, that’s me. I’m looking for him, that one special guy

    Jamez April 2021
    Jamez May 2021
    Jamez 1988 Senior Pic
    Jamez September 2021
    brrr winter
    Birthday Boy
  • Diabetes, Depression and Death

    Diabetes, Depression and Death

    This is likely a whiny post. This was your only warning.

    I’ve recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Many years ago I used to get tested pretty regularly to see if I had diabetes… see my biological father died from complications with diabetes when he was 48 (I just turned 48). His complications were that he wanted to drink more than he cared about managing his diabetes and ended up in a coma after a stroke…. and then we pulled the plug.

    A doctor a few years back, when I asked to be tested, said to me about diabetes “if you don’t want diabetes don’t get fat, it’s that simple”. So am I fat? I’m larger than I have been ever, so I guess that could be a yes, but I didn’t think I was that fat… and I know a lot of people that are fat that don’t have diabetes so the doctor was a tool I’m thinking. But I guess I’m fat… so we have depression, diabetes and diameter issues?

    From my handbook given to me by my doctor – “Type 2 Diabetes – This is the most common form of diabetes. In type 2 diabetes, your body makes some insulin, but not enough or the insulin your body makes does not work right. The amount of glucose in your blood goes up. Over time, high blood glucose damages the eyes, kidneys, nerves and heart.” and the “Complications of uncontrolled diabetes include” Blindness, Kidney disease, nerve damage, amputation, cardiovascular disease: Stroke, Heart attack, loss of circulation in arms and legs.

    That sounds pretty bad right? I don’t have a lot of fear about this – I’m thinking I’m not a fan of amputation or blindness … but with the depression going on and the goal being an end to everything, well does it really matter that I have another thing.

    People with type 2 diabetes may need diabetes pills. Many also need insulin. I take a pill with dinner, that’s it at the moment… there are no injections of insulin – although there were during my recent trip to the hospital, they can’t give the pill in the hospital as it might interfere with things so they give you shots of insulin, wasn’t so bad really.

    I frequently already have had hypoglycemia – as a result of this. Although it’s not unique to diabetics, it’s not a lot of fun for me – probably not for you either. But now I have some ideas of what to do about it and how to get relief. Hypoglycemia – think Julia Roberts at the salon in Steel Magnolias when Sally Fields made her drink orange juice… mine doesn’t make me a demon woman like Julia was but I feel really weird.

    I do eat a little more than I used to, but my diet is still pretty limited. I love pizza, burgers, steaks and fast food…. but I’ve started to branch out. I recently fell in love with rice… white rice… yes, I’m very vanilla. I love the texture, how it feels when it is cooked just right and you can feel a gentle firmness and just melt it away on your tongue… it’s odd I know. But I’ve also incorporated a lot of chicken into my diet – cheap and it tastes pretty damn good when I dry rub it in curry. I love my chicken so hot that I start to sweat when I eat it… well almost anything that hot is good.

    Exercise is not a thing that I like to do. I like to walk and I like to ride my bike, but that’s about it (No, I don’t want to ride my bike or walk with you – not a fan of people you know). Back in school I learned some boxing during a self defense class and I liked that so I’m thinking I could tolerate a boxing class or martial arts class. Going to the gym to exercise and just to exercise seems like a waste of time – there’s no purpose out side of being or getting healthy… well I hear (and don’t believe at all) that there are some people that get an endorphin high from exercising and that’s why they do it… damn junkies… but never happened to me, the high comes when it’s over and you think you’ll never have to do it again.

    My depression is currently not in cycle, my doctor and I think it cycles through and at the moment it’s not rearing it’s ugly head too much. When it does there are no solutions to anything and even the most ordinary task can seem overwhelming and pointless. I’m taking two drugs at present to combat this – Abilify and Escitalopram – and it really seems to work, unfortunately on occasion I get giddy… which my doctor says is a good thing and I shouldn’t mind, but I do. Not a fan of giddy.

    Even when the depression is off cycle that thoughts of dying are persistent. Those thoughts have more fuel now with the recent diagnosis – don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do… well not eat what I want anymore.

    I begin to wonder what’s the point – why be here if you continually can’t do the things you used to enjoy. Many people live for others – they love so deeply for someone that it gives their life meaning or something.

    I don’t think I really want that. One of the first thoughts I had after the realization that I was in love with Bill was – damn it, now I have to care about living… for him. Fortunately, love ends, at least mine did so that worry didn’t last.

