Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Author: Jamez

  • Tales of Old Re-Read Anew

    In 1985, I was either a Freshman or Sophomore in Whitehall Memorial High School (who was it a Memorial to? I have no idea) and we were required to go to the school library to attend the R.I.F. event. [The library was not one of my favorite places anyway, learning the dewey decimal system was required – yeah, that’ll get me interested in books or suicide, lets risk it.] We’d been having R.I.F. events at school each year, maybe twice a year and I was never really interested in the speel they’d give before they let us pick a book or even the books that were available to us. At this particular R.I.F. event I was there with my friend Ted and after the opening remarks we started looking at the books, not too hopeful at all that there would be anything good.

    We stumbled upon a book or two that had dragons on the cover and in the title. Both were from the same series Dragonlance Chronicles and were the 2nd and 3rd in the series. Ted grabbed Dragons of Winter Night and I grabbed Dragons of Spring Dawning and agreed to read what we could and talk about them with one another. Ted and I were already talking about comic books regularly and all that was going on there so this was a natural progression I suppose. I don’t know why the first book wasn’t available nor why I didn’t seem to grasp the whole idea of a story progressing from one book to another…

     

     

    Over the next few weeks Ted and I would share what we were reading and became enthralled with the characters of the books and the story that was happening. Being on the third book I was really rather lost as to what was going on and the significance of the characters as they related to the whole story. But it was still a good story that kept me reading from one page to the next – Ted too.Ā At some point we switched up the two books. Fortunately for Ted he was following the progression, but I was a bit confused and tried to piece it all together. Later on when we found the first book, Dragons of Autumn Twilight, we’d both be in the same boat.Ā After starting at the middle and the end we both re-read the books from the beginning to the end and really appreciated them all the more. We loved the story, the characters the ideas that stretched our imagination.

     

     

    Most importantly, we kept reading other things – so R.I.F. was successful for us. It got two guys that mostly only cared about comic books to read other things. It didn’t mean either of us put our comics away or that we were only going to read about stories with dragons and wizards, but it did mean that we actually came to find the enjoyment only a book can offer.

    Recently these titles have become available for the Kindle and I just finished re-reading the first book and fell in love with the characters and story all over again. In moving and aging somehow I lost my original books to this series, I have a collected works that has all these books in one large volume, the cover and first few pages have come off and it’s aged and yellow. I really love this old story and reading it again.

    Thank you Margaret Weis, Tracy Hickman, Margaret McNamara and the 1975 U.S. Congress for helping me find something I enjoy so much.

     

  • Company Man

    Last week marked the end of Access-Ability Consultants, Inc’s (AAC) 4th year in business. Jim and I started out in January of 2008 after being fired by an assholeĀ (to read about our last employer and all the items leading up to us being fired, look at my archives in January – May of 2008) and we’ve managed to stick around longer than I thought we would, but not longer than Jim thought we would.

    If you didn’t know, AAC is a where I work (yes, yes, I can hear your muffled giggles). My boss, Jim, is an architect who specializes in the American’s with Disabilities Act. We help businesses (Hotels, retail stores, gas stations, colleges…) to get their buildings up to code when they are doing a remodel, a new build or if they are being sued. This can involve us looking at plans, designs and photos or having Jim (or our consultant Vera) go to a site to survey it, takingĀ measurementsĀ and photos. We then write up a report detailing what we’ve found and send it off to the client. Generally, that’s the end of what we do, but sometimes there is hand holding and walking through step by step of each detail we found.

    We really try to have fun while we’re working. Jim gets a lot of emails from Clients and friends and he also does a lot of local volunteer work – I reluctantly help him, even though those people drive me crazy more often than not. We have a relaxed work schedule when we’re not doing client work and I encourage Jim to golf more than he does.

    We have a really greatĀ arrangement, I’ve found a job that I really love and a partner to work with who isn’t just my boss and co-worker, he’s my friend. Every day at the office we hug one another hello and goodbye, we know about oneĀ anotherĀ families and we have as much fun as we can. Does this mean we don’t quarrel or swear at one another? lol, nope – we do that sometimes too.

