Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Tag: family

  • Squeamish

    Many years ago my mother was in the ICU after having surgery and us kids got to go in and visit her. Almost immediately upon seeing her with all those tubes in her and looking rather ragged I felt faint. I wanted to grab on to something to hold on and then there were nurses all around me asking if I was ok, I had no idea if I was ok or not I just really needed to get out of there.

    In 1995 after I sobered up, my best friend Suzanne went off and got a brain tumor. I’m almost certain that exercise is the cause. So being a good friend I was there when she checked into the hospital with her husband, parents and another friend. As the doctor described the procedure in detail (“we will be entering your brain by placing an instrument under your lip and it has a little clasp…” or some disgusting thing) to Suzanne and family I had to excuse myself and soon was in the bathroom where I fell over. Suzanne was worried about me – they weren’t doing anything to my brain, I’m just squeamish.

    Then in 2004 while working at Children’s Hospital in DC (yes, I know – a hospital what was I thinking. But I’m a computer guy, not a person that had to deal with the icky stuff) a patient that loved me (who doesn’t?) was in the hospital having surgery and I had to be there for the little guy. That was hard, I not only was there for pre-surgery but then visited him in his room for several days after.

    So, you’d think with all this experience that it would get better or that eventually this silliness would just go away entirely, but last night I picked up my cat from the vet. She had a mass removed from her right shoulder and is all stitched up now. Sure enough every time I see it I’d like to pass out. She’s a trooper, not really happy to be wearing a cone on her head but not crying, I’m the weak one.

    I’m not entirely sure where these things come from, maybe I’m just designed to be this way. When I was very young I did have surgery on my eye. I don’t recall many things about that but my Mother had said that I was very good until they tried to take me home and I threw up. All I remember from that time is when the medical folks were talking to me about the anesthesia and the mask they were going to put on my face, but I don’t remember wanting to faint the whole time I was there.

    Anyway, I hope Mouse gets better quickly and I really hope none of my close friends or family end up in the hospital… it’s hard for me to visit.

  • Old Age

    This year I became old. Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking 40 isn’t old… I’d agree with you normally, but this year all kinds of things happened that made me realize that yes, I’m old.

    This is the year that other people told their children or grandchildren that my name was “Mr. Prudlick” which has never happened before. Before it’s always been Jamez, or Uncle Jamez or Jamez and the giant peach, but never Mr Prudlick.

    This was the year when I realized that going barefoot over stones in a creek bed hurts. When I was a kid I couldn’t wait for summer so I could take off my shoes and run around all over the place in just my bare feet. I’d love the sound of them as they slapped the pavement or the feel of the grass as it tickled my soles. This year, pain, and irritation, I miss the old feelings.

    This is the year that I’ve actually gone to bed before 10 on weekends more times than I’d like to admit and when I’ve gotten up before 7 on a Saturday or Sunday because I didn’t want to watch the day slip by without my getting things done.

    This is the year that I came to realize how much other people mean to me. There have always been special people in my life but rarely has it mattered to me if they would be around for me when I needed them or if I would be there for them. This is the year I fell in love and also the year that I almost lost a friend and did lose another.

    I turned 40 yesterday and the world didn’t stop spinning and my hair didn’t all fall out nor did I start to use a walker (although my foot does still kind of hurt from walking in the creek bed). I do think it might be about the best birthday that I can remember. Lots of folks who saw my 40 Tshirt and 40 year old buttons made sure that I knew it was just the beginning and all the fun was just around the corner… lots of younger folks wanted to know if I got any discounts or specials for being 40… well no, but maybe you get a finer appreciation of the things around you then you had before.

  • foster home

    brown house now blue
    gray hair then and now too
    Ma in rocker knitting
    Pa in recliner

    fear crawls up my spine
    my bags packed, all that is mine
    social worker pressures shoulder
    keeps me from running

    dinner together, conversation and laughter
    alien world, foreign notions – food a plenty
    tears delay that first night,
    though hard fought, buried deep

    rules, responsibility, chores
    wake up myself for school
    wash dishes, mow lawns
    allowance? what’s that?

    foster brother and i
    share smokes and stories
    on the front patio
    now enclosed, then exposed

    three years teach me, show me love me
    five years gone, back i come to make right
    show them i’ve found the light
    love unconditional, no exceptions

    dc bound, to find my way
    just call anytime
    no questions asked
    you can always come home

    breast cancer scare,
    tears unhindered
    stream down my cheeks
    fear strikes deep and hard

    twenty years later, college bound
    ma and pa, rhonda and greg
    come to see the sites,
    nope!
    to see me off, wish me well, show me love

    the family i didn’t choose
    forced upon me by action of youth
    became the one that mattered most
    showed me the truth of love itself