This isn’t really big news I suppose, I’ve likely eaten them before in salsa or something someone fed me and not known. But today at a restaurant I actually saw them in with my steak and thought – what the hell, lets wrap it up in the tortilla and eat it. How bad could it be really.
Reputation of Jalapeños had me anticipating a mouth of fire.
It was a while in the making. I finally saw the inner workings of the service side of AA, what I assumed would be the most spiritual was the most sick I guess. It seemed all anyone wanted was what they wanted, not what was best for AA as a whole. So to me I had lost a second part of the triangle, the one I believed in most – Service. Between that and the “fake it til you make it” dishonesty in an honesty program. I’m really an atheist and cannot swallow what others do in its entirety. Don’t miss it, gives me lots of free time and less to be resentful at. I did go to a meeting with Flo when I was in Albuquerque but that was for him, I was just along. No one from AA has really reached out to me asking me about it – some have said they want to leave too, so that’s interesting. Continue reading →
In college I took Psychology as one of my classes, I didn’t really have any desire to be a psychologist I was just filling up class space with something that I could tolerate. I only wanted to take English classes, but somehow I had to take math, computer science and welcome to college too… It got me on the Deans list so I guess that’s ok.
In preparation for my class I purchased my books ahead of time and then read a few chapters into each class before the first week of school – I wanted to be prepared. For my English class I don’t think we even referenced it the whole semester, but it was still good for me. Continue reading →
A nightmare woke me up this morning around 1:30 – couldn’t fall back to sleep after an hour or so so I’m up.
Someone was using text messages to hack into my brain – their little profile pic showed it was the Bones villain Christopher Pelant, a very smart computer guy who makes other peoples lives hell. He taunted me in the message a few times, I’d close it and another would open up again. I turned off the wifi and it was there again… pop, a new message from the hacker guy.
I felt as if he was inside my mind trying to erase important data that I needed. I had an image of a tall brunette woman with an axe chopping through walls that were made of magazine paper. “It’s gone, I’ll find it and you’ll never even know it was yours” she said.
I tried to close the chat window again and it just wouldn’t close – Pelant taunted me again, his profile pic laughing at me.
A friend grabbed my hand and said – “shut it all down, shut it all down before it’s too late.” but my other hand went to close the chat window… he squeezed my wrist and yanked out the power cord.
and I woke up
I was kept awake by the thought that maybe someone was really hacking into my brain – like on Johnny Mnemonic and they were taking something valuable. Then I realized I don’t really have anything valuable… so I started obsessing about work… Continue reading →
I use writing as a tool to get things out of my head – ideas, conjecture, stories and memories. I can’t seem to move on from one of these things rattling around in my brain until I set it down on paper. Sometimes it’s just drivel, sometimes it’s quite beautiful – at least to me. I’ve been having a rough couple of days and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to get this out there. But lack of sleep and the flashing of the incident keep bothering me. I’m hoping this will help me to get better, to recover and move on. This is selfish, I understand, but I need to be me again and I’m impatient.
My co-worker and friend Andre was a French Canadian. You could hear the accent especially when you would talk to him for a while. It was just precious the way he would say “pardon” or even “yes”. He would call our mutual friend Guy “Gi” and myself he would call “Jamie”. Continue reading →
Here are some photos from my new digs. It’s a nice 2 bedroom condo I’m sharing with my friend Anne.
I didn’t going into Anne’s bedroom or bathroom but they are very nice too – quite spacious. We also have a balcony and a small laundry area. we have a space we think will have a dining table and chairs there and we need more artwork in the main rooms. I didn’t want my Superman art to over power the whole condo so that’s in my room… I could put my portrait in the living room, that’d be creepy.
Things seem to be going ok so far.
and likely more than that in common. We might both be (I’m sure I am) tippy toeing around one another to ensure we don’t upset the apple cart too early 🙂
I don’t think we’re doing a house warming party or anything but if we do I’ll let you know.
By the way – friends helped me raise enough money to get my bicycle repaired thanks to all. I’ll post photos when I have it back and am on the safe bike paths again.
I can’t study. Or maybe I don’t know how? I’m uncertain. Maybe I forgot how.