    When we started the company we said we’d give it a try for five years and if it worked out we’d re-evaluate after that and see what we wanted to do. So here we are, we’ve started year five and everything is going swimmingly. Not sure what this year will bring, but I’m glad that I have my friend to experience it with.

    Happy Anniversary Boss! Love Ya!My Boss - My Friend

    p.s. When Jim was terminated he had to sue our old employer to get money he was owed, you can read about that here: The Lawsuit

  • Trip at the Dentist

    So yesterday I broke a tooth while munching on hard sourdough pretzels at home. I wasn’t in any pain, but I knew I would have to call the dentist and see him. So I called late in the afternoon and sure enough they scheduled me for 7:30 this morning. Joy. So this morning I woke at the usual time and left early for the long walk to the dentist.

    Deep breaths, deep breaths, prayer mantras, deep breaths… slow and steady, imagine your somewhere else.

    Once I was seated in the chair and they took a look at what they had to work with the dentist – a new guy I’d never had before which just adds to my anxiety – starts to explain the procedure to me and show me a short video of the deal. I ask him to stop and explain that all of that just adds to my anxiety. Yes, yes, anything at the dentist can add to my anxiety apparently. They give me a local and then a shot of Novocaine and do an x-ray to check out the whole area and then bring me back to my seat and ask if I’m numb… but I’m not. I wonder if being a drug addict/alcoholic has raised made me less susceptible to Novocaine as I almost always need two shots. Then they start the nitrous oxide, which I get to try to calm me down more, they leave me to let all the drugs take effect… Then the unexpected happens, unexpected for me but one of the dental hygienists says its common.

    I start to trip out. I mean full blown hallucination trip to never never land. The world started spinning away. Words, music and sounds started to skip and warp into unrecognizable noises. Though still in the dentist chair I feel like I’m speeding forward and a thousand miles an hour and can feel the wind blowing through my hair – when did I get hair? Then I was walking on a beach wondering how I got there and a very small part of me remembered where I was and struggled to grasp on to something real. I panic when nothing I grasp for is solid.Ā  Damn this feels great, I’m not supposed to feel this way, I’m not supposed to do these things anymore. Then a small panic sets in an I wonder if I’ve relapsed and created an elaborate story where I’ve broken a tooth just so I could trip and get away with it. (I have drinking dreams like that sometimes, and I spend most of the dream wondering which reality is reality and which is dream)

    Fortunately the dentist and his assistant come in then and while they’re working on me all the hallucinations stop, I’m stationary, I’m calm, I feel no pain – just the occasional feeling that I’m drowning when there is too much water in my mouth and before I know it they’ve stopped again and leave me for a short while – and zoom I’m off to the races again. The world warps away and is replaced by something else entirely that I know isn’t real and is just an effect of the gas – at this point I’m so freaked out about the experience I yank the gas off my face and breathe through my mouth for a good long while. When the dental hygienist comes in he asks what’s wrong…

    I point to the gas and say “Nothing, everything, that was good and bad… I can’t have that anymore. I started hallucinating”

    “Yeah, that happens a lot” he says

    Never to me before, really shook me up today. Maybe they could just knock me out when I go to the dentist and wake me when it’s all over?

  • Book of Jamez 2011 Blog in review

    The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

    Here’s an excerpt:

    A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,300 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 38 trips to carry that many people.

    Click here to see the complete report.

  • Whirlwind Christmas 2011

    I was up at 4:30 a.m. on the 22nd for an early flight to Chicago – where I sat for three hours on my way to Eau Claire for the holidays. My own fault really, I paid attention to the price tag more than the amount of time in airports – it’s also why I had a departing flight today at 6:00. šŸ˜¦

    I arrived in Eau Claire with plenty of time to stop at Taco John’s with my nephew Scooter (who picked me up at the airport). I had a chance to visit with all the Isenberger’s for a bit before Pat, Scooter and I headed off to Minneapolis so I could speak at the Central Pacific Group. We used the GPS app on my iPhone to find the church and I entered the information incorrectly so we were a little later than I was supposed to be there, but I was there in time to see Tina K cry when she saw Scooter (first time she’s seen him in years – he was off at war and such). I have no idea what I talked about, I just know I talked – Pat and Tina said it was good so I’ll go with them.Ā Then we headed back to Pat and Brenda’s and I was in bed a little later than normal – 12:00 I’d say and having been up since 4:30 my time I was done.

