I want to buy a big gun, carry it with me everywhere; frequent Chick Fil A restaurants and white churches in a rainbow shirt with it slung over my shoulder. If I feel the least bit threatened I’ll pull a Kyle Ritenhouse and just shoot people. America!
I am afraid. I am an unabashed atheist and homo. My country has just re-elected a “man” that is a direct threat to my freedom.
My country, the so called “land of the free” has opted to have a rapist, racist, homophobic, narcissistic pedophile for a second term. A con man who has a playbook written out to destroy our democracy and enact theocratic policies. A tyrant who is planning to deport several million immigrants that came here looking for the American dream – that which has become a nightmare.
The Democratic Party and Independent Party (if there is such a party) need to begin now with plans for the future – did you fuckers learn anything yet? have you grown a pair? Do you have any potential candidates that aren’t approaching 80…. It’s time to stand up and fight back like you have never done before. Don’t let this monster push his agenda through. Learn to play dirty… but also start grooming your candidates for the future. If you can’t fight, if you’re too old or too weak to defend your constituents then get the hell out of the way. Don’t run Kamala again, give us new blood, give us the inspiration and hope we had with Obama.
I’m for a younger generation of leaders, people that still recall the sting of their student loan debt, that remember trying to survive on a minimum wage. Let’s find some common strength in youth and actual values.
I have friends who didn’t vote, or those that didn’t pick anyone for the Presidential part of their ballot. These people either “didn’t know enough about Kamala” or “didn’t think she would be respected”. Did they not know enough about Trump? Did they not see the way the other countries laughed at us his last term, except for Russia, his friends there. These friends may think I’m over-reacting and panicking. I may be.
I may not.
If White Christian Nationalism continues to gain in power it wont be long until they come for me. To silence me, to jail me, to end me. Believe as they believe or suffer the consequences, act as they want you to act and keep your opinions to yourself. You think censorship stops with Jeff Bezos turning off the Washington Post voice? You think their idea of “god” and religion are just going to let you believe the way you want – ha.
Today on Facebook many of my friends turned their profile photos to black. I have many friends and many of them did so. I did so too. I’m mad. I’m serious about the gun thing, at least about getting one. I want to be able to defend myself when they come for me. I’m mad and folks that didn’t vote. I’m mad.
The monster that was elected – a felon, a rapist, a racist, a fascist and more. A man who has insulted every sub class of America and threatened violence upon his enemies, firing squads I mean really. “Oh, he didn’t mean that” Sure Jan, sure. A threat to the promise of America an end to a once beautiful democracy.
My best friend, Suzanne, is in a band named “Magg Dylan” with her husband Brucifer, bassist Marcus and drummer Adam. Though they’ve had a few line up changes, they’ve Suzanne and Brucifer have been in the band since it’s creation in 2018.
I asked ChatGPT who Magg Dylan was and they gave me this:
“As of my last update in January 2022, Magg Dylan is an American rock band. They are known for their blend of alternative rock, metal, and post-grunge sound. The band has gained popularity for their energetic live performances and emotionally charged lyrics. However, please note that the band’s status or activities may have changed since then, so I recommend checking the latest news or their official channels for the most up-to-date information.”
ChatGPT
I’m biased, I know, but they’ve put out some good music that you can find on all the platforms. They only released on album so far: Amethyst in 2020, released days before the Covid struck the world. As a result they didn’t get to tour or promote the album but it’s a good solid record.
Some of my favorite songs on the Amethyst album include: Delusional and F.I.N.E. are my favorites I think. Suzanne is the lyricist and Brucifer does most of the music to go with it. Suzanne draws most of her ideas from life, sobriety and struggles with both. I’m unsure where Brucifer get’s his musical mumbo jumbo, but he’s got some good stuff.
Two years they won awards from Veer Magazine for the job they do, yet they stay humble and ready to do more and more. They are very dedicated to their fans and always try to keep them involved and invite them to video shoots and more.