I once studied to be a police officer – had to learn about laws, guns, and algebra. I studied and recopied everything they gave me to prepare. I memorized guns by their shape and abilities. Somehow I passed the written tests to become a police officer with 80% all around (even math)… then they asked me about LSD and I told them the truth – so they said I couldn’t be a police officer. Was kind of sad I suppose. (I think everyone should do LSD at least once, was my favorite drug and I’m fairly certain it’s not physically addicting) Continue reading →
Saturday mornings as a kid some of my fondest memories include watching Challenge of the Superfriends each week – I was captivated by those and other cartoons including Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Batman and Robin and others… but the first comic book I ever remember reading was … well probably Archie, my mom loved those… and then Casper, Wendy, Richie Rich… good stuff that I liked as a kid… The first one with real super heroes was a beat up copy of an X-Men book and they were visiting Kazar in the savage land… not even sure what issue that was but I was very interested.
It wasn’t until I was a teen and had a little pocket change that I was able to buy my own comic books and I found some at a little store in Whitehall, WI… back then they were maybe 75 cents a piece and I bought up all the ones I thought I would like. It was right in the middle of Crisis On Infinite Earths in 1985 and I was very lost… there were heroes in these books I’d never heard of before like Blue Beetle, Vigilante, Harbinger, and more… who were these people and what was going on. In Whitehall it was difficult to get back issues and I struggled to figure out what was happening. In the middle of that series Supergirl sacrificed herself to save Superman in a heroic gesture… Superman’s grief in that moment and pages after are what initially drew me to love the guy… Marv Wolfman and George Perez captured a feeling that I had inside me in that book, they transported me from Earth-Prime (that’s the Earth we all live on) to Earth-2 and the antimatter universe.. I was drawn in and loved it… Continue reading →
A little white bunny had been seen in the parking lot behind the office. Taylor and Tina noticed and wanted to see what we could do to help the little fur ball as it seemed to be a pet, not a vicious creature like the Rabbit of Caerbannog.
Mild-mannered clerk of the works – Jamez – called out for assistance to the local animal rescue places. However, each place was exclusive for dogs and cats – no room for bunnies, snakes or even rats. Finally one place offered some hope and told of a sanctuary where hares may fare. Brambley Hedge and Rascally Rabbit could house Peter, but we’d have to deliver, as they don’t come pick up.
Katelyn then noticed the guy out back by the gate and he wasn’t as shy. She took a photo and sent it to Jamez – who couldn’t do anything, oh what a shame. Hope came then with Gerald in tow, and they too could see the rabbit so close. They scooped the guy up and took him home.
Now what will happen with our little furry friend? Well that’s to be seen, but it isn’t his end.
I’m certain Peter was here resting before his Easter deliveries and somehow got trapped – probably by St. Patrick jealous of the encroachment on his own holiday – you know how those leprechauns can be – sneaky, crafty and slippery. Easter will be here at the end of the month – and thanks to the efforts of our staff Peter will be there once again.
I HAD WRITTEN THIS POST AND PLANNED TO PUT IT IN THE NEWSLETTER I DO FOR WORK SOMETIMES… BUT THEN WE RECEIVED A REPORT THAT THE RABBIT DIED (The baby is not mine… relax, I swear I don’t swing that way) SHORTLY AFTER ARRIVING AT GERALD’S HOME. HE HAD GONE OUT TO PURCHASE SOME FOOD AND WHEN HE CAME BACK 20 MINUTES LATER IT WAS GONE… I HOPE FOR ALL THE CHILDREN’S SAKE THAT THIS WASN’T IN FACT PETER COTTONTAIL… BUT JUST A RANDOM POOR LITTLE BUNNY THAT TRIED TO LIVE IN THE EXCITING WORLD OF INSURANCE.
So much happened this year I’m having difficulty believing it all fit in 365 days.
I started work with a new sponsor, Flo. Did another 4th and 5th Step. Sought his advice and direction in many things I’ve never asked a sponsor before, and its really changed who I am. Tonight at my meeting it was on Step 12 (Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs) and just reflecting on the step work this year and my willingness I think I finally feel some of that “joy” we talk about – I still think it’s a bit overrated, but maybe I’ll get used to it.
I sponsored 4 guys this year – one of them moved back to WI (Matthew); one of them got drunk again (Zack) and then sobered up again; one of them has been sober longer than I (Mark); and one of them just kind of disappeared (Jordan). Each of them helped me tremendously this year and I’m glad that I had the opportunity to share with them (even if sometimes they don’t listen). The very first sponsee I ever had (David) passed away and I was with my current sponsor when I received the news. Continue reading →