    Being to bed so late had me running late to get to my Ma’s on Friday morning – but it did allow me to stop at Taco John’s for “breakfast”. I had just got into Hixton on my way and there were two messages from Rhonda asking where I was – isn’t it nice she worries? šŸ˜‰ I arrived at Ma’s and 5 minutes later it started snowing – it had been nice up to that point – aĀ littleĀ cold but nice. I chewed the fat with Ma and Michael while we waited for Rhonda and Greg to get back. Rhonda is looking dramatically different from how she looked this past summer – I’m glad.

    Superman Snuggy

    While at Ma’s they had planed to take me to Taco John’s for dinner, having beat them to the punch we ordered pizza and watched the movie Larry Crowne. Later than evening Kenny and Sheila arrived. It wasn’t as late of a night but I was pretty beat when I got under the covers. Christmas Eve morning we awoke to the furnace not working – so like any normal folk in WI we left for breakfast. When we came back Rhonda and Kenny cleaned something and it was working again. We celebrated Xmas with everyone that afternoon. Ma, Kenny and Sheila, Rhonda and Greg, Uncle Rick, Michael and Michelle, Cory and Danielle with Charlie and Patrick and of course Winnie and Sammy. It was nice and we had lasagne for a meal. Charlie had tons of toys to open and those who participated in the gift exchange – exchanged. I received exactly what I asked for – a Superman snuggy. Ā WOO HOO!!! It was a nice celebration and we closed off the night by watching “The Help”.

    Sunday morning we were all up and having breakfast at the house as I had let them know I had to head out by 9:00. That too was pretty nice. Then I was off to Hixton, Amy needed 2% milk and Ryan needed a pack of smokes – holy crap smokes are expensive. We played a few board games at Amy’s with Joplin while Eli cooked. There were three dogs there – one is named Whiskey can’t remember the other names but all little yapper dogs. Ryan, Amy and I talked about Christmases past and we had a nice time. Ryan and I headed out about 7:30 so I could stop at his house where Dawn, Samantha and Tabatha were celebrating. Nice to see the girls and ask about their lives – Tabatha graduates from High School this year and I need to plan on being there too. I had to leave Ryan’s at about 8:30 as I had plans to celebrate with the Isenberger’s that evening. As I said it was a whirlwind.

    Monday Scooter, Samantha and I went to Taco John’s for breakfast while Pat and Brenda took Helen to the back doctor – who advised Helen to relax and take it easy for the next few days – so of course she ignored him. šŸ˜¦ We had a good day, played Spoons and watched a couple DVDs. Then it was bedtime before I woke up this morning at 4;45 a.m. to get to the airport.

    Five day trip with too many people to see – it was a lot easier to celebrate Christmas when I was a drunk no one wanted to see. šŸ™‚ I’m happy to be home, Mouse and Gary are happy I’m home. It’s only a week or so more until my next trip – this time to San Diego and Palm Springs and I need to plan three trips to WI this summer… /sigh oh well, I can do it, and it’s always nice to see people I love.

  • Year in Review – kind of I guess

    I feel like I should write something on here. Most of the year I’ve had a minimum of four posts a month, but this month so far it’s only been my birthday trip.Ā The last couple of days I’ve thought about writing something and just couldn’t find anything that really struck out as needing to be wrote about. So after deleting another few sentences I thought I’d say, “Hey, I don’t know what to write about.”

    Phew! I feel much better now!

    It’s been similar in what I’m reading this year, haven’t really found a book that had me engrossed so much or made me want to spread that I had read it. The notable exception being the latest from George R. R. Martin, A Dance with Dragons. I struggled with the first three chapters of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo but I think I’m interested now and might finish it before the end of the year – or at least before I see the movie. So many people have raved about it I feel the need to see what the fuss is all about. I’m sure it’s a great book, part of the reason I’m not really into it is comic books. With DC’s new 52 released this summer I have a slew of new comics that I’m reading and some of them are really really good – even though they’ve changed theĀ fundamentalĀ parts of what has long been their history. For example, did you know Wonder Woman’s history has changed so that now she was NOT formed out of clay and brought to life by the gods? Yep, now her mother had a torrid affair with Zeus (he gets around) and to hide that from the jealous Hera they made up the story about the clay… so, there I am – reading Wonder Woman. I’m also slowly rereading A New Pair of Glasses – which you should too if you’re in recovery.