I was fortunate enough to star in a video of theirs titled: Warning! where I play a psychiatrist treating Suzanne for her various maladies. It was fun to be in the video and take part in their rise to stardom.
For the last couple years Magg Dylan has been releasing singles and there are quite a few good ones I’ll list below:
They’ve done a couple covers too – one of the best is Stand Back a cover of Stevie Nick’s hit. They really make it pop. Also they did You Oughta Know a cover of Alanis Morrisette
Take a listen to some of their songs on Apple Music, Spotify or wherever you may listen to good music. I’ll be here to chat with you if you have any questions or want to know more about this band.
I was editing the site and discovered I only have one (1) post written in 2023… I used to write 4 – 5 posts a month. Not sure what happened, I know some of it is medication based, once I started on my antidepressant the urge to write kind of died.
Well, I can certainly try to write some more. Here I’ll give you kind of an idea what’s going on recently.
My company just held its annual event where we honor the top performers and really celebrate the company and our accomplishments. It was a nice time and while I didn’t make the cut to be presented my award on stage (top 5 only) I did have a great year and was #10 in the department for sales total and I feel pretty good about that. For November art work I hit President’s Club and got to pick a prize, I chose a stationary bike and been riding on that every night since it arrived.
A few weeks ago I traveled to Palm Springs to see my friend Jean-Pierre. He has a couple forms of cancer and is planning to sell his home and move in with his ex wife in Washington state (I think). We got to catch up and I helped him with his computer. He gave me a gift – a Coca-Cola Stamp and Pencil sharpener, collectors item kind of thing. Very nice of him.
For Christmas, like usual, I flew home to Wisconsin to see family. Spent 4 days there and it was about the same temperatures as we’re experiencing in VA Beach so it was nice, not a flake of snow on the ground. Spent time with Ma and Rhonda and got to see almost everyone. Also saw Dawn and the girls for a night, which was nice.
I didn’t go anywhere for my birthday this year, actually worked it. Went out to Indian two nights in a row, which was great. Once with work folks and once with family.
Thanksgiving too was spent in Virginia Beach and I miss having it with my buddy Eric, but he and I are going to Cancun in March for a few days. Can’t get here soon enough.
As far as men go, I’ve had my share of fun here and there when I want to. Not a big drive to meet anyone or date. We’ll worry about that maybe some other day.
I am sporting a beard, not as long as I would like yet, but very professional in length and gray.
Well that’s all I’ve got for now, I’ll try to get some more writings in here…. some dreams, some ideas and some stuff about work and sales.
My friend Suzanne recently did some estate planning with her family and I reminded her what I would like done. She suggested maybe I should write it down so it’s known. I suppose that’s a good idea.
First, if a situation were to occur where I was in a vegetative state, a coma or incapable of breathing or living on my own…. I have no desire to live in such a state. I barely had a desire to live at all, so adding any of those to the list would be a no brainer, no thank you. Pull the plug, donate my organs if they can be and let me go.
In the event that I were to perish, hopefully sooner rather than later, below is what I was thinking at this time and for a while now. I believe I’m of sound mind, depression and anxiety, but sound.
AFTER LIFE
When I die, I believe I’m dead… that’s it. I don’t believe in an eternal life where I would either get to spend time romping through the Elysian fields or dancing in the flames of hell. Don’t buy into it. I know there are people that are living for the opportunity to go to heaven where they get to spend eternity with their loved ones…. eternity with people you can’t tolerate for a Thanksgiving. I just don’t see it happening. What version of those people are you going to see – the 98 year old version nor the teenage version, what would it even be like… but I digress.
If I’m wrong… and there is a spirit or soul that sticks around or goes somewhere, I don’t plan on staying near where I lived…. how boring would that be. I would explore other countries or planets and be anywhere but at my body or gravestone. So there is no need to go “talk to me” at a headstone, I wouldn’t be there. And honestly, I don’t want to listen to you talk to me about how much you miss me or what you did today, I’m good, move on.