    My friend Suzanne says that I bring joy to others and that’s worth living for. I’m too selfish to believe that and there is evidence to the contrary in famous people – Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain…. they brought joy but I think they understood what I do this feeling of just wanting it to be over. It’s not a crisis it’s just a desire to die.

    I talk a lot about death being a human right and I think it is. It should be an individual choice for whomever wants to end it. There are enough people that want to live forever and ever and have those things that they want to “live for”, let them have what they want and let us have what we want… but don’t make it senseless, shameful and messy… use suicide to help others… organ donation, scientific study.

    When I’m deep in my depression and thoughts of dying are all encompassing I spend most of my time trying to plan a painless, clean death and I have a few ideas that are pretty good. I’ve had some ideas that were ruined upon further research by percentages or errors and or mistakes by otherwise well meaning suicidal folks.

    Imagine, and I do, a world where giving your life for others would be considered a nice thing… like Jesus – I give of myself so others can live. My organs, blood and body used to bring about enlightenment or life for someone who wants it. How many people are on lists to receive organs and will die because they aren’t there.. how many assisted life takings (we have to come up with a different name than suicide it has too many negative connotations and we want this to be a beautiful thing and it should be) could then be used to save the life of children, adults, loved ones that otherwise would die.

    I thought about selling my body/organs as a way to commit suicide. There is a black market (if I’m to believe TV Dramas) where organs go for big bucks…. I could sell my whole body for $80,000 – $100,000 and then they could take my life the next year… just give me a year to finish it all up and be done with it. Winner winner chicken dinner right?

    Diabetes, Depression, Death, and Diameter… added that last one here after writing thing appeared. Today, which is how AA told me to live, is just fine eating a little less, tasting a lot less and being more aware of what’s going on in my own body.

  • Wounded Me

    Wounded Me

    I haven’t written in a while – that’s the depression I think, why write when nothing matters is a common thought. Why anything when nothing matter? I deleted the bookofjamez site, you can still find those stories here but the site and host name aren’t being paid for anymore.

    My friend Deborah, (who makes amazing cookies that I have only had once in my life but I still remember, that’s how good they are folks – they left a lifelong impression on me… lifelong) wanted me to write something especially given recent goings on. She thinks I write well, and I’m never sure if I do or not. Self doubt is common I hear among writers and artists.

    Those of you that don’t know me or haven’t known me long, may find insight or be frightened by some of my writings, I’m ok with that. Really having more than one or two friends is hard. Some of it I am really proud of you can read my poem on growing up in a foster home called… foster home (yes, I’m that creative with my titles) or my passion for comics or politics and my disdain for religion. I have some short stories that went places but never finished and some short stories that are stand alone – and always ideas that float in my head space that want to get out – pestering me until they can be free.

    I recently opted to take a new job in the same industry I was working – reasons. That job is out in Mesa – about a 20 minute commute during rush hour (going against the rush) and I was thinking of moving closer, but really love where I live so I opted out. Instead I moved into an apartment in the same complex but one with a washer/dryer inside. That’s where our story begins…

    I think, though I don’t recall a specific incident, that while moving I was bitten by a non-radioactive (as far as we can tell from the lack of super powers) spider during the move or shortly after I was getting settled in.

    spider bite?
    Non-Radioactive Spider Bite

    Sunday: It started out rather small, like a mosquito bite or something but soon grew to to the image you see there. Hurt like a B and wanted to keep me up at night throbbing (not in the good way) and when I would walk on it or my pants/blanket/hand/air would touch it.

    By Wednesday I was in constant pain – I’d take two Advil, two Tylenol and two Aleve at the same time and still would hurt. I wrapped it up after slathering it in Aquaphor and it still hurt and didn’t appear to get better. I had a scheduled appointment with my regular doctor (a great guy I can’t say enough about, if you need a Primary Care Physician let me know) so I didn’t want to go twice – two $25 co-pays bah… I can man up and take it one more day.

    See I was to see the doctor because at my annual physical he ran the usual tests and one of them indicated I have diabetes. He had me redo the test and yeah, sure enough diabetes and this Thursday I was going to talk to him about what that meant and of course the painful leg.

    Thursday at my follow up I showed him my leg and said “Doc, I’m dying”. He of course said, “Yes, everyone is dying” Funny guy. Then he said “oh, something bit you” after looking at it closer. He prescribed an antibiotic and told me I could keep wrapping it and advised if it got worse – go to the ER. So I said ok. He also told me about a topical over the counter that I could put on the wounds. So I was good there.