    For superhero movies this year, I really loved seeing Chris Hemsworth without his shirt multiple times in the movie Thor, but thought Captain America was the best superhero movie of the year. Ironic as each and every preview was unappealing to me. The complete opposite for Green Lantern which I thought had such good previews – turns out those were the only parts of the movie I liked at all.

    I’ve personally changed a lot this year – I’ve gotten five new tattoos, a new ear piercing (8 gauge), and been working out at the gym with a personal trainer. I’ve lost a few pounds and firmed up in places that guys have been complimenting me on (chest, abs… whatevs). I’ve also changed my diet up a bit – more fruit, smaller portions, less pizza, more nuts. Seriously an apple a day. As a result of these things (well maybe not the tats or piercing) my cholesterol lowered considerably making my doctor a very happy man.

    This year I’ll have three trips to the Midwest, a few trips to San Antonio that I wish I could do over, two trips to Ft Lauderdale and Virginia Beach and a trip to Canada. That’s slowed down from last year with a one or two trips to San Antonio a month, plus Maui, SF, WI, Ft Lauderdale and VA Beach. I travel to much, but I doubt that’ll change any time soon.

    I started watching some TV shows this year that I really enjoyed: Dr. Who, Breaking Bad, Son’s of Anarchy, Homeland, Dexter, Louie and more. Seriously these are some kick ass shows and if you haven’t seen them it’s your loss. OK, I’ll admit that I enjoy Son’s of Anarchy for the sexy bikers too – but the story lines are incredible. Most of these shows have been on for a while, pick up the first seasons, you’ll get hooked.

    Like most of the rest of the world I fell back in love with Adele with the release of 21 – it was released in January, but really struck home with me after the fiance departed. I’m also enjoying the Green Album a re-imagining of the songs from The Muppet Show. 3 Doors Down new album Time of My Life, Bruno Mars, Rascal Flatts, Blake Shelton, David Nail, John Legend… well a lot of music.

    I’ve watched a few of the Republican debates this year – after I couldn’t stomach them anymore I turned to Twitter to watch other peoples funny comments about them. It would be incredibly funny if these crazy people weren’t serious. It’s been an interesting year watching the protests, the news, game playing with lives at stake. I hope we can get through this mess and move past the old guard that is only serving as an obstacle to progress.

    It was a good year, it was a bad year… it was a year. Some of the events that happened in my life were pretty hard to get through. I found myself crying more than I wanted to this year – any time I cry is more than I want to. This is another opportunity for me to grow, change and get better. I’ll learn to love again – probably! šŸ˜‰

    Through every trial and tribulation and every moment of jubilation and wonderment I’ve had the best of friends there with me. Really couldn’t ask for anything more could you?

  • Sunny, Windy, Fun in Ft Lauderdale for my 41st

    For my 41st I made my usual trip to Ft Lauderdale. I stayed at the Royal Palms Resort,an all male clothing optional resort that I’ve stayed at before. Friday was pretty windy and a bit chilly, I hoped that it was not going to last as I enjoy sitting in the sun by the pool.

    the Royal Palms

    Gary had purchased a massage for me at the spa at the resort, so I had a great 1 1/2 hour massage treatment that made all my achy muscles go away and I really needed that. I had planned to meet a guy at Bill’s Filling Station Friday night, but he bailed so I stayed at the resort, ordered pizza and was in bed early.

    Saturday the wind was still pretty strong and it was a bit chilly, but I was determined to get some sun and swim in the pool (thankfully it’s heated). There are two sections to the resort, one clothing optional and one clothing mandatory, I hang out in the clothing optional part even though my room is on the clothing mandatory area. The first thing I noticed at the resort was that most of the guys looked like they belonged on a promotional photo for Atlantis Cruise, muscular, hairless chested, stereotypical gay men – I was sad about that. But there were three exceptions, one hot Daddy, one hot bear and one hot Brit (who was also bearish). I was very direct with the bear and made my intentions clear – but apparently I scared him away as I never saw him again after that, oh well. The hot Daddy was more open to having fun and we had several trips to his room. I had an enjoyable time with the Brit too, but he was a smoker and that really wasn’t much fun kissing. I didn’t do all of that on Saturday, it was over a period of time.

