Even when I was young, I never had any real desires to exercise. While my siblings would be out in the snow or running around outside playing tag or ball; I would rather be in my room reading a book or watching TV.

In school it was a little different, I learned to detest P.E. class. Silly exercises that were mandatory, taught by either frightening muscled out hairy beasts or the women that wanted to be frightening muscled out hairy beasts. There was no explanation as to why these were necessary, what they would do for us, it was a ‘chore’. Now, the rest of school was also a chore, but it seemed less so to me. I didn’t mind learning things, just didn’t want any sweat involved in the learning.

So tonight, I go off to Gold’s Gym and meet with my personal trainer for the last time. I haven’t actually seen her in a few weeks, nor been to the gym. I just can’t drag myself to go, there is nothing of interest at the gym and I find it very boring.

I guess I’m self conscious too, I often compare myself to others outsides or what I see this guy or that guy doing. So and so can lift this much weight and I can only lift this much weight so why even try. It seems an effort in futility to me.

What I really need is a reason to go, some kind of motivation or excuse that will inspire me… and I haven’t found that yet.