In the DC Comics Universe there is a character named Death, she’s a Neil Gaiman creation. When each person dies she visits them and tells them it’s time, she says “You get what everyone gets, you got a lifetime” or something like that. She also seems to say that death and after are personal to each person, that they get a say in what is to come (if anything). Well, if that occurs I’ll just choose nothingness, to be gone and my consciousness to be no more, I’ve had more than my share and I don’t need further adventures.
REMAINS
I want to be cremated. Takes up less space and is eco friendlier…. so many cemeteries, so much space used up. I’m not a fan of burial or a tombstone with my name on it. Don’t want people to go to some random graveyard and think some part of me is there, there isn’t.
I wouldn’t mind if my ashes were to become a part of a tree, I think that’s cool and a good use of a decomposing body. The Living Urn is one such site that caters to that kind of thing. I’d prefer a lemon tree, but again, I’m not there so it won’t matter. If that proves ineffective cost wise or logistically then just burn me and do whatever with the ashes you like, won’t matter to me…. Well that’s not true. I have no desire for my remains to be taken to Wisconsin, no thank you… on the off chance that a soul would be bound to the “body” I wouldn’t want to be bound there. In face it would be awful. I can imagine a hell where I’d be trapped in an eternal Wisconsin winter and I just don’t want that.
When my biological father passed they cremated him and gave me a small vial with some of the ashes. If my siblings would want such a thing I guess that’s ok. Unfortunately I do realize part of me would then end up in Wisconsin, but I’m feeling generous.
Suzanne can decide if she wants to do anything with the ashes, Really up to her. She may place me on a shelf next to her dogs and that sounds like a fine place to be.
BELONGINGS
I don’t really own much. I did pay off my Smart car, so there is that, but it’s old and has little value. I consider myself a minimalist… oh not like a crazy person you’d see on TLC or Showtime or something. I just don’t have much. I’ve always done an inventory regularly for things I own – Is this is thing I use? Is this a thing I like? Do I really need to hold on to it? Does it have sentimental value? Is that value dated? lol
The comic book collection I own is quite small now compared to how much I had 10 years ago. So there isn’t much there. I don’t believe there is value in the issues I own, but you could try to sell them. It would be better to donate them for some kids to read. My love for reading started with an old X-Men comic. It was beat up, had no cover and was a dorky story. It was at my great aunt Marion’s house and it was the only thing that helped keep my sanity during the visit there. I don’t remember much of the issue, I know they were in the Savage Land and ran into Kazar and Iceman was more of a snowman than an ice man. Anyway, reading was one of the things I enjoyed in life and if I could pass that love onto other kids then that’d be a good thing.
Digital Library I don’t know if this is something that can be given to anyone, but just in case. I have a little over 4000 songs on iTunes. Garth Brooks is uploaded from Amazon, but other than that they are all from iTunes. If you do the math with each song costing .99 that’s almost $4,000, but of course many of those songs were more than that. There is everything in my library from Boyz II Men, Magg Dylan, Tim McGraw, Josh Groban, Zac Brown Band… just a nice variety. My Apple video library has 329 items… some of those are series so many more than 329 as I collected whole series. Audible – has 151 titles, that’s a lot of listening and a lot of them I listened to over and over… and read too. Speaking of reading, there are 2060 books in my Kindle library, read every one. Comixology (now owned by Amazon) I have 1660 digital comics. I liked the idea of Comixology and loved reading comics that way, but there is something about the feel of a comic in your hand that is better. Just for the record when Amazon bought it they screw it up and it’s less user friendly now. I think that’s it for official digital purchases.