    Saturday night for dinner I met my friend Hampton and his partner Mark for dinner. I also got a tour of their house and a walk through Wilton Manors. It was nice to see them both and get away from the resort for a while. We ate at a little place off the main road, owned by two lesbians. They even brought me a sparkler on my dessert for my birthday!

    Sunday was still windy, but a bit warmer than it had been. I had a bit of fun with the hot Daddy, swam a bit and tanned. That evening my friend Michael K came to get me and we went out to J Marks for dinner. I only get to see Michael a few times a year, so we got a chance to catch up. We spent a lot of time talking about his dad – who’s recently home from the hospital and not doing well. I like to see Michael, we talk about anything when we talk, it’s a great friendship. Michael paid me a compliment that I kind of liked: “Aging has been good to you”… I think that might be a compliment right?

    Monday the wind finally stopped being nasty and I had a chance to sit in the sun for as long as I wished. I had an established date with a friend of a friend who I’d met up here in DC during a few of his trips so no fun with the hot Daddy. Around 1:30 I went off with Charlie and he took us on a RiverFront Cruise through the canals and into the port where they have the cruise ships, it was nice. Then he and I went back to his condo, which was really nice. We had a bit of fun before dinner at Tropics and then went back to his place for the night. I hadn’t planned that out well and in the morning remembered that I still had my contacts in – ouch, that was fun!

    Tuesday, my birthday, waking up with Charlie was very nice. He took me out to breakfast and then back to the hotel where I attempted to do some office tasks unsuccessfully. Charlie came back to my hotel and we had a relaxing afternoon before he had to leave for Chorus rehearsal. Charlie said I was a “sexy bear”, lol. I had a good time with him and hope to see him again soon.

    That evening I swam in the pool for an hour or so, went tourist shopping for a hat, and was in bed by 11:00. I also managed to start packing. That was my last full day for my annual birthday trip.

  • Gratitude – I've Succumb to Peer Pressure

    There’s a lot of thisĀ gratitudeĀ stuff going around, it happens every year at this time. It can get quite sickening after a while (yes, yes, we’ve reached that point), especially when people are posting a “gratitude” of the day post on Facebook. Talk about making a guy want to vomit – at least it helps to maintain the waistline each time I do.Ā I do actually have a lot to complain about – see previous blogs – but I’ll take a little time here to tell you the people, places and things I amĀ gratefulĀ for.

    First, I’m extremely lucky to have a family that is beyond amazing. You may think your family is the cats meow, but let me be the first to tell you how wrong you are. My family is quite big, mostly because I keep adding special people to it, why on earth would you keep those people that mean so much out of your family circle – yeah, I know we’re not supposed to choose our family, but I do anyway.

    Blood Relatives: Dawn, Ryan and Amy and I actually spent some time with them this summer. I also saw all three of my nieces (Samantha, Tabatha and Joplin) too.

    Amy, me, Dawn and Ryan
    Amy, me, Dawn and Ryan

    We really don’t look much different to my eyes than we did 30 years ago – maybe a few more tattoos or piercings and less hair for me, but I’ll always see us as we were on a Wisconsin summer day, in shorts, running around on Elm St without a care in the world.

    My Foster Family: Ma, Pa (miss you Pa), Kenny (and Sheila), Rhonda (and Greg) Michael (and Michelle), Jeremiah, Cory (and Danielle) and my two great-nephews Charlie and Patrick. I spent Ā a few days at home this summer and really had a nice time. It’s great to go home and deal with all the chaos that is the Trempealeau County Fair Demolition Derby…

    newborn Patrick, Danielle and Charlie
    Charlie – all ready to go

    some people (I wont mention names) yell at me when I post photos of them online – so I wont put up photos of others beside the two great nephews and their Mom. Charlie is one of the smartest kids I’ve ever encountered – and blond so it’s like a genetic flaw. šŸ™‚

    Adopted Family Members: Suzanne, Paul and Farley; Pat, Brenda, Helen, Scooter, Sami, Maui and PePe; Gary; Jim, Ana, Lisa and the rest of the DiLuigi clan. Though I only really see Jim and Gary daily all of these folks are close enough to me to be family.

