I’ve chatted a little bit about being on a medication recently for my depression. I’ve always had a depression of some sort, the intensity varied in waves that I was able to navigate through. Until this last fall when it was as if a tidal wave struck me down and the undercurrent was helping me to drown. (Read here: Lost) . This post may be NSFW.
At the direction of my primary doctor I started to take an anti-depressant in late December (he actually suggested I take it in October, I asked him for the script in early December and finally took one at the end of the year). This happened for a few reasons:
- I assumed it would go away like all the times before
- that sense of impending doom that nothing can make it better, a little pill can’t possibly help
- fear that it would change me
- fear that it wouldn’t change me
- fear of ostracization from AA friends
- and that sense of welcoming the dark feelings, reveling in the comfortable dark
