Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Author: Jamez

  • Psych Ward Baby

    My mother was born in the psychiatric ward of a Navy Hospital, hard telling what my grandma was doing there, but there is some speculation. Some say Grandma was raped, and the trauma was such in 1950, the only thing they knew to do was lock her up, others say, that her affair with the officer went sour and she truly lost it. Regardless, with a start like that she was bound to have the life she did and me in turn the life I led.

    You would have thought that being born in a psycho ward would have been the defining moment in my mothers life, but there were others that ranked up there. The time she was almost raped in the cornfield, when she and her friend Tommy had been hitchhiking. I can still picture the scene in my head…

    The car had pulled into a cornfield, and both Mom and Tommy were scared, Tommy in the back seat and my mother in the front. The man reached into the glove compartment and as he did Tommy slammed his legs against the bucket seat shoving the man into the steering wheel. The horn sounded, but all my mother could hear was the sound of Tommy’s strangled cry “Run Cheryl, run.” And she did, and she never looked back.

    Mom told us that story numerous times, in the hopes that it would have us be more cautious or something when we were kids. Me, I thought for sure the man wanted Tommy and not my mom… he sounded adorable. Mom told us Tommy was her boyfriend, and had sandy blonde hair and a slim muscular body… I felt certain, looking at my obese mother, the man had to have wanted to boy.

    Mom was the only child in Grandmother’s marriage that was not of her husband, and it was always thrown back in her face. She was the outsider, the one with the different color hair, the different body type and never treated as the others. Of course living in a violent, alcoholic home didn’t help. I’m sure my mothers life was shaped in those earlier years, and they affected her always.

    First on a sawmill, and then on a ranch, life in rural Wisconsin was good for the family. There was money for schools and money for cars. Model T’s and A’s were stored like precious gems in grandfathers sheds even when I was an adult, truly they were a wonder to behold these ancient relics. They were so big, when you sat in them it was as if you could run over the whole world.

    Grandfather was a mean drunk, a mean man in general, he not only beat on his wife and kids, he was also known to have beat on his horses and cows. Grandmother came up with a plan to protect the children, when he was in a particular foul mood she would say: Red light and they would run into the field until they thought he would pass out or take his fists to someone else, usually my grandmother. My mothers brother was the one he almost killed, grandmother saw it in his eyes the day Grandpa picked up the shovel and said “I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch, and then bury him.” Grandma urged her son to run as far and as fast as he could.. and it was years before he came back.

  • Literary Distractions

    I have a lot to read, short stories galore from ENG 112, and World Literature II and I love it. The problem? I keep seeing other stories in the book that I want to read – Faulkner, Morrison, Hawthorne, Le Guin… so very many. I get distracted in stories not on my syllabus, which is bad.
    I’m supposed to write synopses on what I’ve been told to read, but I really want to write this or that or expound on this theory.

    Seeing the story Where Are You Going – Oates, I see a story of the devil tempting the innocent girl with adventure, rhyme and rock and roll music. But, my first paper has to be about animal symbolism so I choose the story: A White Heron – Jewett and wrote about the cow (I am from Wisconsin you know).

    Reading and writing is keeping me from video gaming, which is probably good, but a little annoying as well.

  • New World – review

    The new movie out, New World, starring Colin Farrel and Batman Begins star Christian Bale is a story based on John Smith and the Indian Princess. I personally don’t remember the story the way the movie protrayed it, but I heard the director went for accuracy.

    I only went to the movie because there was a chance my friend, Suzanne, would be in it. She had signed on as an extra, and sure enough saw her a few times in the film.

    So, if for no other reason than that, go see the movie, as my best friend is in it.

  • I long…

    I long for his calloused hand in my hand, his heart beat pounding in time to mine.
    I long for the feel of his lips and his tongue, the taste of sweat and passion.
    I long to brush my fingers ever so softly against the fur on his chest.
    I long for the electrifying caress of his hand as it roams my body.
    I long to be a part of him, to be a part of something more.

  • Kick of the past

    Self Defense class, first actual learning. We learned how to stand, hold our hands, pay attention and pivot. I’m sore in places I didn’t know I had places, but I know it was a great workout which pleases me.

    The instructor went on to show us a kick, and the kick triggered something in my mind. He showed us the kick again, but this time I saw someone else kicking a figure from my past, my childhood…

    Bruce was the toughest kid I ever knew, his nickname was Tiny, and unlike most people with that moniker he was in shape. I don’t know that he participated in sports or anything, but he loved karate and the martial arts. The kick was something I had seen him do often enough, not to any actual people, but just to show me he could perhaps. A quick stab of his leg into the air and back again almost quicker than the eye could see.