    My Boss, my Friend – Jim
    Pat and Brenda – sneaking out without Helen

    I really have the best job and that I get to work with such a great friend, there’s something to be thankful for.

    me and Ana on our road trip

    Every Wednesday night (well, sometimes we have to do a different day) I talk to my friend Pat on the phone.

    I wish my best friend Suzanne lived closer and this Thanksgiving I’m not spending it with her so it’ll be a sadder holiday than normal. I’m sure she and Paul will have a great celebration together.

    Suzanne and Farley – at the beach
    Gary, my roommate, my friend

    And Farley, of course.

    Lisa

    Friends: I have all kinds of friends and met some of them for the first time in real life recently – yes, that sounds odd. I went to Winnipeg to meet some friends that I’d played World of Warcraft with for years. That was really cool. I have friends from high school, two of which I’ll spend Thanksgiving with this year. Friends from AA, friends old and new.

    Grokus, Noq and Salthair
    Folks from regular Sunday Breakfast at Annie's

    Health The cholesterol is down, the weight is down – I still hate the gym…. I’m still not a smoker, nor a drinker or a drug user. So life’s ok.

    Aren't I adorable?

    Mouse my little Princess, she’s a handful and usually doesn’t sleep through the night – which means she needs love and attention at 3 or 4 a.m…. but I still love her.

    BirthdaysĀ And Birthdays… I’m really incredibly happy that in a few more days I’ll be somewhere warm and sunny… that’ll make all this sappy crap worth it.

     

     

    I usually come off a a curmudgeon, and I like it that way so don’t expect cheery happy crap from me on a regular basis.

    Tina and I did a Spa Day!
    Brien and Michelle came to visit

  • AA Traditions

    On a recent trip to Winnipeg I stopped at a noon AA meeting at their central office. It was a textbook AA meeting, most of the chairs were filled with people of every description and ethnicity and the coffee was nasty. šŸ™‚Ā I was recognized as someone who hadn’t been there before almost immediately, which leads me toĀ believeĀ they have a great number of regulars and that’s a good sign at a meeting. Before the meeting began discussions started about where I lived and went to meetings and I heard where others were originally from or where they got sober and such.

    One gentleman with a thick Irish accent asked me what prayer we use to start the meetings in Washington (this Winnipeg group started with the Serenity Prayer). I told him my regular meetings start with the AA Preamble and close with both the Lord’s Prayer and the Serenity Prayer. Ā That seemed to get everyone’s attention in the room as they found that odd. I think it’s easy to forget that each group isĀ autonomous when we don’t get outside our regular groups and see that meetings are run differently pretty muchĀ everywhere – or places where they don’t study or read the traditions, but enough about Washington DC.

    Tradition Four “Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.”

    You never know what kind of traditions a meeting will have when you go to it the first time. I’ve been to meetings where people count out loud when “How It Works” is read, the firstĀ timeĀ that happened I burst out laughing it was so foreign to me. Other meetings where every person in the room introduces themselves by first name and sobriety date, others that read the Twelve Steps and Traditions, some that read the Responsibility Statement, some that read the beginnings of one of the Chapters in the Big Book followed by the 12 Steps (My old home group the Northside Group in Eau Claire WI does that, freaked me out the first few times, but I was new so everything pretty much freaked me out the first few times.).

    The first time I attended the Eau Claire Pacific Group and heard all the “ooohing,” “aaahhing” and clapping I knew they were doing it wrong. AA is supposed to be a bunch of old boring sticks in the mud, these people are doing it wrong. But what happened in that group to me, and to others, was we were shown the enthusiasm and joy that can be a part of recovery and it made the difference for a lot of us. At almost any meeting I attend I always expect the opening statement from this meeting to be read… I don’t have a copy and couldn’t quote it here but it was a regular part of my life every Thursday for about four years and it gets stuck in your head you know.

