Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Tag: Writing

  • A Small Rant

    I had a conversation tonight with two gentlemen I respect – well mostly I listened 😉 We were talking about how the American way apparently is to take and keep taking. It isn’t about give and take or about giving until your heart bleeds – the American way is about pleasing yourself. No more being nice, no more helping for helping sake, no more old softy. I don’t really take them seriously, we’re hurt right now after this election.

    Many people are already tired of the talking and sharing on social media and at the water coolers. This is big stuff folks and will be here until America’s Next Top Model or naked photos of some celeb show up to make us all forget – ‘Murica!

    It’s been an emotional day for me – I’m sad, mad, and scared of the future. I would like to disown some friends and my older biological sister. I would like to deport half the country.

    I’m mad at the gays for being so behind Hillary before the race even started they refused to see her as anything besides the winner. I’m mad at the Democrats for fucking Bernie Sanders (yes, they did). I’m mad at the Democrats for not recognizing that Bernie’s followers wants and needs mattered.

    My friend Randy, he’s a nut really but sometimes he has good moments, said “I don’t think this was so much “for” Trump as it was about being “against” the status quo. I think if Bernie were in the race he would have won. I think the majority of the nation wanted a Bernie, and odd as it sounds, Hillary is soooo career politician, that Donald was the closest thing to a Bernie.” and I think that hits it pretty much on the head. Many will disagree with me – that’s ok, you still have a couple of months of free speech before they take that from us.

    I voted against someone – rather something – else. I voted against Bush and Bush Beta. I voted for Bill Clinton twice, I voted for Obama, also both time. I rather liked that. It was rather nice to have something to vote for rather than against. I didn’t vote for Hillary (never really liked her, don’t have to have a reason but it has nothing to do with Bengazi or emails it’s just a feeling) rather I voted against Trump (hate, fear, intolerance, rudeness, insensitivity). (more…)

  • Eric John – Part VII

    You can read earlier parts of this story starting here: Eric John 

    Mrs. Wirsing was worried sick when Eric John didn’t show up for class after the second period. She just knew something bad had happened, the children’s services worker that she had met had assured her he would be in the same school district. Time just seemed to drag as she waited for lunch so she could call him.

    The call was answered right away and she expressed her concerns, which actually gave the children’s services worker some fear himself. Kathy was very reliable with the kids placed in her home and would have let the school and children’s services know if Eric John were sick or unable to come to school. After getting off the phone with Mrs. Wirsing he rang the Smithton’s but all he could get was a busy signal. After several tries with no difference he decided it would be best to head on over there to check on the boy’s safety. (more…)

  • Thoughts on Eric John

    One of the things I don’t think I do well when I write a story is dialogue. It just doesn’t seem to come off well and I don’t like it. I’ve done it a few times where it seems ok but when I look at it I have doubt about what I’ve done and if it should be there at all.

    I remember reading one of my favorite writers (of course I can’t recall who) writing that everyone thinks their dialogue is horrid, and they’re right. With practice, they said, it gets better and they understand how to make it flow more. Anyway.. I’m not doing that Ha! But maybe the next project I start working on.

    When I started writing Eric John I had some initial dialogue between he and his mother – and it just didn’t sit well with me. The initial chapter where she says good morning to him is the only real quotations in the whole chapter. I don’t bring it back until chapter six either and then briefly so.

    I think it’s actually worked out nicely – I’m able to get across what I want to without any real trouble and without anyone having to figure out what who said to who and when all in quotation marks and commas with a thesaurus full of “said” words.

    I’m unsure what’s all going to happen next really – I haven’t thought the whole story out. Parts of it come to mind and I get them down and see where they lead me. I’m really not sure what’s going on with a large thread but I think it’ll become clear soon (lets all hope so) but most of what Eric John will experience I know already I just have to finish the journey there.

    The foster home story I pulled good things from my memories and twisted them. Its horrible to think like that as I know that for me the experience was a good safe one. But I wanted to try to convey the fear that I felt on the first day and some of that I talk about – eating a big bowl of cereal and a large pantry with a hundred varieties of food and a very nice loving mother type… but all the bad imagery is just make believe. I’m a supporter of foster homes and getting people help when they need it – most foster families are good and help families.

    In my head this is all taking place in some English town – never been to an English town so it’s probably all wrong but this is what I’m picturing. When I’m writing I can see their odd streetlights and different looking cars on the streets. Even the houses in my mind are more European than American… I should work on describing those more.

    Anyway, I’m not sure how much more story there is but I’ll share it on here with you folks. Thanks to my readers and sharers I appreciate you and your comments.