Superman. Well I do have some Superman memorabilia. I don’t think any of it has value other than to me. I didn’t take the best care of it, One of my statues has a cape that has broken off and is just perched upon his shoulders, shame cause I liked that one too. There are glasses, lights, lunchboxes, Funkos, action figures and statues. Posters, a large portrait (a gift from my friend Katelyn), rings… a wide assortment. This is really up to Suzanne to decide what to do with those items. If she wants to dole some of them out to people that want something to remember me by that’s fine. Otherwise they can be sold on Ebay or donated to some charity place. Passing my love of Superman on to a kid would make my day. Makes me think of Donnell and our time together 😦
Notable Items There is a portrait of me that was done by my friend Ron a few years ago, actually there are two I just saw one of me shirtless in a mirror. Suzanne may want to keep it, if not then to whomever. I was at a party for a friend and this guy with a camera started taking photos of me. At first I didn’t think anything of it but after a while it got creepy, so I confronted the guy and he said he was a painter and wanted to paint me, he found me to be desirable and needed to get that out. So he painted me and it was pretty good, check out the link and imagine me 10 years ago lol.
Computer and tech, I own an iMac, iPad, iPhone … I like Ithings lol I’d sell them. I have content on my computer, some writings, some porn, all my photos. Suzanne is my secrete keeper so she has access to my systems if I were to pass away. You can set this up with Apple yourself, was pretty simple.
Art, there are two pieces of art in my room. One is of a guitar player who looks like the Question from DC comics and one is of a puppet with a broken heart. I liked them enough to spend money on them. They’re up for grabs, whatever Suzanne wants to do with em.
I think that’s it… not much like I said.
FINANCIAL
There is a life insurance policy through work, Suzanne is the beneficiary. I don’t have much in savings or in checking for that matter, I lived pretty much paycheck to paycheck like a fool. There is a 401K and Roth through work too, again Suzanne is the beneficiary. I don’t have money to leave anyone, don’t feel bad about that either.
MY FRIENDS
Many people loved me as a friend, as family. I was fortunate. Suzanne and Eric were my best friends, for 30 years or more they’ve always been there and I”m grateful.
I wasn’t the best friend I could have been I suppose. Very selfish with my time and energy and not much for crowds of people or small gatherings. I said “no” to doing something more times than I should have. I have pretended to be sick to get out of some situations.
I stole from some of you, lied to some of you, stepped on your toes, meddled where I shouldn’t have… I could go on and on. I’m human after all and made mistakes. I’ve tried to right many of them and live a better life, but sometimes I’ve made the same mistake twice. I’ve been forgiven, loved anyway and shown better ways.
Many times I made a friend out of someone I didn’t expect, I learned to love those I first wanted to shun, I adapted and adjusted to let those people in.
Thank you for taking the time and energy to get to know me. Thank you for tolerating me, loving me in spite of me and being there.
MY FAMILY
It’s complicated really, I suppose it doesn’t have to be, but it is. I consider myself of two families. One is my biological and one my foster. I got two and that makes me luckier than most.
My biological parents both died in their 50s. I don’t have much positive to say about either of them, they weren’t good examples, good parents or good. There are those who says they did the best they could could, but I don’t that’s true. I didn’t mourn them and don’t miss them.
My foster parents, my Ma and Pa, loved me unconditionally. They taught me to be responsible, independent and dependable. My Pa passed in 2008 and I bawled like a baby, it was hard for me. My Ma insists I come home every year for Christmas and she knows how much I’m not a fan of winter, so I go every year and I enjoy myself. I love my Ma.
I loved my siblings each for different reasons. I have fond memories of times we spent together. Laughter, tears, drama… all a part of it I suppose. Thanks for tolerating me and loving me.
IN CLOSING
I was just doing my taxes after receiving a notice from PayPal that I had a 1099K… which I had no idea what meant. I looked it up and saw it was in reference to some gambling I did on the Super Bowl in 2022. I placed a $100 bet on who would score the first touch down and I won $855, pretty nice… but now it’s going to take a bite out of my refund. That’s life.
My favorite book was The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, it always made me laugh no many how many times I read it. It’s quirky and odd, like me.
I loved listening to music and singing along with all the songs. My memory was always good about remembering lyrics but forgetting important things. I really liked all genres of music – but I think you’ll find the majority of the music in my iTunes library is country.