    The Northside Group and some other meetings in Eau Claire always read the Twelve Traditions (something I almost never here on the East Coast) and “The A.A. Tradition” found at theĀ beginningĀ of Appendix I in the back of the book (Page 563 in the Second Edition) and when I’m out traveling and hear that at a meeting it’s almost like I’ve come home.

    A few years ago I was fortunate enough to go to a meeting in Nashville, TN the “Back Room Group”, a 12×12 meeting. As I walked in I saw that most people had brought their own 12x12s, pencils/pens and highlighters. I knew immediately it was going to be a good meeting and it really really was, those folks knew AA. When I’ve brought along my own literature to meetings on some occasions folks have gotten upset during the meeting that I’m highlighting or writing down – they think it’s the clubs book.

    Each group can do it’s own thing and I’ve seen lots of different things out there, but in the heart of the meeting as long as we’re there to help other alcoholics and how we spread the message doesn’t affect other groups or AA as a whole – then it’s all good. But I’ll always be partial to the meetings I went to in the beginning that spread the foundation of my recovery and I’ll always do my best to help others build theirs.

  • Finding a Safe Harbor for Children

    Last night on Twitter I saw more than a few tweets asking “is no place  safe to leave children with adults alone”. These questions came out in response to the Penn State Scandal where a respected coach was preying on young boys and the firings as a result.

    The answer to the question of “is no place safe to leave children with adults alone” is probably no. Not as we currently function as a society anyway. There are monsters and predators in all walks of life that have every job imaginable, we can focus on the ones in the churches and the schools but children are taken advantage of every day by people in all different fields of work.

    As a victim – I hate that word so lets start over.

    As someone who was sexually molested when I was younger I was thinking last night what could have prevented it from happening? Was there something my parents could have said or done to keep me safe? Would it have been better if I’d been secluded from others for all of my growing years so I couldn’t get hurt? Was there a magic word that wasn’t uttered? a prayer? None of those things would have mattered. Some parents are child predators, some relatives, and keeping me locked away from the rest of the world would only serve to make me that more vulnerable when I was released.

    What might have helped, and I’m just speculating on hindsight here, is a better understanding of sex. That sounds a bit out there I know, but when I was molested I hadn’t even had “health education” class yet and the only things I knew about sex were from the photos I saw in some dirty magazines one of my Mom’s friends or an uncle had in the basement (none of which were male on male sex). I was completely ignorant about all of it so when it was happening at the beginning I was mostly just confused. Pedophiles are very good at convincing the child of a few things, some work by coercion some by seduction, but they all get what they want out of it – the innocence of the child.

    For me, I was conned into thinking he actually loved me and that’s why he wanted to do those things to me. It never occurred to me that if he loved only me why was he doing it to the other 15 boys in town. He was smart, after the first night he fondled me, before working up to more sexual things he had a cover story that he fed my Mom that she bought – in her defense it was a pretty good story – and I was there when he told her and had learned early on that I wasn’t to contradict adults.

    I’ve digressed here a bit I think. I’m not a parent, but things that might have helped me I’ll list below.

    I think if we want to have our children be safer out there in a world with monsters we need to talk to them more about sex earlier – let them know we’re open to talk with them about anything weird that’s going on. Let them know that any naked secrets are bad secrets and any time they feel uncomfortable they should feel free to talk to us. We need to communicate with them and understand what’s going on in their world regularly. I don’t think kids should be left alone with an adult for a long period of time or at several different times over a long period. Children shouldn’t spend the majority of their free time with someone older than them.

    We also need adults that don’t turn a blind eye when a question is raised. Just because that person is from the military, church, school, or hospital doesn’t make them incapable of doing horrible things. If your kids pull away, start acting differently, bring up reasons to not hang out with someone – there might be something deeper there.

    What happened to me and has happened to millions of other kids in the world doesn’t have to happen. But if it does happen, those kids need real heroes to be there and stop the monsters. Be a real hero.

    Resources:

    Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline  1-800-4-A-CHILD

    Child Abuse Prevention Association: http://www.childabuseprevention.org/

    National Child Abuse Hotlines: http://reportchildabusenow.com/

    Adult Survivors of Child Abuse: http://www.ascasupport.org/