  • Eric John – Part VI

    This story begins here: Eric John

    A light knock on the door as it opened followed by a soft “Good morning dear” and Eric John thought it had all been a nightmare. But he looked up to see Kathy, not his mother, in the doorway. She had changed into an orange ensemble for the day so she was a blob of orange in the door – she was still smiling and urged him to come down for breakfast as she left.

    The horrors of the previous night flooded his mind as he felt an ache in his bottom. He rushed to the little bathroom and found blood and feces in his pajama bottoms. He had a sudden urge to vomit and just made it to the toilet before it came up. He cried again and tried to hold back the sobbing but it just wouldn’t so he let it all out. He took a shower, got dressed and headed to the dining room. (more…)

  • Eric John – Part V

    You can read earlier chapters here – IV here: Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV

    This multi-part story a rather new thing for me to try to do – it started with a Parts I and II keeping me up at night running around in my brain being crazy. So I had to write it down. As I was writing it down other parts of the story came and they seemed to make sense so I put them in as well. There have been parts where I was intending to write something and then a thought struck me and I had to change or delay something – that was pretty cool but a little frightening.

    This chapter (V) I have been debating whether to write what is in my head or not… it seems to not be a very nice thing and so many bad things have already happened. It was part of the original thought process that was keeping me up though so I feel obligated kind of – as I get started here it may change like it has before. I’m up for the adventure and to see where it all goes.  (more…)

  • Eric John – Part IV

    Part I can be found here: Eric John

    Part II can be found here: Eric John II

    Part III can be found here: Eric John III

    Eric John spent the day with the folks from children’s services. They kept asking him the same questions over and over a million different ways. He wanted to scream at them that he wasn’t a little kid but every time the scream would come he’d pat it down deep, take a deep breath and answer their question again.

    He didn’t know. He wasn’t aware of his father’s whereabouts or even his name. His mother never mentioned her parents nor his fathers parents and he had never actually been curious to meet them – he figured if they were worth meeting his mother surely would have introduced them. Logic and sense were what guided him – what did these things have to do with where his mother was anyway? (more…)

  • Eric John Part III

    Part I can be found here: Eric John

    Part II can be found here: Eric John II

    After Eric John’s mother dropped him off for school that morning from the bus stop, she headed for her own job like any other day.

    Her walk to work each day was about a mile – it was good exercise and she enjoyed the morning solitude before the chaos of her day job. This particular morning the light breeze ruffled her dress and carried with it some fresh bakery scents. Some mornings she would stop to grab a pastry before heading to the office but this day she was more disciplined.

    She thought fondly of her young son, he was such a gift to her and their life together filled her heart with joy. She enjoyed every moment they spent together and though their life was simple, she never wanted to change a thing.  (more…)

  • Eric John – Part II

    Part I can be found here: Eric John

    Wednesday morning Eric John woke up late. His mother had not knocked on the door with her regular greeting, his door was still shut, his room quiet. With trepidation he rose from his bed and headed for his mother’s room to check on her.

    Her bedroom door was still open from the night prior, her bed untouched.

    Now he was really worried, the whole situation was so alien to him and a monkey wrench into his life. He wasn’t sure what to do now, this was such an extraordinary circumstance he had never imagined his mother wouldn’t be here. (more…)

  • Eric John

    I haven’t gotten much sleep the last few nights, I’ve had this story brewing inside my head and more and more of it keeps coming out. I’d be just about ready to fall asleep and another part would creep into my thoughts and I’d have to see how it played out. So here we are the first part, I know the second part and third part already and there might be more but I’m not sure.

    As I wrote this all out I keep thinking it’s incredibly corny and naive of a story to write but it’s there and if I didn’t put it down on paper it wouldn’t leave me alone. There are some terrible things coming things that just seemed to play out well in my head that I hope I’ll be able to write as well as I visualize them.

    I used names of my best friends as I couldn’t think of other names to use – Eric is my best friend, May 21 is his birthday and Suzanne my other best friend, used to be a Wirsing… so there you have it.  (more…)

  • The Journey Out of AA – so far

    The Journey Out of AA – so far

    It’s been a little over five months since I published my story “Walking Away from AA” where I talked about my decision to leave Alcoholics Anonymous after almost 22 years. I stated then that I didn’t have a desire to drink, but I had a desire to be more honest and truthful with all aspects of my life.

    Being sober – living a life without drugs or alcohol – is for me. It’s a cheaper life, more enjoyable and less messy… things I need and want. Belief in a “higher power” or “faking it until I make it” aren’t for me, I can’t live that lie anymore. I gave it a fair shot – lying for AA, lol.

    So what’s changed really?  (more…)