Work – I was very lucky to have a few great jobs. Some of them didn’t last more than 5 years or so but for a while it was a good job. I’m glad I got to work with Jim, one of the finest human beings on the planet. I’m glad I dipped my toe into the world of insurance. And I’m glad I got to start selling things, I kind of like it.
Thank you to everyone who interacted with me in my life. It was interesting. I am, however, glad to be gone. Did all the things I wanted too, loved all the men I wanted to, spent all the time I could bear with people. Now I’m ready to move on.
For the last few years I’ve traveled up to Maryland to have Thanksgiving with my best friend Eric and his family. This year Eric moved from Maryland to Wisconsin – yes on purpose. I traveled to Wisconsin last month so I didn’t see the need to see Eric again so soon. This year, I stayed home in Virginia Beach.
Previous years Eric’s son-in-law Dan would deep fry the turkey. OMG it was amazing, very juicy and tasty, not sure what he basted it with but it was always very tasty. One year he smoked it – not as good. We’d have mashed potatoes (never enough), green bean casserole, stuffing… the works you know. Then finish it off with some pecan and pumpkin pies. Then we’d watch the football games, fall asleep on the sofa or play with Eric’s grandkids. It was always a nice get away.
This year, I stayed local.
I had a morning doctor appointment, check up on my diabetes. The doctor said improvements in my blood work, but still wanted me to lose 10 pounds and eat healthier to get my A1C down more. He does talk a lot to me – which is good and bad – my appointment was at 8:45 and I didn’t get out until 9:30. So I was late for work.
I missed a meeting at work, didn’t mind, the boss filled me in when I got there. I made my calls, followed up on emails and did my regular duties like I always do. I did have a sale which is nice. Work let us off an hour early on Wednesday so I headed home around 4.
I played World of Warcraft when I arrived at home for a couple hours and Suzanne and Brucifer went off to see the Nutcracker so I watched Fluffy for a bit as well. She’s low maintenance so it’s no biggie.
My best friend Suzanne’s parents live nearby and they hosted us on Thanksgiving. Suzanne, Brucifer, Adam, Eileen (Suzanne’s sister), Paris (Suzanne’s niece), Chip and Judy (her parents) and Paris’s roommate, whose name I can’t recall… and I’ve met her several times.
Suzanne made the turkey, in an oven, and her corn soufflé. Judy made a lot of the rest mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, apple pie …. . Eileen made ratatouille. I asked Judy on Monday night if mashed potatoes were on the menu and she assured me they were.
Chip watched football with me while everything was getting ready. Adam may have watched with us, I can’t recall. Fluffy, the English Bulldog played with her dad Brucifer on the floor while all this went on. The games entertained us while the girls got everything ready.
When they announced dinner was ready – Brucifer was first ini line. I waited until almost everyone had gone as there was a crowd in the kitchen. When it was my turn I loaded up on turkey and mashed potatoes, Just had made a whole bunch of them so there was plenty for me to take extra. They encouraged me to try the ratatouille but after thinking it over I opted not to. I’m sure it was good the others seemed to think so.
We all waited patiently at the table for the last person to arrive, Chip was the last in line which they indicated was unusual. I was pretty hungry at this point so I wanted him to hurry up, but he seemed to take his time. FINALLY he sat down, Judy made a blessing that she was happy to have such a nice group in her home and then we ate. I had seconds and then made me way to the football game in the living room.
After a while, when others were finished eating also, I got up and fixed myself some apple pie with ice cream. Yummy.
I texted friends and family “Happy Thanksgiving” and one of them I texted “Happy Birthday” by mistake, lol. Oh well.
There was a little drama, but nothing to complain about and not one person cried.
We left for home around 5, said our goodbyes and gave hugs. It was a nice holiday.
Later that night we watched the season finale of Andor, which is such a good show. I liked how it played out but I’m sad it had to end… 2024 is when they say the next season will be out and that’s just NOT ok.
I went to bed with a full stomach, or it seemed that way.
