Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Author: Jamez

  • Unity.. no thanks, I have plans

    I don’t like people. (I frequently say “hate” which might be a strong word)

    I’ve said that a million times before and it’s still true. One of my bosses says that too – I tell him he doesn’t because he’s so nice to everyone, but he insists that he does. Probably why I like him so much. I guess you could say I’m something of an introvert – I would rather spend time alone than in a group setting. My “fun” time is at home with a good book, writing or watching some TV. I find it very difficult to have “fun” in a group of people… can’t do it.  (more…)

  • Alone – Chapter 1

    Leaving

    A group of scientists had finally accomplished what we long hoped for – the ability to travel through the universe and back home without losing our most prized commodity – time. The media were calling it warp drive when it was first announced but it wasn’t really akin to what we had seen on old Star Trek episodes at all. I don’t understand all the techno speak on it I just knew it worked and we were going to be able to save everyone after all. The tech guys called it Ushering – as it wasn’t so much a piloted or driven program but one that we directed to the precise place in space we wanted to go.

    The Earth was doomed. Resources on planet had dwindled, despite the decades of warnings that it was likely to happen we just kept consuming as fast as possible. You couldn’t convince the majority that their every action had consequences; they always assumed it was the other guy. I’m guilty myself: two showers a day, leaving my electronics plugged in and taking the Betram two blocks to the store when I could have walked. (more…)

  • Rescued #fosterhome

    It’s National Foster Care month and I’m an advocate of people becoming foster parents and even of kids joining the system when the situation warrants it. Not every parent, household or family is a safe place for a kid – but you could make a difference in a kid’s life just by offering stability, food, & shelter.

    I write about this a lot – not just during this month but during the regular course of year when I reflect on being saved, rescued from a certain path. The only poem I’ve ever written that mattered to me is here:

    foster home (more…)

  • To Change: A Rose By Any Other Name

    To Change: A Rose By Any Other Name

    One of my supervisors (and friend) at the office wants me to stop using the word change when talking about modifying procedures. He’s well intentioned. People see the word and roll their eyes or sigh in frustration at the status quo being updated once again.

    It’s not really a concern for me, I can use a thesaurus and find other useful creative words that mean the same thing as the dreaded word… but I don’t think it’ll make a difference. People are fearful of the concept of things being done different and of challenging themselves more than they are the use of a word in a communication.  (more…)

  • Making Capes Happen

    Making Capes Happen

    This morning I attended an event for the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Arizona at the end of the event they gave everyone capes and I wore mine all day afterwards. The central theme of the event was heroes. I’m thinking we could start a new trend and make them fashionable again. Who says the only people that can pull off a cape ‘work’ for the church? Blasphemy I say! Blasphemy!

    Now just imagine me in a skin tight onesie with all my fatness, I’d have to wear my contacts… but hey – sexy, am I right? Ladies? Ladies? Oh wait, I swing for the other team… never mind.

    That’s my friend Katie with me, she’d make a great side kick… I’ll have to think on a good sidekick name for her.. that would be fun.

    Back to the event – we heard from real heroes during breakfast – a veteran, a police chief and then the stars of the show – a Mom, her son (a little) and his Big Brother from the program. It was a little emotional and a great story to kind of tie the morning up.

    When we returned to the office I wrote a little email for the staff so they’d know what we’d been up to and encouraged them to join up with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I also shared about Donnell and how he made a difference in my life, not a part of Big Brothers Big Sisters but still a pretty nice experience for me. (Donnell & Superman).

    At the event they let us know there is a huge waiting list of Little Brothers waiting for someone to come and mentor them. I know a lot of great guys in the valley, not just the ones from AA but work and other avenues… lol that would likely make great mentors for these kids.

    81% of former Littles surveyed agree their Big gave them hope & changed their perspective of what they thought possible. (from the BBBS AZ Website)

    All those kids waiting for someone to show them hope, strength and compassion.

    I know a couple of Big Sisters – Lisa, my ex bosses daughter and my friend is a Big Sister in Central Virginia, she’s pretty amazing anyway but it lets her share that awesomeness with someone else and show them their dreams are a possibility.

    This is something akin to sponsorship – you share your experience, strength and hope with someone else and show them a better way. You show up – bring your A game and mostly have fun. At the very least you help a kid… at the most that kid teaches the joys of giving back.