    Then we talked about diabetes. He gave me a take home booklet on what I needed to know and talked to me about a lot of things I’m not going to be able to articulate here. He did advise an observation that I tend to pick at my skin a lot…. he said that was going to have to stop as a diabetic, wounds are serious business… well it’s one thing to say something and another to put into practice, or stop practicing… I’ve stopped drugs, cigarettes, women… what more do I have to give up? how fair is this?

    That evening I picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy and started my antibiotic and wrapped up my wounds and then lay down on the couch – legs up against the wall high in the air as my leg was all kinds of swollen. Didn’t seem to help it at all and when I’d bring them back down and walk there was all kinds of pain. Not fun, not really WoW playable in that position either. The antibiotic was three times a day for 8 days or something…

    Friday – morning I started the day by testing my blood – no food, no coffee just bleed on this stick first. I think I went through 5 needles and 7 sticks before I finally figured out how to make it work and get enough blood on it. I also dressed the wound in a wrapped bandage and went off to work. Little pain but not the end of the world… until I tried to move or something, then ouchie.

    Works good though, I like work, they keep me busy and I do my best to be busy, sing and be funny if I can – not everyone gets me though and then I don’t seem funny I guess. The day went pretty quick and before you know it I was on my way home.

    I stopped at the grocery store for some diabetic friendly foods – steel cut oats (not a fan), green beans, oranges, apples, carrots, unsweetened apple sauce, couscous (maybe not diabetic friendly but I wanted to try it out), tomatoes and other non fun, flavorless items. See I had done a little reading online about food choices and diabetes – low carbs, low sugar, low salt/sodium… just saying “low taste” and you wouldn’t have to say all that other stuff. But I’m willing to try.

    Saturday – Leg in a lot of pain, kept me up half the night off and on and off and on… really getting on my nerves – had it raised up on two pillows but still swollen and painful. Still angry looking too.

    I was running errands, walking around – hoping the exercise and use of the leg would help (what do I know? not a thing). I came home with groceries and took a bite out of a whole wheat peanut butter and jelly sandwich and … broke a tooth. Broke a tooth… can you believe that. Like I don’t have enough going on right now we want to break a tooth on a PB&J? I thought my dentist was open on Saturday so headed over there, but no… not open on Saturday and I vowed to call them Monday to get this fixed. Doesn’t hurt, so there is that.

    My goal for Saturday, besides errands and WoW, was to watch Shaylee Gonzales play basketball for BYU – She’s an amazing player and you should really check her out. But I was so tired from not sleeping I did get a nap but it was during her time on the court.

    Saturday night was spent watching old TV shows I have with my legs in the air (not in that way you pervs) and hoping the swelling would go down and angriness would fade. But alas it didn’t happen.

    Sunday – Saturday night sleep was a no go, I was up all night. At 3:30 I gave up and just got up and did some stuff I had wanted to do and played some World of Warcraft. Saturday I had posted a photo of my wound (see above) and a lot of people suggested I go to the ER and call Teladoc so I did that.

    Teladoc is a health/telemedicine company that uses video conferencing and telephones to provide on demand services… that might save you a drive/visit to the urgent care or your doctor. The company I work for, LeBaron & Carroll Insurance, provides it free of charge as a benefit to its employees – thanks bosses, it was helpful this time and one other.

    I took some photos of the wound and uploaded them prior to scheduling my television so the doctor could see what was going on. The video conferencing is pretty cool and the doctor speaks with you about what’s going on and asks all the right questions… and he said “Jamez, you need to get to the ER, I’m a little worried about how this looks and that the antibiotic doesn’t seem to be working as well as it should.” Ugh…. am I right? I thanked him and then thought about it for a while. The Teledoc vid conferencing was at like 4:55 a.m.

    At 6:39 a.m. I texted my spiritual advisor, Flo, and his wife, Kas, and asked to have Flo call me when he was awake – I used speech recognition and the text to Kas said “have flow call me” 😉 . Then I took a shower, stripped my sheets, placed them in he washer and waited… oh, maybe I did the dishes too.

