The other night I had a date at the theaters near Chinatown metro. I came straight from work and realized that I might want to buy a mint or something for my breath. Remembering that the CVS is being remodeled and therefore closed, I walked across to the Starbucks to buy a small tin of mints. When I walked up to the register to pay for them, the cashier looked at me and said:
“You came all the way over here for mints?”
I looked up at him and said:
“Yep, I have a date and don’t want to have bad breath when she gets here.”
“she”… wow… so in a split second there at the register I somehow found the need to conceal who I really am. Isn’t that odd.
My best friend Suzanne was recently telling her boyfriend about me. She said “He’s gay”. I wasn’t there, but he must have rolled his eyes or something, cause she said: “You can’t really tell.”
It was always one of those little things when I was a kid:
Don’t hold your hands that way.
Never ever let a limp wrist show.
Make sure you don’t walk like a girl, talk like a girl or drool at boys like a girl.
What does that do to the inside of your mind growing up if you can’t be who you are, can’t express what you really feel. Its odd to think of these things now, but it’s what’s on my mind.
One thought on “Deception”
It is a shame. It makes me think of the lengths I go through to conceal my weight or the events I don’t go to simply because I think I’m too fat for anyone to totally accept me. I worry people will be looking at me and saying I shouldn’t be eating that piece of cake or how could I let myself get that way. I think our worst enemy is ourselves. I don’t think people really care that much about our sexuality, our size or anything at all that doesn’t have to do with them. People are really all self centered. Think about it…do you really give a shit if I’m fat or if I’m straight or if someone is black, or whatever?? I would think probably not because we are too worried about what they think about us.