The Language of Driving

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been collecting different things I tell other drivers on the road. I figure it might be helpful to share this information with the rest of the world… because knowledge is power. These are just a couple of weeks worth, I assure you I have many more.

“What the Fuck are you doing? why are you going so slow? 45 not 35!!! Look there is another sign, see the big letters in black? that’s the third sign since you got in front of me”

“Get in the turn lane to turn, the turn lane… omg what’s wrong with you? Oh wait, you’re from Minnesota… still stupid as fuck”

“why didn’t you get in this lane to begin with, plan ahead holy crap buddy you were just beside me at the light”

“You’re all a bunch of idiots, what are you doing? It’s a cop on the other side of the freeway – you’ve never seen a cop before, he likes to do the speed limit too – move those vehicles”

“move all the way into the other lane, is this your first day?”

“Why are you slowing down? Whhhyyyyyyyy???!!!!”

“You didn’t think this through, you shouldn’t turn left here – why didn’t you go to the intersection with the light?”

on second thought maybe most of the time I just ask them questions

“Don’t go faster now that I can finally go around you asshole”

“Those newer models don’t have blinkers” (my Pa used to say that)

“its a short light, move, move… ugh”

I’ve only been driving regularly since I moved to Phoenix… I used to be much more concerned about my own safety.

My sponsor suggested when I get really mad at other drivers that I should call my own voicemail and say on there what I want to say to the idiots… when I reach for my phone I think yelling at that driver isn’t really worth it… but sometimes it still comes out.

I just have to not get all that excited, eventually I’m going to reach my destination  – I’m just on the road with some people that need extra help… I should be nice to the disabled.

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