    If I ever get my life together a little more, I think I’ll give this a shot. I’ve been given a lot of chances and lead toward proper paths by a lot of others examples (Suzanne, Eric, Gary, Jim, Richard, Flo, Bruce, Ma and Pa…. the list likely goes on for quite a ways… ). If AA taught me anything besides how to stay sober it taught me that I have to give it away to keep it.. so I’ll have to take action and make this happen…

    Maybe you should too…

    You can go here to volunteer for  Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central AZ: Volunteer

    You can find out more about Big Brothers and Big Sisters programs all over the country here: http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm

  • Verifying the Differences

    I’ve chatted a little bit about being on a medication recently for my depression. I’ve always had a depression of some sort, the intensity varied in waves that I was able to navigate through. Until this last fall when it was as if a tidal wave struck me down and the undercurrent was helping me to drown. (Read here: Lost) . This post may be NSFW.

    At the direction of my primary doctor I started to take an anti-depressant in late December (he actually suggested I take it in October, I asked him for the script in early December and finally took one at the end of the year). This happened for a few reasons:

    • I assumed it would go away like all the times before
    • that sense of impending doom that nothing can make it better, a little pill can’t possibly help
    • fear that it would change me
    • fear that it wouldn’t change me
    • fear of ostracization from AA friends
    • and that sense of welcoming the dark feelings, reveling in the comfortable dark

    (more…)

  • Fatigued Funnies

    I didn’t sleep much last night. I went to sleep around 11 and thought it would be a full night of rest.. but a little after 2 I was wide awake lying in bed hoping to fall back to slumber. But sleep won’t come when you want it to it seems… So instead I got up and did some reading and some work… and headed to the office. I think I got there a little after five…

    Anyway, it was a long day and I spent it doing my normal stuff.. you know: creating chaos, listening to people whine, shaking my head while reading emails from co-workers…

    Anyway I started to run out of energy around 3 today at the office and laughed at things that weren’t all that funny… that’s a nice thing I guess and laughter is good for you they say.

    it continued tonight when I arrived home – I laughed for a good five minutes at this picture from Facebook

    deleted image

    I’m trying to stay awake for another hour or so, in the hopes that I’ll sleep through the night, watching some old episodes of Castle and it’s making me laugh… and a cat meme… and a lot of silliness

    I hope you’ve had a laughter filled day like I have – sweet dreams.

  • A Future at DC Entertainment

    A Future at DC Entertainment

    Saturday mornings as a kid some of my fondest memories include watching Challenge of the Superfriends each week – I was captivated by those and other cartoons including Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Batman and Robin and others… but the first comic book I ever remember reading was … well probably Archie, my mom loved those… and then Casper, Wendy, Richie Rich… good stuff that I liked as a kid… The first one with real super heroes was a beat up copy of an X-Men book and they were visiting Kazar in the savage land… not even sure what issue that was but I was very interested.

    It wasn’t until I was a teen and had a little pocket change that I was able to buy my own comic books and I found some at a little store in Whitehall, WI… back then they were maybe 75 cents a piece and I bought up all the ones I thought I would like. It was right in the middle of Crisis On Infinite Earths in 1985 and I was very lost… there were heroes in these books I’d never heard of before like Blue Beetle, Vigilante, Harbinger, and more… who were these people and what was going on. In Whitehall it was difficult to get back issues and I struggled to figure out what was happening. In the middle of that series Supergirl sacrificed herself to save Superman in a heroic gesture… Superman’s grief in that moment and pages after are what initially drew me to love the guy… Marv Wolfman and George Perez captured a feeling that I had inside me in that book, they transported me from Earth-Prime (that’s the Earth we all live on) to Earth-2 and the antimatter universe.. I was drawn in and loved it… (more…)

  • Some Hugs Are Better Than Others

    I’m not a hugger… I wonder how many posts have started out that way on my blog? I’ll have to research that some day (anti-hug posts: “My Sponsor Wont Shake My Hand” “Obsess Much?” ). I opted to go to AA over NA because of the hugging that assaulted me at my first NA meeting… it was awful.

    Sometimes a hug can be better… special… needed? (more…)

  • Walking Away from AA

    After being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for 21 (almost 22 years) I’ve made a decision to walk away from AA.

    I don’t have a desire to drink – really I don’t.

    This is really about the AA programs “suggestion” that you believe in a power greater than yourself that will help you to stay sober. The Big Book itself states about itself:

    “Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.” We Agnostics p.45

    That idea and notion don’t work for me and I’ve tried.

    (more…)