Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Tag: poem

  • Hit Hard

    Hit Hard

    Hit hard
    Can’t stop the tears
    Started with self doubt
    Then came the fear

    There’s a point somewhere 
    A cause of the scare
    An underlying reason
    Some kind of demon

    Want to run away and hide
    Wish I’d already died
    Don’t want to search for clues 
    As to why I’m feeling the blues

    Does it ever stop
    Ever get better
    Climb my way on top
    Only to have it remember

    Been here before
    Doesn’t get better
    Time becomes a chore
    Helps me get sadder

    Darkness closes in
    Comforts me within
    Doesn’t stop the tears
    Just feeds the fears

    Don’t see a way out right now
    Find it hard to want to somehow
    The fear feeds the sadness
    Then comes the madness

  • I Wake

    I wake

    There is no weariness in me

    No remnants of terror from a nightmare

    I simply wake

    convinced I’ve slept well into the morn

    my eyes open to darkness

    the distant digital clock blinks at me that it’s a little after four

    I rise and go closer, my eyes play tricks without my glasses

    almost midnight when I closed my eyes, I should be weary

    no pressure on my bladder, no urge to release

    I force myself to go, perhaps that’s why I woke

    common enough these days

    returning to bed I can sense sleep on the edges

    it taunts me, entices me and I long for it

    stretching towards it I grasp and wrestle

    sleep would be ideal, I don’t have to work tomorrow

    dream tinged bubbles of reality flash before my eyes

    visions of the day that was and the work week to be

    fragments of  books merge with real life worries

    I spend minutes that pass like hours contemplating thoughts

    frustrated I toss and turn

    laying on my back I breathe, slowly in and out

    slowly in and out – count 1, 2, 3 exhale and think “out”

    focus only on the breathing, stay focused, but

    the bubbles return again, demanding to be observed, contemplated

    still no weariness and sleeps seems to have slipped past the horizon

    I wake and enjoy the silence – better than the struggle to sleep

  • Thomas Road

    it’s 40 now not 35
    it’s 40 now not 35
    i don’t know why you can’t drive
    it’s 40 now not 35
     
    the sign is back there
    look, there’s another
    it went up back there 
    oh brother
     
    why are you slowing down?
    WTF, WTF, WTF
    i can’t get around (more…)

  • DJ

    his tongue drops brandy on my lips
    heart pulses
    hard, hot, steel rod
    in my hand

    trace fingers over silken chest
    sweat trickles, salty sweet
    migrate to manhood
    thirst, hunger, greed… or need

    panting, groaning
    twin bed creaking
    pain and heat,
    friction so sweet

    legs a vice around him
    pulling him deeper, harder
    tempo, crescendo
    white lava spurts

    he growls and thrusts
    pain and need fulfilled
    with lust

  • foster home

    brown house now blue
    gray hair then and now too
    Ma in rocker knitting
    Pa in recliner

    fear crawls up my spine
    my bags packed, all that is mine
    social worker pressures shoulder
    keeps me from running

    dinner together, conversation and laughter
    alien world, foreign notions – food a plenty
    tears delay that first night,
    though hard fought, buried deep

    rules, responsibility, chores
    wake up myself for school
    wash dishes, mow lawns
    allowance? what’s that?

    foster brother and i
    share smokes and stories
    on the front patio
    now enclosed, then exposed

    three years teach me, show me love me
    five years gone, back i come to make right
    show them i’ve found the light
    love unconditional, no exceptions

    dc bound, to find my way
    just call anytime
    no questions asked
    you can always come home

    breast cancer scare,
    tears unhindered
    stream down my cheeks
    fear strikes deep and hard

    twenty years later, college bound
    ma and pa, rhonda and greg
    come to see the sites,
    nope!
    to see me off, wish me well, show me love

    the family i didn’t choose
    forced upon me by action of youth
    became the one that mattered most
    showed me the truth of love itself