Crowds of people. New people. Old people and Young people. Couples, families (not just mine), adults or children alike. Just in general – people I don’t like them.
They make me feel uncomfortable, ill at ease. My skin itches and I want to make them stop looking at me, even if they may not be looking at me.
I feel like I’m obligated to interact with them, to want to be interested in their needs and desires. It’s rude to just kind of walk away from them as they’re talking or just kind of pose random questions that have nothing to do with them.
There is an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation whee data is kissing his girlfriend and she asks him what he was thinking about during that kiss.
If you don’t want to watch it – he talks about configuring a warp core, indexing the various works of Charles Dickens, how much pressure to apply to her lips without hurting her and more… I can relate to that. My mind is doing all these other things when I’m supposed to be focused on an individual or task. I don’t want to stop my brain from doing the other things it’s doing so I can focus on someone else… it’s selfish I guess.
During the brief time I was engaged I struggled pretty regularly with how much attention he expected. While I was just comforted by him being there near me and for us to communicate and have sexual relations – he wanted me to be interested in his interests and do what he was doing, regardless if I liked doing that or not. It wasn’t ideal for me.
With my two best friends, Suzanne and Eric, I find I don’t really worry about that. I just am and they are just there with me. Sometimes they talk and I participate but I don’t mind them and it doesn’t seem to interfere with what I am doing. When they met I wasn’t even aware they were meeting at the time – I was sitting by the pool with my headphones on and eyes closed. Suzanne had come to find me and sat next to me without disturbing me and then Eric came to find me and they introduced themselves without me even really having to be there. It was comforting. I honestly put my headphones back in without a care that they would be offended or want me to be part of that conversation. I love them – they are just right.
On the cruise ship we had dinner with a bunch of folks one night and were joined by a woman, who I heard was a little sloshed, and she was telling me that I was going to make so many new friends and best friends on the ship. I told her two is enough, more than enough – they call a couple times a year or I do and send emails. It’s a lot to deal with really – why would I want more of that? I don’t know. I told her as such and I was half joking but she was insistent that having more friends was such a great thing – I don’t get that.
During the muster – when we learned how to evacuate the ship in case of an emergency – we were packed pretty tight in there with the other passengers and it was taking forever. I don’t like that at all – don’t want those people to be near me breathing my air and keeping me from an exit. Always look for exits, that’s a good strategy.
Not liking people causes me some issues when I want to meet a guy.
I don’t like bars, too many people – I don’t drink and drunks can be rather annoying. I don’t like pride – way too many people. Or parties – small talk omg please no.
The trick at parties is to ask them questions and then hope they start rambling on and you can just void out of the conversation – once in a while nodding or saying “uh huh” or “hmmm” and you’ll be just fine. If you’re very lucky they catch on and will leave you alone. But that doesn’t really get you a guy.
So I talk to folks on dating apps – Growlr and the like. Many of them would like to meet me and I’ve considered meeting some of them – once in a rare while I will meet one of them out and about.
I went bowling with a nice guy – but started to feel very uncomfortable during the event and shortly after wanted him to just hurry up and bowl so I could go. Nothing to do with him, just wanted to crawl out of my skin and hide somewhere safe.
Mostly on the app I don’t want to meet them, I would rather stay home and not deal with another human being. So I take long breaks off the app and/or men 🙂 Probably not very good for the psyche.
A friend will invite me over, say to meet her new puppy, and I’ll agree to go, but getting to that point when it’s actually time is the difficult part. I start dreading going days before the agreed upon time and wonder if there is anything I can do to get out of it. I don’t like lying so it’s hard to find legitimate reasons to not do things others want me to do.
While in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) I learned skills to deal with people alone and in small and large groups. Shake their hand, ask how they are, try to listen. In groups stay busy – have a job you can focus on and think about – has it been done properly, was there something else that needed doing with that? It gave me a reason/excuse to get away from people too – I either had to shake someone else’s hand or a task needed doing so I could excuse myself – supposedly without hurting their feelings.
