Book of Jamez

55 y/o malcontent, something of a writer

Tag: aging

  • Age Tames the Monster

    I think I’ve gotten over being so critical of AA meetings that are being run wrong or AA’s that are stupid… well maybe i’m not completely over that last part. It’s either I’ve given up on a clear message being delivered in meetings or I’m just tired or maybe errors happen and I just don’t notice anymore because it happens so frequently.

    Tonight for example I was sitting next to a guy at a meeting who was taking a photo of someone at the podium… and I didn’t even notice. There was a time I would have berated the fool loudly during the speakers share… but I didn’t notice, I wasn’t looking around the room for what was wrong (I do that see this post  ). I was rather shocked at myself and then spend most of the rest of the meeting wondering what had happened to me (ok, maybe just a few minutes but it seemed a lifetime).

    When I was new I’d leave meetings that would read non-conference approved material. Or spout traditions as to why this and therefore. I was a strict task master when it came to everything being by the book in AA. I was intolerant of anyone who did it anyway but mine – and I was right, of course.

    I don’t think I care less, I still have a deep love and respect for AA as I understand it, but I realize (maybe) that other people might have their own path that is going to lead them in the same direction – that’s hard for me. I so want to be right… most of all… but also want to think of the world in black and whites most of the time – middle grounds don’t work well for me.

    I’ll use this over used example on my blog – I want to shake your hand if you come to a meeting. Some people will hug me and not shake my hand and I won’t hug back… I’ve told them if they read all the literature AA has to offer they’ll see the handshake is mandatory and the hug is excessive (this is how I encourage newcomers to read the stuff… ), to be fair I only said this in jest to a few folks that hug first and then walk away leaving my hand empty, and hurt just hanging there. Sigh.

    Tonight someone at the meeting summed up the Beatles Let It Be as “fuck it” or that’s what I heard and I rather liked that, and I love and respect the Beatles.

    What matters to me today is if I do what I’ve always done, one day at a time. If I continue to show up early, shake hands, help set up, read the Big Book and the traditions over and over again and make sure AA is there for the next guy… I guess I can do that without being all rigid, but I don’t have to like it. 🙂

  • I Became An Old Man

    I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but it was just over the last few days that I realized I’ve become an old man.. It’s not just that one of my supervisors and a former cube mate haven’t seen any of the Star Wars movies (I was stunned really – they seem like such good people too) it’s other things over the last month or so. I’m 43, not that terribly old I know but it’s the attitudes that convinced me it finally happened.

    Screen Shot 2014-07-27 at 7.11.57 AM

    Yesterday afternoon I went to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes – which I recommend – and I had to leave my row because the people on all sides of me kept using their devices. Goddamn whipper-snappers have no respect for those around them you know. There are even commercials at the movies specifically asking people not to do this but there they were just checking Facebook or Snapchat or some nonsense. I moved to the front of the theatre, like row 5 and no one was in front of me… then towards end of the movie someone took a photo using flash… WTF children, WTF.

    (more…)

  • Old Age

    This year I became old. Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking 40 isn’t old… I’d agree with you normally, but this year all kinds of things happened that made me realize that yes, I’m old.

    This is the year that other people told their children or grandchildren that my name was “Mr. Prudlick” which has never happened before. Before it’s always been Jamez, or Uncle Jamez or Jamez and the giant peach, but never Mr Prudlick.

    This was the year when I realized that going barefoot over stones in a creek bed hurts. When I was a kid I couldn’t wait for summer so I could take off my shoes and run around all over the place in just my bare feet. I’d love the sound of them as they slapped the pavement or the feel of the grass as it tickled my soles. This year, pain, and irritation, I miss the old feelings.

    This is the year that I’ve actually gone to bed before 10 on weekends more times than I’d like to admit and when I’ve gotten up before 7 on a Saturday or Sunday because I didn’t want to watch the day slip by without my getting things done.

    This is the year that I came to realize how much other people mean to me. There have always been special people in my life but rarely has it mattered to me if they would be around for me when I needed them or if I would be there for them. This is the year I fell in love and also the year that I almost lost a friend and did lose another.

    I turned 40 yesterday and the world didn’t stop spinning and my hair didn’t all fall out nor did I start to use a walker (although my foot does still kind of hurt from walking in the creek bed). I do think it might be about the best birthday that I can remember. Lots of folks who saw my 40 Tshirt and 40 year old buttons made sure that I knew it was just the beginning and all the fun was just around the corner… lots of younger folks wanted to know if I got any discounts or specials for being 40… well no, but maybe you get a finer appreciation of the things around you then you had before.