    I wasn’t the kind of kid to go out looking for fights, and I don’t recall Bruce that way either, but if I were ever to be faced with one, I had hoped he would be at my side. Not for the kick, but because he was that kind of friend-loyal and true.

    When my Mom was dying, it was Bruce to whom I sent money for groceries for her. It was Bruce who I called to see if I should go home.

    Some people are like that, good people from the time they are little kids and into adulthood. True friends last that lifetime, beyond states, throughout history, beyond fathers and mothers… true friends are a treasure.

  • Father Winter

    The winds howled his name
    Against the window panes
    yet I failed to heed their siren
    Skin shivered as his icy fingers
    Grasped for my raspy throat
    By the time I noticed he had arrived it was to late
    Life in the thousands had met their fate
    His tracks lay bare for all to see
    Father Winter had come again
    Met by my own misery

  • Look up in the sky…

    It’s Superman! a Novel by Tom De Haven

    Lies, smoking, sex and hate items usually associated with Superman’s villains, are shown in the not so alien life of Clark Kent. His awkwardness and feelings of being so very alone in the universe are apparent in this novel.

    The death of his mother in the first few chapters acts as the catalyst that sends young Clark, with his friend Willi (who happens to be on the lamb) across country via thumb and box cars. Their adventures, the sights they see all start to mold the Superman we know today.

    Lex Luthor, the villain of all villains also remains much the same. Blackmailing a young inventor into working for him, Lex has compromising pictures of the man having intimate relations with another man… shocking, even in today’s comics homosexuality is not accepted. Luthor, he has a hand in everyone’s secret, knows how to use people to his best advantage.

    Lois Lane, same old stuck up snob of a reporter, who has less than 3 minutes for Clark, but stares dreamily into space wondering when the “perfect man” for her will show. Clark in Hollywood, as a stuntman? Clark getting drunk, smoking and sleeping with women? Lois, one boyfriend after another, perhaps deep down a floozy.

    This novel incorporates real life people from the 30s and 40s, it makes Superman more of a man to aspire to be. For all his doubts, Clark is continues to strive toward helping all people, always worrying that he can’t do enough, that he’s not smart enough, that he’ll be too late.

    At the end of the book, Lois removes one shoe and lobs it so it hits Clark in the head. Love that, get out of your own misery and worry, think about what’s at hand, do the next right thing!!!

    Great novel, short read and truly recommended.

  • For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.

    For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn. – Hemingway

    As short stories go, they don’t get much shorter. This short story was presented to class yesterday.

    Could it be that the wanna be grandmother, hearing that an important announcement was to be made by the newlyweds puchased the shoes? Only to discover the announcement was they were buying a house?

    Or is it the father selling the shoes, because his baby died. The mother is still to distraught and connected to the shoes and cannot bear to let them go.

    Maybe you have your own idea of where the story should go.

  • Rocket in Flight

    His name was Rocky, but his mom and dad called him Rocket. In his eyes you saw undying love and devotion. He would eat anything and everything: mail, dog food, caulking guns, slippers…

    He peed whenever he got happy… which was all the time, he was the happiest dog I have probably ever met.
    “Hi Rocky” dog pees….
    Look in an area NEAR Rocky and the dog pees….
    Pet Rocky dog pees…

    He honestly was the most loveable, he sat when I told him to sit. He would rest his head on my knee during barbecues. His tail wagged extra hard when I was outside with him (lettting him pee of course) just petting him or giving him a kiss on the head. He was comfortable in his own cage, his bed if you will… the door wide open, but it was where he felt safe.

    Rocky was put to sleep tonight, January 9th, 2006. He had a tumor in his lungs that wasn’t letting him breathe properly.

    Rocky is survived by his Mom and Dad, brother Simba, and two sisters Destiny and Cotton. He truly was an angel in dogs skin, and my heart longs for one last hug.

  • Living to learn again…

    My classes are all sorted out now, I requested special permission to attend ENG 252 (world literature) from the English department, who was happy to accomodate. ENG 252 is completely virtual, but my instructor is my professor from last semester, so it should be fine.

    My first English class (ENG 112) was a lot of fun, I think I will enjoy my new instructor. He truly kept my interest, and was funny to boot! He wants me to keep a journal, a hand written journal, which gets on my nerves, but we’ll see what we can do.

    Math is an hour away, but it too should be fine.