    Flo called at 7:10 and I asked him if he would drive me to the ER. See I was a little afraid… ok maybe a lot afraid and wanted someone with me… also, logically I thought they might do something to my leg which would prevent me from driving so I’d need transport. Flo said, without hesitation, “I’m on my way”

    Now in my brain I’m thinking that health care with video conferencing and diagnosing can certainly be like Drs. McCoy, Crusher or The Doctor on certain spaceships and just look me over run a tricorder over me and send me on my way… I literally thought this would just be a “give him a shot of penicillin” and he’ll be on his way… kind of situation, I was hoping it was for sure.

    The ER Doctor (his name pronounced “R OK” which was ‘ok’ took a specimen, they also did a local x-ray and ultrasound of the affected area and then all of my happy thoughts about the science of healthcare stopped when they said “oh, we’re going to have to admit you”.

    They hooked me up with an IV and started filling me with antibodies… We sat in the ER for a while looking across the way at ER Bay 42 which is where I wished I had been.

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    I think an hour, maybe two, Flo sat with me in the ER before they moved me to a floor and my own room 547… not even a 42 visible to me…. I did ask if I could have that room instead but no.

    In my room I waited for a while and Flo sat for a while with me before heading out.

    They checked my blood sugar regularly, fed me insulin in shot form and wouldn’t let me eat anything I’d want to eat the whole visit. But it was good – we kept the glucose? low and everyone was happy about that while I was there.

    I was assigned a nurse and a nurse’s assistant? and then a doctor, but then a different doctor. Doctor King (not Martin Luther) came in to see me, tall white guy, handsome and all and of course straight came to see me and prodded on my wounds a bit and suggested a wound specialist he had work on his own knee come and see me. I said – I’m here and you’re the experts so he said he’d put in a call.

    Then he asked – “are you planning to do anything about your diabetes” and it probably wasn’t but it sounded accusatory… and I was like “I just was diagnosed on Thursday, Thursday.. what was I to have been doing since then?” and then he was all like “oh, I didn’t know” and now I feel like I’m writing like Michael Peña talks in Ant Man, like all over the place with little stories here and there and making lots of sense but taking the long way, you know? My cousin, she met this girl at the hair salon and they were eyeing up this macho brother from the Philippines… and you know

    The nurses at Honor Health Scottsdale Osborne were great – they took very good care of me. I did manage to set off my bed alarm three times in the two night period I was there, kept forgetting it was there. When it goes off they all come running and then you, well I, felt really bad about them running to me.

    Monday – The wound specialist guy came to see me, he was an older Doctor and he looked at my leg prodded, pushed sliced and squeezed – took some cultures and left…. no pain blockers were given during this procedure he was just “Oh, that’s what I want” and he took it… I felt so violated – ok, not really, it hurt like a son of a though…

    Sadly he didn’t get a large enough sample for his own tests so he sent the nurse (the nurse that I liked) back to do it and she had to come back a second time too… which was less painful but she was at least aware I wasn’t just a hunk of meat that is there for your culture taking you big meany!

    Dr King came back and said there would be no surgery based on what the mean ass old doctor decided…. so I wondered when I’d get to go home and was told “maybe tomorrow, I’ll come and see you as soon as I can tomorrow to see how things progressed”

    Now the mean doctor, who likely isn’t mean and just rubbed me the wrong way did manage to slice into the wounds so they were draining – he said he found at least three abscesses in there but I guess maybe slicing them open is all he needed to do. The leg did start to feel better afterward but never really stopped draining.

    Tuesday – They said I could go home around noon and Dr King came back to check on me. I did ask about the possibility of developing Spider-Man like powers, but he said it was highly unlikely. He was a good guy and gave me good directions for taking care of things when I got home as well as a new prescription and ointment for the wounds.

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    so cute

    I received flowers from work, that looked really neat and my friends on Facebook and other places were very supportive and worried about me. Sorry folks, didn’t mean to worry you.

    My Ma called me to check on me cause I hadn’t called on day two yet, made my heart grow three sizes.

    My friend Flo spent an awful lot of time with me, and I really appreciate him being in my life and there for me when I needed him this weekend. He and I do get to talk about basketball when we hang out and other things so it was nice.

    Gerald and Katelyn came to see me during their lunch hour Monday and that was really nice to.

    I don’t often think of myself as worthy of this kind of attention and love, but when I get it I do appreciate it and it makes me very uncomfortable to be honest. I’ll see if I can work on it.

    That’s all I have in me for this today, I might write about more later and will see about wiring about the three D’s – Diabetes, Depression and Death – sounds ominous doesn’t it? wow

    Check out some of my other stories, send me pictures of your husbands shirtless… whatever you need to do.

    Jamez