Sponsee’s were another matter entirely – It’s your job as a sponsor to listen to them and listen intently so you can help them find a solution. Ugh. That’s like the worst thing in the world to do to me. I never thought I was a good sponsor – I just wanted them to get better so they could go do things and talk to me less… yes, that’s my goal in AA, talk to me less.
Work is similar to AA. I have certain tasks to do, I can stay very busy and focus on those things without too much interaction with people. But they usually think I’m a good trainer or something and then I have people to teach and manage. Those people ask me questions – sometimes annoying questions they should know the answer to already and I just want to scream out loud and send them all scurrying away.
They don’t fear me, they know I’m usually patient and have an answer they’re looking for. Today one of them came up asked me a question, answered his own question and then asked if that was ok… honestly that was annoying, I likely could have done so many other things during that time.
Employees are akin to sponsee’s I just want them to get better so they can go do things and talk to me less. If they talk to me less I can work more and that keeps me from realizing all the people that keep interacting with me each day.
Work though gives me things to do to keep me focused. I feel comfortable there as it’s an every day thing and I know what to expect (usually).
Truthfully, I feel comfortable and safe in my bedroom. If I have to venture out I try to arrange it so I encounter as few people as possible and can return home experiencing minimal interactions.
Tonight though I drove to the middle of the city to attend the semi-final game for the high school girls basketball team I like – Mesquite Wildcats! I sat comfortably in the stand, surrounded by a couple friends and a bunch of folks I don’t know and was fine. I was focused on the team and how they play.
There I’m comfortable too. But still happy to be home in my room this evening.
It’s been a little over five months since I published my story “Walking Away from AA” where I talked about my decision to leave Alcoholics Anonymous after almost 22 years. I stated then that I didn’t have a desire to drink, but I had a desire to be more honest and truthful with all aspects of my life.
Being sober – living a life without drugs or alcohol – is for me. It’s a cheaper life, more enjoyable and less messy… things I need and want. Belief in a “higher power” or “faking it until I make it” aren’t for me, I can’t live that lie anymore. I gave it a fair shot – lying for AA, lol.
I use writing as a tool to get things out of my head – ideas, conjecture, stories and memories. I can’t seem to move on from one of these things rattling around in my brain until I set it down on paper. Sometimes it’s just drivel, sometimes it’s quite beautiful – at least to me. I’ve been having a rough couple of days and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to get this out there. But lack of sleep and the flashing of the incident keep bothering me. I’m hoping this will help me to get better, to recover and move on. This is selfish, I understand, but I need to be me again and I’m impatient.
My co-worker and friend Andre was a French Canadian. You could hear the accent especially when you would talk to him for a while. It was just precious the way he would say “pardon” or even “yes”. He would call our mutual friend Guy “Gi” and myself he would call “Jamie”. (more…)
I am almost all moved in – all the essentials are here: iMac, Superman stuff, clothes, soaps, AppleTV, coffee, insurance magazines, some dishes, too many shoes and me of course.
It’s a nice little two bedroom condo – Anne has the bigger room with the attached bathroom. I remembered in the middle of the night to slip on my boxers to go to the restroom that I get to use.
We have a balcony, breakfast bar and our own laundry stuff… all very very nice.. and track lighting which I understand is an indicator that someone is gay (some old movie I think).
I am about 4 miles from the office, the other apartment was under 3. Right next to Papago Park which I enjoy walking.
Now I get to start unpacking and arranging things which is fun. I haven’t had a dresser so I’ll need to think about one of those or hang all my clothes in the closet. My bathroom is very spacious for all my colognes, moisturizers and such… which is good.
Anne already invited a guest to stay with us, her best friend has been here since Friday before a trip to Oz – she seems nice.
I always like to think my favorite color is blue, but the majority of the stuff I own is red or black so maybe it’s red… who knew?
I have until the 17th to be out of the other place and I’ll get the rest of the stuff out one piece at a time, maybe when it’s cooler and I have some energy back.
